RE: Freaked out (Full Version)

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sincelo -> RE: Freaked out (2/12/2012 10:12:43 PM)

quote:

I'm just freaking out because he knows my whole name..

and he knows a lot about me..

:/

quote:

but he's kind of manipulative.

There is something about him i really don't trust...like REALLY don't trust. I have a REALLY bad feeling.


quote:

I'm just really freaked out about the whole entire situation ..:/


So as to your first post I would say that you really didn't do anything wrong. The situation just didn't work out for you all and he is kind of a dick and looking for a reason to point at you but then you post this...

If you don't trust someone and they generally freak you out why would you go and be in their home alone with them, drink to the point of inebriation, and have sex with them? This is reckless and immature. Next time if someone doesn't feel right don't feel like you have to follow through and go all the way .. we aren't in jr hi



lilmisssubmiss -> RE: Freaked out (2/12/2012 10:16:05 PM)

I just hope I didn't actually hurt her. I don't know what I did, lol. I fingered her like how i fingered every other girl. How weird. My nails aren't even long and sharp at the moment.





lilmisssubmiss -> RE: Freaked out (2/12/2012 10:17:33 PM)

I agree, but i thought i was giving him the benefit of doubt. He is so educated and seemed put together. I just will go with my gut instinct next time.



lilmisssubmiss -> RE: Freaked out (2/12/2012 10:18:37 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt


quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

I'm just mad at myself for putting myself in this position anyway. It just didn't even need to happen. I feel so STUPID.


[8|] There isn't a person on this earth who hasn't done something (sometimes lots of things) they later regretted. Mistakes have a purpose if you learn from them and don't repeat the same one twice (new mistakes are OK and inevitable...that's how we learn.) Now...if you keep doing the same thing over and over and expect a different outcome...that would qualify as 'stupid.'

Next time will be better. Now that you've acknowledged where you goofed, let it go. You've suffered enough.


Thank you.



MistressDarkArt -> RE: Freaked out (2/12/2012 11:46:23 PM)

You're welcome, dear.

After being on this earth for a long time, I can safely say "trust your gut". The moment something feels wrong, put a stop to it immediately until you can step back and evaluate. And if, despite your best intentions, you find yourself in the middle of something that's gone too far, it's OK to tell someone, "I can't continue. I'll talk with you later when I've had a chance to process what's happened here." Or, if it's a situation where you don't feel as though you owe anyone an explanation, "I need you to stop. Now."

Practice in your mirror. Repeat until you look and sound like you mean it.

What person hasn't looked back on a situation saying, "I should have said this. I should have done that."? When encountering certain highly-charged situations, many people temporarily experience what I call 'brain freeze'. In that moment your mind shuts off and you either become physically immobilized or your body continues on auto-pilot.

This happened to me in a situation where I wasn't able to verbally de-escalate a crazy person in my house even though I knew full-well how to do it and what I should have said given the circumstances. I simply couldn't reconcile the acquaintance I thought I knew and this creepy headcase in the same body. I was so stunned I became speechless, and it turned into a physical attack. Fortunately, my body remembered how to defend me and let's just say...me: +1, him: big fat fooking zero plus endless legal humiliation and drama.

It's easy to admonish others about what they coulda shoulda woulda done. But as I found out first-hand, until it happens to you, yourself, all that goes out the window and you just do the best you can using what you have available at the time. It's normal to look back on the circumstance and pick apart every detail over and over again...to feel stupid...to blame yourself...to feel hurt, betrayed and angry that it played out the way it did. But don't linger here too long or you'll destroy yourself. Acknowledge the lesson and move forward. You'll be fine.



angelikaJ -> RE: Freaked out (2/13/2012 2:23:29 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

I just hope I didn't actually hurt her. I don't know what I did, lol. I fingered her like how i fingered every other girl. How weird. My nails aren't even long and sharp at the moment.





