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Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz - 2/27/2012 5:11:35 PM

GoodlilGirlForU

Posts: 27
Joined: 1/10/2012
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Ok I got involved with a man that I knew was married it is listed prominently in his profile, but he told me his wife was FINE with him having a sub. So of course she had no idea and he is just flat out screwing around on her. Which I find out for sure from wife, she and I are now friends sort of.
Problem is I went down on him and swallowed and now I hear from his wife she is sure he has STD's. I am kind of freaking out here. The oral is the only sexual contact we had thank God. I feel so stupid and guillable.

Post #: 1

RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz - 2/27/2012 5:16:34 PM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
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First, I have had instances where I hear: "I'm married but we have an 'understanding' so ...". At that point, right there, I ask that the three of us get together for coffee so that we can all talk. All communication except about where and when to have coffee ends, immediately.

I know. That doesn't help you, now.

I'm sorry that you find yourself in this situation and the only advice I can give you is to go get tested (even some AIDS tests only take 3 weeks to give a good indication, these days).

I would recommend that if you find yourself in a similar situation in the future, my first paragraph is a really good way to go to seperate the wheat from the chaff.

Peace and comfort,

Michael

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Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

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RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz - 2/27/2012 5:16:43 PM

SorceressJ

Posts: 2968
Joined: 7/24/2010
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Rule # 47: No. Married. Men. whose wives you have not spoken to and cleared things with them first. EVER.
Honey, you're lucky she was amenable to even speaking to you, much less now kinda sorta being your friend, as you say. My Husband is a faithful and well-satisfied Man so I don't have this issue in my life. But if the wife was me, I'd have taken this revelation out on both of you, in whatever way I could. A married couple belongs first to each other, and you had no right. Be more careful next time and mind Rule 47, the best advice I can give you.

EDITED to add: Oh yes. Get tested. TODAY.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

< Message edited by SorceressJ -- 2/27/2012 5:20:49 PM >

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RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz - 2/27/2012 5:18:33 PM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
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Yikes! What a scary situation to be in, especially when you thought you made sure everything was on the up and up.
Since you are asking for advice, I would highly recommend you refrain from any unprotected sexual
activity with anyone else until you have been checked and show clean of having caught anything from him.
In the future, if you find yourself attracted to someone who says he is married and his wife is fine with
him having other relationships, ask to speak to the wife. Also, refrain from having sexual contact until
you see his clean bill of health.
Best of luck to you!

< Message edited by poise -- 2/27/2012 5:19:55 PM >

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RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz - 2/27/2012 5:20:00 PM

Lockit

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Go to the doctor. Pretty simple.

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Post #: 5

RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz - 2/27/2012 5:20:47 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

now I hear from his wife she is sure he has STD's

She's probably just twisting the knife but do get tested now, and again (it used to be 6 months for AIDS but I think it's less now.)

Moving forward, take DS's excellent advice:

quote:

First, I have had instances where I hear: "I'm married but we have an 'understanding' so ...". At that point, right there, I ask that the three of us get together for coffee so that we can all talk. All communication except about where and when to have coffee ends, immediately.

(in reply to GoodlilGirlForU)

Post #: 6

RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz - 2/27/2012 5:21:30 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
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I hate to say this, but get a hardcopy printout of his profile. If you choose to go after him for damages, proof of the fact that he lied about her being on board will be critical.

Then calm down and hope for a positive test result. Having the sorry bastard pay for your testing will be a good first step.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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Post #: 7

RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz - 2/27/2012 5:25:44 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoodlilGirlForU

Ok I got involved with a man that I knew was married it is listed prominently in his profile, but he told me his wife was FINE with him having a sub. So of course she had no idea and he is just flat out screwing around on her.

Shocking.

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Post #: 8

RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz - 2/27/2012 5:43:37 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

All I can say is go get tested for STDs. NOW. In the future, if anyone....ever....says they're married but the Mrs is okay with it....demand that all THREE of you sit down and talk about it BEFORE you do anything whatsoever with him. Lots of cheaters say she is okay with it when, in fact, she is NOT. I'm poly, buy lying and cheating is different than that. Even poly people can cheat, depending on the agreed-upon rules, and if I found out he was lying/cheating with someone, his ass AND HERS would both be in a sling.

NBMG

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Post #: 9

RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz - 2/27/2012 5:45:14 PM

Killerangel

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Well, it's no big deal to get tested for STD's, that's kind of why they have STD tests; because people have sex and need to know what they caught. You obviously don't have to tell them at the clinic anything about BDSM, just that you had contact orally with semen and you'd like to know what tests you need to take. Believe me, the people at your local dr's office or health clinic have heard much worse.

It's kind of odd though that the wife is saying to you that he's got STD's, why wouldn't she want him to get help for that? Is she not coming into intimate contact with the man, and if not, why wouldn't she want him to be clean? Her staying with the guy and getting him away from other women like you kind of implies she wants him around. Not sure why she wouldn't want him to be healthy then.

(in reply to GoodlilGirlForU)

Post #: 10

RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz - 2/27/2012 5:51:16 PM

JanahX

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Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

Go get tested at the doctors office and request a full STD screening. If you have something they will be able to treat you.

