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RE: Playing on a first meeting - 11/20/2004 10:47:28 PM

harmony3709

Posts: 292
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline

Just as my two cents worth -- I for one also have the standing rule of not playing on a first meet, and yet have also broken that rule on two occasions. In both circumstances there had been a fair amount of communication and chemistry already built up, as with most everyone I have met, but the difference on these two occasions was the play was more of a question versus a demand. It was made clear to me that if I chose not to play, it would change nothing in terms of a potential relationship and that they would think no less of me. These two Doms are close friends of mine almost two years after the fact, so I believe part of it was just gut instinct that I could trust them, as well as the fact that they were intelligent, polite, considerate gentlemen.

However, I find it interesting that there were others who tried to insist or demand, gave me the line about not being a "real submissive", or some other such insulting crap, and I found that the more I heard, the less I would have even considered playing. In other words -- the more rude and insulting they are, the more of a natural turn off it is. I think that is probably the best form of self-protection that I have anyway and I don't have to worry about being manipulated into something because I am a submissive -- mostly because they are acting nothing like Doms to begin with.

harmony

(in reply to amalie)

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Post #: 41

RE: Playing on a first meeting - 11/21/2004 2:30:46 PM

houndguy

Posts: 39
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Pittsburgh, PA - USA
Status: offline

Up until recently I never believed in playing on the first meeting. However two things occured which changed my mind. I however fully admit to being in a strange sitution with both people. So take what you can from this.

The first one is that my current sub lives 6 hours by car away. Her sitution does not allow her to get away much. So I drove up on one of her few free weekends. We played after eating lunch. Of course we exchanged several e-mails and phone calls before that. Still I was not expecting it to happen that weekend, I didn't even have my toy bag with me.

The second was at a workshop. It was her first time at such a function, but we had so much in common (including knowing some of the same people in the Vanilla World) that she felt she could trust me. So we had some fun at the play party afterword. I kept it light enough for her to trust me, but hard enough to interest her. And of course I kept checking on her status, to make sure she was OK.

Hopefully I'll see her again soon.

< Message edited by houndguy -- 11/21/2004 2:35:30 PM >

(in reply to perverseangelic)

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Post #: 42

RE: Playing on a first meeting - 11/21/2004 3:31:56 PM

krikket

Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline

i think each situation is different, but not playing on a first meeting doesn't have anything to do with someone's D/s situation, although i admit i fell for that line a few times when i was a newbie. my standard response now is that i don't play/have sex on the first few meetings. First, because i need to know who the Dom is before i can submit, otherwise i consider it bottoming, which i'm not real crazy about. Second, i need to be able to trust someone if they're going to tie me up, and trust takes time to develope, at least for me. Third, if they don't respect that limit, why would i expect them to respect other the limits i have. If pushed, i just tell them it's a hard limit, and they continue to push, i don't meet with them.

cheers
jimini

(in reply to houndguy)

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Post #: 43