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Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 12:39:38 AM   
jennileigh8182


Posts: 173
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline 		So, this came up in a long (and frustrating) conversation with someone tonight:

Do sex and emotion have any connection for you? Is physical pleasure greater when emotions are involved? Do emotions (of the appropriate nature) lead to a desire for physical pleasure with the person? Are they completely separate entities?


ETA:

I don't necessarily mean love. Just any emotions about the person.

< Message edited by jennileigh8182 -- 2/19/2012 12:43:21 AM >
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RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 12:55:24 AM   
Whenready


Posts: 319
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline 		Here we go round the mulberry bush.... there's no definitive answer. It depends on the individuals. What works for me won't necessarily work for anyone else, or vice versa.

Personally I prefer it when I like the person I'm in bed with. Emotion CAN and almost always does add something - but I don't think it's measurable in physical terms: random girl, orgasm 5.6 on the richter scale, fond of girl, 7.8, love of my life 999.999999.....

Physical desire can be an expression of that emotion - or it could be that I'm horny and she's sexy.

I suspect men are better at separation of emotion and sex.

I could of course be wrong.

(in reply to jennileigh8182)
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RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 1:00:17 AM   
pyroaquatic


Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Whenready
I suspect men are better at separation of emotion and sex.

I could of course be wrong.

Some men are better at separation of emotion and sex.

It's all about the wiring and styling.

In my case I tend to be a terrible lay when I have no emotional connection to the person or there is emotional interference in the course of foreplay or intercourse.

Compartmentalize that.

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

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RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 1:03:31 AM   
jennileigh8182


Posts: 173
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline 		chuckles

In the course of this discussion, i was told that it is 'unnatural' for all humans for sex and emotions to have anything to do with each other. I'm one of those that doesn't have much sexual interest in random men, but i don't need love either. I had a good FWB that did exquisite things for me, and we never intended to be anything more than good friends. Strangers just don't do it for me. But, according to my conversation partner tonight, it's not even about 'wiring'....all humans are wired the same, it's how we're -trained.-

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RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 1:30:42 AM   
pyroaquatic


Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline 		You cannot run a car without an engine and fuel, have control without the steering wheel, or create force to counter boundaries without the wheels.

Take out one vital part and all you have is metal and frustration.

Wiring, Styling, Training-all of these are vital components to how we reciprocate emotions in any context.

I cannot be untrained to be photosensitive, emotionally sensitive, or physically sensitive. It simply emerged no matter how hard I 'trained' against it.

Learned how to juggle and conditioned myself to wear sunglasses. Remember to tell people that I can't help but take everything they say personally.

Neurologically there are some things one cannot do.



_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

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RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 1:46:48 AM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
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quote:

i was told that it is 'unnatural' for all humans for sex and emotions to have anything to do with each other.


All huh? Thats a pretty big general statement. BTW - Does your friend get out much?

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


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RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 1:51:04 AM   
jennileigh8182


Posts: 173
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

quote:

i was told that it is 'unnatural' for all humans for sex and emotions to have anything to do with each other.


All huh? Thats a pretty big general statement. BTW - Does your friend get out much?


Oh, I was properly vexed and frustrated by his generalizations. But, he's an anthropologist and studied in human sexuality, and claims it's all fact. I disagree, but thought maybe I was being overly sensitive, or I was being too emotional.

Personally...I don't really care what the human animal was originally born as. I believe cultures evolve for a reason, because base instincts are not satisfactory, because we as humans learn to want and expect more from each other. Maybe it's not how the first humans were born, but I think as human lives have lengthened, we've come to appreciate and desire more connection than simply an able body to procreate with to keep the species going.

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RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 2:09:43 AM   
RaspberryLemon


Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline 		Sex and emotion are inseparable to me. I do not have sexual desire for a person whatsoever unless I harbor strong feelings of romantic fondness (said fondness fosters into love) towards them. That's just how I process attraction.

My physical pleasure, quite honestly, is highly reliant on the emotional ties and feelings involved (from the most deep and basic feelings towards the person, to the current specific feelings towards them/the scenario or situation.) If I had to give a rough estimate I would honestly say that for me, physical pleasure is 70% mental and 30% physical, or perhaps 80-20 (before someone tries to stop me and point out the contradiction there, yes, I did mean that my physical pleasure is made up of about 30% physical--the physical pleasure I feel is very dependent on my feelings and psychological state.)