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Post #: 11

RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz - 2/27/2012 5:54:29 PM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Killerangel

It's kind of odd though that the wife is saying to you that he's got STD's, why wouldn't she want him to get help for that? Is she not coming into intimate contact with the man, and if not, why wouldn't she want him to be clean? Her staying with the guy and getting him away from other women like you kind of implies she wants him around. Not sure why she wouldn't want him to be healthy then.

Good point but this brings up something on the other side of the coin ...

"Is she not coming into intimate contact with the man ..."

While I think if that's the case, I would end the relationship, but there's a bit of a stickier (is that a word?) wicket, here. Is someone in that situation actually "cheating"?

If my partner needs something that I can't or won't provide (I will never go to another opera), don't they have the "right" to enjoy a night at the opera with someone who does enjoy it?

Sure, sex isn't opera and I've already said that I wouldn't continue in a such a relationship but, this would put a different spin on it. If the wife has cut off intimate contact, that brings up two thoughts:

1) Maybe it is because she knows he's got some kind of bug

B) Is the wife just one of these "I-don't-want-you-but-no-one-else-is-going-to-have-you-either" types? If this is the case, her claim that he's "dirty" could just be a means to arrive at those ends.

Peace and comfort,

Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to Killerangel)

Post #: 12

RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz - 2/27/2012 6:19:36 PM

Baroana

Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I hate to say this, but get a hardcopy printout of his profile. If you choose to go after him for damages, proof of the fact that he lied about her being on board will be critical.

Then calm down and hope for a positive test result. Having the sorry bastard pay for your testing will be a good first step.

Sorry, if there was such a place as Breakup Court, the line would extend out the door for miles, and the states would all be bankrupt for trying to fund it.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 13

RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz - 2/27/2012 7:24:49 PM

frazzle

Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline

I must say i'd have said something similar, doesnt mean there's a word of truth in it, but it would stop his philandering while i sorted out packing his bags and changing the locks

(in reply to GoodlilGirlForU)

Post #: 14

RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz - 2/27/2012 7:31:23 PM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle

I must say i'd have said something similar, doesnt mean there's a word of truth in it, but it would stop his philandering while i sorted out packing his bags and changing the locks

I did something similar. I was very careful ...

A guy I knew wanted to show me a photo of "some chick I've been banging while her husband's away". Imagine my surprise when it turned out to be the twat waffle to whom I was married! I had ceased intimate contact long before so, I didn't really begrudge what she was doing, per se ...

Instead of engaging in what could be considered slander (saying something mean and untrue about her), I said: "Oh! I've seen her. Be careful, though. Rumor has it her husband has the bug." I don't plan on suing myself for slander. LOL

Peace and comfort,

Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to frazzle)

Post #: 15

RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz - 2/27/2012 7:34:31 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

It doesn't matter if he's still sleeping with his wife or not. It doesn't change the fact that he lied to the op about this. More important, hopefully the op will in future insist on first having both she and any prospective partner get std scans before they get sexual. And that when having sex with anyone who has other partners, insisting on using both condoms and dental dams.

I hope you haven't caught anything, but the responsibility for you protecting yourself from disease lies on you.

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Post #: 16

RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz - 2/27/2012 7:35:58 PM

GoodlilGirlForU

Posts: 27
Joined: 1/10/2012
Status: offline

Thanks everyone for your advice I take the blame for not making sure he was clean. I cant post his profile here or I would, but we talked for a while before we met this was not a one night stand type of thing. He outright lied to me. But such is life and I am going to chalk this up to a learning experience and will no better in the future. Going to get tested asap.
DarkSteven- Not going after him to pay for testing and all that, but I did copy his profile just in case.

< Message edited by GoodlilGirlForU -- 2/27/2012 7:38:55 PM >

(in reply to frazzle)

Post #: 17

RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz - 2/27/2012 7:41:12 PM

Baroana

Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline

I was expecting to see your profile showing your age as 20, give or take. I was then going to give you a PSA about believing a married stranger who tells you that their spouse is all right with the two of you having sex ("The More You Know....")

But holy crap, lady. You're 45??? Come on!

(in reply to GoodlilGirlForU)

Post #: 18

RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz - 2/27/2012 7:53:02 PM

frazzle

Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline

Like it

I admit i've no sympathy with the OP, but "the wife knows and understands".

Dont you have to be 18 to believe that without checking???

You played with a married, his wife found out and you realy think she gives a damn about you.

And you now want a pat on the back and play the victim!!!

Just seen your last post OP.

You should have checked he was clean???

NO You should have checked his wife was in agreement.

< Message edited by frazzle -- 2/27/2012 7:55:44 PM >

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 19

RE: Married Dom Lied to Me advice plz - 2/28/2012 6:23:12 AM

risktaker9

Posts: 197
Joined: 3/10/2010
Status: offline

FYI, you can't post profiles in here or anywhere on the site - it's called blacklisting and it's not allowed.

Since your profile says you're married and looking for a Master, did this guy ask to speak to your husband to make sure he was on board with things? Maybe in the future you could use that as a litmus test to see if someone you are considering is the right person or not.

(in reply to GoodlilGirlForU)

Post #: 20

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