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WTF should I think here? - 2/10/2012 5:57:08 PM

Anitablake

Posts: 5
Joined: 9/5/2011
Status: offline

I recently had a slave girl under consideration who had to be released. (We met online, but were building a relationship into a real time thing. She was set to fly to me on the 14th of FEB on my dime, and backed out) I really thought we had clicked, but her drama got on my nerves by the end. (OBVIOUSLY If I put all the story on here...It would take hours just to type this. So the whole story is not going to be here...hmmm... ANYWAY,

To why I am here. I would really like to know about people's opinions on communications skills between a potential slave and owners. I don't want your opinions of me or said slave... what you think I should have done, or about any of the people involved. Here is what I'm asking.
This particular slave often goes to a submissive friend (Internet association) for advice, I really was ok with that, but what I wasn't ok with, was that the friend told her to "not speak to us" for a time while THEY worked things out...(the loss of communication really chapped my ass because we were trying to build a 24\7 long term relationship and I wouldn't have offered my consideration on a whim.) she was having some drama at home and they were talking about how to handle all the problems. (This situation made me feel like it was the blind leading the deaf, both submissives have made very poor choices in the past from what they have told me)So here is what I am asking. Should I have expected the slave to speak with me about the problems and allow me to help her start to solve them? or should I have just shut up allowed her to deal with it while my life is on hold waiting for her? (So you know I did try to communicate with said slave many times about the topic without a response from her, because she was told by her slave friend not to speak to me until they had worked things out.) Does this seem like a typical slave thing to any of you? Do you have this back up system? Or know someone who does? Was it wrong of me to expect the slave to come to me and communicate and allow me the opportunity to deal with them? Have you ever heard of such a thing where one slave makes decisions for the other slave's life? Do you do this personally?
Do any of you slaves/submissives/bottoms have a back up system that you will go over your potential owner, dominant, or top?

< Message edited by Anitablake -- 2/10/2012 6:56:56 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: WTF should I think here? - 2/10/2012 6:02:50 PM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

i think before you consider yourself a slave owner you need a better handle on what YOU expect of a slave and also have that all worked out with one you consider

< Message edited by velvetears -- 2/10/2012 6:03:38 PM >

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Post #: 2

RE: WTF should I think here? - 2/10/2012 6:03:24 PM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

well you have to take it into consideration that they are people and have real people problems. Not just slaves. Also the person she turned to probably actually knows her.

< Message edited by JanahX -- 2/10/2012 6:07:53 PM >

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RE: WTF should I think here? - 2/10/2012 6:08:18 PM

Anitablake

Posts: 5
Joined: 9/5/2011
Status: offline

appreciate that velvet. I thought I had that pretty well explained to her and detailed out in my profile. The only reason I am asking in a sub/slave area, is to hear if other slaves have this same back up system. a slave telling a slave how to interact with her potential owner. I edited to clarify that in my original post. Thanks

< Message edited by Anitablake -- 2/10/2012 6:11:45 PM >

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 4

RE: WTF should I think here? - 2/10/2012 6:08:23 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

I can't address other people's relationships really, only my own.
If I have an issue I tell my Master about it first before I clue in other people, mostly for me I see it as a respect thing.

And no, I wouldn't listen to a friend that told me not to speak to my Master about X, Y, Z or Q.
My guess is that the person who was under your consideration really did not understand what you expected communications-wise.

Your description of the situation does kind of remind me of high-school girls who are friends and need each other's input into every aspect of their lives, so perhaps it was a bit of a maturity issue as well, given that you mentioned the tendency to make poor decisions.

_____________________________

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Post #: 5

RE: WTF should I think here? - 2/10/2012 6:11:58 PM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

Personally i would find it disrespectful for a slave to do that. I think a thoughtful slave would tell the other slave to go to their owner.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Anitablake)

Post #: 6

RE: WTF should I think here? - 2/10/2012 6:12:13 PM

FemmeDominion

Posts: 146
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

Sorry - I did not see that this was "ask a slave/sub"

Was life outside of scenes/time with you also a part of your greater relationship with this sub? Did the sub know this (what ever your answer to the first questions was)?

I would think, in my opinion, that unless it was part of your relationship to Dom/me the rest of her life too that there is no expectation of her needing to come to you for advice.

Is it typical "slave"? That depends on the slave.

That the other sub told her not to speak to you was of no issue (unless she too was your slave then there's a greater issues here) but what your girl did with this advice is of issue. In my opinion, if your sub chose to not speak to you when she could have then that speaks to her feelings on/view of her part in her relationship with you. (Did that come out in English?)

FD

< Message edited by FemmeDominion -- 2/10/2012 6:14:19 PM >

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o·pin·ion -a personal view, attitude, or appraisal.

