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RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/15/2012 8:49:19 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
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~whimpers

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If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

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Post #: 281

RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/15/2012 8:55:13 PM

Kaliko

Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx
Excuse me, but we were talking about sex here.
Nasty, dirty, raunchy, fuck like monkeys, only dirtier and nastier, sex.
(just sayin'...)

Woa, "fuck like monkeys" I'm out, sounds like that involves way more kinds of bodily fluids than I'm into.

Whoa, "fuck like monkeys?" I am so in.

(in reply to GotSteel)

Post #: 282

RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/15/2012 9:03:10 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

Ummm.. wow. I didnt realize there was another conversation going here.

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Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Kaliko)

Post #: 283

RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/15/2012 9:34:28 PM

slaverachel2Him

Posts: 147
Joined: 11/19/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dscouple7383

I've been on this site for a while, and We also have a profile up on a different kink/fetish/bdsm site as well.
And here's the question I have, and I apologize if it comes across as cold and mean.

What is the percentage of people (on this site in particular) are into bdsm out of necessity?

What I mean by that, is I wonder how many people on here have discovered that the ONLY way to be with someone is through d/s?

We have started to reach out into our local community here, and even communities that are a drive for us to get to. And we are shocked at what we are finding. Most women we have come across look the same. Nearly ALL of them are moderately to severely overweight, and honestly have looked like they have stopped caring. Hair that isn't styled or attempted to be styled....no makeup....and just looked like they rolled out of bed.

The men are no better, believe me. I've never seen so many men who don't take care of themselves, and don't do ANYTHING to make themselves presentable. Yet, they call themselves doms.

So, I know it sounds mean, but is bdsm (and especially in the community) mostly for people who CAN'T find someone on their own, and they use the d/s construct just to get attention that they couldn't almost PAY for in the vanilla world?

I know that looks aren't everything, and I am no super model myself. Hell, I could even stand to lose a few pounds as well. BUT, I at least put forth an EFFORT to make myself look as desirable as possible. When I'm looking for a sub/slave, I am FIRST going to be drawn to their appearance. Is that shallow? I don't care. It's NATURE!! I'm sick of people saying that looks don't matter. Appearances don't matter. That's horsecrap!! You don't go to a job interview looking like cat puke, so what gives?

So, I'm FIGHTING having the feeling that bdsm and the lifestyle are MOSTLY relegated to really old, really fat, and really unattractive people who couldn't get their dog to play with them otherwise.

Am I the only one frustrated out there?

There.

I feel lots better now.

:)

Derek

Oh then there are those who think BDSM is only for the young and beautiful. hmmmm i think each "side" has it's myths.

i have been kinky since the day sex came to me in an inspiration of pussy whipping at age 11. I find my egalitarian politics are great for the voting booth, but not for me in a relationship. i am a slave and can't respect or be attracted to anyone less than a Master/Dom. It is a necessity for many who ARE born this way. Remember all those old fat people were young and beautiful at one time and ALL of us get to where we are eventually and often it is not young and beautiful after a few decades.

i often am amused at the young kids imitating my style thinking they came first or that perhaps i am imitating them when i was there before they were born. LOL. They are legends in their own minds.

If you think BDSM is only for people who can't get their dog to play with them what does that say about you? Or perhaps you aren't INTO it?

One of the best single tail wielders on the west coast is a 69 yr old Domme who has only 3% vision in one eye-yet all the young and beautiful for more than 100 miles away over mountain roads come to her monthly parties along with the old and fat.

