Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that arise? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

impishlilhellcat -> Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that arise? (5/31/2006 7:05:49 AM)

I was just wondering how many of you are in long distance relationships and how you make them work? How do you deal with the obsticles that arise from being apart from your significant other and how do you make that bond stronger even though you are oh say 800 miles apart?



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that arise? (5/31/2006 7:26:29 AM)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_358232/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#358330
When the Master is away

http://www.collarchat.com/m_243191/mpage_2/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#243396
Online or Distance relationships

http://www.collarchat.com/m_5502/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#207957
Long Distance Relationships

http://www.collarchat.com/m_214831/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#214831
Long distance d/s

http://www.collarchat.com/m_210165/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#210165
Pleasing my master long distance

http://www.collarchat.com/m_131170/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#131170
In Between Visits

http://www.collarchat.com/m_124826/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#124826
LDR and sickness or death

http://www.collarchat.com/m_89834/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#89834
Long distance punishment ideas

http://www.collarchat.com/m_22973/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#22973
Long Distance Relationship (2)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_5502/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#5502
Long Distance Relationships (2)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3521/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#3521
Long Distance

http://www.collarchat.com/m_272610/mpage_1/key_LDR/tm.htm#272610
LDR D/s ideas

http://www.collarchat.com/m_108560/mpage_1/key_LDR/tm.htm#108560
Long Distance Relationships????



CreativeDominant -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that arise? (5/31/2006 7:34:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: impishlilhellcat

I was just wondering how many of you are in long distance relationships and how you make them work? How do you deal with the obsticles that arise from being apart from your significant other and how do you make that bond stronger even though you are oh say 800 miles apart?


It's harder, there is no doubt about that.  The loss of physical contact, the day-to-day face-to-face interaction, the inability to carry on actual play, all of that is gone in a relationship that is carried on long-distance.  Phone calls and letters and visits, if done properly, can go a long way towards amelioration of some of these obstacles but they do not equate to being there. 

That said, it can be done.  I carried on a long-term relationship with a submissive that was broken only because she changed her mind about relocation when her job situation stabilized.  Would that have been a factor had she been living here?  No.  But there again, given my location in a small town, if she had been living here, would we have even met?  The only way I am out to anyone in the community is because of anyone having listened to my ex-spouse when she decided to out me in her anger when we first split up...and that doesn't include everyone in town.

There are ways to keep a long-distance relationship alive.  Search for those ways.  See what kind of advice you get here.  Be realistic when the relationship seems to go on with neither party ever making a move to see each other or take it to another level (yes, these relationships do take a bit more introspection...am I doing this because it is safer?  Am I content with what is because I don't want to push farther and take on the added responsibility?  etc., etc.)  Can it go on forever without a coming together?  No...but there again, most relationships either grow into something more or they don't and you move on.

I hope I've been of some help.



iliv2servher -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that arise? (5/31/2006 7:51:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: impishlilhellcat

I was just wondering how many of you are in long distance relationships and how you make them work? How do you deal with the obsticles that arise from being apart from your significant other and how do you make that bond stronger even though you are oh say 800 miles apart?



Long distance relationships rarely work...and as for me they have never worked.  Getting to know someone is difficult enough without having to deal with the distance factor. 
 
 
 



Bearlee -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that arise? (5/31/2006 8:25:35 AM)

I believe long distance relationships CAN work…as long as both parties are interested in it working.  I’ve not had much success with them; but mostly because I want to meet within a few weeks time…because, getting to ‘know’ someone online is like getting to know pixels in the wind.

If the distance is too great or the interest is too weak and that face-to-face doesn’t happen…well then, just what chance in hell DO they have to work? 

Still, I’m ever the optimist; IF two people are interested in it working, and have actually met and know there IS a chemistry there, then…with a goal of actually getting together at some point in the not too distant future…I believe they could work.

JMHO



composer83 -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that arise? (5/31/2006 8:32:01 AM)

i have to say....in my experience they do not work.........& the only way i could see it working would be an extraordinary amount of effort by both parties........& who has that kind of time?  i mean.....i had a relationship with a Domme (who used to live in my same city...but then moved about 120 miles away.......& at the end of our 2yr relationship i was exhausted.......i hate to sound pessimistic.........but how can you be emotionally intimate with someone when you cant even touch them???



Sensualips -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that arise? (5/31/2006 8:37:40 AM)

I believe you can get to know someone online, even become somewhat close, but that is not the same as a genuine relationship.  I think it depends on what the goals are for the relationship.