So yes, for me, feelings towards the person breed a desire for physical interaction and pleasure with them. As I said above, sex and emotion are not separate entities for me and I have never had the ability to separate them--and quite frankly I don't care to. My Master has before been in situations in which they were separate, but he does find that his feelings towards me enhance his attraction, experience, and pleasure. So for him, he can separate them (or at least he used to be able to) but combining them makes for a much more wholesome experience.

quote:

ORIGINAL: jennileigh8182
chuckles

In the course of this discussion, i was told that it is 'unnatural' for all humans for sex and emotions to have anything to do with each other. I'm one of those that doesn't have much sexual interest in random men, but i don't need love either. I had a good FWB that did exquisite things for me, and we never intended to be anything more than good friends. Strangers just don't do it for me. But, according to my conversation partner tonight, it's not even about 'wiring'....all humans are wired the same, it's how we're -trained.-
That is, quite frankly, a load of bullshit. I would try not to bother with a person like that (though I am absolutely terrible at walking away from an argument, no matter how ridiculous--so I can certainly sympathize.) It's not unnatural for humans to associate sex with emotion, or for either to enhance the other. Not everybody does so and some keep them more separate from each other than others do, but it is certainly not unnatural. In fact, to be more factual, simple (or perhaps not so simple) science will tell us that doing so is entirely natural and normal: Oxytocin

Of course everybody interprets things differently and has a different perception of the world and all its aspects--including sex. People learn and develop in different ways and thus have different perceptions, opinions and feelings on things--feelings that are very real and just as valid as the next person's. Some people feel that sex and emotion are very connected--others don't. Neither is the incorrect way to look at it/feel about it.

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RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 2:13:41 AM   
FrostedFlake


Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline 		The answer is, ...yup!

Sex makes love better. Love makes sex better. To suppose they are separate seems to me disingenuous. After all, it is called "Making Love".

_____________________________

Frosted Flake
simul justus et peccator
Einen Liebhaber, und halten Sie die Schraube

"... evil (and hilarious) !!" Hlen5

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RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 4:33:15 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		He's wrong. Some people can enjoy casual sex and others can't.
I am hard wired monogamous. I don't register other people as sexually attractive while in a relationship. Even when not in a relationship although I will identify someone as sexually attractive, I still have no desire to engage in them.

And no, I have no early highly religious or shamed based upbringing that brought me to this point. The opposite, I have known and accepted people of all different sexualities my entire life. The fact that other people could switch partners daily never influenced me to do so. Any more than being with people who enjoy eating raw oysters has made me able to eat them.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 4:48:16 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		I'm more of a bottom with people with whom I play casually - I need to have feelings for someone to be truly submissive.

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RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 4:51:18 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

he's an anthropologist and studied in human sexuality, and claims it's all fact.


Was he trying to get into your pants?

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RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 5:21:11 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jennileigh8182

chuckles

In the course of this discussion, i was told that it is 'unnatural' for all humans for sex and emotions to have anything to do with each other. I'm one of those that doesn't have much sexual interest in random men, but i don't need love either. I had a good FWB that did exquisite things for me, and we never intended to be anything more than good friends. Strangers just don't do it for me. But, according to my conversation partner tonight, it's not even about 'wiring'....all humans are wired the same, it's how we're -trained.-


I almost always enjoy sex more when I have feelings for the person I'm with.

As far as the highlighted words above...what does it matter in the end if we're trained to believe we need the feelings or not? What is his point exactly- that it's better without the feelings? Sounds kind of like the 'I'm better than you are' thing that pops up in so many facets of BDSM sometimes.

So what if people think they have to feel something for their partner? I'm just not really seeing why it's important that we disassociate the feelings. Big whoop de doo if sex is physically a matter of wiring but we've been 'trained' to mix feelings in with it. That's our culture, which has a huge bearing on how we all live our lives. If this person has ever encountered someone who has a psychosomatic illness he'd see what very real pain they were in- our minds have POWERFUL connections to the rest of us.
I'll leave it at that.

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RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 5:49:08 AM   
areallivehuman


Posts: 277
Joined: 1/16/2010
Status: offline 		Personally, random sex was never that great for me. I'm much more comfortable having an emotional investment.


Statements to the effect that "ALL humans are wired this way", are patently ridiculous.




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RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 6:39:53 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jennileigh8182


quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

quote:

i was told that it is 'unnatural' for all humans for sex and emotions to have anything to do with each other.


All huh? Thats a pretty big general statement. BTW - Does your friend get out much?


Oh, I was properly vexed and frustrated by his generalizations. But, he's an anthropologist and studied in human sexuality, and claims it's all fact. I disagree, but thought maybe I was being overly sensitive, or I was being too emotional.

Personally...I don't really care what the human animal was originally born as. I believe cultures evolve for a reason, because base instincts are not satisfactory, because we as humans learn to want and expect more from each other. Maybe it's not how the first humans were born, but I think as human lives have lengthened, we've come to appreciate and desire more connection than simply an able body to procreate with to keep the species going.


