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Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 8:28:02 AM   
sweetcreamsub


Posts: 16
Joined: 12/10/2011
Status: offline 		I have been talking to a guy I met online for over a month now, on phone and by email. Everything was going great I thought, but suddenly friday night he disapeared and I can't figure out why.

He won't return any text message, email....didn't answer the phone when I called.

I guess it is time to move on, but I'd appreciate any insight.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 8:28:34 AM   
Fornica


Posts: 2986
Status: offline 		His wife read his texts?

_____________________________

There is no spoon.


(in reply to sweetcreamsub)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 8:31:18 AM   
Fornica


Posts: 2986
Status: offline 		Your last posting on here (about a month ago) was about a recently ended relationship as well...is this the same, or a different Dom?

_____________________________

There is no spoon.


(in reply to Fornica)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 8:32:27 AM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline 		Any number of things could have happened:

a) he got bored
b) he is married and his wife found out
c) he is involved with several subs and one of them took priority


It's called poofing and it happens to everyone. Just chalk it up to his immaturity and move on.

(in reply to Fornica)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 8:34:15 AM   
sweetcreamsub


Posts: 16
Joined: 12/10/2011
Status: offline 		This was a different guy. Thanks for the feedback. Hadn't heard of poofing...but now I guess I know what it feels like.

(in reply to searching4mysir)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 8:41:48 AM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		Your problem appears to be what we call "sub frenzy".

It's akin to the Ready, FIRE, Aim. theory of management.

Please, for your own sake, sloooooooooooooooooow doooooooownnnnnnn. A "Dominant" that won't wait to get to know you before moving forward is most likely a Horny Net Geek who has read a half dozen cum stained Gor books and has some old printouts from Castlerealm.com and that is his sum total of experience.

Get to know people. Take your time. Talk to other subs and maybe have an experienced one mentor you. Visit a munch in your area.

< Message edited by Hillwilliam -- 1/17/2012 8:42:10 AM >

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to sweetcreamsub)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 8:54:34 AM   
Arturas


Posts: 3245
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetcreamsub

I have been talking to a guy I met online for over a month now, on phone and by email. Everything was going great I thought, but suddenly friday night he disapeared and I can't figure out why.

He won't return any text message, email....didn't answer the phone when I called.

I guess it is time to move on, but I'd appreciate any insight.


Let's see. I suspect he is getting cold feet or he is getting some air and wants you to know that calling and texting him all the time is suffocating him and to back off or maybe he was in an accident and is laying in the hospital unable to move or text and all he can think about is you and the day he can again hear the soft sound of your breath on the phone as he tells you again how much he cares about you.

Wait! Did you say you've been talking for a month? That is a goodly amount of time...have you face to faced with him yet?

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to sweetcreamsub)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 8:55:28 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		There are a lot of reasons why people disappear.  4 days is not that long, if the person has a very busy or hectic life.  Sometimes people have to play catch-up after the holidays, or they have family visiting or whatever. 

Maybe you started going a bit needy and demanding when he wasn't immediately available and you scared him off.  We could speculate all day, but what it boils down to is he's not made himself available to you. I know you want to know why, but that doesn't seem to be happening.  Speculating will just keep you focused on him, when it is better to just move forward and onward. 

If this becomes a pattern, then you have to start looking into your own pattern of behaviors, maybe there is a hint of an answer there.  I'm not saying it is, but when the same thing keeps happening to you, enough to begin recognizing a pattern, it doesn't hurt to look closely at your own behavior.

WinD

(in reply to Hillwilliam)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 9:04:02 AM   
Arturas


Posts: 3245
Status: offline 		From what I hear, 8 out of 10 Doms you talk to on CM you will never see...they suddenly realize you will see their wedding band impression on their finger or you will actually find out they are ugly as sin or they really never dom'd anything except those ants they used to burn with a magnifier glass years ago and so they go ... *poof* ... so you just learn after a time to know who is serous by their inital appoach to you, are they trying to dom you right off the bat or are they trying to know you first? That's the key to knowing who is serous.

What about it, is that the case? Anybody...

P.S. I got the last word, beautiful! Ha!

< Message edited by Arturas -- 1/17/2012 9:05:17 AM >

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to Arturas)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 9:50:19 AM   
sweetcreamsub


Posts: 16
Joined: 12/10/2011
Status: offline 		I appreciate the words of caution when it comes to frenzy but this is simply talking to someone. I see nothing wrong with that.

And the calling or texting every day was something he initiated, not me.

I would agree four days would not be long if he had not just laid out a history of calling and texting every day for a month.

But, I appreciate everyone's feedback. Especially interesting to learn about poofing....just sucks to learn it like this.

(in reply to Arturas)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 9:56:45 AM   
sweetcreamsub


Posts: 16
Joined: 12/10/2011
Status: offline 		We didn't meet face to face because he lives in another state, but told me that he was moving here in the summer. He was actually very interested in getting to know me as a person...

I was actually very worried at first that something had happened to him. The hospital bed scenario did cross my mind....but I saw on another site that he had been logged in the past few days....so it is more a matter of he moved on and now I need to as well.

Just wish people would show common courtesy.

(in reply to sweetcreamsub)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 10:18:21 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

From what I hear, 8 out of 10 Doms you talk to on CM you will never see


I only had one CM Dom that I had not yet met go poof. He came back a few months later and said he'd entered a relationship but it didn't work out. I made it clear that his lack of courtesy informing me of such made him no longer of interest.

