My second time giving up..

My second time giving up.. (Full Version)

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Jaquin -> My second time giving up.. (1/8/2012 10:31:47 PM)
So after my second 'real' bdsm session, in where I'm tied up in various ways without doing it myself - or instructing others how to do a knot [:'(] - and I'm finding that, even though I've always identified as a submissive, that I have to fight with myself to not start blabbing about "this or that" that I'd like changed. I'm so used to doing photos and bondage all my own way, and I can be sure that I'll at least be somewhat satisfied with the way things turn out. But today, sitting there all helpless and blind knowing pictures were being taken it was difficult to just give in and sit there (hopefully) looking sexy. I also tend to be OCD some, I like symmetry in things and it bugged me that the crotch strap for the straightjacet slid to the side - and that my mentioning it kinda bugged me only made him resolve to leave it there pouts. Darn you Doms! [:-] I get this vision in my head about what I'd want a picture to come out looking like and it just bugs me when I can't check it and adjust as needed per shot I just have to hope they do it the way I want. It's so easy to sit there and let him take my arms and hold them tight in place while he cuffs me, but so hard to let go of how I end up looking. Of all the issues you could think of for giving up control I never thought I'd struggle with how my pictures look. Is it to picky of me to want pictures a certain way?

Duskypearls -> RE: My second time giving up.. (1/8/2012 10:49:20 PM)
I do not think you picky, Jaquin. Personally, I tend a wee bit towards vanity at times, as well as being self-conscious, and particular about how something might appear in the end, especially in regards to photographs.

MistressDarkArt -> RE: My second time giving up.. (1/8/2012 11:06:09 PM)
Are pictures a necessary part of your scene? Would you be able to relax and enjoy yourself more if you weren't distracted by being photographed?

smartsub10 -> RE: My second time giving up.. (1/8/2012 11:22:23 PM)
As someone who enjoys photography I totally can relate to your "OCD" regarding the composition of a photo. I know that doesn't help you with your dilemma but I found myself saying "yes, I know exactly what you mean". lol

littlewonder -> RE: My second time giving up.. (1/8/2012 11:50:14 PM)
to me is sounds that you're more of a bondage fetishist than a sub or bottom. There's nothing wrong with that and if that is what you are then don't worry about it and just find someone who is compatible with you.

slaverachel2Him -> RE: My second time giving up.. (1/9/2012 12:01:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jaquin So after my second 'real' bdsm session, in where I'm tied up in various ways without doing it myself - or instructing others how to do a knot [:'(] - and I'm finding that, even though I've always identified as a submissive, that I have to fight with myself to not start blabbing about "this or that" that I'd like changed. I'm so used to doing photos and bondage all my own way, and I can be sure that I'll at least be somewhat satisfied with the way things turn out. But today, sitting there all helpless and blind knowing pictures were being taken it was difficult to just give in and sit there (hopefully) looking sexy. I also tend to be OCD some, I like symmetry in things and it bugged me that the crotch strap for the straightjacet slid to the side - and that my mentioning it kinda bugged me only made him resolve to leave it there pouts. Darn you Doms! [:-] I get this vision in my head about what I'd want a picture to come out looking like and it just bugs me when I can't check it and adjust as needed per shot I just have to hope they do it the way I want. It's so easy to sit there and let him take my arms and hold them tight in place while he cuffs me, but so hard to let go of how I end up looking. Of all the issues you could think of for giving up control I never thought I'd struggle with how my pictures look. Is it to picky of me to want pictures a certain way? Honestly you seem more like a "bondage slut" (i am that too) and a bottom than a sub. In fact most of your stuff is bondage that i have seen you talk about- so i am not sure about the bottom either. Are you a masochist at all? Perhaps you are REALLY into the bondage whixh is just fine- we what we are!

Jaquin -> RE: My second time giving up.. (1/9/2012 12:01:37 AM)
Oh I'm pretty sure I'm a sub, just this guy is just a friend and we only play around with bondage. Pictures arn't mandetory but I tend to like haveing them to better relive, and to share with those friends who are into the lifestyle to. Especially the one who I hope will be my Master when rellocating is an option.

slaverachel2Him -> RE: My second time giving up.. (1/9/2012 12:03:52 AM)
i answered your other question in ask a sub/slave too. it might be useful-

Jaquin -> RE: My second time giving up.. (1/9/2012 12:13:33 AM)
Well thanks for that, I'll look more at it later, on a mobile device atm so reading is easy but typing sucks. I really do love bondage, a lot! But to the right man, I also think I'd submit as well.

crazyml -> RE: My second time giving up.. (1/9/2012 12:22:36 AM)
Hey Jaquin, I'm sure you can be both - a bondage slut (with very specific ideas on how it should roll) and a submissive (with very clear ideas about how you submit). I'm also sure that there's a dom out there who'll work on both counts - it might take some time and patience though! There's also the possibility that you'll meet a man, to whom your desire to submit is so strong that suddenly your ideas about how bondage should go melt away in favour of his.. (Note I said "possibility" !) Keep exploring and experiencing and you'll do alright.

