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JanMikal -> Unread Messages (2/10/2012 8:22:54 PM)
I have been a member of this site for a bit; not for years, I don't think, but for a decent amount of time. For some reason, I have a number of messages that I have sent people that are labelled as 'unread'. Not 'deleted unread' or 'read and then deleted', but simply unread at all. A quick check shows that the recipient has been online recently, but there my message sits, still unread - can someone explain to me why this would be? Are there people out there who simply let unread messages sit in their boxes? I do, /really/ I do understand that subs, especially attractive female subs, get mountains of mail, but to simply let a message sit, unread, undeleted, unresponded...seems peculiar to me. Thank you all for your replies in advance.

JanahX -> RE: Unread Messages (2/10/2012 8:24:31 PM)
because theyre not reading them, and havent deleted them. And dont want to read them.

DarkSteven -> RE: Unread Messages (2/10/2012 8:27:40 PM)
Some possibilities: 1. They DO get mountains of mail and choose to respond only to those they already know. 2. Your messages are somehow being screened out (age, too far away, gender, etc.), and goes to bulk mail. 3. The recipients simply "hover" their cursor over your message without reading it and decide it's not worth reading. Don't take it personally.

DesFIP -> RE: Unread Messages (2/10/2012 8:33:03 PM)
If you hover the courser over the message without opening it, you can read the first few words. Usually that's enough to let someone know they don't want to read it. And since some guys assume that if you read it, you are automatically interested, lots of women here won't open the message and subject themselves to a dozen more messages from the guy. In addition, many of us open the profile before the message to see if we want to read anything from you. If the woman has strict limits on age, distance, etc and you don't fit it, then she will delete it unread because you've already proved yourself to be someone who wouldn't stop if she safeworded. We're clear about what we want, when you assume that you can ignore what we say, you prove yourself to be unsafe.

Kaliko -> RE: Unread Messages (2/10/2012 8:35:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP In addition, many of us open the profile before the message to see if we want to read anything from you. If the woman has strict limits on age, distance, etc and you don't fit it, then she will delete it unread because you've already proved yourself to be someone who wouldn't stop if she safeworded. We're clear about what we want, when you assume that you can ignore what we say, you prove yourself to be unsafe. This X 2

JanMikal -> RE: Unread Messages (2/10/2012 8:39:56 PM)
I understand why someone would delete a message unread; I find it rude, not to at least reply with something akin to 'No thank you, not interested', but that's just me. Some people have different standards. But that isn't what I am talking about; I am talking about, for example, the fact that I sent a message in, say, November, the person in question has been online as recently as February, but it's still unread. Not DELETED unread, but unread ENTIRELY. As in, sitting there, unread, for some months without being either deleted or somehow read and/or responded to.

JanahX -> RE: Unread Messages (2/10/2012 8:43:15 PM)
Its because they dont care that its unread in their message list. I dont understand what the big mystery here to you is. Is it that you cant stand having unread mail light up red in your world? Some of us dont give a shit about stuff like that.

MissAsylum -> RE: Unread Messages (2/10/2012 8:43:29 PM)
No response can be a response. Sorry to break it to you, but you aren't owed anything- not even a returned message. quote: ORIGINAL: JanMikal I understand why someone would delete a message unread; I find it rude, not to at least reply with something akin to 'No thank you, not interested', but that's just me. Some people have different standards. But that isn't what I am talking about; I am talking about, for example, the fact that I sent a message in, say, November, the person in question has been online as recently as February, but it's still unread. Not DELETED unread, but unread ENTIRELY. As in, sitting there, unread, for some months without being either deleted or somehow read and/or responded to.

DesFIP -> RE: Unread Messages (2/10/2012 8:44:49 PM)
Has the person been on in all that time? Because frequently they haven't. Additionally, some people just hover, decide they don't want to talk to you and go read the rest of their mail. After a couple of days you could be three pages back. I imagine that you must send back handwritten no thank you notes to credit card offers, since it's rude not to respond. Because when you write someone out of the blue, your email is as much unwanted spam as all that junk mail that comes in. No response is a response. Now, the reason why women don't send no thank you is simple. When we don't respond we almost never get a second email telling us they hope we drop dead, we're too fat to fuck, and they're going to slowly chop us to bits. Which is commonly the response when we do write some strange guy saying no thanks. As to why you aren't getting any responses? Your profile and journal are very off putting.