I had a few with whom I thought I had great rapport IRL who would vanish for months at a time. One, who was definitely NOT married, was really pissed off when he found out I was leaving the state. Hello?

But during this time period I knew I'd be moving and was not looking for Relationship Dom. Once I returned to Massachusetts, I started looking for him, and he was the third guy I met IRL and now we are living together :)

sweetcreamsub - these guys you meet - what are their profiles like? Are they solely about kink or do they show a well rounded man? Do they have profiles on vanilla sites as well?

(in reply to Arturas)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 10:26:04 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		It happens. Both men and women do the disappearing act. It's not uncommon. It does hurt, I'm sorry it happened to you. The hospital bed thing is very unlikely and probably last on a long list of possibilities. Remember Occam's Razor, the simplest explanation is usually the answer. So he lost interest, got caught by the wife/gf, was in it for a few thrills and is now done with that, moved onto someone else, or got busy.

One thing about being too busy....I have found that in all life there is usually a way to shoot off a message somehow even in the most busy circumstances. I just don't buy being too busy to send a message or make a quick call. Unless his fingers were broken in a freak accident- that just doesn't hold water for me- even then someone else could help. If someone is worth it to me, I make the effort to keep them posted.

I've had men disappear on me. One casual date came back 3 weeks later and said his father had been in the hospital. He seemed shocked that Id moved on and was dating someone else. Well, I hadn't heard anything from him for weeks and assumed he was out of the picture. If he wanted me, he should have found 2 minutes in those 3 weeks to let me know he was still interested. If you don't take care of something then what does it actually mean to you? If the guy can't find some tiny way to keep you in the loop, then I'm not so sure he's good material for even a casual relationship and I'd say it's time to move on.

(in reply to sweetcreamsub)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 10:38:52 AM   
MistressEllen444


Posts: 109
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline 		to the OP: What lizi says. Move on, when you stop to look back you stop forward progress toward finding a real partner or connection.

Although you are addressing your post to Male Doms/female subs in general I don't find men and women behave in a fundamentally different manner when on the other side of the equation. I have been on here for years and have had every manner of sub flake and disappear only to come back at some later time. I have heard all the excuses in the world and only one I took as a valid reason for not making a 1 minute txt or email a priority. They always come back! Be prepared and be strong.

There are great friends to be made here when you know that finding a gem in the weeds is worth a little disappointment and wasted time with some losers.

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 10:47:26 AM   
fucktoyprincess


Posts: 2337
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetcreamsub
I was actually very worried at first that something had happened to him. The hospital bed scenario did cross my mind....but I saw on another site that he had been logged in the past few days....so it is more a matter of he moved on and now I need to as well.


You know, anytime that I think someone has not contacted me because an emergency situation has arisen, it has NEVER been the case. Probabilistically speaking, it is very unlikely....

_____________________________

~ ftp

(in reply to sweetcreamsub)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 11:54:15 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess

You know, anytime that I think someone has not contacted me because an emergency situation has arisen, it has NEVER been the case. Probabilistically speaking, it is very unlikely....


You know, I just have to requote this for posterity....it has literally never happened to me or anyone I know personally, or anyone i've ever even heard of, where someone that drops out of sight had an emergency. Never. The emergency thing seems like a good possible explanation, but in real life it's a total washout.

(in reply to fucktoyprincess)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 12:03:37 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Well, some years ago my computer crashed and they hadn't yet put in digital cell service in my area. He was on the Long Island Sound and the cell phones tend to bounce between CT and NY towers, dropping messages as they go. So we mainly emailed and chatted online.

Probably took two days before he got my message about the computer. I've never understood how cell towers hoard messages instead of sending them straight on.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 12:11:44 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		True story
One of the very first gals I ever met from CM was an ex-kink.com model, a gal who lived one state over.
When I showed up for the meet, she was flabbergasted. Not just because I was exactly who and what I said claimed to be online, but because I actually showed up at all...which kinda stunned me.
I mean who wouldn't want to ravage a bondage model, that's almost every guys wet dream?
But guys stood her up all the time-as in nobody had ever showed. Not one.
I was still new and naive about online stuff so I couldn't quite comprehend it-I mean, you spend time talking online, build a rapport, put the energy out until you have a willing sopping wet slut on the other line, then no show? It made no sense...until she pointed out that most likely weren't the age they claimed, or size, weight, marital status, race, creed, species, planet of origin etc...hence the no show/drop out of site as things start looking good syndrome.


_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 12:37:51 PM   
fucktoyprincess


Posts: 2337
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

quote:

ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess

You know, anytime that I think someone has not contacted me because an emergency situation has arisen, it has NEVER been the case. Probabilistically speaking, it is very unlikely....


You know, I just have to requote this for posterity....it has literally never happened to me or anyone I know personally, or anyone i've ever even heard of, where someone that drops out of sight had an emergency. Never. The emergency thing seems like a good possible explanation, but in real life it's a total washout.



Yeah, here's the thing. I (and I'm sure others are the same) would like to think the person is not actually ignoring me and is in the ER with tubes everywhere, but what can I say...they really are just ignoring me....lol...

_____________________________

~ ftp

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Dom disapeared - 1/17/2012 12:39:35 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Lets' see it could be:

1) Something is keeping his life busy. Could be work, family, or someone visiting, etc.

2) He's panicking about you.

3) He's thinking you're clingy or a stalker.

4) His wife found out.



_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 20
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