Remember most of them are the experienced ground breakers who made it possible to us to be here as freely as we all are and THAT can be improved upon. So.... let's all us young ones buck up and support the NCSF and other causes for BDSM acceptance and tolerance in society today.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Dscouple7383)

Post #: 284

RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/16/2012 1:43:13 AM

Lucylastic

Posts: 40310
Status: offline

I think its called the arrogance of youth an beauty
I didn't REALLY see it until I had grown up kids. in regular life let alone BDSM
Now having had kids grow up and be me 20 years ago...yikes!!
Mind you I dont think I ever wanted old people(over 30 ) to disappear, but definitely just not be anywhere I was liable to be seen with them.
With naked bodies of all kinds at play parties and happy fatties at BDSM munches, some get indignant, that the oldies and fatties are past it. not allowed to be enjoying life... How dare they:)
But at my age now, my feelings are stronger than ever, they certainly arent going away simply because I am over 40, or over a size 14, why should they?
I was "mentored" by a 55 year old prodomme, who gave me the best lessons Ive had, in humility, humbility and awareness.
I dont see her now, but thats my problem
I hear she is still around and teaching, helping, supporting the local "community" left right and center.
Id pick a hundred "old, fat and ugly" people over the stand and model crowd
and I LOVE fetish gear, I even enjoy seeing it on perfect bodies. I just dont like their attitudes, and even worse, the restrictions they place on themselves.
Who needs the issues? They will get over themselves or they wont, no big loss if its the latter:)

PS
insomnia sux

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Dont Hate Love

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Post #: 285

RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/16/2012 2:59:06 AM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess
While I am sure this is true, sadly there are broken women and misogynists in the vanilla world, too. I don't think the BDSM lifestyle has any monopoly on abuse....

I agree and I didn't state my point as clearly as I should have.

I think because of the nature, the base of what it is we do/how we live, we provide a place for misogynists to "hide out" to some extent. I think it is easier for a misogynist to "blend in" in this lifestyle than it is in the 'nilla world.

If you agree with what I just stated, I think you would have to agree that their ability to "hide out" here also means that there is a pool of "submissives" that will and do tolerate their behavior; again, in my opinion because that is either all they've known or because their exposure and abuse has been so complete as to explode their self-esteem to the point where they "settle" for the misogynists.

Peace and comfort,

Michael

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Post #: 286

RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/16/2012 9:21:03 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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Once upon a time there was a tiny woman that looked ten to fifteen years younger than her age. She was carded until she was forty regularly and while not the most beautiful woman, she was attractive and many men wished to use her as arm candy. Not only did she look good, kept herself up and at times worked out four hours a day, she ran businesses, large households of people besides her own family and did many things that got her in the news paper and the red carpet treatment. She was in demand, so much so that she often had to isolate because people wouldn't ever let her just enjoy a meal or an outing without men trying to be with her.

Then one day after her family had been raised and she had found out the many illnesses that started taking her out of her life and provided another life, she wasn't quite happy with considering all she was and did, life happened again. It was bad enough that the doctors didn't want her as a patient because they were afraid of the rare and strange illnesses she had, but also the dentist felt this way and was afraid to work on her. The many medications she had to take led to dry mouth and to a problem that was already there... that her teeth were like chalk and there wasn't a thing she could do about it.

Overnight she aged ten to fifteen years and now started looking her age, when her son died and was brought back to life... brain damaged. After years of begging the dentist to help her and having to wait those years without dental care, for which she cared enough that she actually did what dental work she could herself... her thyroid going off and gaining some roundness of form she had never had before... she was looking old and at this point she now became caregiver to a brain damaged adult child... couldn't work and had to live on an income few could live on.

Still being a great person, many wanted to overlook a great deal and some thought she should compromise and just take anyone... I mean really... in her situation... beggars can't be too choosy. On top of all else, she was a very dominating woman... a bit on the kinky side but not too kinky and not sadistic. She was a hard fit. As she cared for her son and did so on less than five hundred dollars a month of private income... she could no longer afford all of life's wonderous trappings. When she was able to get out of the house, men still looked at her... followed her around stores trying to meet her and engage her. Online men were still seeking her out because of a few pictures and her personality... but mostly they just wanted a kinky dominant woman that could provide them with many hours of enjoyment without any commitment whatsoever. However, she wanted the realness of a man of charactor, didn't want to depend on what she had that men often begged for as they saw this shinning star that went up in the community and in business and could be arm candy too.

