Setting my sub up to be used

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Setting my sub up to be used - 2/15/2012 11:01:52 PM

PrincessofSadden

Posts: 49
Joined: 4/23/2010
Status: offline

So subbie and I are going on two years of being in our D/s relationship and we've come to the conclusion after many talks, that we want him to be used by another guy in front of me. We know what we want and the guidelines the other party must follow to get an encounter with us. But the logistics of finding someone is proving to be a bit hard. We have contacted one guy in the same city as ourselves who said he would think about it, so we're off to a good start I guess. My question for Mistresses though is how were you able to find another guy to top your sub? And if you used the online route, how did it turn out?

- Princess

< Message edited by PrincessofSadden -- 2/15/2012 11:02:32 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Setting my sub up to be used - 2/16/2012 5:49:36 AM

ProlificNeeds

Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

I've never found a third who is agreeable to simply doing what I and my partner want. Most thirds have expectations and wants as well, and dislike being treated as throw-aways. Understandable since I myself would never want to be a disposable third either. I assume, you wouldn't like it either.

Give it some thought.

(in reply to PrincessofSadden)

Post #: 2

RE: Setting my sub up to be used - 2/16/2012 6:01:26 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

I've never found a third who is agreeable to simply doing what I and my partner want. Most thirds have expectations and wants as well, and dislike being treated as throw-aways. Understandable since I myself would never want to be a disposable third either. I assume, you wouldn't like it either.

While this certainly holds true for women, are you referring to men here? I've seen many ads by men interested in NSAs with couples.

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)

Post #: 3

RE: Setting my sub up to be used - 2/16/2012 6:35:23 AM

MissImmortalPain

Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

Could I get a little clarity on your question? Are you talking about someone actually domming your sub(as in bdsm session)? Or are you just talking about someone having sex(forced bi) with your sub? Personally I wouldn't use the net for this. I wouldn't ask this of anyone I didn't know very well and trust on an extreme level.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to PrincessofSadden)

Post #: 4

RE: Setting my sub up to be used - 2/16/2012 8:47:51 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

That whole making friends thing gets in the way of the best fantasies...

Regardless of the scene, I wouldnt ask someone I didn't know and trust to get near anyone that was mine.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)

Post #: 5

RE: Setting my sub up to be used - 2/16/2012 8:57:44 AM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

That whole making friends thing gets in the way of the best fantasies...

Regardless of the scene, I wouldnt ask someone I didn't know and trust to get near anyone that was mine.

This. ^^^^

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 6

RE: Setting my sub up to be used - 2/16/2012 9:00:40 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

It works, too, the making friends... Over on Fetl there are some pics from a local semi-private party and there was much of the manly man on man entertainment...

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 7

RE: Setting my sub up to be used - 2/16/2012 10:20:12 AM

PrincessofSadden

Posts: 49
Joined: 4/23/2010
Status: offline

Well we're looking right now for someone, but we want to get to know the person before I let him be intimate with my property. And yeah we're looking for a guy. Actually we just started talking to one guy who seems nice, and we're working out expectations and everyone is getting to know one another at the same time. I know this won't happen overnight and I'm not expecting it to. And to clarify, we're looking for someone who is interested in just being bi with my sub. The guy we've started talking to doesn't seem to be interested in bdsm, or at least he isn't yet....

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 8

RE: Setting my sub up to be used - 2/16/2012 10:25:10 AM

MsSylverdawn

Posts: 147
Joined: 9/26/2011
Status: offline

First of all.. one of you is 18 and so how have you had years of D/s... shakes my head... this is not a TPE arrangment this is a kinky sex thing.. this is about the physical not the spiritual and therefore trying to talk to you about mastery and responsible stewardship is like talking to a rock. So here is my advice.. go to a bar and pick someone up.. use a condom and hope....or put an ad in your local alternative lifestyle paper.. you just might luck out.. oh yeah and use a condom...

