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BitaTruble -> Cravings (2/24/2012 2:24:13 PM)

From my journal - circa 1989

I have been craving fresh strawberry's for two days. If this is par for the course the cravings will continue until I actually get to eat some. The longer I go without them, the more they will be on my mind.

Craving and not getting leaves holes in my stomach. I am actually starting to feel ill. And cranky. Really cranky. Pete doesn't seem to understand this and it's driving me nuts. The strawberry craving is no different than the cravings I get for pain and torment. Those are my pleasures. The little things that make life more bearable as contradictory as that seems.

It's not a matter of him not realizing what he has, he knows what he has.. he just thinks he can't lose it or that he can change the game in the middle of round 3 and that I will be happy and satisfied with leftovers that don't include strawberry's.

You can lose it. You can always lose it. Keep it up and one day you'll walk through the front door expecting love and hope only to find that the house is empty.

~~~

Present day

I have been re-reading some of my old journals and ran across this written all those years ago when I was still with Pete, my master at that time. I realized that it wasn't long after I wrote this that we split up and I wonder, now, if it wasn't because something which is so fundamental in my life, something that I was craving to the point of physical illness was not being fed and that I had no choice but to get out of a situation that was starving me. Our split was mutual. Neither of us was getting what we really needed.. and none of our cravings were satisfied by what the other had to offer. I couldn't give him what he wanted, he wasn't capable of continuing to deny his truth but throwing the switch mid-stream left me confused. I must admit that back then the idea of men on their knees made my teeth itch. They weren't 'real' men.

I've grown since then. I don't think of men on their knees in the same way I used to after actually meeting some pretty cool dudes who have no problem kneeling and it's obvious they are still men. If I hadn't been so set in my own ideas and ways of what it meant to be a man, I might have been able to play the role he wanted and probably would have been starved for more years than I care to think of in my desire to adapt myself to my partners needs rather than seek out what makes 'me' happy and filled. In some ways, it's much better that I thought the way I did back then or I might not have left and would not have been free and single when Himself came into my life.

I'm comfortable in my skin, aware of what I need and very aware of the difference between thrive and survive.

I can do without strawberry's. I'll survive, but to thrive.. I need some fucking strawberry's or I'm not going to quit thinking about them.

Know what I mean?

I think a lot of frenzy is due to cravings for 'something' even if you're not sure what that something may be. I'm lucky. I know exactly what the something is for me and hooked up with a guy that has no problem indulging my fetish for strawberry's on occasion. I don't even mind when the seeds get stuck in my teeth.. it's part of the whole package and I'll take the good with the bad and work on the rest.

How does a craving effect you? Does the craving go away if you just ignore it or does it go to the front of your mind, like it can with me, until everything else pales to the crave? I fear for that sometimes because it's so one dimensional but at the same time if you aren't getting what you crave, you're rather stuck with working on other things which can, as an end result, help you achieve growth in different areas and, perhaps, if you are lucky help round you out in a way that allows you to satisfy your cravings at a future point.













mnottertail -> RE: Cravings (2/24/2012 2:28:27 PM)

Oh, GAWD Bita, you are a little long in the tooth to be pregnant again, ain't cha?



BitaTruble -> RE: Cravings (2/24/2012 2:31:13 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Oh, GAWD Bita, you are a little long in the tooth to be pregnant again, ain't cha?

Some people just need to be beat. [:D]



DarkSteven -> RE: Cravings (2/24/2012 2:34:58 PM)

Have some strawberries, little girl.

Seriously, the ability to have strawberries lessens the desire. Once you determine that you can't have something, the cravings set in.



BitaTruble -> RE: Cravings (2/24/2012 2:40:25 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Have some strawberries, little girl.



Now, that's an offer that at least 80% of the kneel types on this side would accept from you. (You do know you are mostly adored here, right? I mean... it's obvious and you're not even bald!)

I'm not the exception. Where's the strawberry patch? [:D]



JeffBC -> RE: Cravings (2/24/2012 3:05:11 PM)

Right now, as we speak, I crave a cigarette. And I mean that deeply and sincerely. It's been a few weeks and, for whatever reasons, the thought's come up that I'd really, really like one right now. But you know, I fully expect that if I put that thought away and stay focused on more productive things then it'll end... or at least get shelved in the dark dusty storage places of my mind.

Right now, as we speak, I also crave being wealthy. But you know, I don't feel like working hard enough to be wealthy so it probably isn't going to happen.

My point here is that all of us want things. Some of those things we want a LOT. Some of those things are good for us. I don't think there's any simple answer here. We all try to optimize our choices as best we're able, right?



Aileen1968 -> RE: Cravings (2/24/2012 3:08:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Have some strawberries, little girl.

Seriously, the ability to have strawberries lessens the desire. Once you determine that you can't have something, the cravings set in.


I disagree with this. I have Shorey and yet I crave him all of the time.
I crave accessible things that I love and that bring me joy all of the time.

Edited to add....to crave something that I could only have infrequently would lead to complacency and then a complete lack of uncaring for it eventually. For me.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Cravings (2/24/2012 3:15:27 PM)

Some cravings have to be set aside in favour of reality, or the lack will kill you inside.

Others can just be set aside or exchanged for something else.




littlewonder -> RE: Cravings (2/24/2012 3:58:04 PM)

My craving is for Master. But before I met him I didn't really have that craving because I never had him. Now that I have him though and we've been apart for about a week now while I'm away, my craving for him is killing me. I miss him terribly.

