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Dom/me or Master/Mistress? - 5/31/2006 12:38:33 AM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		Ok, this is probably the stupidest question of the week, but I'm here to learn, so:

What's the difference between a Dom/me and a Master/Mistress? 
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RE: Dom/me or Master/Mistress? - 5/31/2006 1:24:39 AM   
NastyDaddy


Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline 		Dom/me's fall under D/s and don't usually own subs/slaves while Master/Mistress fall under M/s and often do own slaves.

In another thread sub vs. slave is getting a re-run of the age old debate, but they both fall in the same level... under either a D/s or M/s relationship.

I started to make the statement in the other thread that an unowned slave is essentially an oxymoron, as it has been pointed out many times a Master is only a Master if he has a sub/slave to master... in the same token, it stands to reason a sub is only a sub when being dominated by by a Dom/me and a slave is only a slave when they have a Master/Mistress. Therefore an unowned slave with no Master/Mistress is something that basically cannot exist... it's merely a lost or unowned submissive, but since most subs are unowned there we go again....

Can a Dom/me own a slave?? I identify as a Daddy/Dom and have owned several slaves so my answer is yahoo!.

Can a Master/Mistress play, scene or even live 24/7 with a sub??... look around you, it happens everyday.



(in reply to becca333)
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RE: Dom/me or Master/Mistress? - 5/31/2006 2:00:49 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333

Ok, this is probably the stupidest question of the week, but I'm here to learn, so:

What's the difference between a Dom/me and a Master/Mistress? 

The only absolutely true answer you will likely get to this is....

Personal opinion.

Simply put there is no official, universally accepted, "true" or "twue", definition of either.  In some cases its nothing more than a self appointed titles, in a few cases its a title awarded by a group, and for some its more about an orientation or style of relationship than a title.  Given all those differences there is no one answer that will fit them all, so what it boils down to is, personal opinion.

My personal opinion happens to go something like this...

The difference is a matter of style.  What I consider Dom/mes seek deliberately limited and conditional forms of control which are negotiated.  For example, they may only be dominant in the bedroom and equal in other parts of the relationship, or they may only assume control at home but not out in public, they may not have any say about their partners job, etc.  The specific boundaries vary from one to the next, each negotiates a degree and level of control they are comfortable with.

What I consider a Master/Mistress is someone who seeks forms of control which are not deliberately limited.  For example they would remain in a dominant role in the relationship in and out of the bedroom, in private and in public, would have final authority over the submissives job, finances, etc.  By "not deliberately limited" I mean that where possible and practical, they will assume control, naturally life always presents some situations where that is not possible.

Those are my definitions and as you might guess I'm more concerned with what someone does rather than titles.  But, they are only my definitions and while some may agree with them, they are hardly universal.  Others will do as they choose, and that's alright too.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to becca333)
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RE: Dom/me or Master/Mistress? - 5/31/2006 2:09:32 AM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you, you've explained it well.

I know that it's hard to pin some definitions down, but this is a great starting point.

(in reply to Padriag)
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RE: Dom/me or Master/Mistress? - 5/31/2006 2:13:29 AM   
fullofgrace


Posts: 395
Joined: 3/24/2006
From: fl, usa
Status: offline 		as padriag mentioned, there are as many different ideas as there are people who identify as one or the other. more, even. for us, i self-identify as submissive and He as Dominant, but He has the final say on all things in my life, in or out of the bedroom, and i am completely owned by Him. He doesn't often choose to exercise His authority, but He does have that authority.

when people give their own labels for themselves, i just tend to take mistress/master, dom/me, submissive, and slave to mean it in the sense that each person is using it, to an extent, because everyone uses them differently.


_____________________________

i have the kind of beauty that moves...

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RE: Dom/me or Master/Mistress? - 5/31/2006 2:17:11 AM   
MistressMelissa


Posts: 226
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333
What's the difference between a Dom/me and a Master/Mistress? 


For most people it's ego. Master/Mistress sounds more impressive, is the common title and thus many a newbie assumes the common title. Many of the Pro's have used Domme in the past and thus some female dominants shy away from it not wanting to be linked with the Pro's. The word Domme is French and thus the "e" is actually silent so it is properly pronounced Dom and the "e" denotes the gender of the word. Much as in Spanish an "a" denotes female and a "o" denotes male.

