RE: Being tested as a Dom (Full Version)

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SomeCdnGuy -> RE: Being tested as a Dom (1/26/2012 2:10:30 PM)

Ah well, I guess I'll just have to come too terms with being a mere kinky sex leader. If only I too were a Weal Twue Domly-Dom like you. [:(]



DominantHunger -> RE: Being tested as a Dom (1/26/2012 2:13:38 PM)

That's a good idea, since you are hung up on the labels and ignoring the point.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Being tested as a Dom (1/26/2012 2:17:05 PM)

Perhaps you could re-explain the point then, since you are the one insisting on proper definitions.



SomeCdnGuy -> RE: Being tested as a Dom (1/26/2012 2:23:39 PM)

The point, young fellow, is that you are taking your particular view of how you think your D/s relationships should work, and extending it to a universal truth. This is something that is called One-True-Wayism, and as a rule its something that is laughed at by those who have been around the block more than once.



DominantHunger -> RE: Being tested as a Dom (1/26/2012 2:41:06 PM)

This has gone off in the weeds - I will repeat - I do not care how you use the terms. I am only pinning down what I mean by the terms to make my point clear as it is a very focused point. If you are a "Dominant" you need to be able to handle "dominating" your "submissive". If you are never tested in any way, then you are never actually "dominating" your "submissive". Therefore, it is not inherently wrong for a "sub" to test her "Dom". End point.

The way I have pinned down those terms for my point does not have to stick for anyone else's relationships. Label yourselves any way you desire. If you do not believe a "Dominant" necessarily needs to "dominate" anyone to earn the "Dom" label, then the consequence is my point will not apply to your use of the term. It should be very easy for everyone to go peacefully on their way.

My original post made no attempt to soften the language into universally inclusive meaningless language. That got many of you up in arms. I honestly cannot comprehend the labeling of a relationship as D/s when the submissive never does a single thing to test the limits with their Dom. Because I cannot comprehend this, I have been applying separate labeling in an attempt to communicate my point more clearly. I never meant to offend anyone with the two alternate labels I presented as being more accurate in my mind.

I now understand some of you disagree with my definitions and took offense at the presentation of my point. If you are offended at the bluntness of my post, you're going to be offended at most anything I say. I'm trying to decide if I care... though I'm pretty sure I don't. [:)]

The OP will likely benefit more if the tread returns to the topic of examples and handling of subs testing their Doms rather than caring whether or not we all use the same BDSM dictionary.



DominantHunger -> RE: Being tested as a Dom (1/26/2012 2:48:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SomeCdnGuy

The point, young fellow, is that you are taking your particular view of how you think your D/s relationships should work, and extending it to a universal truth. This is something that is called One-True-Wayism, and as a rule its something that is laughed at by those who have been around the block more than once.


Thank you for trying to belittle based on age. I am 40 and enjoy being considered to be a member of the ignorant youth.

Since you have been around the block so many times, can you explain to me how a D/s relationship works in the absence of dominating a sub when they test you? Do you seriously just disown any sub the moment they test you?

If I understand the points made by LadyHibiscus, then I am in agreement with her position on the role of testing in a D/s relationship. So, if you ignore my posts for a moment and focus on what she said, do you agree or disagree with her position? If you agree with her, then we are only debating semantics which is always a waste of time.



SpiritedRadiance -> RE: Being tested as a Dom (1/26/2012 2:49:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisPet21

quote:

So he found a legitimate reason of why i cant have cheese on tuesdays or thursdays >_<;;


I want to know the reason! Please....?


Well, Because I dont have class on tuesdays and thursdays, theres no excuse to not eat healthy, and because cheese isnt healthy i cant have it... nor am i allowed to make anything else thats delcisious in the name of not having time...:( fing doms...



LaTigresse -> RE: Being tested as a Dom (1/26/2012 2:53:03 PM)

I for one, was not offended. I saw your postulating and started laughing.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Being tested as a Dom (1/26/2012 2:54:02 PM)

Thanks for clarifying! I'm multitasking, and obviously I missed one of your posts. [:)]




LillyBoPeep -> RE: Being tested as a Dom (1/26/2012 2:58:02 PM)

I do understand what you're sayinng here - that "testiing," as used in your vocabulary, isn't bad. I agree that second-guessig, or balking, or complaining, or things like that aren't bad things. There are some writings by Jake/jakeskajira that were kind of along this topic, in that, over time he had proven that he would get his way.
To me, in order to bring someone under your will, that's sometimes what you have to do. It has nothing to do with being "true" or with being an adult, or with being a newbie, just like being a blank sheet of paper doesn't make you an uberslave.

People have different ways that they get to a point - sometimes places you totally want to go still take a little wrangling. Onne of the prevalnent attitudes here on CM at times is if you aren't totally obediennt from day 1, you're not being an adult inn your relationships and you're just playing around. That's just not in keeping with reality to me.