You may not have done anything.
The unfortunate part of having so much booze on board is that is makes those things a lot more iffy.
Had you all been sober you would have known if there was discomfort, and the question of when her period was due might have been asked and you might have decided to stop just to be on the safe side.
My guess is she is fine or at least if something is amiss it is something on the list that was previously given (and very little of that could have anything to do with you).

You are being blamed though and that sucks.
So knowing where you made the mistakes is important so you can avoid this kind of thing again.




Aileen1968 -> RE: Freaked out (2/13/2012 4:09:16 AM)

They set you up to just have a night of fucking and then dumped you.
Trust your gut next time. All of the writing was on the wall.



DarkSteven -> RE: Freaked out (2/13/2012 4:28:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

I just hope I didn't actually hurt her. I don't know what I did, lol. I fingered her like how i fingered every other girl. How weird. My nails aren't even long and sharp at the moment.



Repeat after me: I am a sub.  A Dom was ordering me to do something, and I did it.  He knew what was happening and as a Dom, he accepted responsibility.

For all you know, the stress of being forced to accept a woman she considered a threat to her relationship, could have brought her period early.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

I agree, but i thought i was giving him the benefit of doubt. He is so educated and seemed put together.


lmsm, my sub and I each have two Master's degrees, and we're both professionals and well known in the community locally.  We're both quite well put together.  And my sub would be terrified of the prospect of you entering a poly relationship as well.

I'd steer clear of entering poly relationships as a third for a while.  Unless they're close to your age and the woman is around as attractive as you, the guy will go into horndog/new relationship energy mode, and the woman will feel threatened.



Buzzzz -> RE: Freaked out (2/13/2012 4:42:39 AM)

From what I understand, you "played" (I just hate that word, it is so vague) with the wife and that is it , right?



Rochsub2009 -> RE: Freaked out (2/13/2012 6:14:42 AM)

Others have given great advice, but I'll add a few more things.

You are a submissive woman. That means that there should be a lot of demand for you. I think someone said that your pictures are pretty (I haven't looked at your profile). That creates even more demand. And you're STD-free, and willing to be a second woman to a married couple. That makes you equivalent to winning the lottery jackpot!

I think you failed to understand your own worth, and you accepted a partner who wasn't worthy of you.

The moment he started calling you "stupid", you should have ended things. I can assure you that he would have apologized and BEGGED you to give him another chance. As I said, it's hard to find pretty women who want to join in a threesome with a married couple.

Also, you participated in play while under the influence of alcohol. That was a bad call. A very bad call. The fact that you felt the need to get drunk before participating should have been a sign that you weren't comfortable doing what they were asking of you.

Also, he made you get an STD check, but you didn't require one from them. Don't do that again. Your safety is just as important as theirs. Don't have unprotected sex with strangers!

The bottom line is that you got used for a night of pleasure. Learn from your mistake and move on. There were a lot of things in this scenario that you probably shouldn't have done. Make sure that you show better judgement in the future. But don't beat yourself up about it. Things happen. Just move on. Each experience brings us more wisdom.



xssve -> RE: Freaked out (2/13/2012 6:51:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrBukani

Yeah look at the positive side[:D]

Lessons learned:
1 dont give out your adress too fast
2 dont tell your last name too fast
3 Married men = problems a lot of the time
4 woman bleeds and is hospitilized
5 alcohol is a bad advisor and thins the blood
6 Trios can be uncomfortable
7 etc.

Seems like you went through a wild adventure.
Imagine you learned one thing each time pfff.
I would worry most about a possible STD perhaps.[:D]
Sorry couldnt let another one pass up.
And trim your nails next time.



xssve -> RE: Freaked out (2/13/2012 6:54:02 AM)

You know whe might have done something to her that caused her to bleed, you just reopened the wounds, now he can blame it on you when the doctor asks.



lilmisssubmiss -> RE: Freaked out (2/13/2012 7:19:29 AM)

Okay , I'm just worried he will out me since he knows my full name.