But if we're talking the bdsm kinky stuff, there are times I will have a craving but the longer I go without the less craving I get for it until it eventually just disappears altogether...until one day I get a little taste of it or a hint of the scent of it and the craving begins again.

Sometimes though when I get that craving fulfilled I realize it just isn't as good anymore as it used to be and other times I want more until I've had so much I don't even wanna look at another bite let alone see it.

For me it's all about balance. My whole life is about balance and when it's not in balance then I just don't even wanna think about anything anymore and I shun all "food" except what I need to survive.




Thaelog -> RE: Cravings (2/24/2012 4:05:24 PM)

There's a delicate balance between denial and fulfillment. Properly navigating both of those can really put a sweet edge on any experience. Even just fruit as you so entertainingly describe. Just gotta be careful not to push it too far.

Three cheers for your personal growth!



CaringandReal -> RE: Cravings (2/24/2012 5:35:24 PM)

My cravings go away if I ignore them. All of them. I get a similar one for cherries when the summer finally ends. I even start thinking dumb things like "cherries are so low in calories! How can I possibly loose weight without them!" (laughing--as if that rational will keep them ripe and available). So a week or two after the "season" ends I force myself to forget about them. And I had forgotten about them, darn it, until I saw this post about cravings! :D (Aside: I don't like the mid-winter South American cherries. They are often tasteless, not to mention terribly expensive.)

In terms of relationships, I try to keep my outlook extremely flexible. Because I want an extreme situation control-wise, I assume that anything I get used to, anything I feel entitled to, might get taken away at any moment, particularly by someone who wants as much control as I want to give. So I practice "letting go" by refusing to let myself get used to things or feel as though I deserve or own them. I am naturally forgetful to begin with, so forgetting about something I crave seems to work very well for me! :-)

Littlewonder mentions an important point: a dominant man may want you craving him constantly, even addicted to him. In that single case, I would encourage the craving, not discourage it or forget it, because to not encourage it would be disobedient and unpleasing. Not to mention not very fun!



Casteele -> RE: Cravings (2/24/2012 7:25:07 PM)

FR

I think it depends very much on the craving. Craving strawberries is not the same thing as craving being bound and spanked, and certainly not the same as craving being with someone whom you love, and loves and craves you as well. For example, the strawberry doesn't crave being in your mouth and having it's seeds stuck between your teeth the way you dom might.. :-P

Some cravings come from having some want or need that is not being filled, others from having something dangled in front of you and told you cannot have it, and still others from having plenty enough of something, but you enjoy it so much you still want more. Each can drive you in different ways, make you think in different ways, and get filled in different ways. Not having enough of something or it's too scarce to enjoy often, usually usually seems to heighten the enjoyment when you can find it, without much ill side effects. But craving something from denial, in my experience, often ends poorly without fulfilling anything; I often find that once I get what I wanted, it wasn't all that to begin with. (Excluding denial play, of course, which isn't truly denial as long as there's the intention or expectation that you'll get it, eventually..) Craving something which is enjoyable and in abundance, well, Aileen already demonstrated that. I'm sure there's even more than just this, too.

There's no doubt, though, of the impact some cravings can have on our lives. For much of my life, I've had very few unmet wants and needs. For the most part, that remains true; I still have very few unmet wants and needs. But fifteen years ago, the most precious thing in my life was taken from me, and to this day, I feel like it's caused me to be only a shadow of everything I am capable of being, and has had a strong effect on just about everything in my life, for better or worse. What I want and crave most I know I can never find, never be fulfilled, and will never go away. So I just do my best to set my mind to acceptance and focus most of my time and energy on the things that are within the realm of possible. Am I thriving or just surviving? I honestly do not know at this point in my life. Maybe I'll dig this topic up in a few more years with an answer :-)

(Before anyone asks what was taken, my ex kidnapped my daughter and fled the country before I knew what was happening and could stop her. Just leave it at that, kthanx.)



DesFIP -> RE: Cravings (2/24/2012 7:57:15 PM)

I'm confused at your statement that if you had grown enough to understand his needs you would have indulged them and starved your own. I would think that having grown that much would have also helped you understand that your needs also matter.

That aside, I get cranky because my needs aren't being fulfilled and at the same time I become afraid of doing what will fulfill them. The longer it's been, the more anxiety I feel about doing it. The more I worry about doing it right. The more I try to avoid doing it to avoid a bad reaction. I do better in those times if I'm forced to do it, but that's unfair to him to have him have to do that while never knowing if I'm going to be smiling afterward or a sobbing, uncontrollable mess.



LookieNoNookie -> RE: Cravings (2/24/2012 9:01:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

From my journal - circa 1989

I have been craving fresh strawberry's for two days. If this is par for the course the cravings will continue until I actually get to eat some. The longer I go without them, the more they will be on my mind.

Craving and not getting leaves holes in my stomach. I am actually starting to feel ill. And cranky. Really cranky. Pete doesn't seem to understand this and it's driving me nuts. The strawberry craving is no different than the cravings I get for pain and torment. Those are my pleasures. The little things that make life more bearable as contradictory as that seems.

It's not a matter of him not realizing what he has, he knows what he has.. he just thinks he can't lose it or that he can change the game in the middle of round 3 and that I will be happy and satisfied with leftovers that don't include strawberry's.

You can lose it. You can always lose it. Keep it up and one day you'll walk through the front door expecting love and hope only to find that the house is empty.

