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RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/15/2012 10:01:41 AM   
sincelo


Posts: 122
Joined: 12/30/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dscouple7383

No, I'm not saying that you have, but others on here certainly have. I have not singled out anyone. I made generalized comments (which always causes debate), and did not single any one person out in particular.

Look.....I have made the observation that from what I've seen, most people in our community are overweight and older. That doesn't upset me. The people who don't TRY to make themselves presentable DO upset me.

And I'll answer why......

Your appearance is your FIRST impression. If you present yourself as disheveled, hair not attempted to be done, or ANY effort to be attractive, tells a lot about yourself, and what you think of yourself. Appearance isn't EVERYTHING!!! But......it IS what gets you in the door. Nobody can get to know you and how "awesome" of a person you are, if they aren't attracted physically to you in the first place. Sure, there are exceptions to that, but as a whole, your appearance is what gets the initial interest going.

We like domestic service because the way a sub takes pride in the quality of work they perform ALSO is a quick way to tell why the person is in the lifestyle.

In short, we look for subs who take PRIDE in their work and their appearance. That speaks volumes as to who they are as a person.
So, if I see someone who appears to not care about the way they look, and make NO attempt at it, then it says that they take no pride in themselves.
And, if that is the prevailing personality type that exists in the local communities, then we know to not take part.
And as others have pointed out, we wouldn't be welcomed there anyway.


So what you are saying is that you have gone out a few times and have not met someone that has floated your boat? Did you honestly expect to walk into a "sub R us" where you could pick and chose?

Finding partners that you mesh with is not easy in the vanilla world as you know since at your age you are just finally engaged. You have to find someone that you agree with about major life things, mutual hobbies, attraction, that certain something that no one can describe. By going into BDSM you are making the pool you fish from even smaller because now you have to have all of those things plus you have to consent to X,Y, and Z ... and at least be willing to try Q. Do you honestly think there are people out there that are thinking .. hmm okay i am really fat and old. I should go into bdsm i guess cause if i can stomach a guy peeing on me and calling me a worthless fuckhole i might get some attention.

Stop thinking of the lifestyle as a shopping mall for your fetish and start looking at it like a network of potential friends. No one is saying that you have to fuck everyone or anyone there. That really is not what they are about. But one day while you are there visiting with your friends, someone may come in that you ARE interested in. That being said I am unsure given your attitude that you have shown here that you could keep your prejudices to yourself about levels of attractiveness. The fact that you "get angry" when you see people who don't try. What is that all about? Why do you care how someone else presents themselves? If they aren't for you then they aren't for you plain and simple. Why would you have an emotional reaction to that? What you are looking for takes time. Have patience or don't waste your time.





< Message edited by sincelo -- 1/15/2012 10:02:34 AM >

(in reply to Dscouple7383)
Profile   Post #: 181
RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/15/2012 10:19:43 AM   
sheisreeds


Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline 		To pretend like this was a serious post and only use my normal levels of snark:

I NEED sadomasochism, I cannot get off without getting hurt. My life is an empty shell of an existence without pain and violence. I have to have it, I cannot live without it. I am not me without it.

That being said I'm 5'6" 140lbs, and fucking hot (unless the scars are a huge turn off, though for people I like they are a turn on).

My partner is smokin' he's never had a problem finding the chicas.

Most of my friends in the scene are hot.

My hairdresser we have nicknamed spanish fly because he can get a girl to cum in her pants and obey his every word if you let him talk a minute. It makes him very good at the hair thing. He and I were just having a conversation about how kink is a need for us, a core component of our personalities. (and if the description didn't clue you in, he's fucking hot)

I don't go out to anything scene related unless I am drop dead gorgeous, and rarely go out with anything less than 3in heels. Seriously, dressing up kinky is a huge fetish for me.

So despite the many big is beautiful, don't be prejudice against heavier people comments in this thread. There is also a level that the OP is flat out wrong. I'm hot and I need it.

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in


You need a spankin' baby!

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RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/15/2012 10:21:46 AM   
Ninebelowzero


Posts: 3134
Joined: 8/5/2011
Status: offline 		For the OP.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQZmCJUSC6g

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Profile   Post #: 183
RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/15/2012 10:30:19 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I admit I'm kinda in agreement with the op somewhat. Most people, not just in bdsm but everyday people, don't seem to take much effort these days. I know when I go out amongst people I see most people just don't care. They look as if they just woke up and walked out of their houses. Master and I usually try to look pretty decent when we go out and there are times we've actually felt overdressed for a lot of places we've gone (except the time we went hiking and were hungry afterwards and we found a nice restaurant. We were in hiking clothes and everyone else was dressed up in their Sunday best lol).