MrBukani -> RE: Freaked out (2/13/2012 7:21:10 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

Okay , I'm just worried he will out me since he knows my full name.

Simple answer, it is more likely he is afraid you out him. Things always go bothways.



Rochsub2009 -> RE: Freaked out (2/13/2012 7:26:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

Okay , I'm just worried he will out me since he knows my full name.



Don't you have a similar ability to out him? Besides, what could he say about you? What have you actually done that would be "outable"?

Even if he tried to, it would be more embarrassing for he and his wife. After all, outing you would also prove that they engage in threesomes. I don't think he wants to be publicly labeled a "swinger". [;)]

Even if he didn't share his last name with you, you know where he lives. This is the internet age. With just that information, you can find out a lot of info about him. So you have just as much potential to out him as he has to out you. That's called a nuclear standoff. No need to worry.



fucktoyprincess -> RE: Freaked out (2/13/2012 7:27:54 AM)

Making mistakes does happen. I wouldn't be too harsh on yourself for it (and thankfully, the repercussions here are really not that serious). But I would take this experience to heart and really think carefully about how you can handle things differently next time.

Also, in reading your profile, it seems to me that you are looking for a ltr that is meaningful, and not a threesome with a married couple, so I would encourage you to go back and think about what exactly you are searching for here, and focus on trying to find what you are searching for. I think if you focus your energies on finding a single Dominant who can focus on building a relationship with you, you are more likely to find the other things that you mention in your profile.

BDSM is no different from the vanilla world when it comes to the issue of compatibility. In the sense that, you and your Dominant still need to be compatible along the dimensions that matter to both you and him. So whether it is looks, weight, intelligence, type of relationship sought, etc., take the time to find the right situation. At your stage of your BDSM journey, I honestly think it is better to wait for a person and a situation that is a better fit with you and your overall objectives than to just play on a one-off basis like this. In my experience, the more casual type play is actually better suited to people who have some BDSM relationship experience already and understand how to properly negotiate and navigate through a short-term potentially complicated situation.

Sometimes finding what we are looking for takes time. Your profile indicates a good sense of self. Take the time to find the right person to explore.



OsideGirl -> RE: Freaked out (2/13/2012 7:29:03 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

No....

but he's kind of manipulative.

There is something about him i really don't trust...like REALLY don't trust. I have a REALLY bad feeling.


If this is the way you feel, then why were you trying to become involved with him?



Rochsub2009 -> RE: Freaked out (2/13/2012 7:31:52 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

No....

but he's kind of manipulative.

There is something about him i really don't trust...like REALLY don't trust. I have a REALLY bad feeling.


If this is the way you feel, then why were you trying to become involved with him?



[sm=agree.gif]

The basis of any relationship is trust. It doesn't matter if it's a vanilla relationship, or a kinky relationship. You have to trust your partner.

The fact that you don't trust him tells me that this entire experience was a mistake on your part.



lilmisssubmiss -> RE: Freaked out (2/13/2012 7:37:53 AM)

Yeah I know I felt something was off .... Next time I'm listening to my gut. I know it's my fault , but next time I won't drink , and next time I'll listen to myself .



fucktoyprincess -> RE: Freaked out (2/13/2012 7:39:55 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

Okay , I'm just worried he will out me since he knows my full name.


You seem very concerned about this in a way that seems misplaced to me. I don't know if there is more going on that what you have shared (and you need not share more), but from what you have told us, I can't imagine what he would have to gain by "outing" you , so to speak. You are young and single, and I'm not sure that your being sexually active is going to be earth-shattering news to anyone. And your description of what you shared with them is practically vanilla in nature (again, just going by what you've shared). You have done nothing illegal. If you are concerned that he will let others know that you are bisexual, again, I think this would be unlikely (as it is also sharing information to the public about his wife and I'm not sure he would want to do that).



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