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Is it wrong to pay submissive/slaves? - 2/13/2012 6:29:31 AM

cbunnie

Posts: 2
Joined: 2/9/2012
Status: offline

Hi guys,

Is it wrong to pay submissive/slaves for taking time off from their daily lives so that can be more dedicated and enthusiastic? or would that simply attract the wrong kind of submissive/slaves?

I am socially awkward and I'm afraid of people in general. BUT I generate enough money online to live comfortably. I don't go out and I'm just staying at home, I don't really need all that extra money. I have no use for it. I don't want to hire escorts as I'm not looking for sex (I mean the actual intercourse), I have never had sex in my life and I don't think I ever will until my transition (MTF) is complete.

Chances are I may not be able to find a slave/submissive in my country or continent. But I'm thinking of a live-in concept all year around with the freedom for her to go visit her parents or friends whenever she wants to, and rewarding (not paying) her with substantial amount that she would not realistically earn from a job within her capacity. I'm thinking that would make her feel more relaxed, that her life is not being wasted away.

I tried several classifieds and not much luck. I probably don't know where to look OR whether offering money was insulting. I don't really know. What are your thoughts?

Post #: 1

RE: Is it wrong to pay submissive/slaves? - 2/13/2012 6:43:45 AM

SoftBonds

Posts: 862
Joined: 2/10/2012
Status: offline

I would avoid actually paying your sub. I think what you should offer is to financially take care of the person you want in your life. Room, board, plane tickets to visit family, clothing, all of that can fall under taking care of someone. Gifts are nice too.
Think about what would happen if you married a person, you wouldn't just give them a bank account, you would pay for them to move in with you and pay for their needs...
The difference is similar to the difference between paying for dinner and movies and then having sex with your date or just paying your date for sex. It is a thin line, but I think it's one you want to avoid crossing.

(in reply to cbunnie)

Post #: 2

RE: Is it wrong to pay submissive/slaves? - 2/13/2012 7:10:19 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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Wow. This is a tough one, further complicated by you living in India. You don't come across as Dom either.

You're not interested in sex - what about bondage/floggings? Or is it just the service aspect you like?

Ideally, do you want more than 6 months?

What occurs to me is that young, female, American yoginis would jump at a chance for an all expenses paid stay in India if you were offering this in exchange for "help around the house" and companionship if this is truly all you want - I'm not suggesting a bait and switch.

If you go with this approach do not offer to additionally compensate them - this will undermine your credibility regarding no sex.

If you join fetlife and do a search for Yoga, you will find several groups you could join.

(in reply to cbunnie)

Post #: 3

RE: Is it wrong to pay submissive/slaves? - 2/13/2012 7:32:23 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SoftBonds
Room, board, plane tickets to visit family, clothing, all of that can fall under taking care of someone. Gifts are nice too.
Think about what would happen if you married a person, you wouldn't just give them a bank account, you would pay for them to move in with you and pay for their needs...

He didn't give me a bank account. He didn't pay for me to move in with him. It may surprise you to find out that many of us subs manage to be self sufficient.

As to the OP: Your location makes it difficult for most of us to form an idea of what you're up against. I wish we could be more help.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to SoftBonds)

Post #: 4

RE: Is it wrong to pay submissive/slaves? - 2/13/2012 7:39:27 AM

ProlificNeeds

Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

Do you want the girl you attract to be interested in YOU, or your money?
If you don't care then sure lure them in with cash if you want to risk it. If you want to find a girl who enjoys being with you, then just be patient and keep fishing.

Just beware I've seen lots of girls offered as the bait, when really someone else is running the scam to get your money.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 5

RE: Is it wrong to pay submissive/slaves? - 2/13/2012 9:12:38 AM

cbunnie

Posts: 2
Joined: 2/9/2012
Status: offline

Umm I would just offer to take care of her financially, but the issue is I'm not outgoing so I really haven't been able to find a submissive/slave. Initially I figured money would attract the right kind of people, instead I did get some response. The very wrong money hungry prostitute kind. So finding a person to live-in with me is the hard part for me. I'll give fetlife a try.

kalikshama: Wow. This is a tough one, further complicated by you living in India. You don't come across as Dom either.

True, I'm very timid and if I had completed my transition earlier I'd probably be a mild submissive. Right now, I just see myself as a dominant/master but not a strict one. I don't relate to several BSDM activities except for master/slave which grew on me recently.

kalikshama: Ideally, do you want more than 6 months?

