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Cuckolding ??? - 1/25/2012 3:15:28 AM

NCtriadsub

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Joined: 1/16/2012
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Im a sub male who is dating a dominant female. I was asked a few months ago about whether or not cuckolding is a hard limit for me and I didnt really know how to answer the question. My femdom doesnt follow the typical cuckolding diagram (not into black men), and to be honest im not sure if it would bother me or not? How do we procede with this aspect of our lifestyle? What can I expect or what should I be prepared for? Should I worry that this lifestyle will fester cheating in our relationship? Im unsure what to do??

Post #: 1

RE: Cuckolding ??? - 1/25/2012 3:54:14 AM

FemmeDominion

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I'm new to the community so you are now forewarned.

First let me say sit down with her and have her define exactly how she means by "cuckolding" and what, for her, that sort of relationship would look like.

quote:

Im a sub male who is dating a dominant female. I was asked a few months ago about whether or not cuckolding is a hard limit for me and I didnt really know how to answer the question.

From what I understand of cuckolding (I've never been in a cuck relationship this is just what I'm guessing from what I've researched) your Domme will be having sex with other men either with you in the room or not. How does that make you feel?

quote:

My femdom doesnt follow the typical cuckolding diagram (not into black men)

From what I've gathered there is not "typical" paradigm. I'd agree that the desire of the Top for BBC thing is a stereotype. (If that was just a semantics argument - sorry) What's going to be typical is what framework you two put on it within your relationship.

quote:

How do we procede with this aspect of our lifestyle?

My guess would be that you decide if you mind that she has sex with other men. If you don't mind then proceed with a hell of a lot of conversation between the two of you. If you do mind then tell her so and be open about your reasons.

quote:

What can I expect or what should I be prepared for?

Again this is where the lengthy in-depth conversations come in. This will also help you know exactly about what you are trying to make a decision.

quote:

Should I worry that this lifestyle will fester cheating in our relationship? Im unsure what to do??

If your Domme is a cheater she's gonna cheat whether you open your relationship or not. If you two have a (loving and) openly communicative relationship then cheating should not come into play within this paradigm as I understand it.

Please, chat with other cucks before you head in that direction but remember each relationship is different.

I hope that helps at all.

_____________________________

Now this is not gonna be pretty. We're talking violence, strong language, adult content...

o·pin·ion -a personal view, attitude, or appraisal.

FD,Your logic does not resemble our Earth logic.
FD: Mine is much more advanced.

(in reply to NCtriadsub)

Post #: 2

RE: Cuckolding ??? - 1/25/2012 9:51:28 AM

kalikshama

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Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

Should I worry that this lifestyle will fester cheating in our relationship?

As you learn about cuckolding, decide if you consider it cheating or kink. Interestingly, it appears that far more men get off on being cuckolded than women into doing it.

When M sleeps with other women, I don't consider it cheating as we are in an open relationship.

(in reply to NCtriadsub)

Post #: 3

RE: Cuckolding ??? - 1/25/2012 10:00:21 AM

servuspet

Posts: 67
Joined: 2/3/2006
From: Detroit, MI
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For me, I wouldn't call it "cheating" if you know about it.
And I'm as new to this as anyone, as I've only thought about it.
But I think the first step would be getting both your definitions of cuckolding out there, or what level of cuckolding you both want.
It seems there is a huge range of what people consider cuckolding.

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 4

RE: Cuckolding ??? - 1/25/2012 11:00:10 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NCtriadsub
My femdom doesnt follow the typical cuckolding diagram (not into black men), and to be honest im not sure if it would bother me or not? What can I expect or what should I be prepared for? Should I worry that this lifestyle will fester cheating in our relationship?

NCtriadsub,
You seem to be asking lots of questions that you should probably be discussing with your Domme. She is the only one who will have the answers that you seek.

But having said that, I have to ask if you have any idea of what cuckolding means. You seem to think that cuckolding means that your wife/girlfriend/Domme has sex with black men. That's wrong. The fact that you think that is the norm tells me that you watch too much porn, and that your ideas/perceptions come from porn.

Cuckolding has nothing to do with race. Historically, "cuckold" was a derogatory term used to describe a husband whose wife cheated on him, and he was powerless to stop her. It was a mark of shame, not a badge of honor.