So yeah, I do think a lot of people get into bdsm for the reasons the op stated but I also think there are some people who get into it for entirely different reasons. There's both and it's hard to find attractive people for the exact reason Master (Kana) stated. There's just really not that many attractive people to go around.



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Profile   Post #: 184
RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/15/2012 10:39:55 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		You know whats funny? I didnt have to read past the opening post to know you got slapped for the post.

quote:

I just asked a question that was harsh. But I feel that the question is legitimate.


And what you have gotten in return were harsh, but honest and very legitimate responses.

Dont like the rules, play another game.

quote:

I love how I am being thrown into a generalized class


Because you have asked a question that has been asked a million times on these boards. We have a search feature. Someone as intelligent as you should avail yourself of that feature.

quote:

That's why I LOVE this community!! Because everyone who has a different viewpoint is SO accepted and not PERSONALLY attacked.


Your opening post was an attack. But you expect to be treated with kid gloves? In THIS community? That speaks to your lack of experience in the lifestyle.

quote:

And that's what gets people all upset. Believe it or not, I wasn't trying to be vicious. The simple fact of the matter, is that a LOT of the people in the scene are obese. In fact, the MAJORITY.


Then thank the powers that be, and your genes, that you are not and smile graciously. Seems you two are very happy with each other. What was the point of attacking others? I do realize some people are only happy if those around them are miserable. I also understand that some people feel they must point out the flaws of others. Its become apparent you fit into both of those categories.

quote:

How are they supposed to take care of MY needs, when they have quit on themselves?


Yet I take care of my man's needs quite to his satisfaction. Do you look at every person in terms of what they can do for you? Perhaps you should seek counseling in regards to that. Beyond your opinion, its NOT all about you.

Of course, she agrees with me, but she said I didn't have to be so harsh.

I pulled this for a reason that will become evident later on. Forget the later on, I simply could not stomach anymore.

quote:

Well, this is Danielle, I suppose that I should post a little something. Especially since the people who are upset with Derek's posts are including ME in their responses. I didn't realize that it was the general assumption that because my significant other has an opinion on a matter *I* automatically have the same exact feelings on the subject. I am pretty sure he DID post that when he read the original message to me I told him that he was overly harsh as well.


Well Danielle, the part I pulled out, bolded, and increased in size is in direct relation to your own hypocrisy.

quote:

And here I am being called a jackass by association. Hmmmm none of your partners have a "jackass opinion" on ANY topic that you don't agree with?


The man wouldnt dream of saying I agreed with him on a topic, as your man did. Are you now saying he is a liar?

quote:

I'm sooo delighted to see that while you are all jumping over Derek because of his OPINION, most of you are doing the exact same thing in regards to me.


I have no problem with his opinion. I prefer men who are humble and honest and who enjoy what I can do for him more than how I look on his arm. But, saying, I dont like fat people.... perfectly ok. Saying... why are you fat? You must be lazy... something entirely different.

quote:

This may come as a shock to everyone, but we both have jobs! we raise THREE children! we MAKE time to go to the gym! We eat healthy! We shower regularly! When we are lounging around the house we don't wear our finest clothing (case in point I'm in sweats and a t-shirt right now). BUT when we go out we both brush our hair, put on some of our nicer clothes and look PRESENTABLE!



Surprise surprise, I have raised my child, I have a job, I shower regularly, I eat healthy, I exercise everyday, I brush my hair even if I dont go out, and I always look presentable.

Tell me, how does any of that make you better than anyone else?

quote:

THAT is the problem we have, MOST of the people in OUR AREA don't seem to care enough to TRY.


No, the problem you both have is that you are judgemental. Have you asked these people why? Or is it easier to come here and ask "harsh questions" you would not dare to ask of others face to face?

quote:

So while everyone is on their mighty horse about how terrible a person Derek is for having the opinion he does, why do you take a good long hard look at yourself, especially the people that are saying we: aren't attractive, anorexic, narrow minded, fascist, swallow, jackass....seems to me that you are doing the exact same things you are calling him names for doing.


Were you not the one who agreed his opinion was a "jackass" one? To me, attractive is far more than the outside.

quote:

The beauty of message boards is that you can choose not to read things that offend you!



The beauty of the message board is to interact with people you might otherwise never meet. Then again, for some, its the beauty of being able to hide behind a screen and say things you would not otherwise have the audacity to say face to face. I suspect that is truer for the two of you.

