|
OrionTheWolf -> RE: Consensual Non-consent (2/9/2012 4:05:35 AM)
|
~FR~
A lot of what everyone is writing is spot on in my opinion. There will be differences from relationship to relationship, but some of the key factors remain the same. It requires complete trust to enter into this type of relationship. That trust must be from both directions, as many owners (or whatever word you wish to use to describe the one in charge) put themselves in vulnerable positions in this type of relationship if any physical punishment or restraint is involved.
Once that trust is broken, is often the limit. Someone touched on it, but these types of relationships often will have the s type say they have no limits. No limit has been discussed, but in many CNC type relationships that is the line. It requires trust to establish it, continued trust to maintain it, and once trust is gone then withdrawal of consent will soon happen.
By emotional episodes I mean, when an s type gets emotional and says "I am leaving". This has happened with my own girl before, and the technique I use for her training, is Internal Enslavement. She has gone so far as to pack her bags, and then stand at the door. She would then usually start to cry, as she would realize she did not have permission to go out the door. Often once cried out, we can return to a rational discussion of whatever issue happened. Afterwards she often says to please never listen to her while in that state.
I have had to physically restrain her once, and once only. Afterwards, she was grateful as her outburst was again based purely on emotion, and once it had passed she realized it was frustration and the inability to contain and control her emotions that caused the issue. Things like this have not happened in a couple of years, because we continue to build upon the trust each day.
The trust on the owner's side comes from the fact that the s type can call the authorities, and as we all know, it will not matter how is right or wrong, based upon our lifestyle. At this point we are subject to the laws of the society around us, which does not care to understand the inter-personal relationship.
Those that rush into these types of relationships, without first establishing trust, often end badly. The reason is that while the CNC is manifesting, they often subconsciously test the trust, because they are not secure in it. A good pair involved, will realize this and have different phases of their relationship. This is not unlike any other relationship we foster with people, that has the introduction, get to know you, bonding, and maintaining phases. It is human nature to usually approach these relationships in this way.
It was mentioned above that the parties must be emotionally stable, and this is correct to a point. That point is that none of us are perfect, and to continue to build trust all parties must admit to the areas they have made mistakes and correct the issues. If someone is too emotionally unstable, then it is more difficult to do this, not to mention, just like in any relationship the episodes of irrationality often erode what has been built.
The consent withdrawn is defined differently in each relationship. Some will say the authority resides only in the owner, and to a point this is correct. Some will say that the combination to any collar is 911, and this is also correct. Both of these are just a reflection of when the consent was actually withdrawn, at the moment that there is no longer enough trust for either party to continue. A good owner will recognize this, and not push the issue of releasing the person just because of ego issues.
It is issues with ego that often destroy things on the owner's side. Many will believe they must never admit mistakes, as it will cause the s type to question their authority in the future. That is incorrect, as what usually causes the questioning is making bad decisions. Many will say only the owner determines what is bad, and that is also incorrect. The s type may not speak it, but all humans make value judgments. If the s type determines the person is not making good decisions, then they do not trust the owner to do what is in the best interest. It is often a precarious balance, which requires a lot of work from both parties to maintain.
The key element is communication between the parties. This is not catering to the s type, this is communication with the other part of the whole. To be an owner, requires someone to own, and to be property (s type) requires someone own you. I have often said that many people cannot be responsible for themselves, much less another human being. If it manifests properly, it can be one of the most fulfilling, and wonderful inter-personal relationships you can have, but both parties must have eyes wide open.
Again I would like to thank everyone that has contributed.
|
|
|
|
