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RE: Question about how women break up? - 2/26/2012 7:00:57 AM

kalikshama

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I let my ex know SIX months ahead of time, gave him the specific date when it was firmed up, packed and did preliminary moving ahead of time in front of him, and to this day he accuses me of "sneaking out in the dead of night."

OP - sorry you were hurt - we can only speculate - perhaps previous breakups did not go well for her - perhaps you missed something.

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RE: Question about how women break up? - 2/26/2012 7:19:43 AM

Killerangel

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Men do weird breakup things too, it's not limited to gender. I'd have to say though, after comparing with others, men seem to do the fade away disappearing act more often than actively blocking and actually taking action. The passive vanishing act breakup seems to be more a guy thing. Maybe women seem to be more proactive instead of passive in breaking up because they have more at risk with personal safety?

Hard to move on when you don't know the reason for something, and then again it makes sense that there might be a clue in there that you're not seeing at the moment or not giving credence to. I honestly find it hard to believe that you wouldn't know anything about why she made this choice in such an aggressive manner. I'm not saying you deserved it, just that for someone to take such a strong stand there is usually some kind of reason why.

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RE: Question about how women break up? - 2/26/2012 8:12:32 AM

DesFIP

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It isn't a female thing, it's a people thing. Many people avoid confrontation. And telling someone you don't want to see them again, you've met someone else is never a pleasant conversation. Nobody's ever going to respond to that with "What a good idea". It's always filled with recriminations.

However, I bet if you think back, she did tell you numerous times about things she was unhappy about only you didn't listen. Men tend to leave in order to get their point across. Women don't do that. Usually by the time we leave we are no longer willing to discuss anything, try to fix anything. We're done.

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RE: Question about how women break up? - 2/26/2012 8:15:05 AM

hangemhigh1953

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http://m.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=%2F&gl=US#/watch?v=73dP5PdDEyI

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RE: Question about how women break up? - 2/26/2012 10:04:04 AM

LoreBook

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I'd say its because a lot of guys just don't believe you when you tell them its over.

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RE: Question about how women break up? - 2/26/2012 10:17:31 AM

Winterapple

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FR
Both men and women do this.
Sometimes it's best to cut it off and
shut it down.
I wouldn't do it capriciously, it would be based
on something. Something I knew talking about
wasn't going to change. When it's over it's over.
She may have had guys in the past she had a hard
time getting rid of. Guys who didn't want to accept
the relationship was over. And if one party wants out
the relationship is over.

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RE: Question about how women break up? - 2/26/2012 10:27:59 AM

graceadieu

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quote:

ORIGINAL: rubic80

Thanks everyone…Your thoughts helped – sincerely so. It helps one feel better.

To your question - I can definitely say no cheating, no lying with 100 % certainty. Although I can’t say the same for her (she may have).

Obviously I don't know anything about your situation, but yeah, it is possible that she was doing something iffy and cut off all contact with you to avoid getting caught. (For example, if she was seeing someone else while she was seeing you, and chose the other guy and cut you off to avoid conflict.)

Or maybe somehow she came to believe that you were lying or cheating or crazy, even if it's not true?

Either way, like others have said, it's not just a women thing. It's a (shitty) people thing.

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RE: Question about how women break up? - 2/26/2012 10:56:03 AM

OsideGirl

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I've done it. I was dating a guy that during a spat went into a towering rage. About a week later, we had a discussion about that behavior and he swore it wouldn't happen again. About a month later, it did happen again. I went home and left him a voicemail the next day saying we were done and blocked him from everything.

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RE: Question about how women break up? - 2/26/2012 11:47:30 AM

Madame4a

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welcome to the electronic age... at least you didn't find out on a post it note...

and its a cowardly way to do it, but it works... just remember the callous and cruel way it was done if she ever
wants you back

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RE: Question about how women break up? - 2/26/2012 1:27:41 PM

Hotch

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You lost control of the relationship and got blind sided. Rookie mistake. Relationships don't end for no reason, you were just too oblivious to see it coming. If you were faithful and suspected her of cheating, it should've been you dropping the bomb on her. You obviously lost her respect with your nievity. Suck it up, learn to read your relationships and take action to move then in the direction you want them to go. You can't (and shouldn't) literally control what others want or do, but you can take action for what YOU want and be astute enough to gauge the response. I hate the saying, but it fits here... Man up.

< Message edited by Hotch -- 2/26/2012 1:31:55 PM >

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RE: Question about how women break up? - 2/26/2012 3:01:53 PM

SailingBum

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Life is a bitch and then you marry one. Girls do stupid shit all the time get used to it.