Bottom line is it's a personal choice.

Melissa
Mistress of Ds Haven
www.dshaven.com

< Message edited by MistressMelissa -- 5/31/2006 2:18:05 AM >

(in reply to becca333)
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RE: Dom/me or Master/Mistress? - 5/31/2006 2:24:12 AM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		With so many personal interpretations of the terms, how do people cope at public functions?  Must be a minefield.

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RE: Dom/me or Master/Mistress? - 5/31/2006 3:25:50 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333
With so many personal interpretations of the terms, how do people cope at public functions?  Must be a minefield.


How do they cope? Very easy. Unless there is an interest in getting involved with the person, in most settings it doesn't much matter what there are, what matters is who they are as a person and if they are interesting to talk to.

A situation where there is more 'protocol' involved, such as if I attended a Gorean gathering. Still not a problem. All a Gorean girl needs to know is which side of the dynamic I am on.... and I haven't yet met anyone who has needed to ask that question. Even if all I am doing is sitting quitely with my pint waiting for the crowds to thin a bit before I wander off and mingle, whilst I am generaly polite, I don't act submissive and have never been mistaken for one.

I am a Dom, that is the side of the D/s dynamic I am on. To My girl I am Master. But the only lable that really matters to most people? I'm Raven!

< Message edited by RavenMuse -- 5/31/2006 3:27:57 AM >

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to becca333)
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RE: Dom/me or Master/Mistress? - 5/31/2006 5:22:44 AM   
fldrkhorse


Posts: 158
Joined: 11/5/2005
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Though I understand the question, I'm not so sure we're not splitting hairs here. The core of a Master and a Dominant are the same, as opposed to the core of a submissive and a slave which are different. How and where one chooses to express thier dominance is how they are comfortable. One that chooses to only express his dominance behind closed doors is no less dominant. One that chooses 24/7 may be more comfortable or more evolved, but not necessarily more dominant. Master is commonly used by an owned slave to the one that owns them. Sir is commonly used as a sign of respect to a dominant that does not own that person. Dominant is the mind set.

_____________________________

I'm not where I need to be, but I'm better than I was yesterday.

Namaste, I honor the divine in you

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RE: Dom/me or Master/Mistress? - 5/31/2006 5:28:00 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		The core of dominant/master/mistress is not the same...anymore than the core of submissive/slave is not the same. There are levels to both sides of the equation.  Some people have a need to control, others have a need to submit.  That's everyone's core.  The degree to which they do either, depends entirely upon the persons involved.  It is a very personal point of view.  There are many people who call themselves slave, who I find are no more submissive than I am.  There are those who call themselves Master or Mistress and I find them to be tops. 

There isn't a rosetta stone here.  Just people.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to fldrkhorse)
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RE: Dom/me or Master/Mistress? - 5/31/2006 5:49:19 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333

Ok, this is probably the stupidest question of the week, but I'm here to learn, so:

What's the difference between a Dom/me and a Master/Mistress? 


There really isn't a difference. It is a preference as to how you wish to be addressed. Speaking for myself I am all 4... I am a Master but I am also a Mistress because my gender fits the bill. I am both a dom or domme because both are just an abbreviated version of dominant.

As for myself I really do not care which is used to describe me. I am & will always be a dominant woman. So long as I am not referred to as a submissive or slave the other terms are correct.

As to my own usage of Mistress, at the time I had my first submissive it was customary within the circle I traveled in to be referred to as Mistress. That was many years ago & there have been many changes. By the time many of these changes took place I was already known as this name, there was no point in changing it to reflect new understandings or avoid misconceptions. Besides, what I am called in my day to day life & among my lifestyle friends is the name I was given by my parents... Passion is just something I picked up as a nickname MANY years ago.

There isn't a dictionary or encyclopedia that will give us a universally recognized understanding of the terms used in this way of life. For example, one person posted that the term Domme is french... it isn't. This particular topic has been hashed out multiple times & there is no basis for this. It most likely was made up by someone long ago & just accepted as fact. (much like many other thing floating around) Domme is in fact just another made up word that most likely came from the need to express the difference in gender in a simple way. Anothewr person posted that Master/Mistress fall under M/s & Dom/me fall under D/s... well that would be his interpretation but I do not apply that to my own way of things because I am not M/s.  