~~~

Present day

I have been re-reading some of my old journals and ran across this written all those years ago when I was still with Pete, my master at that time. I realized that it wasn't long after I wrote this that we split up and I wonder, now, if it wasn't because something which is so fundamental in my life, something that I was craving to the point of physical illness was not being fed and that I had no choice but to get out of a situation that was starving me. Our split was mutual. Neither of us was getting what we really needed.. and none of our cravings were satisfied by what the other had to offer. I couldn't give him what he wanted, he wasn't capable of continuing to deny his truth but throwing the switch mid-stream left me confused. I must admit that back then the idea of men on their knees made my teeth itch. They weren't 'real' men.

I've grown since then. I don't think of men on their knees in the same way I used to after actually meeting some pretty cool dudes who have no problem kneeling and it's obvious they are still men. If I hadn't been so set in my own ideas and ways of what it meant to be a man, I might have been able to play the role he wanted and probably would have been starved for more years than I care to think of in my desire to adapt myself to my partners needs rather than seek out what makes 'me' happy and filled. In some ways, it's much better that I thought the way I did back then or I might not have left and would not have been free and single when Himself came into my life.

I'm comfortable in my skin, aware of what I need and very aware of the difference between thrive and survive.

I can do without strawberry's. I'll survive, but to thrive.. I need some fucking strawberry's or I'm not going to quit thinking about them.

Know what I mean?

I think a lot of frenzy is due to cravings for 'something' even if you're not sure what that something may be. I'm lucky. I know exactly what the something is for me and hooked up with a guy that has no problem indulging my fetish for strawberry's on occasion. I don't even mind when the seeds get stuck in my teeth.. it's part of the whole package and I'll take the good with the bad and work on the rest.

How does a craving effect you? Does the craving go away if you just ignore it or does it go to the front of your mind, like it can with me, until everything else pales to the crave? I fear for that sometimes because it's so one dimensional but at the same time if you aren't getting what you crave, you're rather stuck with working on other things which can, as an end result, help you achieve growth in different areas and, perhaps, if you are lucky help round you out in a way that allows you to satisfy your cravings at a future point.



I'm just speaking (as/for a) guy but.....cravings never go away and (for guys)....they tend to get deeper.



BitaTruble -> RE: Cravings (2/25/2012 12:25:33 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I'm confused at your statement that if you had grown enough to understand his needs you would have indulged them and starved your own.