Exactly, I want to get to know her enough so we can both be comfortable around each other and easily understand our limits. But I'm thinking maybe 1-3 months is fine, but I'm not sure what type of person she really is. 6 months to a year is a slightly lengthier commitment (even if she is free to call it the quits if she wants to), so I'll know the person is mentally prepared.

What occurs to me is that young, female, American yoginis would jump at a chance for an all expenses paid stay in India if you were offering this in exchange for "help around the house" and companionship if this is truly all you want - I'm not suggesting a bait and switch.

If you go with this approach do not offer to additionally compensate them - this will undermine your credibility regarding no sex.

Well I didn't say there will be nothing sexual at all. My softcore activities include...

- There will be nudity.
- Foreplay and playing around if mutually interested.

- If she plays as a slave she will be helping around the house, as well as watch movies with me in the evenings, and play video/computer games with me on my 64" 3dtv.
- If she plays as a slave, her punishment when required will be tickles or not letting her watch a movie in the evening and the like.

- If she plays as a submissive, then she'll mostly be watching movies as well as and playing video/computer games with me. All other times she'll be doing anything she wants to.
- She can choose to help out around the house if she wants to.
- If she plays as a submissive, her punishment when required will be playful tickles.

- I want her to randomly snuggle up to me in her submissive friendliness, like a nice pet that I can pet and stoke? something like that. I don't really know how to express that.

- I want her to witness my changing from a feminine master to a mistress.

- At rest days (slave/submissive mode off), we can sit down and talk it out: What she wants, what I want. What she would like me to do, what I would like her to do. This or that is impossible for her, similiarly this or that is impossible for me etc.

- On those rest days I can ask tips and such from a genetic girl (life experience) that would be invaluable to my transition, without feeling weird about talking to female family members.

- Any other activity will develop depending on what she wants as I try to discover my limits.

The reason I cant have actual sex is because I'm transitioning from Male to Female. Please don't associate me with a stereotypical clown though (people usually do when they hear MTF transition), I don't have to over use make up to look female. It just comes naturally to me because of a hormone imbalance issue. Plus i don't need to re-train my behaviors as I have a female brain after all. I'm just a girl who got masculine a bit too much. The very act of having sex like a guy will break me, that's why there will be no actual sex.

I'm half-indian and half-french, I'm blindingly fair out doors and mildly tanned indoors, I have wispy voice, and from what people tell me I'm sort of attractive too. But I am afraid of people, I some how brainwashed myself to be afraid of people of both genders. When I'm around genetic girls I feel defective and a bit sad, and when I'm around guys I feel afraid with a strong sense of danger for no reason.

So I cant approach a person, I thought money will get me the right person but the ADs pretty much failed because I don't want a occupational sex worker to be my companion.

Guess I'm creating a new type of dom/master.. probably?

< Message edited by cbunnie -- 2/13/2012 9:13:12 AM >

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 6

RE: Is it wrong to pay submissive/slaves? - 2/13/2012 10:51:08 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Okay. Quit thinking that throwing money at some chick will solve your problems. As you're finding out, that attracts the wrong sort of woman.

Also, being blunt, I agree with kalikshama that you don't strike me as being Dominant. I suspect that you could get your needs met by a vanilla. I also think that a submissive would feel lost without a strong enough Dominant presence. I'd suggest you quit thinking of D/s and advertise for a vanilla.

I'd suggest advertising for live-in housekeeping help. You really want a companion, but you might as well get a clean house out of it as well.

Just be up front that you're looking for a housekeeper/companion that will be with you as you transition.

There's a LOT of stuff online that MtFs have put together that can guide you. Send me a message and I'll have my sub tell you of some resources.

Is there any reason that you think six months will cover it? My sub transitioned over a couple of years.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to cbunnie)

Post #: 7

RE: Is it wrong to pay submissive/slaves? - 2/13/2012 1:53:38 PM

hellionsLight

Posts: 241
Joined: 10/18/2011
From: Kearney, NE
Status: offline

I think you could be financially responsible for a submissive, but you don't have to pay them directly.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 8

RE: Is it wrong to pay submissive/slaves? - 2/13/2012 2:14:30 PM

Wheldrake

Posts: 477
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cbunnie

True, I'm very timid and if I had completed my transition earlier I'd probably be a mild submissive.