Kaliko -> RE: Unread Messages (2/10/2012 8:48:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JanMikal I understand why someone would delete a message unread; I find it rude, not to at least reply with something akin to 'No thank you, not interested', but that's just me. Some people have different standards. But that isn't what I am talking about; I am talking about, for example, the fact that I sent a message in, say, November, the person in question has been online as recently as February, but it's still unread. Not DELETED unread, but unread ENTIRELY. As in, sitting there, unread, for some months without being either deleted or somehow read and/or responded to. I have to say, I have learned to neither delete messages nor leave them unread - precisely because of men that are bothered by it like you. For some reason, I have found if I at least read the message, even if I don't reply, it is often enough. Previously, I would get more messages asking why I didn't read a message. It kind of stinks that I have learned to alter my behavior as a last resort to quiet down the men in my inbox. But..prior to my new approach, I would hover over the post and view the profile and/or pic if attached and if it didn't interest me, I didn't open it. That's all. It's really no mystery. I understand it's hard to be the one to do the messaging. I do a fair bit of initial messaging on vanilla sites and I don't like it when I get no response. But what are you gonna do? That's the way it is. No biggie unless you make it one.

tj444 -> RE: Unread Messages (2/10/2012 8:48:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JanMikal I understand why someone would delete a message unread; I find it rude, not to at least reply with something akin to 'No thank you, not interested', but that's just me. Some people have different standards. But that isn't what I am talking about; I am talking about, for example, the fact that I sent a message in, say, November, the person in question has been online as recently as February, but it's still unread. Not DELETED unread, but unread ENTIRELY. As in, sitting there, unread, for some months without being either deleted or somehow read and/or responded to. If they go into the bulk mail folder, some people just dont clean that out since they automatically delete after i think 6 months.. Why stew about unread msgs? Surely there are more important things in life..

frazzle -> RE: Unread Messages (2/10/2012 8:59:50 PM)
FR i never even look at my bulk/junk mail............must go have a nose, see who i havent responded too because they didnt half way match what i was looking for. Try reading profiles!! nope that would take effort

LillyBoPeep -> RE: Unread Messages (2/10/2012 9:00:25 PM)
I wouldn't go as far as saying that this means he's "unsafe." Some people are just hopeful that they can get to know a person in spite of specific checklists of traits. Ignoring a safeword, and sending a message despite not being an exact fit... those are veeery different things to me... tj444 is probably right -- people set up filters to send messages from certain groups of people to bulk mail. It's possible that those forever-unread messages are in someone's unchecked bulk folder. Don't worry about it. If people really want to talk to you, they will. If they don't want to talk to you, don't bother yourself with chasing them. You have to have more self-worth than that.

BurntKitty -> RE: Unread Messages (2/10/2012 9:08:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JanMikal I understand why someone would delete a message unread; I find it rude, not to at least reply with something akin to 'No thank you, not interested', but that's just me. Many of us don't reply with a "no thanks" because many guys take that as a go ahead to insult us for a polite rejection.

DarkSteven -> RE: Unread Messages (2/10/2012 9:11:16 PM)
1. The wimmins here have a point. Either they decided there's something about you that won't work, or their manners are less than you want. Either way, things wouldn't work - who cares what the actual reason was? 2. That said, the content of your message will affect how women see it - and you. If I sent a message to Kaliko, for example, I could choose to mention several things from her profile: Why did you opt to get a degree in Sociology? You mentioned a sense of humor - could I ask who your favorite comedians are? You say you love flowers - what kind are your favorites? If i sent her a message saying "Hey! I like your pictures!", it'll likely get deleted. Note that Kaliko is pretty explicit in her profile about what she wants in a man and in a relationship, and since I'm older than her age limit and nowhere near New England, she'd never take a message from me seriously. For another example, if you read MissAsylum's profile, it states both explicitly and implicitly that her dance card is full and she's not looking for another serious relationship, nor does she have time for one. Step by step: A. Read woman's profile. B. Decide if the two of you are compatible. Hint - if you're what she says she doesn't want, you're not compatible. C. If you think you're compatible, write her. Make sure that your letter is drawn from her profile or from a post she's made. D. Expect a 5% - 10% response rate. Don't take it personally.

tj444 -> RE: Unread Messages (2/10/2012 9:55:12 PM)
btw, there have been times when i have replied to someones email only to see it sit there unopened cuz the guy hasnt come back to the site for several days or a week or even longer.. So now I will wait a certain amount of time and if it remains unread and the dude hasnt been back on the site, i no longer will take him seriously and unsend my message to him.. Sometimes i will also block him so i dont waste my time going thru that process with him again..