All her life stopped taking care of her son and surviving. She ended up in a mobile home in a state she never thought she would live in, where she knew no one but her daughter. Poor and struggling health wise, she did the best she could. Men still wanted to be close but when they found out the truth of her life... most ran. She was used to them running to her... now they ran from her. Her heart... her intelligence... her odd humor that used to fill bars with laughter as she took the stage... meant nothing because nothing was worth... what she had going on. Did she lose it? Did she compromise? Did she cave because her good looks were fading in the worst of ways and men no longer begged for her attention and many thought she didn't care about her appearance and had really let herself go in the worst of ways? Did she care that she was judged by most?

She had a great run... and yes at times she didn't like that people didn't see her... but saw what they thought was her. A Jerry Springer type that had never amounted to much and never would and one that really must have made poor decisions and must of course be emotionally challenged. They did not ask what she had been before life had its way with her. They only saw... serious dental damaged they bet was caused by drug use and a waste of good air.

She could no longer count on her pretty good looks, but that was okay because she had many other things to count on because she was far more than that. She knew it even if most didn't get a chance to know that because they didn't give her a chance. They rejected her sometimes on a daily basis. She steeled herself for what was and made the best of it, knowing the truth of herself and life even if many around her did not. She knew that while she wasn't what most wanted, she knew that someone could take the time, see passed the outward and see who she was. She may never be lucky enough to meet someone, but she knew there were hearts like that out there. She happily, though sometimes a bit emptily... lived her life.

Then one day... a prince came along. He had dated some of the most beautiful women around. He had had the best in life... yet he was also just a common man. Educated and not pompous. A man intelligent, humorous and a man who could get a lot of quality women. A man that had lived life as well and knew it changed as it went on. Who did he want? He wanted the Jerry Springer dominant woman that had seen the best in the world and life and landed badly in the life flight. Why? Because he saw her intelligence, he saw her depth, he saw she wanted it all despite what little she had left and what she had to offer... herself... and all that made her who she was. He saw who she was without the trappings and thought that a wonderful thing. She got lucky... but so did he, even if the world for the most part wouldn't agree with him.

So dscouple... you better hope that life and health don't have their way with you or one of your children. The mighty do fall.. the good looking do fade and life can change in a heartbeat in ways you never thought they could.. in fact... in ways you thought you had prevented in all that you had done. Will your marriage stand... will you keep all you have... will you survive it? Many don't. You have to have many things that assure your survival and so far from what I have seen and I have watched many hundreds fall to life and health close at hand and up personal... you wouldn't make it unless you changed a lot. Then you would be coming to a toothless and broken teethed woman saying... how do we do this... help us please.

When your youth has gone and life changes on a dime... will you sink or swim? Sooner or later... life will have its way with you and even if you manage to do well in it... you are going to look in the mirror one day and know, there wasn't a damn thing you could have done to change anything.. as no one gets out of here young and youthful and well to do unless they die young. Your critical nature and all you count on now... won't do you one bit of good. Take it from someone that has been there, done that and helped many get through it too, or not... live on as you do and find out the hard way unless you are the two luckiest people I have ever come across.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 287

RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/16/2012 10:14:29 AM

fucktoyprincess

Posts: 2337
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess
While I am sure this is true, sadly there are broken women and misogynists in the vanilla world, too. I don't think the BDSM lifestyle has any monopoly on abuse....

I agree and I didn't state my point as clearly as I should have.

I think because of the nature, the base of what it is we do/how we live, we provide a place for misogynists to "hide out" to some extent. I think it is easier for a misogynist to "blend in" in this lifestyle than it is in the 'nilla world.