Now, for my own assessment.

You two are bored, perhaps with life, perhaps with each other. So for kicks, you came to a message board and posted on a topic you both knew would be inflammatory.. and now you try and come off as surprised that people attacked.

I could make other "generalizations" about the two of you, but I do believe most have been covered.. and the rest really do not interest me.

Truth is, Danielle, I could point out that you really should put up a better picture than one with raccoon eyes, but, eh, not something I really care about one way or the other. Im not here looking to serve either you or your man.

I do find it amusing that he believes I should be. Even a dominant knows its not all about them. When are you two going to learn that lesson? if you want a visually pleasing community, then go out and create your own. Ask people to join yours that fits your vision of what a lifestyle is supposed to look like. Its perfectly legal to restrict membership to such a club. I do get the feeling that it would consist of very few people. And, after a while, it would be back to just the two of you.

quote:

How are they supposed to take care of MY needs, when they have quit on themselves?


I really find that part hilarious. Thank you for that laugh.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Dscouple7383)
Profile   Post #: 185
RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/15/2012 10:41:33 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

So yeah, I do think a lot of people get into bdsm for the reasons the op stated but I also think there are some people who get into it for entirely different reasons. There's both and it's hard to find attractive people for the exact reason Master (Kana) stated. There's just really not that many attractive people to go around.


Same suggestion to you, dear. Create your own club then your world would be perfect and you wont have to interact with the "less desirables"

< Message edited by tazzygirl -- 1/15/2012 10:42:19 AM >

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 186
RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/15/2012 10:45:54 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		FR
Cool, a sunday morning trainwreck.
Just a few comments. Most of the population is overweight. I think you will find just as many overweight people living kink free lives as you will who embrace their kinkiness. And, oddly enough, most of us age. I started doing this when I was a pocket sized thing with a killer ass and boobs that did not sag.
As for people not just caring, perhaps it is because they don't feel a need to impress?
Peacocks are lovely, gorgeous animals.. at least the males are. But have you ever had one next door? FREAK! They find the highest perch, and make the most god awful screeching noise you ever heard. I just know they are calling out to other peacocks about how beautiful they are, and far better than any other lowlife bird.

And for the record, why do you believe that BDSM or d/s, is something disgusting that only the desperate would choose?
What does that say about you?

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 187
RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/15/2012 10:48:13 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

if you want a visually pleasing community, then go out and create your own. Ask people to join yours that fits your vision of what a lifestyle is supposed to look like. Its perfectly legal to restrict membership to such a club.


Bliss in Miami does it. Yawn - I've talked to members - I've had more fun with people I met from collarme.


(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 188
RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/15/2012 10:48:40 AM   
Ninebelowzero


Posts: 3134
Joined: 8/5/2011
Status: offline 		What purpose does a peacock serve apart from being a brightly coloured noisy fucker?

_____________________________

More come backs than Frank Sinatra

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Profile   Post #: 189
RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/15/2012 10:50:13 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		thanks tazzy. I've done that in that past. These days I have no reason or interest in munches or parties or clubs. 

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Profile   Post #: 190
RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/15/2012 10:53:02 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

So yeah, I do think a lot of people get into bdsm for the reasons the op stated


Which reason, this?

quote:

the ONLY way to be with someone is through d/s?


And how many of these "too fat/old/unattractive to get laid unless I label myself submissive" women do you know personally and how much of this is rampant speculation?

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 191
RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/15/2012 10:54:04 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

thanks tazzy. I've done that in that past. These days I have no reason or interest in munches or parties or clubs. 


Then the best I can suggest is blinders. You seem to require them often.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 192
RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/15/2012 10:55:39 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		Ya know, I can see why they wouldnt. Meeting people in those photos would be a serious attack on their own beliefs about the "very attractive" part of their profile.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 193
RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/15/2012 11:02:56 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		/snicker/

Yanno, I have thing for tall guys, but while the OP is 6'5", I find other men on this thread much more appealing, even those on the wrong side of the kneel.

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 194
RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/15/2012 11:09:55 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		I just cant get into self-centered men who are only into this for the photo look.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 195
RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/15/2012 11:22:25 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		YES - I am into BDSM out of necessity… when I was 15 years old, I was quite wealthy, had a limo, long hair, hansom and skinny.  But I sacred the fuck out of some vanilla girls with my bondage, torture, knives, violent sex and humiliation.  So I stuck with masochistic submissives in the BDSM lifestyle.  I don’t feel that I discovered the lifestyle, it discovered me and has been following ever since.  

