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webcam? insult or necessity? - 5/31/2006 12:22:11 PM   
killerdarkman


Posts: 15
Joined: 4/14/2006
Status: offline 		how logical and reasonable is it to ask people to prove they are who they say they are on webcam?
surely a sensible and logical person can see why its essential?
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RE: webcam? insult or necessity? - 5/31/2006 12:27:28 PM   
zumala


Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline 		I wouldn't call it reasonable at all if someone doesn't have a webcam.  Anyone who tells me I need to spend my money (which is tight right now) to go buy a webcam so they can see something other than my picture (which is already posted in my profile) can shove it.  That's just not right.
 
zuma

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RE: webcam? insult or necessity? - 5/31/2006 12:28:15 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		If there is a reason to question them or perhaps you have been burned in the past as I have, I do not see any problem with it at all. Before I will make any plans that involve my taking time off work, vacation, spending any money etc........I will often ask someone to show me their face on a webcam, I would be happy to reciprocate. I will not show nor ever ask anyone to show naked body parts, not sure I would be interested in someone that would do that, but I would like to see their face live to know that they are the person they represented themselves to be in the pictures. I would be wary of anyone that would refuse to do so. A webcam can be purchased very inexpensively, anyone that doesn't have the money to buy one doesn't have the money to visit me anyway so no worries.


< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 5/31/2006 12:30:25 PM >

(in reply to killerdarkman)
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RE: webcam? insult or necessity? - 5/31/2006 12:29:43 PM   
killerdarkman


Posts: 15
Joined: 4/14/2006
Status: offline 		let me clarify this for all fakers out there. i have never been burned by a fake. nor will i be. thats why i ask for webcam as proof.
i do not wish to talk to any person who pretends to be something they arent for sexual purposes.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
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RE: webcam? insult or necessity? - 5/31/2006 12:33:20 PM   
zumala


Posts: 1121
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

If there is a reason to question them or perhaps you have been burned in the past as I have, I do not see any problem with it at all. Before I will make any plans that involve my taking time off work, vacation, spending any money etc........I will often ask someone to show me their face on a webcam, I would be happy to reciprocate. I will not show nor ever ask anyone to show naked body parts, not sure I would be interested in someone that would do that, but I would like to see their face live to know that they are the person they represented themselves to be in the pictures. I would be wary of anyone that would refuse to do so. A webcam can be purchased very inexpensively, anyone that doesn't have the money to buy one doesn't have the money to visit me anyway so no worries.



Hello, LaTigresse.  What do you do if the person you're talking to just simply doesn't have a webcam?  Or am I unusual in not owning one?
 
quote:

ORIGINAL: killerdarkman

let me clarify this for all fakers out there. i have never been burned by a fake. nor will i be. thats why i ask for webcam as proof.
i do not wish to talk to any person who pretends to be something they arent for sexual purposes.



Seeing as how my profile states I'm not even interested in sex with anyone here, I'll assume I'm just not in the group you're refering to. 
 
zuma

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RE: webcam? insult or necessity? - 5/31/2006 12:36:16 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: killerdarkman
how logical and reasonable is it to ask people to prove they are who they say they are on webcam?
surely a sensible and logical person can see why its essential?

I've never owned or been on a webcam and I have three long term partners, two of whom I met initially online.

But then I don't form intimate relationships with someone unless it's offline, so I don't NEED anyone to prove anything to me through online means.

It's logical and reasonable after a few conversations, or even a few minutes of a conversation to say "Would you like to switch to a webcam so we can talk in 3D?"  Anything else will be and should be taken as a wanker. 

If they don't want to do so, you simply say, ok and move on.  Making a big deal out of it on EITHER side is a waste of energy and a lack of respect for the other person.  You get to have whatever criteria you want, and they get to have whatever they want.

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RE: webcam? insult or necessity? - 5/31/2006 12:38:19 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: killerdarkman

let me clarify this for all fakers out there. i have never been burned by a fake. nor will i be. thats why i ask for webcam as proof.


You've never been burned by a fake.  Never?  I have to wonder how often you've rejected a perfectly acceptable person because she doesn't meet your webcam criteria.  Of course, that's your option and your loss.

