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ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Need a Master's advice...... (2/5/2012 9:57:12 AM)
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Stella, sweetie, you got took b/c you set yourself up as a victim. Stop doing that, by 60 you should know better.
How did you set yourself up? Let me count the ways.
You talked to someone for *2 years* before meeting.
You went to him. Not only did you go to him, you traveled waaay out of your way for him.
You took out loans to pay for your trip.
You (quite obviously) had an established dynamic with someone you had not even met.
All of the above were serious mistakes, as you now know.
How do you know someone you meet online is for real? Here are some pointers:
Beginning communications are info based, not kink based.
The person shows interest in you as a friend.
There is no rush to set up a M/s or D/s relationship.
If the person is local, they want to meet fairly soon (2 weeks to a month) on neutral public territory. This means, not a hotel.
If the person is not local, discussions are made about when and how you will meet. Within a few months (2-3) is ideal. BTW, he comes to you, I don't care if he is a dom or a sub. If he can't, won't or can't afford it, why do you want to be stuck with him?
If he is the dom, *EVERYTHING* about the first meeting should be to build trust and ensure your comfort level.
Even if you are long distance and it takes several months to afford the first meet, you stay FRIENDS ONLY until that first meet. If you don't have a basis to be friends, you're fucked anyway, and not in a good way.
When you first meet, you both agree about what you are going to do if the chemistry is not there. If it's not, you can still spend time together, b/c you have built a friendship.
Some things that help to learn if you have good chemistry before a first meet: camming has been mentioned and I would highly recommend it. Along with lots of phone. Also, have him send you a used t-shirt so you can get his smell. Smell is important, and I would have no problem reciprocating. No, not dirty panties you pervs, I wear t-shirts, too.
Lastly, why specifically a black man? That kind of reverse racism can set you up for all kinds of grief. I know, I am attracted to black men as well. But my partners don't *have* to be black, or white, or whatever color. People are about more than their skin color. By specifically seeking a black dom, you appear highly shallow (to me.)
None of the above was written to humiliate you, but to inform you, since you asked. It's just my opinion, so do as you want with it.
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