< Message edited by MsSylverdawn -- 2/16/2012 10:26:26 AM >

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 9

RE: Setting my sub up to be used - 2/16/2012 10:49:19 AM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessofSadden

So subbie and I are going on two years of being in our D/s relationship and we've come to the conclusion after many talks, that we want him to be used by another guy in front of me. We know what we want and the guidelines the other party must follow to get an encounter with us. But the logistics of finding someone is proving to be a bit hard. We have contacted one guy in the same city as ourselves who said he would think about it, so we're off to a good start I guess. My question for Mistresses though is how were you able to find another guy to top your sub? And if you used the online route, how did it turn out?

- Princess

I sort of had this situation myself at one time, with myself playing the role of 'forcer'. It happened pretty naturally as a result of their zeroing in on me at a BDSM party and the three of us hitting it off as friends. It did dissolve, in the end, for reasons that neither the woman nor the man explained to me. That, I felt, was somewhat cold of them, though it didn't surprise me.

This is one kind of kink interest that I'd recommend, very strongly indeed, starting off as a result of real time encounters. What's required is the pair of you a) going to a BDSM venue, b) ditching shyness as best as possible and chatting to people and, therefore c) establishing that the person with whom you've connected is both trustworthy and amenable to the idea of his 'forcing himself' on your sub. Antennae on full alert for this - ditch the idea if anything about the man seems 'wrong' - especially in an aggressive way.

Of those three, I'm guessing that b) would be the most difficult. It requires gritting those teeth and getting on with it!

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to PrincessofSadden)

Post #: 10

RE: Setting my sub up to be used - 2/16/2012 11:01:34 AM

MsSylverdawn

Posts: 147
Joined: 9/26/2011
Status: offline

She is 18 YRS old if that... from the looks of her picture.. she probably can not get into a bdsm club in Canada....

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 11

RE: Setting my sub up to be used - 2/16/2012 11:29:08 AM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

Oh dear. Well pop goes my advice, then!

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to MsSylverdawn)

Post #: 12

RE: Setting my sub up to be used - 2/16/2012 11:46:36 AM

MissImmortalPain

Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

Actually their profile says she is 21 and he is 18. I don't see years of lifestyle bdsm here either but I don't see it as a reason not to answer the question. If the male in this this realationship is looking for another male to join in whatever it is they are doing I would ask them if they know any gay men to begin with. If they do I would find out if any of those men find this man attractive and know what is up with their realationship. If they don't then I would suggest they make a few new friends without bringing up sex and then after some time has passed repeat what I said above....find out if any of the new friends find this man attractive.

Princess, if what you are looking for is casual sex you should know how to find it....bars(try a gay bar), clubs, playing basketball with friends. It really isn't as hard as you might think.

< Message edited by MissImmortalPain -- 2/16/2012 12:01:36 PM >

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 13

RE: Setting my sub up to be used - 2/16/2012 11:53:51 AM

TheRaptorJesus

Posts: 640
Joined: 6/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSylverdawn

First of all.. one of you is 18 and so how have you had years of D/s... shakes my head... this is not a TPE arrangment this is a kinky sex thing.. this is about the physical not the spiritual and therefore trying to talk to you about mastery and responsible stewardship is like talking to a rock. So here is my advice.. go to a bar and pick someone up.. use a condom and hope....or put an ad in your local alternative lifestyle paper.. you just might luck out.. oh yeah and use a condom...

You can delude yourself into thinking BDSM and your brand of it is special and act like you have a stick in your ass...

Or you can be nice to the kids that you have no reason to be criticizing. For some people it's kinky sex and for others its just reinforcing their deep-seated psychological issues. I think the kinky sex crowd is better off.

_____________________________

What if your God... were a motherfucking DINOSAUR?!

(in reply to MsSylverdawn)

Post #: 14

RE: Setting my sub up to be used - 2/16/2012 12:56:43 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSylverdawn

First of all.. one of you is 18 and so how have you had years of D/s... shakes my head... this is not a TPE arrangment this is a kinky sex thing.. this is about the physical not the spiritual and therefore trying to talk to you about mastery and responsible stewardship is like talking to a rock. So here is my advice.. go to a bar and pick someone up.. use a condom and hope....or put an ad in your local alternative lifestyle paper.. you just might luck out.. oh yeah and use a condom...