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RE: webcam? insult or necessity? - 5/31/2006 12:38:45 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		zuma, let me clarify. If we are just talking about online friendships then it really does not matter one way or another to me. I don't do cybersex or any of that rot. What I am talking about is someone that approaches me online with intent to lead me to believe they want a real life relationship. I have even had a young man that went so far as to get another young woman to take the photo I requested of him! Therefor, if someone wants me to consider them as a potential face to face meeting and they do not own a webcam they better find the $10 -$15 to get a webcam to hook up so that they can wave to me on cue. Given that they are asking me to allow them into my personal life I do not think that is too much to ask.

(in reply to zumala)
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RE: webcam? insult or necessity? - 5/31/2006 12:43:18 PM   
seekerofwisdom


Posts: 19
Joined: 8/17/2005
Status: offline 		I think demanding a webcam is probably both insulting to those who are sincere AND necessary for the one who's demanding it, for whatever reasons. I personally find such demands insulting as all hell, but if I were interested in someone and suspicious about trolls, I could see *asking* and then not getting bent out of shape if a cam isn't available. Too many people seem to want to use cams for cyber sex, and what could be more useless than that? 

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RE: webcam? insult or necessity? - 5/31/2006 12:44:59 PM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline 		Really...what does seeing someone on webcam prove?   Have a couple good conversations online, then meet for coffee.  

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RE: webcam? insult or necessity? - 5/31/2006 12:45:28 PM   
kittensmailbox


Posts: 744
Joined: 1/7/2005
From: Youngstown, Ohio
Status: offline 		a phone call works just as well, HOWEVER, if they want to buy me the web cam... i will gladly use it....

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RE: webcam? insult or necessity? - 5/31/2006 12:53:20 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I suppose a phone call would work just as well if you do not care that the person in the photos is really the person you will meet for coffee. I have had friends that thought they were meeting a woman and ended up meeting a man, surprise!, and the guy say, "wellllll, you said you were bi-sexual so I didn't think it would matter since we got along so well!"
I have talked to "women" on the phone that were really men. Call me a cynical untrusting old batich but I prefer to CYA as much as possible. Perhaps its from being too close to too many people in law enforcement and hearing too many scary stories. If I somehow miss meeting someone truely wonderful.....oh well......its better than being the next tragic story on the morniing news. And yeah, I know we cannot protect ourselves from everything, I do rely on my gut instincts for the most part, its just when the gut sends up a red flag that I tend to get more pushy on the "prove it to me" stuff.

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RE: webcam? insult or necessity? - 5/31/2006 12:57:15 PM   
zumala


Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline 		LaTigresse:  I didn't realize they were that inexpensive.  Not that I wouldn't still wonder about someone who I JUST met wanting me to use it even if I did have one.  Of course, I don't just hand my phone number out to people, either.  Some have asked for that.  Am I careful, or paranoid?  Eh... maybe a little of both.  But I'm also not being stalked by anyone.  Of course if you've been talking to someone for a while and they're interested in RL with you, then I suppose that would be reasonable.  Afterall, the trust has to start somewhere and you've got a base laid down already from the conversations.
 
MsSonnetMarwood's response sounds quite reasonable to me too, if the two parties involved live close enough together.  Could be kind of difficult if you live on the west coast and the potential sub/Dom/whatever lives states away.
 
zuma

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RE: webcam? insult or necessity? - 5/31/2006 1:06:27 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		If it is there fine, sure the girl can show me her face on the cam and I'll happily reciprocate. However I don't find it a neccessity. My search is predomitably a Local one, or someone who doesn't find it difficult visiting London regularly and I'm more than happy either meeting for coffee or saying hi at a munch or other event. If they have a problem making it down to go to something like that then they aren't likely to be able to visit regularly enough for the kind of relationship I want anyhow.

So no, for me, it isn't a big problem. Do I prefer to have seen them, sure, but not a neccessity.


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RE: webcam? insult or necessity? - 5/31/2006 1:14:23 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline 		Well...I keep mine disconnected from my computer so that I'm not lying when I say "I don't have a cam hooked to my computer".  Without exception...every guy, (including the one who bought me the damn thing INSISTING he was 'not that way') who has managed to talk me into 'caming' with him has tried to get me to remove my cloths for him.  Geezeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I'm with the couple gals above...let's meet for coffee, instead.

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RE: webcam? insult or necessity? - 5/31/2006 1:18:47 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kittensmailbox

a phone call works just as well, HOWEVER, if they want to buy me the web cam... i will gladly use it....