Today, in the BDSM world, cuckolding doesn't necessarily require that the couple be married (although some still argue that if she's not your wife, then you're not a true "cuckold"). Most BDSMers will accept that a non-married couple can participate in cuckolding if one partner has outside lovers, and the other party is unable to prevent them from doing so.

I don't understand your question about cheating. If you're being cuckolded, then your wife/girlfriend is cheating on you. That's what makes you her cuckold. Please explain how you could be cuckolded and NOT have cheating in the relationship. You've completely confused me with that part of your question.

I should note that if you are in a "poly" or "open" relationship, then it is not considered cuckolding. Remember, a cuckold has not given consent, and is powerless to stop his partner from taking other lovers.

Many males think that they desire to be cuckolds. They beg women to cuckold them. But what they don't seem to understand is that the mere fact that they DESIRE to be a cuckold prevents them from actually being a cuckold.

Cuckolding is about humiliation and powerlessness. Most guys mistakenly think that watching your girlfriend have sex with another guy is cuckolding. It's not! If your primary kink is watching your wife/girlfriend with another man, that's called voyeurism. You like to watch. The mere fact that you like it and encourage it means that you're not actually a cuck. You fall into the same category as guys who beg women to "force" them to suck another man's cock.

Similarly, begging to "clean her up" after sex, and wanting to eat "cream pies" is also not cuckolding.

Here's a simple test: If you get angry, jealous, sad, frustrated, and feel helpless about your wife/girlfriend having sex with other men, then you may be a cuckold. If you get excited about the prospect, and beg her to fuck other men for your enjoyment (and also ask if you can watch or participate), then you're not actually a cuckold.

See the difference?

(in reply to NCtriadsub)

Post #: 5

RE: Cuckolding ??? - 1/25/2012 11:21:08 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NCtriadsub

Im a sub male who is dating a dominant female. I was asked a few months ago about whether or not cuckolding is a hard limit for me and I didnt really know how to answer the question. My femdom doesnt follow the typical cuckolding diagram (not into black men), and to be honest im not sure if it would bother me or not?

This part right here tells Me that you honestly don't know enough about the subject to make an informed decision. The fact that you are basing your knowledge on the stereotypical porn scenario tells Me that you have not educated yourself in any way. You need to do that first.

quote:

How do we procede with this aspect of our lifestyle?

It's honestly not that difficult. Any competent Domme can do this with minimal difficulty.

quote:

What can I expect or what should I be prepared for?

That entirely depends. What kind of person are you? If you are a jealous type of person, expect to feel that. If your Domme plans to mix this kink with humiliation, expect to feel that. If you happen to be a voyeur and are permitted to watch your Domme and her bull, expect to get turned on.

quote:

Should I worry that this lifestyle will fester cheating in our relationship? Im unsure what to do??

As I said before, the first thing I'd be doing if I were you would be to become better educated. It's not possible to know if something is a hard limit for you or not if you don't have any idea of what the play consists of. Also, I'd be asking what other kinks are going to be incorporated with your being cucked. (From the other thread, it sounds like you might have also been asked about being a fluffer or a clean up boy.) This particular kink works very well when mixed with other kinks, so it's important to know the details.

Personally, I don't consider a cuck dynamic the same thing as cheating. It's a specific type of power imbalance in the dynamic where the Domme has complete control of her sexuality, including the fact that fidelity is not a requirement on her part. It boils down to her having the power to decide if she will take on additional partners or not.

This actually leaves you with more questions than you started with, but they are the type of answers that only the two of you can determine.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to NCtriadsub)

Post #: 6

RE: Cuckolding ??? - 1/25/2012 11:39:54 AM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
That entirely depends. What kind of person are you? If you are a jealous type of person, expect to feel that. If your Domme plans to mix this kink with humiliation, expect to feel that. If you happen to be a voyeur and are permitted to watch your Domme and her bull, expect to get turned on.

Then there's Dommes like me that would mix chastity with it, so if he does get turned on it really hurts. hehe I'm just a sadistic bitch that way. lol

NBMG

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(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 7

RE: Cuckolding ??? - 1/25/2012 12:00:53 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Personally, I don't consider a cuck dynamic the same thing as cheating. It's a specific type of power imbalance in the dynamic where the Domme has complete control of her sexuality, including the fact that fidelity is not a requirement on her part. It boils down to her having the power to decide if she will take on additional partners or not.