Or she could be Spongebob Square pants and absorb everything you have to say. There are probably both rocks and sponges lurking but if you start a thread on the spiritual in relation to D/s or M/s or one about stewardship et cetera, I would certainly be interested in that sort of discussion. If handled well, those tend to be very high quality if not high quantity threads.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to MsSylverdawn)

Post #: 15

RE: Setting my sub up to be used - 2/16/2012 2:51:58 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessofSadden

we want him to be used by another guy in front of me. .........how were you able to find another guy to top your sub?

This is actually not as unusual (or as difficult) as you may think.

As others have said, you may want to start with the gay community. Another approach is to find another submissive male. There are lots of sub men who fantasize about being "forced" into a sexual encounter with another man. So what you're proposing could be an ideal situation for a sub male who desires this scenario but has been unable to find willing partners.

This particular kink (forced bi) is a bit harder to find a partner for at a local munch. But there are groups dedicated to this topic over on FetLife. Try over there. You will probably be able to find someone in your area.

Good luck in your search. Hopefully, you'll come back and tell us how it went.

(in reply to PrincessofSadden)

Post #: 16

RE: Setting my sub up to be used - 2/16/2012 2:55:16 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSylverdawn

one of you is 18 and so how have you had years of D/s... shakes my head... this is not a TPE arrangment this is a kinky sex thing.. this is about the physical not the spiritual and therefore trying to talk to you about mastery and responsible stewardship is like talking to a rock.

REALLY??!! Was that necessary?

I see a young couple who is enjoying experimenting in the BDSM lifestyle. I thought their question, and their youthful exploration, was kind of cute. I see no reason for you to swoop in and take a shit on them.

Frankly, your response stinks of "one true way-ism".

I'm glad that I didn't run into you when I was young and just discovering the lifestyle. Sheesh!

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 2/16/2012 3:12:04 PM >

(in reply to MsSylverdawn)

Post #: 17

RE: Setting my sub up to be used - 2/16/2012 3:05:48 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSylverdawn

one of you is 18 and so how have you had years of D/s... shakes my head... this is not a TPE arrangment this is a kinky sex thing.. this is about the physical not the spiritual and therefore trying to talk to you about mastery and responsible stewardship is like talking to a rock.

REALLY??!! Was that necessary?

I see a young couple who is enjoying experimenting in the BDSM lifestyle. I thought their question, and their youthful exploration was kind of cute. I see no reason for you to swoop in and take a shit on them.

Frankly, your response stinks of "one true way-ism".

I'm glad that I didn't run into you when I was young and just discovering the lifestyle. Sheesh!

If this is the couple I am thinking it is... they have a proven history together and have shown their dedication to one another. Discouraging them because of age and some view we might have of that age group, would be a mistake I think. They are adults. They can have a dynamic that is better than two fifty years olds. They may not have years of whatever behind them, but that doesn't mean they ought to be behind anyone else. They aren't talking shit and really shouldn't have others talking shit to them or about them.

Good luck to them!

< Message edited by Lockit -- 2/16/2012 3:06:44 PM >

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 18

RE: Setting my sub up to be used - 2/16/2012 3:16:03 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
If this is the couple I am thinking it is... they have a proven history together and have shown their dedication to one another.

I don't know anything about them, but according to their profile, they've been a part of the forum for 2 years. That's good enough for me.

I wish them well. Frankly, I'm a little jealous that I hadn't discovered this lifestyle when I was their age. They get nothing but respect and admiration from me.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 19

RE: Setting my sub up to be used - 2/16/2012 7:47:12 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

That whole making friends thing gets in the way of the best fantasies...

Regardless of the scene, I wouldnt ask someone I didn't know and trust to get near anyone that was mine.

Yep.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 20

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