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FD: Mine is much more advanced.

(in reply to Anitablake)

Post #: 7

RE: WTF should I think here? - 2/10/2012 6:17:07 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

I am kind of cofused. Had you actually met in real life, or was this just an over the internet kind of thing?

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Post #: 8

RE: WTF should I think here? - 2/10/2012 6:26:51 PM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Anitablake

I recently had a slave girl under consideration who had to be released. I really thought we had
clicked, but her drama got on my nerves. ANYWAY,

I think the answer lies in the fact that, while you were still considering her, which to many means
she is not obligated to you in any way, she was also considering you, and somewhere down
the line, she felt that you weren't someone she could trust with her problems.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Anitablake
I would really like to know about people's opinions on communications skills between a potential
slave and owners. Here is what I'm asking. Should I have expected the slave to speak with me
about the problems and allow me to help her start to solve them?

Again, it's the cart before the horse here. A submissive isnt automatically programmed to confide
every last detail of their life to someone who is merely considering them as a potential slave.
It has nothing to do with communicating skills per say. Trust needs to naturally develop first.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Anitablake)

Post #: 9

RE: WTF should I think here? - 2/10/2012 6:37:17 PM

Anitablake

Posts: 5
Joined: 9/5/2011
Status: offline

I see your point here. And I have to say I considered those facts in part before I released her. She didn't have a problem coming to me with most of her problems, but I felt very disrespected when the second slave (Not under consideration by me) told her to not speak with me, and she immediately accepted that as law and so refused to talk with me about ANYTHING! not just the problem she was having but cut off ALL communications with me.

(in reply to poise)

Post #: 10

RE: WTF should I think here? - 2/10/2012 6:38:07 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

So... you were raised to be a domme and believe in your superiority? Interesting. I found your profile and journal filled with drama, expectations that tend to go along with online, though you claim to hate it and won't do it and calling people out for not having the protocol or response you expect given to you.

Rolling my eyes... laughing a bit... I think you are asking something you would know and wonder why you are seeking affirmation here. You were not owner and even as a potential owner, you really have to ask if communication should be what it was? Seriously? Had I involved myself in the drama you allowed yourself to be brought into and now post about freely, I would have spoken to her! Under consideration... okay... what would that mean? Why wouldn't you speak to her about it? Why would you wait for her to come to you?

This just sounds like silliness to me.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to FemmeDominion)

Post #: 11

RE: WTF should I think here? - 2/10/2012 6:40:52 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Anitablake

I recently had a slave girl under consideration who had to be released. (We met online, but were building a relationship into a real time thing. She was set to fly to me on the 14th of FEB on my dime, and backed out) I really thought we had clicked, but her drama got on my nerves by the end. ANYWAY,
To why I am here. I would really like to know about people's opinions on communications skills between a potential slave and owners. Here is what I'm asking.
This particular slave often goes to a submissive friend (Internet association) for advice, I really was ok with that, but what I wasn't ok with, was that the friend told her to "not speak to us" for a time while THEY worked things out...(the loss of communication really chapped my ass because we were trying to build a 24\7 long term relationship and I wouldn't have offered my consideration on a whim.) she was having some drama at home and they were talking about how to handle all the problems. (This situation made me feel like it was the blind leading the deaf, both submissives have made very poor choices in the past from what they have told me)So here is what I am asking. Should I have expected the slave to speak with me about the problems and allow me to help her start to solve them? or should I have just shut up allowed her to deal with it while my life is on hold waiting for her? Does this seem like a typical slave thing to any of you? Was it wrong of me to expect the slave to come to me and communicate and allow me the opportunity to deal with them? Have you ever heard of such a thing where one slave makes decisions for the other slave's life?
Do any of you slaves/submissives/bottoms have a back up system that you will go to over your potential, owner, dominant, or top?

Hon, I don't think that's really the most important question here, and once you give some real depth of consideration to it, I'm confident you'll come to a remarkably similar conclusion.

The real question here is....why did you think you had all the answers?

There's only one that does.

(Moi).

Seek the truth....I'm always here.

I have the answers.

(in reply to Anitablake)

Post #: 12

RE: WTF should I think here? - 2/10/2012 6:58:08 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

How long did you know this submissive?

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

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Post #: 13

RE: WTF should I think here? - 2/10/2012 7:07:26 PM

Anitablake

Posts: 5
Joined: 9/5/2011
Status: offline

Long enough to offer her a place in my life because she seemed like an ideal fit. And obviously not long enough to have seen all the drama and mood swings I now know exist in her life.
I take a good part of the responsibility for this situation, as I know she is a bit of a hot head. And I liked the little bit of fire she has. I don't want someone who is not going to have some personality and spark. And but if I'm willing to take someone into my home... well this is pointless really. I just wanted other opinions on if submissive/slave personalities have a friend that they would go to over a "potential owner/dominant"?