I like the way you stated that. I agree with this completely.

Actually, I agree with your entire post. We said very similar things. I hope the OP was paying attention.

The one area where we differed is that I did call cuck relationships "cheating". The reason I use that terminology is that from a "vanilla" perspective where the standard is monogamy, cuckolding would definitely constitute cheating. That's the perspective that I was coming from.

But as I said, I also agree with your definition, and I don't find the two ideas to be mutually exclusive.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 1/25/2012 12:04:48 PM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 8

RE: Cuckolding ??? - 1/25/2012 12:54:16 PM

FemmeDominion

Posts: 146
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

I'm going to argue a semantic running through the thread...

I believe there can be cheating within a cuckold dynamic if the agreement between the partners is that the Top has to tell the cuck who and/or when. If this is the dynamic and the Top goes and has sex without telling the cuck then it's cheating. The assumption I think I see running through the thread is that in the cuckold relationship the Top can sleep with whomever and whenever when that is not true of every cuck relationship.

FD

_____________________________

Now this is not gonna be pretty. We're talking violence, strong language, adult content...

o·pin·ion -a personal view, attitude, or appraisal.

FD,Your logic does not resemble our Earth logic.
FD: Mine is much more advanced.

(in reply to NCtriadsub)

Post #: 9

RE: Cuckolding ??? - 1/25/2012 2:48:33 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FemmeDominion

I believe there can be cheating within a cuckold dynamic if the agreement between the partners is that the Top has to tell the cuck who and/or when. If this is the dynamic and the Top goes and has sex without telling the cuck then it's cheating.

FemmeDominion,
Good point. I'm more used to seeing the arrangement that you described in the swinger community, but it definitely could also be applicable in a D/s cuckolding relationship.

I'm much more used to situations where the sub doesn't really get a vote, nor does the Domme have a responsibility to inform the sub. The situation that you described gives the sub a bit more power, and reduces the "power imbalance" that Lady Pact described. But it is definitely a valid twist on the dynamic.

That's why I sometimes take exception to the questions that people ask on here. People sometimes seem to believe that there is only one "right" way to do things. But in my opinion, the "right" way is whatever way works best for you and your partner. If the people involved are enjoying it, then who cares what anyone else says?

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 1/25/2012 2:50:30 PM >

(in reply to FemmeDominion)

Post #: 10

RE: Cuckolding ??? - 1/25/2012 3:05:20 PM

FemmeDominion

Posts: 146
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

It could just be that the cuck can better deal with the situation when informed ahead of time - and still have no veto power. In that case it doesn't even have to take the power imbalance that far out of whack. I think the OP may simply need to do some research and he'll learn more. And I agree - to each H/his or H/her own. It all works out in the end. :)

Nice to meet you Roch. Take care.

_____________________________

Now this is not gonna be pretty. We're talking violence, strong language, adult content...

o·pin·ion -a personal view, attitude, or appraisal.

FD,Your logic does not resemble our Earth logic.
FD: Mine is much more advanced.

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 11

RE: Cuckolding ??? - 1/25/2012 3:32:44 PM

RedMagic1

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Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NCtriadsub
How do we procede with this aspect of our lifestyle? What can I expect or what should I be prepared for? Should I worry that this lifestyle will fester cheating in our relationship? Im unsure what to do??

I've known two couples who did it in real. Both relationships were damaged or destroyed by making the fantasy real. In both cases, the "submissive" guy was the one pushing for it, and the woman was more or less service topping him by sleeping around.

That said, one of the most respected posters on this board was a sub male in a long term loving cuckolding relationship. He died tragically last year, so you won't be able to hear from him, but it is clearly possible to pull off. This guy was exceptional, though. Not to sound too much like a jerk, but I'm not sure "normal" people can pull off a successful cuckolding relationship. Too much playing with fire.

My only real advice: don't introduce a third in any capacity until the two of you are very comfortable and trusting of each other.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
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(in reply to NCtriadsub)

Post #: 12

RE: Cuckolding ??? - 1/25/2012 7:33:31 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
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And please, please, please...include the topic of safer sex in your discussion. What measures will be taken by all parties concerned? The threat of STIs is VERY real. Don't take it lightly.