This actually happend to me. lol a gent I was talking to bought me a webcam *g*  I love presents

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RE: webcam? insult or necessity? - 5/31/2006 1:31:19 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		zuma, I would not hand my phone number out to just anyone either. Phone numbers can be traced to addresses and I prefer to keep the stalker population down on the farm. Perhaps my reasons for the webcam are a bit skewed due to gender and sexuality. I doubt many straight people get too many people pretending to be another gender. As a woman interested in only women I get far more men pretending to be women contacting me than women. When I have a reason to think this may be the case is when I demand the webcam. It helps weed out the wankers. Let me say that I have met quite a few women locally for coffee or lunch without the prior webcam request. My concerns are when someone says they want to travel here for a few days and spending time with them would require me to take some of my precious vacation time. Or there is someone that lives a fairly large distance away and they have qualities that interest me, I may want to travel to meet them yet there is something bugging me also. I am not going to buy a plane ticket, reserve a hotel room, buy some spiffy new clothes to meet a woman at the Plaza in NYC only to find a male of the species sitting at the table. "since you are already here............"

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 5/31/2006 1:32:51 PM >

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RE: webcam? insult or necessity? - 5/31/2006 1:47:18 PM   
killerdarkman


Posts: 15
Joined: 4/14/2006
Status: offline 		sp arranging to meet a person you have no idea who they really are is a sensible thing to do? hahah no webcam or digital proof first..both ways

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RE: webcam? insult or necessity? - 5/31/2006 1:49:42 PM   
zumala


Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

zuma, I would not hand my phone number out to just anyone either. Phone numbers can be traced to addresses and I prefer to keep the stalker population down on the farm. Perhaps my reasons for the webcam are a bit skewed due to gender and sexuality. I doubt many straight people get too many people pretending to be another gender. As a woman interested in only women I get far more men pretending to be women contacting me than women. When I have a reason to think this may be the case is when I demand the webcam. It helps weed out the wankers. Let me say that I have met quite a few women locally for coffee or lunch without the prior webcam request. My concerns are when someone says they want to travel here for a few days and spending time with them would require me to take some of my precious vacation time. Or there is someone that lives a fairly large distance away and they have qualities that interest me, I may want to travel to meet them yet there is something bugging me also. I am not going to buy a plane ticket, reserve a hotel room, buy some spiffy new clothes to meet a woman at the Plaza in NYC only to find a male of the species sitting at the table. "since you are already here............"


It just totally blows my mind that anyone would even think of doing that, much less actually do it.  That would have to be one major loser.  Arrogant to boot.  And thoughtless.  And unbearably selfish. 
 
*ponder...*  Maybe you should buy one-way tickets.  Tell them that if they're really who and what they say they are, you'll buy their ticket home, too.  Otherwise... they can play in the NY streets.    Of course, if someone did that to me, I'd be worried that they had ulterior motives.  So I guess it's not really practical.
 
zuma

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RE: webcam? insult or necessity? - 5/31/2006 1:56:50 PM   
zumala


Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: killerdarkman

sp arranging to meet a person you have no idea who they really are is a sensible thing to do? hahah no webcam or digital proof first..both ways


Sure it's sensible, as long as you aren't stupid in how you go about it.  First of all, you take your time.  Get to know them a little online.  Second, meet them in a public place and do NOT leave to go anywhere else with them.  And of course, I worry a little less because I'm part of a couple.  I'd have my hubby with me.   But even a single should be okay in a public place that isn't hugely crowded.  A coffee shop or cafe would be good.
 
Here's a thought...  How can you be sure that the person who will meet you is the same person you saw waving at you on the webcam?  What if it's someone's sister or next door neighbor posing on cam for them?  The internet is a wonderful thing, but you can't ever prove someone is who or what they say they are with a pic or video or whatever.  When all is said and done, it's still the face-to-face that reveals reality.
 
zuma

edited to add a little sidenote.  I met my husband online.  We were friends online for about a year before we decided to meet face-to-face.  He drove 3 hours to my college campus to meet me.  We hadn't exchanged photos or webcam images prior to the meeting and everything went just fine.

< Message edited by zumala -- 5/31/2006 2:00:12 PM >

(in reply to killerdarkman)
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