FrostedFlake -> RE: My second time giving up.. (1/9/2012 1:32:15 AM)
Sounds to me as if you are trying to do too many things at once. It is tough to be in the picture and take it too. I suggest it might work better for you if you focus on what you are doing and let the photographer take the pictures. Sorry if that sounds snotty. Not intended that way, but seems to read like it. Here is how to split the difference. Take hundreds of photos. Bytes are plentiful and reusable. Then go through the set and cut, cut, cut. What is left when you are done should look the way you want. Bonus, best way to learn, or teach, how to take great photos is to take bad ones and throw them away.

LaTigresse -> RE: My second time giving up.. (1/9/2012 4:14:13 AM)
And then, there is always Photoshop!

sheisreeds -> RE: My second time giving up.. (1/9/2012 4:45:43 AM)
Couple of options: - you might be a better rigger - you might be a better photographer - that friend may not spark submission in you - or both Bondage is one of those things that can be a part of submission or it's own art form. If you're particular about it get really good at being tied, and go find the experts in your area. I try not to ever have photos in the plan. Because then it turns into a photoshoot rather than a scene. If something really cool is going on we pick up the camera. I'm the same way with photos, any shot you see of me I likely took myself. Including the fire shots on my profile (gotta love my 30 second delay, 10 shot round custom timer). I have my own head space, and know how I want things to turn out. So when I model I model (and I rarely do anymore), and when I play I play (this I do almost enough!)

Killerangel -> RE: My second time giving up.. (1/9/2012 8:42:58 AM)
I think Sheisreeds brought up a good point in that it should be one or the other, a scene or a photoshoot. The energy is different. It can be confusing to your partner if he expected one and got another as well as being confusing to you. I'd say have it be perfectly clear what you're doing in the session, one or the other. I do find it rather OCD to be worrying about each specific photo, you can take a million of em with a digital camera which is what most of us use these days. Personally it's not my thing to stress over detail, but that is certainly just me as plenty of others have said they do look at every element.

Asherscorp1 -> RE: My second time giving up.. (1/9/2012 8:50:12 AM)
Lol. My Master told me recently he wants to do some bondage pics with me and I very respectfully replied, "Will you please look into some photography classes then? Because I am the only person I know who can take a decent picture." He agreed. I know when we finally do get around to do this it will drive me crazy until he develops the talent to really shine.

kalikshama -> RE: My second time giving up.. (1/9/2012 9:21:32 AM)
quote: it should be one or the other, a scene or a photoshoot. The energy is different. It can be confusing to your partner if he expected one and got another as well as being confusing to you. I'd say have it be perfectly clear what you're doing in the session, one or the other. [sm=agree.gif]

littlewonder -> RE: My second time giving up.. (1/9/2012 9:30:42 AM)
Personally if you're going to submit to someone then you need to stop trying to control the situation and let go. Maybe get some therapy for your ocd. But if you're in a situation where the person is just a friend and all you're doing is playing around then control all you want as long as they are ok with it. It sounds like you're confusing bottoming with submission....not even close to the same thing. Just be honest about which situation you're in with the person you're with and adjust your attitude for that situation.

Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: My second time giving up.. (1/9/2012 9:43:41 AM)
Sounds to me....that you are very focused upon getting the perfect pictures to make the best impression you can. After all, your future Master will end up seeing these. So it's in the goal of perfection or being damn close to it, which is making you tick inside. This is the vibe I'm getting off your posts so far. Have you considered finding somebody that's Skilled at Artistic rope bondage and somebody that's a skilled photographer? I was talking with a girl on this site for awhile, who had a professional kink friendly photographer take pictures of her being tied up... and most amazing pictures of the imprints the rope left in her skin. Extremely beautiful and Erotic stuff. (just a thought).

hangemhigh1953 -> RE: My second time giving up.. (1/9/2012 10:41:47 AM)
It sounds like you identify as a bottom rather than a sub. I've heard of people being dominant bottoms, nothing wrong with it really. Just accepting that you're not submissive will probably help find someone who is compatible.

slaverachel2Him -> RE: My second time giving up.. (1/9/2012 7:34:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sheisreeds Couple of options: - you might be a better rigger - you might be a better photographer - that friend may not spark submission in you - or both Bondage is one of those things that can be a part of submission or it's own art form. If you're particular about it get really good at being tied, and go find the experts in your area. I try not to ever have photos in the plan. Because then it turns into a photoshoot rather than a scene. If something really cool is going on we pick up the camera. I'm the same way with photos, any shot you see of me I likely took myself. Including the fire shots on my profile (gotta love my 30 second delay, 10 shot round custom timer). I have my own head space, and know how I want things to turn out. So when I model I model (and I rarely do anymore), and when I play I play (this I do almost enough!) This is really true. We have taken pics but only after and as an after thought. Maybe a video set up and just let it roll and edit later- THEN if you hate it, figure out where to put it next time. But trying to be so involved in the pics is going to mess up the scene. Can someone (s) else (3rd or 4th person) take the pics? With digital they can take a LOT and throw out the bad ones.

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