Oh, I didn't understand his needs at all. A man on his knees was ewww for me. He was my Master and wanted to switch and become my sub. I wasn't even comfortable topping back then and he wanted me to do that and, in fact, refused to top me at all for the last year of our relationship. He was always trying to 'teach' me the other side so I would appreciate it and become a better submissive. That was the premise anyway. In retrospect, I don't think either one of us wanted to admit that he just wasn't a dom but what can I say.. it was before I was blind and he was a damn fine looking man. He looked like a dom, wore the right clothes, worked out but we didn't do a lot of talking while we were together - it was almost purely a physical thing which was fine while I was the one on the bottom.. when he wanted a turn bending over, that was a deal breaker for me though it took me a while to realize it. Took him a while, too. We both thought he was dom. We were both wrong though.

The growth came much later (as in several years later).

quote:

I would think that having grown that much would have also helped you understand that your needs also matter.


That's why we split up. Neither of us was getting our needs met. Turns out, we were both bottoms draw together by nothing more than mutual physical attraction. He was a beautiful man and I didn't scare away too many people with my own looks either.

Does that clear it up?

fr

It's been enlightening. I appreciate the time you all took to respond and there are a few other posts that I want reread and address in the morning.. I just wanted to get Celeste's question answered first.

Regards and my thanks..

The other Celeste :)





BitaTruble -> RE: Cravings (2/25/2012 12:30:10 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

I'm just speaking (as/for a) guy but.....cravings never go away and (for guys)....they tend to get deeper.


Maybe it's the bi thing or I have more testosterone that I imagined but they don't really go away for me until they are satisfied, so I understand the sentiment. It's a little more difficult to wrap my head around the idea that they just fade away for some people. I think that might be better but, for me, that's just not the way it is.. slight OCD could account for it as well I suppose. I'm not sure but I'm by no means done with growing and hope I never am so, who knows, maybe I'll have an answer to that some day as well.




RaspberryLemon -> RE: Cravings (2/25/2012 1:08:46 AM)

Casteele touched on a lot of good points.

For me, cravings (for most anything) don't go away. They are not merely something I want, but something I need. When I have an actual craving (rather than me just sort of wanting) for a certain food, I feel physically sick until I can get to eat some. It doesn't go away if I ignore it and often times I can't even eat other food until I get a hold of the food I am craving. Once I do get the food I feel better. I may or may not want more of it, and I may or may not have a craving for it soon again. I find no pattern with that.

Cravings for other types of things, however, can have this effect:
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
I have Shorey and yet I crave him all of the time.
I crave accessible things that I love and that bring me joy all of the time.
I crave my Master constantly, even though he is with me. When we could not be with each other, that craving being unsatisfied gave me incredible feelings of loneliness, longing, and unrest. I felt sick, as with food cravings, but in a different way. The longer we were apart, the stronger these feelings became. And yet when we finally reunited and my craving was fulfilled, I stopped feeling "sick" but did not stop craving him.

My cravings for those foods happen sometimes, because I only need those foods sometimes. My craving for my Master is constant--I need him all the time.



MusicalBoredom -> RE: Cravings (2/25/2012 6:01:45 AM)

I have no way to turn off a desire once I get it. I simply don't the device that others seem to have to be able to deny myself something that I really want. They best I've ever been able to do is to say that I can get it later if I want or at least limit what I get. For example, I really to try to be healthy but sometimes I want a freaking donut. Once I want it I'm going to get it. I have no way of perpetually denying myself so I just go ahead and buy one single donut.

My other trick is with money where I go and virtually buy everything that I've been thinking of. I'm usually satisfied with saying that I could buy 3 new guitars, a new boat, some impractical car and a dozen dancing girls without actually getting them. Just saying I could is enough to not feel denied. But then sometimes I've just got to splurge.



poise -> RE: Cravings (2/25/2012 7:39:48 AM)

I was doing fine with my craving until you mentioned donut, darn you!
I’ve been craving an apple and crumb donut from Dunkin Donuts for a few
months now, yet, given the fact that the only Dunkin Donuts is an hours drive
away, I know that it will take effort on my part to actually gas up, take time out
of my day to drive down there in god awful traffic, just to satisfy my desire for a stinkin' donut.
Am I worth it? Hell yes. But I also enjoy having the craving itself, without allowing it to
take precedence over the things I already have and enjoy.



MusicalBoredom -> RE: Cravings (2/25/2012 7:55:36 AM)

Well king cake is my other normal craving. I gave in but now it's another year. Just so you know, my apt in NY across the street from Duncan Donuts.



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