cant handle poly (Full Version)

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blondiesubmits -> cant handle poly (2/3/2012 9:10:44 PM)

I feel almost weird becuase so many men tend to want me to sign up to be one of a group of subs. I'm stuck here and can't get past it. I get the impression from prospective Doms that I am expected to stay quiet on this subject and am offered little understanding and support by them. Interest fades, emails are not returned etc, after I've asked for support and clarification from the Dom. Once I simply asked a Dom to help me figure out how to deal with this. But didn't even comprehend what I was asking from him. What I need is to be able to explicitly trust my Dom and be secure in the relationship and THEN maybe add another, but I just can't join into being one of many or even two. I have also asked a Dom did he expect me to have multiple Doms as well? I was answered with shock and anger. I get the paradox in such an idea as its this would cuase multiple conflicts so that's not the point. The point is the idea of being someone's one and only girl doesn't seem to popular with the men I've met in this lifestyle. And it narrows ky search immensely.



Killerangel -> RE: cant handle poly (2/3/2012 9:15:45 PM)

I'm sorry. I read this twice and I have no idea what you are talking about. 



JanahX -> RE: cant handle poly (2/3/2012 9:17:37 PM)

The only people that take things with gratitude from anyone because they give themselves a label as a "DOM", are people that are desperate. To be in a state of desperation is a weakened state. And predators can smell that shit a mile away. My advice to you is to first off write a little more coherently = your post is disjointed and hard to follow or understand.



MistressDarkArt -> RE: cant handle poly (2/3/2012 9:17:52 PM)

Welcome, Blondie!

Poly is not for everyone. And there is a huge difference between polyamory...ongoing established relationships where everyone involved is on-board as a contributing member, and 'polyfuckery' which is what many Doms truly want...meaning it's OK to dip his wick whenever and wherever he chooses with no accountability to you.

Female submissives are in great demand. You needn't settle for any situation that makes you uncomfortable. Good luck and enjoy the journey. The 'right one' will be along soon, hang in there.



SorceressJ -> RE: cant handle poly (2/3/2012 9:19:20 PM)

There isn't necessarily a darn thing wrong with not wanting to be poly. Not everyone is wired that way. And the good news is, there are Doms out there who feel the same way, and not only that.. who will treat you like an actual person with feelings as well as a precious owned thing of great and irreplacable value. Understand yourself first, and do yourself a huge favor - don't commit til you find Him. I wish you all the uncomplicated happiness you deserve.



blondiesubmits -> RE: cant handle poly (2/3/2012 9:22:40 PM)

I'll delete and start over. Everything I write is shorthand due to typing on the phone. Honestly, I'm too lazy to retype it. SOMEBODY will get it.



searching4mysir -> RE: cant handle poly (2/3/2012 9:29:14 PM)

Let's start here:

Is it that you don't feel wired for poly or you do feel wired for it but don't feel secure enough in your current relationship to add the third?

ETA: laziness in a sub/slave is not exactly a desirable trait. If you have this much trouble just posting a forum, it makes me question your communication skills with any potential or current doms.



blondiesubmits -> RE: cant handle poly (2/3/2012 9:32:01 PM)

Don't feel wired and therefore am often dismissed from consideration from Doms. Ok, fine, onto the next guy but poly seems more the norm to me then a monogamous one.



jennileigh8182 -> RE: cant handle poly (2/3/2012 9:36:28 PM)

You must be meeting the wrong guys. Wait...are you new here? I got SWAMPED with the poly guys early on, but that tapered off. Lately, I get almost no messages on here at all, but most of them are quality Doms that i have some definite compatibility with. I make NO apologies that i am not wired for poly, and i tend to state it early on. Sure, there are some guys that poof at that point, but they aren't ones i'd want to be with anyway. The ones i'd want to be with also tend not to be wired for poly.


ETA:
I just looked at your profile and some of your journal entries. If you are feeling that 'broken' and hopeless...don't try to start a relationship. Make friends with some dominants and just -talk.- Try to understand them and learn from them. I had this experience in my first D/s relationship. It was a total disaster....guy (significantly older than me) lied to me, said he was divorced (ha!), pushed me too hard and too fast, etc. When i ended it, he commented something about me not being a good sub. Better yet....months later, he calls on my birthday. Superficially, to say 'happy birthday,' but in reality to gloat over the young girl (19, i think) he had now that was SUCH a good girl that she let her family disown her to move in with him. I ran from D/s for years, got into a bad marriage to try to hide from my needs/desires...and only years later did I find myself just -talking- with several dominants that made me see the light of day.

If you don't see worth in yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?



searching4mysir -> RE: cant handle poly (2/3/2012 9:56:32 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: blondiesubmits

Don't feel wired and therefore am often dismissed from consideration from Doms. Ok, fine, onto the next guy but poly seems more the norm to me then a monogamous one.



Poly is a hard limit for me. I had no problem with doms approaching me. Even though I'm owned, doms STILL approach me here.

If you aren't wired for it then you will be miserable if you attempt to force it.