Every relationship is new, so everytime a person gets into a new one, they're nnew. They may have experiennce in other relationships, but not with this person, who may also want different things than previous relationships have required.
It's like riding a bike - even experienced bike riders fall off, and when they go on nnew trails, they're likely to fall a time or two. Learnig to play the clarinnet doesn't come without squeaks, annd even the most experienced clarinetist gets a squeak now and then - evenn if they've been at it 20 years and they're serious about it, ad are fully adult. :p

I'm not going to aspire to "just do." I'm goig to aspire to be a thinking, feeling being who does her best to carry out a will I'm subject to. It may look like "just doing," but there is a difference. I'm not goinng to beat myself or others up for mistakes, I'm not going to doubt my realness because I'm not as "uber" as someone else, as the standard on CM at times suggests you MUST be.

(Apologies for typos... glitchy phonne - does't like the letter "n")



DominantHunger -> RE: Being tested as a Dom (1/26/2012 3:04:45 PM)

Agreed. Perhaps the issue hasn't been differing definitions of D/s, but instead differing definitions of testing.



SomeCdnGuy -> RE: Being tested as a Dom (1/26/2012 5:37:33 PM)

As I said in my first post, I had a sub who tried to "test my Domliness" once. That ended the relationship. I expect a sub to do as she is told, I do not put up with games, and to me, "testing" me just to see what my reaction is, is a game. Will I end things the very first time I see that sort of behaviour? No, but I will make it very clear that that sort of behaviour will not be tolerated, and if it continues then yes, I will end things.

My objections to your posts is not based on semantics, as I have pointed out already, it is based on your assumption that your way is the only way, which you ascribe to you being "blunt". I ascribe it to something else.

Not only that, there is also the fact that your position is based on several assumptions which I find, for lack of a better word, absurd.





littlewonder -> RE: Being tested as a Dom (1/26/2012 7:03:30 PM)

ya know I guess I must be different. When I was single and meeting men I never tested them in getting to know them, looking to find out what kind of dom he is or anything like that. I either recognized his dominant personality or I didn't.  If I didn't when I saw him the first 3 seconds I would make polite conversation, drink my coffee and go home and never have any interest in that person.

When I met Master I was already hooked on him before I even knew who he was or before he spoke. There was simply this man walking into the coffeeshop ahead of me, I thought he walked with an air of confidence and authority and he wasn't hard on the eyes and I was already swooning thinking I wanted that man in front of me if my date didn't work out. lol.

For me you are either dominant or you are not. For me it's an air about the person that is quickly recognizable and for me very few people have that. I don't need to ask questions or wonder or anything.





Aileen1968 -> RE: Being tested as a Dom (1/26/2012 7:04:11 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Giermo

I was wondering if any of you have ever been "tested as a Dom" by a submissive partner? I'm curious because in my last two experiences, both submissives tried to test my "domly-ness" which I found fun(ny). So, has your "domly-ness ever been tested by a submissive, if so how?



I beat him at trivia games on a regular basis. Does that count?



DominantHunger -> RE: Being tested as a Dom (1/26/2012 7:37:16 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SomeCdnGuy

As I said in my first post, I had a sub who tried to "test my Domliness" once. That ended the relationship. I expect a sub to do as she is told, I do not put up with games, and to me, "testing" me just to see what my reaction is, is a game. Will I end things the very first time I see that sort of behaviour? No, but I will make it very clear that that sort of behaviour will not be tolerated, and if it continues then yes, I will end things.



That sounds weak to me. I'm willing to make more of an investment in a submissive than that.



NocturnalStalker -> RE: Being tested as a Dom (1/26/2012 7:44:56 PM)

Inadequate males under the guise of dominance?  Who would've known?



LanceHughes -> RE: Being tested as a Dom (1/26/2012 8:01:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
ya know I guess I must be different. When I was single and meeting men I never tested them in getting to know them, looking to find out what kind of dom he is or anything like that. I either recognized his dominant personality or I didn't.  If I didn't when I saw him the first 3 seconds I would make polite conversation, drink my coffee and go home and never have any interest in that person.

When I met Master I was already hooked on him before I even knew who he was or before he spoke. There was simply this man walking into the coffeeshop ahead of me, I thought he walked with an air of confidence and authority and he wasn't hard on the eyes and I was already swooning thinking I wanted that man in front of me if my date didn't work out. lol.

For me you are either dominant or you are not. For me it's an air about the person that is quickly recognizable and for me very few people have that. I don't need to ask questions or wonder or anything.

^^^ THIS ^^^

Similar experience, other side of the kneel.... well. actually, both sides of the kneel.  Usually called "Love at 1st sight," but took a while (2 or 3 months) to actually say that word.

BUT! Sub / Dom relationship was instantaneous.



LillyBoPeep -> RE: Being tested as a Dom (1/26/2012 8:19:36 PM)

I can agree with the idea that there's "something" about Dominant guys that you just pick up on. It's somethinng you feel, and if you don't feel it, you can't really fake it.
It still seems, though, that people are talking about entirely different things with the word "test." Gotta love semantics.



Epytropos -> RE: Being tested as a Dom (1/26/2012 9:35:20 PM)

Strange how every semantic debate seems to take on its own emotional tone, from academic all the way through to universally offended. I wonder what causes that.



LillyBoPeep -> RE: Being tested as a Dom (1/26/2012 9:49:20 PM)

People of different makeups and mentalities responding in line with their personalities? No big deal.



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