RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom entering into a contract?

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RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom ... - 2/17/2012 5:25:41 PM

JstAnotherSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dianddra

who is going to take out the trash?

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RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom ... - 2/17/2012 6:17:30 PM

MistressDarkArt

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia

I am wondering why any Dom would need to take a poll on his sample contract, lol. (I doubt he went through all that work just to ask one person her opinion. Especially someone he has invested no time getting to know first.)

I am wondering that too. It is especially presumptuous and unrealistic to foist this on someone he doesn't even know. He's fantasizing, using a one-size-fits-all wank list instead of addressing you as an individual he would like to get to know...as an individual...and I find that highly insulting. That's what I would say to answer his "what do you think of this?"

I use 'contracts' with my partners more as a MOU: putting each other's expectations in an easy-to-refer-to-and-discuss form. Each contract is drawn up individually with that specific person in mind...AFTER we've met, spent adequate time getting to know each other and both agreed we would like a D/s dynamic together. It is expected that he will strike out what he doesn't agree to and he is encouraged to write in an alternative.

Of course it's not legally enforceable! But it goes a long way toward providing mutual guidelines in writing so those involved have reasonable expectations of each other. It helps eliminate disappointment and confusion. I feel they are every bit as important as each party filling out a bdsm checklist and going over them together before playing.

OP, as for that particular guy...meh. On to something better suited.

< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 2/17/2012 6:19:01 PM >

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RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom ... - 2/20/2012 3:35:16 AM

Pynke

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Personally, I like lists of rules. I'm the type of person who enjoys rules and expectations. I have a tendency to make my own little to do lists of every little thing that needs to be done during the day, schedules, etc, so it extends into everything, but as others have pointed out some of the expectations on this list are a little worrisome (such as the financial portion, among other aspects)

I don't think having a pre-built contract or list of rules before even meeting someone is the best way to go about things, sure you can find someone meeting your expectations, needs, limits, etc but that doesn't mean you still don't have to tailor build your list for that specific person and the relationship you'll have.

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RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom ... - 2/20/2012 3:58:26 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

I use 'contracts' with my partners more as a MOU: putting each other's expectations in an easy-to-refer-to-and-discuss form. Each contract is drawn up individually with that specific person in mind...AFTER we've met, spent adequate time getting to know each other and both agreed we would like a D/s dynamic together. It is expected that he will strike out what he doesn't agree to and he is encouraged to write in an alternative.

Would you be willing to share an example?

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RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom ... - 2/20/2012 4:13:11 PM

NuevaVida

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~ Fast Reply ~

I used to think contracts were silly, but my opinion has changed, so here's my take on it.

I'm in a relationship that's going on three years. As we've progressed along, and more complexities have been added to the relationship, ideas and reassurances and commitments have been presented which, after a period of time, have inadvertently been forgotten or overlooked, resulting in problems that needed addressing - sometimes minor, sometimes not so minor.

Best of intentions, meant at the time, but overlooked.

So we're writing a contract. Not as a document we can bang over each others heads (although in the right situation that could be kind of fun), but more just as a reminder to ourselves of what we committed to. Also, the process of writing it up was rather intimate. We printed out a bunch of sample contracts (and some friends shared their very personal contract), and used concepts and ideas from them to develop our own. In doing so - in sitting down together a various times over the course of a month or so - we had some really good discussions, we focused together on what we want for our present and future, and we confirmed being on the same page together regarding all sorts of possibilities.

Really it was the process of putting it together that's been so fulfilling, rather than the final document. It wasn't a "negotiation" and there wasn't a bunch of push & pull, nor was it completely one sided, with him saying "Here's your contract, bitch" (although there's a hotness factor about that, too, heh).

But here's the thing. We've been together almost three years. We didn't just pluck each other from the internet and slap a generic contract on the table (or at each others email inbox) and say "These are da rules" because that just doesn't make sense.

I wouldn't be even considering a contract with someone I didn't already know, very intimately, for an extended period of time. We call it a "contract" but really it's more of a "commitment document" (has a better ring to it and is less formal that way). As has been said, contracts like these are not legally enforceable. This is a document of our shared commitment, and we both feel good about it.

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RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom ... - 2/20/2012 4:16:42 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

I used to think contracts were silly, but my opinion has changed, so here's my take on it.

Master and I did a contract when he collared me. It laid out expectations. But, I will say that the contract the OP posted is ridiculous.

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RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom ... - 2/20/2012 4:34:11 PM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

I used to think contracts were silly, but my opinion has changed, so here's my take on it.

Master and I did a contract when he collared me. It laid out expectations. But, I will say that the contract the OP posted is ridiculous.

I think the contract in the OP is ridiculous, too, particularly for someone you just met. But in the right context (my opinion of "right" - heh), I think they can be beneficial.

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RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom ... - 3/26/2012 7:23:49 AM

desiretobeaslave

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"irst thing to understand is that a Dom/sub contract cannot be legally enforced. It is an excellent way of ensuring that mutual understanding is achieved, but that's it.

With that out of the way, the next question is, is this what you want? Can you live with it? If not, it is your responsibility to either modify it to what you can live with, or refuse it altogether. And I'd suggest a trial period of a couple of weeks to try it out before committing to any serious length of time.

Specific points:

1. You only get 10% of what you earn? Food and housing should burn up maybe 50%-80% max of what you earn, and I disagree that he gets to keep the money if he feels you breached the contract. I'd hold out for more, and since you earned it - you get to keep it.
2. Both Dom and sub are responsible to look for a NSA female fuck buddy, and contract requires said session to occur a minimum of every quarter. Strike this. It's likely not gonna happen, both parties are responsible, and no penalties are specified when it doesn't happen.
3. That bit about him not interfering with your family is very good. Add in your friends as well.
4. Scratch that bit about accepting his mark. ONLY if you're agreeing to a permanent relationship, nothing under some contractual time.
5. You're supposed to fuck anyone he tells you to. Are you okay with that?

On the whole, not that bad. How do you feel about being governed by a contract?"

I totally agree with DarkSteven......no need to add nothing that it could be arousing 4u but pls be cautious....think with your mind first

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RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom ... - 11/6/2012 4:48:33 AM

Toysinbabeland

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With a contact like that why not just join the army? You'll make more money, and get bigger bruises with more honor.

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RE: What Do You all think about a Submissive and a Dom ... - 11/6/2012 6:58:54 AM

GreedyTop

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NECRO thread.

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