I hate to say this because I don't want to come across as a demanding princess, but if you are a kinky submissive female, you pretty much have your pick of guys on this site. We are a minority, and we get to decide what we will and will not put up with.



shylilbear -> RE: cant handle poly (2/3/2012 9:57:55 PM)

Good evening blondie. After reading your profile I have two suggestions. The first is that if you really are not into poly, you should say that in your profile. As wonderful as Dominant types can be, none of them are mind readers. You need to elaborate a bit more as to what you're looking for, what you have to offer, and what you're not interested in.

My second suggestion.......slow down!! I understand the wide eyed excitement of being new to all this. You want to find your Dom, and you're so eager to please that you're hooking up with whoever wants to claim you. That is the impression I get after reading your journal. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being eager to please, but one of the first things that a lot of new subs need to learn is that when you're talking to potential Doms, you have every right to say no to anything you aren't comfortable with. You don't have to submit to a Dom just because they show interest in you. Take your time getting to know someone before submitting to them and you'll find yourself being a lot less disappointed.



blondiesubmits -> RE: cant handle poly (2/3/2012 10:00:52 PM)

Ok, I edited my first post for clarification....



risktaker9 -> RE: cant handle poly (2/3/2012 10:06:52 PM)

Does it narrow your search all that much? I have to say along with Searching4mysir that women on a site like this are a minority. Plus, if it narrows your search that's good, because you aren't a match for the guys who want what you can't give them. Why would you want to be with them and be miserable? Be fine with rejecting poly and finding your match with someone who actually matches you. If that is no one, isn't that better than being in a situation that's wrong for you?



JanahX -> RE: cant handle poly (2/3/2012 10:07:24 PM)

Heres the thing -----> a lot of the doods who claim that theyre dominant are exactly the opposite. Of course they want poly. Countless amount of guys would love to have his abundant choice of waiting available pussy that he manages, controls and the chicks do it without question.

The reality is, most of these guys cant even manage themselves ---let alone what it takes to run a poly house. If you read the poly forums = Ive only read a select few on there that actually seem to have a successful running poly home.

quote:

ORIGINAL: blondiesubmits

Don't feel wired and therefore am often dismissed from consideration from Doms. Ok, fine, onto the next guy but poly seems more the norm to me then a monogamous one.




blondiesubmits -> RE: cant handle poly (2/3/2012 10:26:47 PM)

Ok got it! Thanks for everyone's insight and advice. I guess I was beginning to feel like the only one who noticed the elephant in the living room. And yes I'm slowing down and getting a grip.



little6 -> RE: cant handle poly (2/3/2012 10:33:27 PM)

A dom who won't help a sub who asks for help or clarification is not a Dom



RaspberryLemon -> RE: cant handle poly (2/3/2012 11:23:26 PM)

If you are genuinely not ok with polygamy, do NOT try to settle for it in any fashion. It will only lead to hurt and disappointment to all involved.

There's nothing wrong with expecting a monogamous arrangement and holding out for the right fit for you. It may seem at times that polygamy is more common in the BDSM world than monogamy, but I assure you that there are many dominants who are strictly monogamous. In fact, I personally am my Master's one and only girl, and we are both happy being only with each other. You don't need to settle for something that will make you end up being unhappy. Be patient, and you will find a man who holds views close to your own. Fear not, monogamy is far from dead.



FrostedFlake -> RE: cant handle poly (2/3/2012 11:55:59 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: blondiesubmits

I'll delete and start over. Everything I write is shorthand due to typing on the phone. Honestly, I'm too lazy to retype it. SOMEBODY will get it.


.....Whoa !

I respond to that by writing this and then closing the thread.



DarkSteven -> RE: cant handle poly (2/4/2012 3:48:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: shylilbear

My second suggestion.......slow down!! I understand the wide eyed excitement of being new to all this. You want to find your Dom, and you're so eager to please that you're hooking up with whoever wants to claim you. That is the impression I get after reading your journal. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being eager to please, but one of the first things that a lot of new subs need to learn is that when you're talking to potential Doms, you have every right to say no to anything you aren't comfortable with. You don't have to submit to a Dom just because they show interest in you. Take your time getting to know someone before submitting to them and you'll find yourself being a lot less disappointed.


shylilbear said it before me.  I was reading through your journal entries and that was my take as well.  You joined a few weeks ago, and you complain in your journal that you've already met two Doms that only met you once.  And you're complaining here about all the Doms that want poly.

It's absolutely fine that you are incompatible with most of the men out there.  It's easy to screen for those who call themselves subs, those that live too far away, etc.  Chatting will screen out a bunch more.  And that's fine too.  Your goal is to find only one, and if it takes more than a week, so be it.

Have you tried Googling to find local munches and groups?  Meeting people in RL is usually faster and calmer than meeting people online.

Finally, I've sent you a PM regarding what to look for in a profile.

Welcome to collarme.

Edited to add: I agree with JanahX.    Poly is a tremendous amount of work, and most of the "Doms" who want it have no clue about it.  It's actually a handy screen for you to rule out a lot of idiots.



Buzzzz -> RE: cant handle poly (2/4/2012 5:53:53 AM)

If you don't want poly , add it to your profile on the left column as a "hard limit". And explain more in writing in your description.

I know that, for me, if I see poly as a hard limit, I will not contact the user , as poly is a necessity for me.

It only makes screening easier for you :)



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