If you agree with what I just stated, I think you would have to agree that their ability to "hide out" here also means that there is a pool of "submissives" that will and do tolerate their behavior; again, in my opinion because that is either all they've known or because their exposure and abuse has been so complete as to explode their self-esteem to the point where they "settle" for the misogynists.

Peace and comfort,

Michael

Yes, Michael, I would have to agree with your statement that the nature of the lifestyle is such that it is easier sometimes for misogynists to "blend in" and hide their abusive natures with a patina of BDSM interest. So I will reiterate what I posted in another thread. That everyone who wants to play this game of BDSM needs to screen their partners carefully. Safe and sane play can only occur if your partner is, indeed, safe and sane. And I think to approach this lifestyle safely, even if you are playing in the shallowest end of the BDSM pool, requires one's interest to not come from either misogyny or low self-esteem. Thank you for pointing this out. It makes me happy to see men, in particular, voice this kind of opinion.

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Post #: 288

RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/16/2012 10:32:01 AM

Fornica

Posts: 2986
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<3 you Lockit <3

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Post #: 289

RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/16/2012 12:41:21 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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Agreed.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Post #: 290

RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/16/2012 1:10:40 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lthrpup
When I watch movies from the 1950s (North by Northwest, for example) I marvel at the street scenes in NY where it is as clean as Tokyo is today, where the men wore hats, the ladies gloves.

The reality was quite different. Most tenement housing in NY in the 50's were still cold water flats. Where people had to boil water on a stove and fill a tub in the kitchen before pouring it out, bucket by bucket.

Most people then wore patched clothing, bathed once a week, and so on. And were lucky to get picked up as day laborers, standing each day in gangs hoping to get chosen and having to kick back part of their pay in order to ever get another day's work.

Movies then didn't show the truth.

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Post #: 291

RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/16/2012 1:11:36 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: lthrpup
When I watch movies from the 1950s (North by Northwest, for example) I marvel at the street scenes in NY where it is as clean as Tokyo is today, where the men wore hats, the ladies gloves.

The reality was quite different. Most tenement housing in NY in the 50's were still cold water flats. Where people had to boil water on a stove and fill a tub in the kitchen before pouring it out, bucket by bucket.

Most people then wore patched clothing, bathed once a week, and so on. And were lucky to get picked up as day laborers, standing each day in gangs hoping to get chosen and having to kick back part of their pay in order to ever get another day's work.

Movies then didn't show the truth.

No more than movies do now. Glamour sold then, and it sells now.

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[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 292

RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/16/2012 1:13:04 PM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
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Unfortunately, some people seem to spend more time watching movies than interacting in real life.

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Post #: 293

RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/16/2012 1:14:00 PM

Ninebelowzero

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Joined: 8/5/2011
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What's real life?

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RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/16/2012 1:15:08 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

Unfortunately, some people seem to spend more time watching movies than interacting in real life.

hahhahaha*koffwheeze*hahahahaa

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Post #: 295

RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/16/2012 1:58:52 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dscouple7383

What is the percentage of people (on this site in particular) are into bdsm out of necessity?

What I mean by that, is I wonder how many people on here have discovered that the ONLY way to be with someone is through d/s?

Amongst the people I am acquainted with, and for myself and my partner....no one I know is into BDSM because they can't make it socially through regular channels. I can't say I've had the pleasure of meeting someone who uses BDSM solely as a tool for intimacy.

There are people on this site who are looking for sex, just like any other social site, I don't think that is necessarily a symptom of them not making it any other way in vanilla life, just that wherever you go there will be people looking for hookups- human nature. Could it be that perhaps you were expecting the media portrayal of BDSM rather than a roomful of real humans?

I have to once again make the point that CrazyML was making in that how could you not understand OP that phrasing things the way you have would create a negative reaction and make you look like assholes? It's nice that you came back in and apologized for the inflammatory potion of the post, but really - you came in with some ugly generalizations about the BDSM community, and then proceeded to lay the ugliness about the BDSM community upon the BDSM community. Really? How well would this have ever gone? Yeah, your attitudes here come across like a kick in the pants. Let's all go into a butcher's shop and proceed to ask the patrons there if eating meat makes people fat, unkept, and ugly.

