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Duskypearls -> RE: Unread Messages (2/11/2012 6:59:42 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SoftBonds
I think a "thanks but no thanks," is a really nice thing to do. I also can see where someone just wouldn't have the time to read everything. If a girl gets 100 messages in a day, or even 10 but they are long, it would be a chore to read them all, much less read them all, respond favorably to the ones you like, respond politely to the ones you want to send on their way, respond appropriatly to the whiners, etc. In my job I spend (well, till my current assignment, but it will be back soon), an hour a day cleaning out my e-mail, and that is just to get it down to "important and urgent." Can't imagine spending an hour dealing with come-ons...
But Momandaughter, I have been guilty of asking "why not," because if you send out 10 requests and all you get back is one rejection, you will want to ask the one person who was nice enough to reply to give you a clue what you are doing wrong. I know that is even more of an imposition, but (to misquote C. S. Lewis), sometimes the reward for a good deed is being expected to do even more good deeds...
I did make sure to thank the lady for her reply, and I thanked her again for her feedback about my profile, and if she ever needs a friend I will be there for her.
Softy, I understand some fellas wanting to know why, if it's an authentic inquiry. But, as many have already attested here, too often, it turns into a situation where the fella turns it into a quest to project his rejection anger upon the gal(s) and make them wrong, or thinks it gives them permission to try to convince the gal(s) why/how they right for them. It's exhausting for us.
Many of them are emotionally/socially immature and retaliative when they don't get their way. They quickly lose any semblance of manners or courtesy, and start steamrolling over our boundaries. Too many have unrealistic expectations, and feel they are owed an explanation or apology, when in fact, they are owed nothing.
Most women want men who are already somewhat formed, and know how to be decent, courteous, emotionally mature, sensitive, and responsible. If they don't know, and we have to tell them what they need to do/be to become that, many will not be interested. We don't want men we have to raise up/teach to be men. We want those who have already worked hard to get there under their own steam. I, for one, will not choose a man based upon his "potential." My choice of man will already have done much work on himself, bringing much to the table. And of course, no one wants the task of turning a sow's ear into a silk purse.
That being said, if one has an authentic inquiry about 1 or 2 things, and if it's done in a mature, non-retaliative, non-confrontational manner, I am usually happy to offer a gentle suggestion. I understand many men these days have few positive role models/mentors, and are at the disadvantage.
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