YES - BDSM is the only way I can be with someone … and not go to jail for rape, torture, kidnapping, sodomy & fellatio.  You see, if you tie up a vanilla girl, cage her, chain her, fuck her, screw her in the ass and fuck her face until tears roll down her cheeks while ignoring her protests, each and every one of those are felony crimes.  If you do that to a slave, she thanks you, kisses your feet and cooks you breakfast in the morning.    

10% of the population engages in some BDSM activity or another.  The social & economic classes, weight proportions and grooming habits are proportionate to the population in general.  That includes our fair share of shallow minded superficial noob assholes that open their disrespectful pompous mouths before thinking about what they are saying or how it makes them look.  Think about it. 

I also live in central Florida and the BDSM community I see in Orlando, Sarasota and Tampa has a proportionate share of average Janes & Joes and more than it's fair share of fit & trim hotties.  Like any sexually free community gathering, there is actually a disproportionatelky large abundance of girlie magazine models, Chippendale dudes, pole dancers, escorts and bikini clad beach bunnies among them.  There is so much prime meat (male or female) in Florida, it falls out of trees on you.  You are in Florida for Christ’s sake, the land of kink, swingers and more gorgeous nudists per capita than any where else in the world.  Dude, you must live in the fat sloppy people’s ghetto or something… or perhaps it’s your superficial attitude that has lead you down the wrong path into the wrong crowds and to the wrong parties.  

I hope this clears it up for ya’.  


< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 1/15/2012 11:24:24 AM >

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I give good thread.

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Profile   Post #: 196
RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/15/2012 11:22:35 AM   
fucktoyprincess


Posts: 2337
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dscouple7383
What is the percentage of people (on this site in particular) are into bdsm out of necessity?

What I mean by that, is I wonder how many people on here have discovered that the ONLY way to be with someone is through d/s?


I have many things to say about your post, but others have already said it more eloquently than I ever could have.

But I do want to focus for one moment on your two statements quoted above. There is a very insidious implication to these statements. At some deep subconscious level, you actually feel that BDSM proclivities are "wrong" or "bad". Your statements above can only be interpreted as accurate if you assume that BDSM is somehow an undesirable state of being to begin with. Because implied in your statements is the implication that an attractive person does NOT need to be part of the BDSM world to be able to have relationships (which then begs the question of why you are even here). You need to look into yourself for what brought you to this world and why you want to continue it it, because obviously at a deep-rooted level you are conflicted about what the BDSM world represents to you. At some level you are still struggling with the notion that BDSM seems abnormal to you. This is something you will have to work through. You should be clear in your own mind on what it is that brought you to BDSM and why you find it compelling. And that has to do with your inner workings, not anything to do with how you look.

I am not going to engage in a debate of whether you are attractive, whether I am attractive, or whether other posters on this thread are attractive because I really could f***ing care less. I am here because I enjoy BDSM. I make friends with a wide range of people in the BDSM world. I play with those who I personally find attractive, and with those who personally find me attractive (define attractive however you want because beauty is in the eye of the beholder). Beyond that, I don't see what the point is of discussing this.



_____________________________

~ ftp

(in reply to Dscouple7383)
Profile   Post #: 197
RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/15/2012 11:23:51 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl
I just cant get into self-centered men who are only into this for the photo look.

You don't like the S&M (stand & model) crowd? 



_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 198
RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/15/2012 11:25:44 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		Nice angle FTP!

(in reply to fucktoyprincess)
Profile   Post #: 199
RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/15/2012 11:28:37 AM   
SilverBoat


Posts: 257
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline 		Yeah, it's a bit of a trainwreck, but if this is a healthy community it should be able to respond to the wreakage (did I just coin a new usage?) without personal attacks on the OP.

Are there some people in the D/s scene who decide(d) to go into D/s because they see themselves as so physically (or mentally) unattractive (and maybe they are in more objective views) that presenting (or worse) themselves as Dominant or submissive is their only or easier choice to find friends, partners, etc? ... The answer to that is obviously "yes" but that doesn't prove that those "some" are "all" or "most" or even "many" ...

I know a lot of people for whom D/s is just plain Fun! And I know others for whom it's a need or release and others for whom it seems an obsession that borders or worse on being unhealthy. All those sorts span the range of body types, but in parallel with what's being discussed in another thread, whether people stylishly dress-down or are just plain sloppy of person might have more relevance.

Again, I think the OP could have been a lot more diplomatic, but I'm going to defer inferring his intent.

SB


(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 200
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