(in reply to NCtriadsub)

Post #: 13

RE: Cuckolding ??? - 2/2/2012 7:57:07 PM

LookieNoNookie

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Cuckolding is a wonderful thing :)

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

Post #: 14

RE: Cuckolding ??? - 2/3/2012 7:31:06 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

Both relationships were damaged or destroyed by making the fantasy real. In both cases, the "submissive" guy was the one pushing for it, and the woman was more or less service topping him by sleeping around.

Yes, after my ex husband was done being horny about the idea, I was now a slut >_<

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 15

RE: Cuckolding ??? - 2/3/2012 8:22:24 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Yes, after my ex husband was done being horny about the idea, I was now a slut

I shared a story in another thread about this exact situation. A guy had been begging his girlfriend to cuckold him. She was reluctant to do it, but finally agreed to do it in order to make him happy. But after she had sex with the other guy (me), he was upset with her and basically called her a slut.

Guys need to be very careful about their cuckolding fantasies. Cuckolding may seem exciting as a fantasy, but the reality of it often ruins relationships.

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 16

RE: Cuckolding ??? - 2/3/2012 11:08:49 AM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NCtriadsub
What can I expect or what should I be prepared for? Should I worry that this lifestyle will fester cheating in our relationship? Im unsure what to do??

As I understand it, cucking means she will have sex with others but you don't "get any." You may or may not need to help get her ready before she meets him, get to watch it or hear it, get to/have to do "clean-up," or any number of other things. You also may or may not be in chastity. But, strictly speaking, cucking is her getting to have sex with other people while you don't get any, the rest are embellishments and optionals.

As for it causing cheating, I'm sure you could both have a set of rules that you go by. For instance, one of the rules could be she's supposed to let you know when she goes out to have sex with someone. If she lets you know, it's not cheating and, if she doesn't let you know, then it is. In otherwords, breaking the rules = cheating. The people involved in any given relationship can make up whatever rules work for them.

NBMG

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I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

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Post #: 17

RE: Cuckolding ??? - 2/3/2012 6:37:27 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Yes, after my ex husband was done being horny about the idea, I was now a slut

I shared a story in another thread about this exact situation. A guy had been begging his girlfriend to cuckold him. She was reluctant to do it, but finally agreed to do it in order to make him happy. But after she had sex with the other guy (me), he was upset with her and basically called her a slut.

Guys need to be very careful about their cuckolding fantasies. Cuckolding may seem exciting as a fantasy, but the reality of it often ruins relationships.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 18

RE: Cuckolding ??? - 2/4/2012 3:35:54 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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Since then I embraced my Ethical Slutness and vowed to not enter into any monogamous relationships.

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

Post #: 19

RE: Cuckolding ??? - 2/5/2012 5:00:35 AM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

NCtriadsub,

quote:

RedMagic1 wrote:
I've known two couples who did it in real. Both relationships were damaged or destroyed by making the fantasy real. In both cases, the "submissive" guy was the one pushing for it, and the woman was more or less service topping him by sleeping around. (snip) My only real advice: don't introduce a third in any capacity until the two of you are very comfortable and trusting of each other.

I (too) know a couple who did this for real and ultimately the cuckolding caused some significant problems in the relationship. Also, one of my own partners (a female dominant) wanted to introduce this into our relationship. For balance then, I'll note that in my experiences the desire for cuckolding hasn't been tied to gender and role.

Please read RedMagic1's later advice, which I've highlighted. This is very good advice.

quote:

LookieNoNookie wtote:
Cuckolding is a wonderful thing :)

This just goes to illustrate the adage "different strokes for different folks". Cuckolding is on my hard limits list.

Zeroing in on the "cheating" topic for a moment, each relationship is totally unique. If you and your dominant agree she can take partners whenever she wants, then her doing so isn't cheating. However, perhaps the two of you negotiate that she must pre-approve these partners with you and that you have ultimate veto. Or, maybe you throw in a tenet like all extra partners she takes must meet certain criteria. If your dominant then breaks one of these agreements, I'd say she is cheating. The only rules that apply are the ones the two of you decide to live by in your relationship. There isn't a single, textbook answer for this.

Elan.

(in reply to NCtriadsub)

Post #: 20

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