If you are talking about a primary partner, there has so be some measurable progress towards a real time relationship. I think there is more liklihood of success if the distance is manageable, either because you can drive for face time on a regular schedule or you are in a financial situation to be able to fly.



secretwishes73 -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that arise? (5/31/2006 8:38:43 AM)

I am in one right now, we use to be 8 hours apart, then i moved and now we are two hours apart so its better but we still dont get to meet just anytime we want.  But we both love each other and we want to make it work, and we are actually making plans to move closer together.  So A longdistance relationship can work if you want it to.  We actually started out talking online 5 years ago,  and are still together. 



composer83 -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that arise? (5/31/2006 8:49:41 AM)

yes......but what is the ultimate goal?  to be together & that simply cant be accomplished with miles between......

glad to hear that you are making it work, tho.....good luck!



impishlilhellcat -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that arise? (5/31/2006 8:54:23 AM)

Well my situation was I moved there for the summer spent time there and then had to move back to finish school.. Just because you can't be together immediately doesn't mean that it isn't going to ultimately happen. Life happens and you can't force it to always be perfect nor can you make yourself feel something for someone in your area just because they are close to you. Hence the ability to work upon and enhance the relationship while you are seperated.



Bearlee -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that arise? (5/31/2006 9:16:22 AM)

Exactly...you MET and had time to form a relationship and are working to be together.  I'm with sensualips on this one; exchanging pixels isn't the same as actually KNOWING someone. 

Sure you can exchange profiles and some e-mail messages and get an idea of each other...but if the interest isn't enough to make the effort (sometimes a monumental effort) to actually MEET...I just don't understand how two can have more than a fantasy relationship together online.  After that...even against all odds, I believe anything can happen...when you believe it can.






impishlilhellcat -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that arise? (5/31/2006 11:50:24 AM)

I think I should rephrase the post it kinda got off the track I was looking and I don't think I was specific enough. So here goes...... I wasn't asking if people thought it was possible or not I know everyone has their own personal opinions.. I was just curious as to how many people had LDR's and what kinds of activities and such they did to help keep that bond there and strong in the abscence of their SO...I hope that makes more sense :P



4u2spoil -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that arise? (5/31/2006 12:23:30 PM)

It depends on the distance. A 100 mile is a bit different from a 1000 mile distance. You're always going to get some of the "I do/don't think it's possible" as far as this is concerned because most of the people have tried and failed with a long distance situation. They had the LDR and despite the activities to keep the bond it didn't work.

A short list of suggestions from my time in a LDR which worked for a period, but not for an extended period of time:

1. Schedule time to talk, see each other on webcam, email, chat, etc. Doesn't sound like it's that hard, but if you're in different time zones, have different work schedules it becomes important. Doesn't sound sexy, but above all LDRs take planning, and tenacity to stick with the plan.

2. Arrange to spend at least one weekend per month together. I don't care how many e-mails, chats or phone conversations you have, you have to have semi-regular personal interaction. Maybe you can alternate months where he comes one month, you go the next month, or whatever works, but you need to plan to spend at least a few days together. Make sure that it's justt ime for you also. Business trips, and side visits when in town for other purposes may be satisfactory to start, but won't be over the long term.

3. As far as activities, it depends on the couple but there should be some sort of physical activity reserved for the meeting. Discuss it in conversations before the meeting to build anticipation, and expectations.

Regular interaction in some manner (email, phone, webcam, chat) reinforced by semi-regular scheduled meeting are the best activities you can try to increase the bond. Which might seem boring and vanilla, but all the common kink interest in the world will not bond you to a LD partner if that's the only thing there.

quote:

ORIGINAL: impishlilhellcat

I think I should rephrase the post it kinda got off the track I was looking and I don't think I was specific enough. So here goes...... I wasn't asking if people thought it was possible or not I know everyone has their own personal opinions.. I was just curious as to how many people had LDR's and what kinds of activities and such they did to help keep that bond there and strong in the abscence of their SO...I hope that makes more sense :P



mariba -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that aris (5/31/2006 12:33:11 PM)

Well 1400 miles here.  Talking or chatting everyday helps.  We manage to meet for a weekend every month or two.  I don't know if seeing local people as well helps or hurts but we do that too.  It has been going on for four years now so something must be working out.  Still I know the day will come when one of us finds someone local, but I am enjoying it very much while it lasts.



seekerofwisdom -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that aris (5/31/2006 12:50:24 PM)

I did the LDR thing with my first dominant, although we'd been living in the same town before I moved away. However, we spent four years LDR before I gave up trying. Most of the time, we kept the D/s going by a lot of phone sex, a lot of IM, and a lot (a LOT) of vanilla phone calls. It's definitely doable, IMO, to keep a D/s relationship LD without it failing, but both people have to really want it and be creative. 



slavejali -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that aris (5/31/2006 2:09:47 PM)

Master and I were 14,000 miles apart. We chatted for 11 months before we met. We have now been together over 2 years and married for 18 months of them.