Your anthropologist is full of shit and isn't very well studied at all.  Or he was misunderstanding and thinking the emotion that was being discussed was always "love."  Even in caveman times, there was an emotion involved even if that emotion was the feeling the person was the best suited for breeding with.

Sex is, indeed, a biological functioning, but sexuality also plays to our psyche.

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RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 7:04:53 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jennileigh8182

So, this came up in a long (and frustrating) conversation with someone tonight:

Do sex and emotion have any connection for you?

yes, a strong one

Is physical pleasure greater when emotions are involved?

yes

Do emotions (of the appropriate nature) lead to a desire for physical pleasure with the person?

yes

Are they completely separate entities?

they can be for folks.. I've always had trouble making that separation and I envy folks who can...and I run from folks who make a hard and fast separation because they generally don't work for me.. and I get myself in trouble
ETA:

I don't necessarily mean love. Just any emotions about the person.



for me, I generally refer to it as a 'connection' but in the end, its an emotional connection

< Message edited by Madame4a -- 2/19/2012 7:13:20 AM >

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

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RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 7:08:44 AM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline 		Well sex is pretty good all by itself, but I don't see how emotion can do anything but add depth and dimension to it - although conversely, it can also detract and interfere if the emotional context turns negative, in fact that usually signals the end of any sexual interaction.

And even if it is theoretically absent, prostitution for example, people still typically require emotional connections with other people, even if they aren't having sex with them.

It's a complicated subject of course, but it is absolutely natural for sex and emotion to be intertwined, I don't see how it could be any other way. I don't think anybody could be content just going through the motions.

Lust is technically an emotion too, and most men at least, require that as a bare minimum to even function.


_____________________________

Walking nightmare...

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RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 9:18:17 AM   
jennileigh8182


Posts: 173
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I am hard wired monogamous. I don't register other people as sexually attractive while in a relationship. Even when not in a relationship although I will identify someone as sexually attractive, I still have no desire to engage in them.




This is me, to a T.

This was someone that had just messaged me the other day and we were chatting on Yahoo....not to hook up, at least not MY intentions, since I'm already seeing someone, and he's quite some distance away, but moving to my area sometime in the future.

Throughout the entire conversation, he was trying to 'educate' me, point out how wrong...nope, excuse me, UNNATURAL my views are, how all of society is unnatural, how most of us make sex into a barter, 'I'll give you physical pleasure if I get some emotional return.' I was so annoyed by the end, both with him for constantly belittling and correcting me, and with myself for not just blocking him, that I wanted to get some other opinions on it.

For me, my libido drops way off when not involved with someone. I don't have any interest in sex unless there is SOME kind of connection. That could be like...friendship...love...any positive emotional connection. I don't love the dominant I'm currently seeing, at least not yet, but I do have notably positive emotions associated with him...or I wouldn't see him, and I certainly wouldn't respond as highly as I do. With my exhusband, toward the end, I couldn't even get aroused, no matter what we tried....because the back of my brain had detached from him already.

ETA:

BTW, Des....the cookies in your profile pic made me drool. Peanut blossoms? One of my favorites!

< Message edited by jennileigh8182 -- 2/19/2012 9:26:28 AM >

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RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 9:22:45 AM   
jennileigh8182


Posts: 173
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I'm more of a bottom with people with whom I play casually - I need to have feelings for someone to be truly submissive.



And this...I can't open up in a truly submissive manner to someone I don't connect with on some emotional level. I sort of have to trust them to let them make a fist in my hair, force my mouth onto their cock, tie or cuff me, let them bruise my tits, and enjoy it all.....otherwise, it's just rape/abuse and it's scary. If I don't like and connect with someone well enough to place that trust in them, i'm not going to be able to engage in those activities that really get me off. Sex is so mental for me.

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RE: Sex and Emotion - 2/19/2012 9:31:30 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jennileigh8182

not to hook up, at least not MY intentions, since I'm already seeing someone, and he's quite some distance away, but moving to my area sometime in the future.



Yes, his intentions are to hook up with you since he's going to be in your area shortly, even before he makes a permanent move there.

Anytime someone has a vested interest in a specific outcome, they are no longer objective. In this case, he was deliberately trying to get you to admit that you can/have had casual sex so he could try to talk you into having it with him.

Beyond that, unless he speaks fluent chimpanzee, bonono, gorilla, and every other primate language he doesn't know what all other primates are hard wired to do. And just as humans are different from the other primates in many other ways, that still wouldn't prove that humans aren't different in this way. In fact, the existence of people like you and I proves categorically that he is wrong. But of course he couldn't admit it because then he'd lose his chance to have sex with you, which was his sole purpose to begin the conversation to begin with.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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