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RE: Lies and more Lies - 1/11/2012 1:10:17 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

I think you need to tell her that. That you're still her friend but you will not join them because you cannot tolerate being around him. If she loses the option of seeing her friends because he wants to go along, then it might make her realize how much else she's losing by remaining with him.

I didn't go to a friend's wedding because he proposed a week or so after non-consensually hitting her and I questioned his motives and their future. I ended up losing her as a friend, and while I mourn the loss, feel like I did the right thing.

(in reply to DesFIP)

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Post #: 41

RE: Lies and more Lies - 1/11/2012 10:21:48 PM

Diablo1

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/6/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: susie

I have a friend that I have known from the age of about 5 or 6. She is in a relationship that was originally M/s but this seems to have tailed off over the last couple of years. She has now come to me for some advice and I am struggling with what to say. We have always been able to discuss anything but I am finding it so hard to help her right now.

From what she has told me her partner has lied to her consistantly over all the time they have been together which is for about 15 years. Some of the lies have stemmed from their first contact and others have been small things during the time of their relationship. Some of the things she has told me about were really serious things that have knocked me for six. It has made me view him in a whole new light.

I am finding it so hard to give her advice as my gut instinct would be to tell her to walk away from him. From what I know she loves him totally. She says he loves her too but how can he if he lies to her all the time. The worst part for me is that he seems to leave clues around that she finds which proves he has lied.

To me there is no choice but to walk away but I don't want to give her that advice. I am at a bit of a loss right now as to how to help her.

Any ideas?

He does what he does because he can and see's from the past she will accept it. He becomes more brazen with it to confirm she will accept this behavior. He may well be in love with her and she with him but her acceptance of his actions only encourages him in his actions.

Chances are that if you tell her your true thoughts, you'd probably break your friendship with her, "in her mind" thinking you're attacking him. She's in a abusive relationship of her own choice, Though not a physical one, a mental one just the same. She's obviously aware for her to discuss it with you at all but for whatever reason, she's allowed herself to be bound to this and let things go. You, I or anyone else can't change that. It has to be her choice.

I would suggest you be her confidant and tell her that she needs to find her own path. Be a ear and not a mouthpiece.

(in reply to susie)

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Post #: 42

RE: Lies and more Lies - 1/12/2012 9:52:28 AM

stacey4u2luv

Posts: 127
Joined: 4/26/2004
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There is many people in many sorts of relationships. This leads me to believe there is someone for everyone all they have to do is find each other.

She may really enjoy this type of relationship, but was just having a day of a different mind set and spoke of it to feel better and then maybe she walked back into the relationship more willing to accept it than ever. In the end this may be the sort of thing she enjoys.

There is couples that are quite happy fighting all the time to an outsider it may appear to be a bad relationship. Do not forget there is also always two sides to every story and you may not have the entire story. Maybe she enjoys finding these little hints that he leaves laying around indicating that he has lied again, or maybe it is something she used to enjoy and she has changed to not enjoy it anymore. It is up to her to speak to him about any change in heart she may have in the relationship and up to them to make it work.

The first question i would ask is does he know you feel this way and have you talked to him about it. If she says yes, all i would say is well maybe you need to talk again and leave it at that. If she says no well.... All you can do is offer suggestions to assist your friend, but if myself I would not want to get to involved . i would only offer suggestions that could possibly open her eyes without destroying the friendship. Coming between the two while they are still together could be a way to destroy your friendship.

As an outsider looking in and only hearing what she willing tells you, do not forget there is many possibilities that are allowing this to occur and in short it takes two to tango and to make things go right. It is also quite alright that people change over time this is maybe something that they both really enjoyed in the past. If you were only hearing his side of the story your opinions may be different.

(in reply to Diablo1)

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Post #: 43

RE: Lies and more Lies - 12/10/2012 1:05:50 PM

beautibitch

Posts: 1
Joined: 11/16/2012
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perhaps she should have a sit down talk with him and tell him, enough is enough and if he wants her to be open and honest he should do the same. as i had a girl friend yes had, this has put a toll on our relationship. per say that called me a liar repeatedly. she claims she knew what i was and that i wasnt a submissive, rather just a person wanting a sex and the occassional beating. lol this leads to the point tell her to confront him and be honest and open as she can be, he needs to know how she feels aboout it. hopefully they can work things out.

(in reply to stacey4u2luv)

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Post #: 44

RE: Lies and more Lies - 12/10/2012 1:09:08 PM

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