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 14

RE: WTF should I think here? - 2/10/2012 7:22:59 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Anitablake

I see your point here. And I have to say I considered those facts in part before I released her. She didn't have a problem coming to me with most of her problems, but I felt very disrespected when the second slave (Not under consideration by me) told her to not speak with me, and she immediately accepted that as law and so refused to talk with me about ANYTHING! not just the problem she was having but cut off ALL communications with me.

Then there was an issue with her basic understanding of what you expected of her or you or your dynamic just wasn't that important to her.

Was this her first time in a power dynamic?
Maybe she just didn't get it?

edit: grammar

< Message edited by angelikaJ -- 2/10/2012 7:40:29 PM >

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to Anitablake)

Post #: 15

RE: WTF should I think here? - 2/10/2012 7:34:37 PM

Anitablake

Posts: 5
Joined: 9/5/2011
Status: offline

I agree with this assessment and so I move on. Live and learn. Thank you all for your responses. I have learned quite a lot tonight. I don't feel I have altered how I feel about the whole thing, but I do feel like I have learned a lot from this experience and won't make this mistake again.
Good night

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 16

RE: WTF should I think here? - 2/10/2012 7:39:32 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

So this submissive was to come to you Feb 14. I take it this is not the same one that took your consideration collar and was to come to you Jan 27, that took the collar and never had any contact with you after that? You then questioned if she was married, called her out by nick and first name and told others where she could be found at another site. You wanted to call her out and basically, you are fueling this shit. If you think that these are scammers or fakes and you are playing the quick in the door for a no limit slave with no rights after they accept being your sexual slave, before ever meeting you... I have to say... I don't consider you wise or doing anything in a way I would respect. You earn trust. You earn loyalty. I don't see where you are showing you are trustworthy any more than those you are plying with consideration collars.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 17

RE: WTF should I think here? - 2/10/2012 8:04:51 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Anitablake

is to hear if other slaves have this same back up system. a slave telling a slave how to interact with her potential owner. I edited to clarify that in my original post.

This is the definition of mentoring. Peer to peer advice. Not somebody with an agenda giving advice that is biased.

And you had an agenda, you wanted her. Which means your advice would be biased to produce that outcome.

Now, advice for you. Don't assume that somebody you haven't yet met is your potential anything. Don't give them money to fly to you. You want to meet them, then you go there and hope they show up. But until you meet in real life, putting the expectation on them to be your slave is almost guaranteed to scare someone off.

Don't put your life on hold for someone you haven't met. Talk to lots of people if you prefer that. Meet lots of people, no promises to anyone except half an hour over a cup of coffee.

If you choose to focus on one person at a time, as some of us do, then realize that is your choice. Viewing it as putting your life on hold shows that this isn't how you prefer to do things. So don't.

_____________________________

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Cynical and proud of it!

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Post #: 18

RE: WTF should I think here? - 2/10/2012 8:23:39 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

AnitaBlake, I think I've got this.
1. You had a prospective slave. I can't think of her as an actual slave until you met her. Let's call her SUC (slave under consideration).
2. You permitted her to go to a third party for advice.
3. The TP (third party) gave her advice. You didn't like it.

My take:

A. When you allowed TP to advise SUC, you gave no guidelines or limits. While SUC had an obligation to follow your lead while the two of you were working on your relationship, TP had no relationship with you and owed you nothing. She was obligated to do what she considered best for her friend.
B. All three of you should have been keeping in touch throughout. SUC was your responsibility.
C. TP telling SUC not to communicate with you IMO was a serious issue. However, if your input would have caused issues, it might have been good advice. Based upon the limited info you gave, I'm not sure.
D. Reading between the lines, it seems like you were moving faster than TP wanted. I'm tending to agree with her.
E. SUC was forced to choose between TP's guidance and your own repeated contact attempts. You obviously contacted TP directly since you know why SUC refused to respond. I'm assuming that your contacts with TP were less than cordial.

The real question is, what was TP's reasoning? Maybe she was enjoying her power trip, interfering with your relationship. Maybe she just got pissed off at you and was striking back through SUC. Or maybe she genuinely thought that the pace was too fast and your input was clouding things.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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Post #: 19

RE: WTF should I think here? - 2/10/2012 9:11:06 PM

frazzle

Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline

Maybe i am being stupid here.

He allowed her to talk to someone else............

Who quickly worked out he was a dingbat.

Absolutely confuzzled as to the problem. yuou were not compatible, or should we all kneel at your feet

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 20

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