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BoxwineForBrunch -> RE: ProDoms are fake? (1/29/2012 9:21:13 AM)
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i believe a man needs a good therapist, a good mechanic, a good tailor, a good lawyer, and a good dominatrix. right now i don't have a dominatrix, since the one i've gone to most frequently split for the coast a couple of months ago, but i'm sure i will find one again in the near future.
actually, i'd say having a good dominatrix is very like having a good therapist or analyst. it is a very specific type of relationship with very specific boundaries, but within those boundaries there is significant room for exploration, discovery, and catharsis. a therapist isn't really your friend--there is a limit to how familiar and friendly the relationship should ever be, there are definite boundaries on when and for how long you meet and your therapist won't help you move a couch into a fourth story walk-up on a sunday afternoon (i've asked); but a therapist will listen to things you could not tell even a very close friend and will offer professional, detached insights that a friend could not offer. similarly, a dominatrix is different from a girlfriend/lover/"domme" (i hate that word but whatever) in the sense that, while there are definite boundaries in terms of affection, intimacy, time and place of meetings there is also the freedom of exploring scenes that go further or in different directions than might be possible even with a kinky life partner.
the fact is, some of us compartmentalize our lives until we have compartments within compartments. for me in particular, i get off on playing with partners who can adopt a particular persona, one that is cruel, playful, invulnerable, darkly funny and unabashedly sadistic. it's a fantasy scenario that i see a lot of guys waste time and energy pursuing in real life. i have never made that mistake, because it's always been clear to me that what i am looking for in a real romantic partner is different, that there is a level of emotional give-and-take and mutual vulnerability inherent in romance (especially a romance where both partners are kinky) that renders this impossible. it also isn't something i would want for longer than an hour or so at a time, but jesus christ do i ever want it hard every now and then for an hour or so at a time. a good dominatrix offers exactly this.
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