I'm curious about this part. So you think transitioning would change your D/s orientation? Why is that, exactly? And does this mean that you're expecting to shift to the submissive side as you transition? I can see how this could be problematic for some prospective submissives, even if the transition itself wasn't.

Anyway, good luck. I'm sure there's someone out there, even if it takes you a while to find her.

(in reply to cbunnie)

Post #: 9

RE: Is it wrong to pay submissive/slaves? - 2/13/2012 2:28:03 PM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

This is actually kinda an interesting topic. Ive rolled this question around myself - Where do people find the time to get these things to work if they are working all the time? I know for a FACT - that when Im balled and chained to a 40+ hour work week plus all the shit that goes along with it, I really have very little time to do what it is that I want to do, let alone the energy.

I have been so to speak "bought out" so I could dedicate time to be with someone. Otherwise I would of never been able to make the time available that was necessary to make the thing work. I needed to make the money to survive - and that was that. It wasnt going to change unless someone else made it possible to have it changed. I would think it would have to do with the circumstances that the sub is in - and how much free time she has to put in to get it going.

Ive told this to many, many people who have contacted me over the years - It takes time and money to make things go (and if its long distance those are essential ingredients. ) You wouldnt believe the dumb asses that dont get that.

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

(in reply to cbunnie)

Post #: 10

RE: Is it wrong to pay submissive/slaves? - 2/13/2012 8:22:46 PM

SoftBonds

Posts: 862
Joined: 2/10/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: SoftBonds
Room, board, plane tickets to visit family, clothing, all of that can fall under taking care of someone. Gifts are nice too.
Think about what would happen if you married a person, you wouldn't just give them a bank account, you would pay for them to move in with you and pay for their needs...

He didn't give me a bank account. He didn't pay for me to move in with him. It may surprise you to find out that many of us subs manage to be self sufficient.

As to the OP: Your location makes it difficult for most of us to form an idea of what you're up against. I wish we could be more help.

Sorry Oside, I was unclear. I was not saying a Dom *should* pay for his sub's needs, I was trying to establish what I saw as the upper limit. Currently working on my divorce and hoping it doesn't get messy from me telling her I'd rather pay for her to finish her college and then give her a stipend to live on for a while instead of giving her a lump sum-even though I'd be paying her more.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 11

RE: Is it wrong to pay submissive/slaves? - 2/13/2012 9:53:29 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

My slaves aren't allowed to work... unless it is to help me with corporation. Either way, they all got an allowance. That whole slaves dont touch money thang' is beyond me. My slaves serve me, I don't server them. It takes money to go shopping. If yo think I am gonna' go do all the shopping etc and wait on my slaves hand and foot, you have lost your mind. Give the bitch some cash, boot her out the door and tell her to go buy a pretty dress or some shoes or something. And a poly house full of women... holy shit batman, we are talking about a sea of estrogen. Give them some cash, tell them it is "girls night out" and boot them all outta' the house once a week.

For those that know me and may be confused by my girl everhope,who works as a nurse, she is my girl not my slave. If we were Gorean, she would equate to a free companion.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to cbunnie)

Post #: 12

RE: Is it wrong to pay submissive/slaves? - 2/14/2012 7:29:50 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SoftBonds

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: SoftBonds
Room, board, plane tickets to visit family, clothing, all of that can fall under taking care of someone. Gifts are nice too.
Think about what would happen if you married a person, you wouldn't just give them a bank account, you would pay for them to move in with you and pay for their needs...

He didn't give me a bank account. He didn't pay for me to move in with him. It may surprise you to find out that many of us subs manage to be self sufficient.

As to the OP: Your location makes it difficult for most of us to form an idea of what you're up against. I wish we could be more help.

Sorry Oside, I was unclear. I was not saying a Dom *should* pay for his sub's needs, I was trying to establish what I saw as the upper limit. Currently working on my divorce and hoping it doesn't get messy from me telling her I'd rather pay for her to finish her college and then give her a stipend to live on for a while instead of giving her a lump sum-even though I'd be paying her more.

Gotcha.

There's a pretty wide range of submissives, when it comes to careers, jobs and stay at home. I would just recommend some caution if you are offering to cover all expenses for your submissive. There are some that would greatly take advantage of you.