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RE: Question about how women break up? - 2/26/2012 3:39:10 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheBootyMan

Not just women breakup this way.

That's for sure! In the mid-80s, I was two weeks away from getting married and the guy posted a break-up note (yes, a post-it note) on my freaking front door....this was before the age of texting. He worked night-shift & had put it there sometime during the night. I found it the next morning before I went to work.

I loved him like crazy and he said he loved me too. I'd been working extra shifts as a nurse to pay for the wedding which, btw, was all paid for at that point. I was totally shocked, it fucked up my whole day at work and I was a basket case for the day. I was also pissed he didn't have the balls to tell me in person or at least make an Fing phone call.

IMO, no matter what, an in-person break up is better. This texting and leaving notes business is, IMO, totally spineless bullshit.

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RE: Question about how women break up? - 2/26/2012 7:07:57 PM

searching4mysir

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FR

The ONLY reason I would ever end things in such a way was if I thought doing it in any other way would impair my desire to live. I would literally have to fear for my life, in which case I would completely disappear...quit my job, move, etc.

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RE: Question about how women break up? - 2/26/2012 8:22:43 PM

xssve

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quote:

ORIGINAL: rubic80

Greetings

I have a question – my doll (somewhat active here) decided one day to break up. But she did it in a very odd way – I’d like to know if I missed something.

There are many factors in life which can strain a relationship. Instead of going into all my faults I’ll just say this. The day before we pleasantly discussed dinner.

Then the next day a text saying we can’t ever see each other. I text back – blocked and returned. I called to make sure everything is ok. Phone number blocked. (I talked with a mutual friend to make sure nothing serious actually happened – it didn’t – this was her way of breaking up)

She deleted me…not even a goodbye.

Women tell me…is it to avoid conflict? Is it because saying goodbye feels sad and it’s too sad to say?

I think it’s more damaging to a person to disappear without a trace - without letting the hurt one say goodbye.

Has anyone else had this happen ? does anyone else do this - if so why?

Thanks

rubic

Yes, you missed something - one of her girl (or boy) friends convinced her you were a serial killer or something.

That or maybe she missed her meds, it happens.

Yes, women are crazy, nothing they do surprises me anymore.

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RE: Question about how women break up? - 2/26/2012 10:00:38 PM

amaidiamond

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Been dumped by text message before... but never the cut off contact thing..

Hope you heal soon

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RE: Question about how women break up? - 2/27/2012 7:28:38 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir

The ONLY reason I would ever end things in such a way was if I thought doing it in any other way would impair my desire to live. I would literally have to fear for my life, in which case I would completely disappear...quit my job, move, etc.

That's why I did it. During a little spat he suddenly went into a rage. Throwing things, screaming, putting a fist through a wall and moving very aggressively. Frankly, it frightened me. He swore it wouldn't happen again and it did. I wasn't staying in a relationship where someone displays his anger in that manner.

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RE: Question about how women break up? - 2/27/2012 7:48:30 AM

swidgen

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The one and only time that I have done this to someone was when I left a very abusive marriage. Even then, once we were out and safe, I told him directly that it was over. He lost it, I hung up on him. Done.

I have been abandoned but never in a relationship. I wouldn't do it to someone, either. You will never have the answers that you want and she doesn't owe you an explanation.

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RE: Question about how women break up? - 2/27/2012 9:51:52 AM

DennisNajee

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Maybe I missed it, but was this relationship real time or online? If it was real time and you had met and knew each other, then I find it cowardly and coarse. Especially if you didnt exhibit behavior which she would have felt endangered.

If it was online, the first thought that popped into my head is "just another fake".

Good luck to you and I hope the hurt passes quickly. It will. Do not give up on the lifestyle because of one particular individual.

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RE: Question about how women break up? - 2/27/2012 2:30:32 PM

MariaB

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You say she is active here. Is she active since she blocked you? It is possible her husband or live in partner found your text messages etc and she's now in trouble and you are history.

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RE: Question about how women break up? - 2/27/2012 2:38:08 PM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DennisNajee

Maybe I missed it, but was this relationship real time or online? If it was real time and you had met and knew each other, then I find it cowardly and coarse. Especially if you didnt exhibit behavior which she would have felt endangered.

If it was online, the first thought that popped into my head is "just another fake".

Good luck to you and I hope the hurt passes quickly. It will. Do not give up on the lifestyle because of one particular individual.

That is what I was wondering also.

If it was just an i-net thing then....... NEXT!!!!!!!!

Online this shit happens all the time. People are weird. Don't get emotionally attached to people online.

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