The best thing anyone can do when it comes to these terms that we wish to define is to define them for yourself. Once you have a firm grasp on what these words mean to you all you have to do is express your understanding of each to anyone else you find yourself communicating with.

Good luck with it all...

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 5/31/2006 5:52:19 AM >

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


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RE: Dom/me or Master/Mistress? - 5/31/2006 6:08:49 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		This comes up less often than the sub/slave debate, but the answers remain the same- there's no universal answer, everyone decides for themselves and you can't expect anyone else to agree with you.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_271859/mpage_1/key_dom%252Cmaster%252Cdifference/tm.htm#271859
Dom or Master

http://www.collarchat.com/m_267907/mpage_1/key_dom%252Cmaster%252Cdifference/tm.htm#267907
Master vs Dom

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1802/mpage_1/key_dom%252Cmaster%252Cdifference/tm.htm#1802
Doms/Masters...submissives/slaves...keeping them straight?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to becca333)
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RE: Dom/me or Master/Mistress? - 5/31/2006 6:17:15 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		I am very much like Raven, I am a Domme or a Domina if you will, to My boy, I am Mistress---but to the world, I am.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to RavenMuse)
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RE: Dom/me or Master/Mistress? - 5/31/2006 7:21:00 AM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		Ok, it seems there's a general agreement that whatever they're called, they're the people giving the orders - but beyond that it's not quite so clear cut.

But thank you all for giving such well thought out opinions.

(in reply to MHOO314)
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RE: Dom/me or Master/Mistress? - 5/31/2006 7:31:22 AM   
Reflectivesoul


Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline 		becca,
 
I think the most important thing is who the person is, it doesnt matter what "title" they wear.  The term Domme is something that pertains mostly to online just as a distinction between Doms. I agree with the poster that said Dom/me means Dominant.
 
IMO and MO only a Master/Mistress denotes ownership of a sub/slave. Otherwise the term Dominant I believe applies. Either way they both encompass the fact that the person being referenced is a Dominant, if they own someone or not they are still Dominant...

_____________________________

ooooo..I bet THATS gonna leave a mark!!!!

Equal opportunity pisser on-er ... heh..

Gimme some crayons, I want color and I want it now DAMNIT!

(in reply to becca333)
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RE: Dom/me or Master/Mistress? - 5/31/2006 9:18:32 AM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333
What's the difference between a Dom/me and a Master/Mistress? 


One starts with the letter D, and the other starts with the letter M.
It's much easier than distinguishing between a submissive and a slave. 



_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to becca333)
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RE: Dom/me or Master/Mistress? - 5/31/2006 11:44:18 AM   
Reflectivesoul


Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333
What's the difference between a Dom/me and a Master/Mistress? 


One starts with the letter D, and the other starts with the letter M.
It's much easier than distinguishing between a submissive and a slave. 




LOL LOL good point! lol

_____________________________

ooooo..I bet THATS gonna leave a mark!!!!

Equal opportunity pisser on-er ... heh..

Gimme some crayons, I want color and I want it now DAMNIT!

(in reply to Proprietrix)
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RE: Dom/me or Master/Mistress? - 5/31/2006 11:54:27 AM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333

With so many personal interpretations of the terms, how do people cope at public functions?  Must be a minefield.


Hello A/all,

I personally treat everybody with politeness and respect and kindness without regard to the color of their name tag.

If I am uncertain, I will ask what they prefer to be referred to as.  If somebody insists that I call them Lord God King of All He Surveys, I will simply do that.  It is just easier.

Just me, etc.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to becca333)
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RE: Dom/me or Master/Mistress? - 5/31/2006 12:09:54 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333
With so many personal interpretations of the terms, how do people cope at public functions?  Must be a minefield.

Only if you treat people differently based on their orientation.

I treat everyone the same until I've formed a personal unique connection with them- it doesn't MATTER what they call themselves.

Would you treat me differently if you saw me in a collar one night and holding a leash the next?  I'm still the same person.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to becca333)
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RE: Dom/me or Master/Mistress? - 5/31/2006 12:47:05 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

I am very much like Raven, I am a Domme or a Domina if you will, to My boy, I am Mistress---but to the world, I am.


You took the words right out of My mouth.
 
To Mine, I am Mistress.

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


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