Everyone IS entitled to their personal preferences in a partner, if your local BDSM community doesn't have an adequate candidate for your taste, then feel free to look elsewhere. Everyone IS entitled to frequent places where they feel comfortable and happy, please feel free to avail yourselves of a place that suits you better. It might be more productive for you to try those things instead of seeming to slander the people whose 'home' you are sitting in.

(in reply to Dscouple7383)

Post #: 296

RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/16/2012 2:08:29 PM

stellauk

Posts: 1360
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ninebelowzero

What's real life?

The stuff a lot of people learn about from soap operas and reading the tabloids.

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Post #: 297

RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/16/2012 2:09:53 PM

Ninebelowzero

Posts: 3134
Joined: 8/5/2011
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That's why I'm confuddled then. my news comes from order-order.com & I have never watched a soap yet.

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Post #: 298

RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/16/2012 2:24:42 PM

bbwGAsubbie

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/7/2004
Status: offline

As usual Im coming in after many a valid point has been made, but Im going to add my ten cents anyway.

To start with, the OP is living in Florida, the retirement haven of the US, so youre likely to run across a lot of people who are older. And the fact is that many of those older
people grew up in a time when having a house with a white picket fence and being a housewife were the American dream. The internet wasnt a part of their daily lives the
way things are now. And many of them never heard of BDSM or anything like it, even though they had those desires all along. The wealth of information about such things
available on the internet, much less a way to communicate with others of the same mindset, was not available to them. So it is understandable that many of them are venturing
into it as newbies at an older age. I say kudos to them for venturing out into the community to meet others! And if attending a munch in casual dress makes it more comfortable
for them to get out there and see what there is to see, good for them.

Not everyone attends munches and parties with the intention of finding someone to hook up with and be used by and as such dont dress like a hooker to attract that. In fact, if
arriving dressed to the hilt garnered more attention than they wanted and made them feel like they were prey being hunted, I dont imagine they'd repeat the action.

After reading every post, all Ive seen the OP offer to a potential "hot bodied sub" is their good looks. I read their profile, including the entry about how they allowed a male sub
to come over and give the gf a full body massage and they'd be willing to let him do it again. Im pretty sure the same guy could find a thousand other people "willing" to allow
him to come over and give them a full body massage without his having to accept the privilege of feasting his eyes on their profound beauty as his payment. How benevolent.

As far as the abundance of large people in the lifestyle goes, there is an abundance of large people in the world. Period. Thankfully, there are people in the lifestyle who actually
prefer those larger people. Shocking I know. Why are there more of them now than in years past? Who knows? Times are hard. Eating healthy costs more than junk food.
The cost of living is up and one has to work longer hours to pay the bills leaving less time for exercise. I blame global warming, because it's the root of all evil. Or perhaps that
damned computer that has opened so many doors to information requires sitting to use it.

In my personal experience a lot of the larger girls Ive known suffered some form of physical or sexual abuse as children. Did that contribute to their obesity? Dont know. Does
it lead them to the lifestyle? I dont know that either. Perhaps for some of them it's a way of taking control over their lives when they felt out of control as kids...they choose who
spanks, insults, screws them, etc. The bottom line is, it's none of your concern why they are the way they are. You arent attracted to them. They probably arent attracted to you
either. So its all good. I know I dont find you attractive in the least, but then Im not really looking to spend my evenings giving free massages to someone who will assume
it was a thrill for me to have rubbed the kinks out of the muscles in your arms that have cramped up from holding the mirror you admire yourself in. But that's just me.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 299

RE: BDSM out of necessity? - 1/16/2012 2:55:18 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

You arent attracted to them. They probably arent attracted to you either

He is too skinny for my tastes.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to bbwGAsubbie)

Post #: 300

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