RE: I'm NOT stupid!

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RE: I'm NOT stupid! - 2/25/2012 12:32:08 AM

RaspberryLemon

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To me there is a difference between messages that come from genuine concern and a feelings of protectiveness, and actually condescending messages like "hey i have 20 yrs + of experience in bdsm you dont even kno wut ur doin...lol i have been a master since your so-called master was a little baby in diapers...he is still a baby i bet you need a REAL master like me. come to me kneel and ill teach you evrything so you can actually fill your potental as slave!!!! if your not carful messing around w/baby doms you could get messed up!"

At first I was under the impression the OP was referring to the latter, but given the rest of her replies it seems she is more complaining about the former?

In which case, OP, I can understand that it might feel like they are being condescending and you may feel they are attempting to tell you that you don't know what you want or what you are doing...but understand that sometimes they are messaging you out of genuine concern. They don't mean anything patronizing by it, they just want to be sure you won't get hurt. Perhaps that is still not appreciated by you, but they are not trying to call you stupid. As others have said, how you present yourself matters quite a bit and seeing your profile, the impression it gives off is that of fantasy not based in reality--thus, it is understandable that they may get the idea that you are naive to the consequences of the execution of your fantasy. Don't be so hard on them--they mean well.

That being said, instead of putting an "I'm not stupid" section in your profile to get the message across that you know what you're doing, perhaps you should include a section about how safety and preparation ar important and what you expect in these regards? I think this would dissuade the "be careful" messages a bit more.

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RE: I'm NOT stupid! - 2/25/2012 3:43:52 AM

curious23

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Ty for the advice all. I'm mulling it over.

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RE: I'm NOT stupid! - 2/25/2012 5:29:08 AM

Killerangel

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People do things for different reasons. You take 10 different people, give them a subject and there will probably be at least 3 different ways they feel about it between them, maybe more. To put all the men in the same category for this frequent occurrence is making it more frustrating to you, because it seems like there is so much of it out there, when some of those guys have other reasons for doing it then to be treating you as though you were stupid. Some of the reasons I'm sure you might even find acceptable.

I find other things more objectionable like calling me by an endearment - baby, honey, or doll. Or asking me to submit in a first email, or to send naked pictures. As faux pas go, this one doesn't really register for me. Maybe it's just conversation. I mean what are guys going to write about here? For many people first contact is hard, this just sounds like a nice, kind of caring way to get you to talk to them. Asking if I'm sure about an activity that has risk to it seems ok to me. I mean it's not a conversation that would knock my socks off but to me it's fairly harmless.

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RE: I'm NOT stupid! - 2/25/2012 7:07:34 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

OP. just letting you know, as a Dominant man, I tend to fee protective toward a sub woman that is new to the scene. In that, I'm not unique, and I know female subs that would also feel protective. In other words, IMO there's just something about the lifestyle that makes us keep an eye out for new female subs.

Agreed.

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RE: I'm NOT stupid! - 2/25/2012 4:41:54 PM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
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quote:

ORIGINAL: curious23

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: curious23
Engaging in a conversation about safety is not the same as sending an obligatory "Be careful". And the "Be careful" was what I referenced along with Duh-advice (it could get scary, etc...). I hope you can see the difference.

They felt concerned enough to send a word of warning. They weren't attracted enough to engage in conversation. I hope you can understand the difference.

But really, go on craigslist to find what you're seeking. You could get it tonight. Just please don't come back and whine when you have a punctured eardrum and a detached retina and you need surgery to repair a torn anus. Because you claim to know it all, so surely you know what the risks are.

Pretty typical response actually.
"However I see that you totally missed my point about the men wanting to engage you in conversation first about safety in order to determine if you are a safe person for them to play with."

That's what you said in your original post, bringing up the mens' desire to converse with me YOURSELF. Then you criticize my following comment but saying the men weren't attracted enough to engage in conversation. A standard YOU brought up that I was addressing and that was the whole point to my post to you is now null. Then you end it with a "Do whatever you want. Just don't come crying to me when..." And I know in some warped way you think you're doing me a favor by wishing me luck in a scenario that'll probably end in the worst possible way it your eyes. If nothing else, your post is just a really good example of the 'helpful' mail I get so it's pretty welcome. Hey, maybe everyone here thinks what you said is perfectly reasonable. But I hope they, especially unnecessarily watchful Doms like Jeff, can see how stupid it is to be this way.

1) Hey, maybe everyone here thinks what you said is perfectly reasonable.

Reasonable is a relative term. It's in the eye of the beholder. However, I can say the man's "warning" about anal sex or play is just incorrect and won't happen if you are involved with a real dom. I cannot imagine what the man you referred to might make up about fisting.

You're an intelligent woman and only really wanting to learn what is unique about doms so you can make your best judgment. You've done well and someday soon another dom will correctly praise you as I do.

< Message edited by Arturas -- 2/25/2012 4:45:01 PM >

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