GreedyTop -> RE: Unread Messages (2/10/2012 10:05:17 PM)
another option could be that they are having their cmail sent on to their regular email, where they can read it without it ever showing as read on CM.

dharkling -> RE: Unread Messages (2/10/2012 10:32:37 PM)
Hello Jan Mikal, I think you've gotten some really great advice already but I'll throw my two cents worth in as well. Women on this site get A LOT of emails. Its hard to actually reply to the ones we get that we ARE interested in, much less the ones we're not. And frankly a lot of guys are downright mean if you send them that polite let down email. Your profile and your journal are somewhat off putting, in my opinion. Maybe try to get a trusted female friend to help you rewrite it? Presentation goes a long way. That said, you have a great smile. KEEP that pic. ^ ^ Good luck!

Sundowner -> RE: Unread Messages (2/11/2012 2:02:20 AM)
The possible reasons have been outlined above. There is another take though: You read her profile and saw the marker "Actively Seeking". You thought she was interesting; something struck a chord and you felt it was worth writing to her, responding to her invitation to contact. She's not read your message or it's been routed to bulk (equivalent of junk mail) by a filter or she's seen its content without opening it - whatever, she's not replied. 1. If you're a HNG you are used to this; you curse humanity and get on with the next bulk mailing. The foam at your mouth may dribble slightly. 2. If you're a typical CM male you curse humanity and you curse the lady in question; you mail her again screaming that she's a fake; optionally you accuse her of being fat and unattractive too. Usually a significant amount of mouth foam dribbles. 3. If you're actually one of those rarities, a rather nice sincere guy, you feel quite upset. You feel that, whilst you might not be an exact match for her specific requirements, your experience of life tells you that you'd have expected to get on well together. You probably only messaged her, not dozens of ladies; this disappointment is personal. You don't scream at her, or abuse her and there's a noticeable absence of mouthfoaming. You do, however, feel upset and somehow insulted. I'm assuming in all this that the lady's profile has a marker showing her to be "Actively Seeking" else why would you complain about the absence of reply. On that basis the concept "she's a fake" is shorthand for what I'd feel - that she's an ill-mannered slut who misrepresents herself by inviting contact which she has no intention of acknowledging. Sorry ladies - so many of you bleat out your standard comments - "we get so many messages we don't have time to read them" or the facile "if we don't reply it clearly means we're not interested". Well don't fucking invite contact then. I understand that it's not your fault you had inadequate parents and teachers who demonstrably failed to get you to understand the concept of good manners (in simple terms you're an ill-bred slut) but if you can't be arsed to reply why not take down the Actively Seeking marker. Equally easy, explain in your profile that you do not want to be contacted; it's pretty straightforward. To those - like my polite friend GT - who do make it very clear that they seek no contact but who receive it anyway, to them my heartfelt sympathy. Your lives (your mail lives) must be tedious indeed and should you need a shoulder on which to weep please borrow mine. But concerning those who invite contact but don't reply to messages which meet their published criteria - console yourself JanMikal, they are but worthless sluts, fakes of the worst kind (they possibly do not foam at the mouth because they weren't taught to brush their teeth the way the nice ladies do, so they have bad breath as well; and they're probably ugly too). Be pleased you escaped a ghastly fate.

lelloy -> RE: Unread Messages (2/11/2012 6:03:35 AM)
quote: Now, the reason why women don't send no thank you is simple. When we don't respond we almost never get a second email telling us they hope we drop dead, we're too fat to fuck, and they're going to slowly chop us to bits. Which is commonly the response when we do write some strange guy saying no thanks. Men are notoriously rude here and there's a good incentive not to send out "thanks but no thanks". Also, how many people here actually check their bulk folders regularly? Heaven forbid that women have standards. The sheer gall.

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