What we did for the first 11 months:

1. Mucked around online (had fun).
2. Talked about work, religion, politics, spirituality, D/s,  music, ourselves, our lives, our pasts, our pets and swapped recipes.
3. Played an online game together. (Diablo and Runescape). Actually I think Runescape was after we met but hey.
4. I taught Master how to code webpages and we created one together.
5. Talked on the phone a lot.
6. Used a webcam

How we surmounted obstacles:
1. Talked a lot.
2. Stayed realistic.

How did we establish and maintain a strong bond?
1. Honesty
2. Commitment to what we had agreed to.
3. Recognition that we really had something to offer each other.
4. Going through the process of proving as much as we could "we were who we said we were" and "we meant what we said we meant".



Littlepita -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that arise? (5/31/2006 2:13:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: impishlilhellcat

I was just curious as to how many people had LDR's and what kinds of activities and such they did to help keep that bond there and strong in the abscence of their SO...I hope that makes more sense :P


We were long distance for 10 months. We chatted everyday. Usually every morning, in the afternoon and then for two to three hours in the evening. We shopped online and looked at everything from collars to the type of sheets we wanted on the bed. We joined message boards where we could feel like a couple and have mutual friends. We researched stuff about BDSM and sent the articles to each other. I wrote him erotic stories and he wrote me poems. We were open, honest and never took each other for granted.



CintiOhDom -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that aris (5/31/2006 2:35:57 PM)

YES, Long Distance relationships can and do work.  I know as I was in one for 15 months, and was in one other one.
BUT, in My experience, this is what I know to be true.
1. The traveling person must be financially able to travel frequently or pay the others expenses.
2. There should be a minimum of 6 weeks chatting and phone calls, not phone sex , LOL
3. The phone calls actually take the place of the 1st 10 dates, theoretically.
4. TRUST, must be established early and often, through the phone or the internet.
5. Reassurance on both parties is a constant.
6. A flexible job schedule is paramount, weekends are not enough and vacation time is somewhat limited. Either the Dom or the sub should have the ability to work from the others home or not have to work at all. I mean no disrespect to anyone who works a 9-5 or similar job but you must think of the available time factor.
I am no expert, but I enjoy the Long Distance.....A new experience all the time...New places, new people.....It is not easy, BUT, with the right person, it is wonderful, O/our Lifestyle moves much slower then and it is much more appreciated by all involved.
GOOD LUCK and do not be afraid !!
(ps. distance had nothing to do with the breakups)



JassWolf -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that arise? (5/31/2006 2:43:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Littlepita

quote:

ORIGINAL: impishlilhellcat

I was just curious as to how many people had LDR's and what kinds of activities and such they did to help keep that bond there and strong in the abscence of their SO...I hope that makes more sense :P


We were long distance for 10 months. We chatted everyday. Usually every morning, in the afternoon and then for two to three hours in the evening. We shopped online and looked at everything from collars to the type of sheets we wanted on the bed. We joined message boards where we could feel like a couple and have mutual friends. We researched stuff about BDSM and sent the articles to each other. I wrote him erotic stories and he wrote me poems. We were open, honest and never took each other for granted.


Yep. We also divorced other people and supported one another through the emotional traumas of that; we planned how our lives could and should be different; we used the BDSM playlists four times if I remember correctly; we were obsessive about supporting one another in everything; we focused not on our separation but on ending it.

I think I was clear from the first day the chemistry flowed that I was only interested in a RL/be together relationship -- it was ldr only because that was the accident that brought us together ... and like a poster above, I really wonder if it would have happened at all had we not been long distance.



genvieve -> RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that arise? (5/31/2006 3:18:54 PM)

i have been involved in a long distance relationship now for over 2 years.  Good gawd, has it been that long?  Anyhow...it works.  Don't get me wrong...it has it's issues.  But like His age, most of O/our issues have nothing to do with the distance.
 
i'd love to touch Him lots of times, but it makes it that much more sweet when touching does occur.
 
-genvieve



Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
2.734375E-02