As far as the college thing, I absolutely understand your view. It's the "teach a man to fish" adage.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to SoftBonds)

Post #: 13

RE: Is it wrong to pay submissive/slaves? - 2/17/2012 6:41:55 PM

SLRN158782985

Posts: 41
Status: offline

If I were payed to submit, it would be work. I dont think I could submit to my boss.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 14

RE: Is it wrong to pay submissive/slaves? - 2/18/2012 8:05:08 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

Although my last job was in my field (IT) I rather preferred the dynamic when I was a lower paid Personal Assistant/Research Assistant/Executive Assistant/Office Manager. Money/prestige just isn't a big motivator for me like "good girl" is.

I never fucked a boss, but had lots of fantasies and the sexual tension was fun ;)

(in reply to SLRN158782985)

Post #: 15

RE: Is it wrong to pay submissive/slaves? - 2/18/2012 10:28:08 AM

HisPet21

Posts: 395
Status: offline

All that I would say has basically been said...

(1) You don't want to offer money, in a personals AD, for a live in maid/housekeeper. Once you establish a relationship with someone, you may decide to support your submissive, if she needs it, in order to enable her some free time or perhaps because you don't want your slave to work. But if you offer money up front, as part of the deal, you'll attract the wrong kind of people. Establish a relationship first, and then discuss any financial issues unique to the situation as they arise.

(2) I know you are shy about meeting people, but it will be very hard to attract a companion if you aren't willing to go out on a few dates and establish compatibility. Throwing cash at women isn't going to solve your fear issues, or address their implications for you.

(3) I agree with DarkSteven. What you are looking for doesn't seem to be a strict M/s relationship, although it does have some M/s undertones, so looking around for a companion in the vanilla crowd probably won't hurt.

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 16

RE: Is it wrong to pay submissive/slaves? - 2/18/2012 7:17:02 PM

Buzzzz

Posts: 839
Joined: 11/28/2010
Status: offline

I can't do any perv things with money involved. I want them to attracted to me, no the bills I have in my pocket. Total blockage.

_____________________________

_"Here is something you should never do to anyone.And here is exactly how to do it to someone you care about". Flagg._

(in reply to HisPet21)

Post #: 17

RE: Is it wrong to pay submissive/slaves? - 3/15/2012 3:32:09 PM

menowimp

Posts: 16
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

In my opinion the only thing that is "wrong" is doing actitivites you are unhappy doing. I don't know why people think there must be set rules for the master/slave/dom/sub relationship.

If you and your sub/slave are happy with the arrangement then it is a good working one and you don't need to seek permission from the "BDSM Police".

(in reply to Buzzzz)

Post #: 18

RE: Is it wrong to pay submissive/slaves? - 3/15/2012 5:23:43 PM

Alecta

Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline

When you offer money, you're hiring a person to play this role. Of course you'll have all sorts of people who look at it as nothing more than an easy job. Forget about money. Don't mention it. Turn your focus to meeting someone you like and get along with instead. That is much more important, especially for what you're looking for. The details of financially supporting her can be discussed later, when you're working out the logistics of her moving in.

It sounds like what you're looking for is a non-sexual pet. They exist.

What you're proposing is not new (nothing is). But you need to have done your own homework first, by laying out the exact perimeters of what the relationship and life you mean to build and discussing it with the potential girl, otherwise you just sound like you have no idea what you're doing and that's a recipe for disaster.

My confusion is how you intend to reconcile your fear of genetic girls with you looking for a girl. Have you considered a Transgendered sub? Either one in the process of gender reassignment or who has already completed it?

(in reply to cbunnie)

Post #: 19

RE: Is it wrong to pay submissive/slaves? - 3/15/2012 8:12:24 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

I don't relate to several BSDM activities except for master/slave which grew on me recently.
Just for my general education I would love to know what you meant by that. I'm always fascinated to find what people mean by "master/slave".

Well I didn't say there will be nothing sexual at all. My softcore activities include...
<list ommitted>
So as I look at that list, what I'm seeing is an interesting mix of intimate... both physically and emotionally... and not. I actually think that's going to be way harder for you than paying or not. I personally don't see any issue with you paying for services rendered although a lot would.

So I cant approach a person, I thought money will get me the right person but the ADs pretty much failed because I don't want a occupational sex worker to be my companion.
In my experience, the only problem money solves is not having enough "stuff". It doesn't sound like that's your problem so I wouldn't be reaching for money as a solution.

Guess I'm creating a new type of dom/master.. probably?
LOL - join the club. I think we all end up doing that.

< Message edited by JeffBC -- 3/15/2012 8:13:30 PM >

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to cbunnie)

Post #: 20

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