Is she a natural submissive? (Full Version)

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southernman808 -> Is she a natural submissive? (3/1/2012 6:29:46 AM)

I go to the pet store to buy some fish the other day. The nice young lady assisting me was VERY deferale, and this is the second time I have met her and she acted the same way before. I would ask question and she would answer, allways saying Yes Sir, No Sir, ect. Now I know part of that might be being respectfull of me as a customer but I have NEVER been treated so in a Store. She seem generally afraid that I was disappointed in her answer. Maybe she was picking up on my domiance, as I was clearly talking down/to her? Any way my question to you self relized subs out there is she a natural Submissive and could I (if Pushed her) a bit own/take her? How do I know if she is or not, even if she dosen't understand herself. I need to find out if has a boyfriend. Hell would if even matter if she did because maybe he isn't giving her what she truely disires/needs.



poise -> RE: Is she a natural submissive? (3/1/2012 6:41:31 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: southernman808
Maybe she was picking up on my domiance, as I was clearly talking down/to her?

Is it possible you are confusing dominant with domineering?
I've never met one that felt the need to talk down to me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: southernman808
Any way my question to you self relized subs out there is she a natural Submissive and
could I (if Pushed her) a bit own/take her?

Whoa dude, back the heck up. She sold you a fish. What's so submissive about that?

quote:

ORIGINAL: southernman808
How do I know if she is or not, even if she dosen't understand herself. I need to find out if has a boyfriend. Hell would if even matter if she did because maybe he isn't giving her what she truely disires/needs.

Here you go confusing dominance with domineering again. Why would you want to mess with
another mans property? The dominant thing to do would be to find one of your own.



DarkSteven -> RE: Is she a natural submissive? (3/1/2012 6:47:18 AM)

Fella, have you ever seen movies? Angelina Jolie played a badass action star in Salt and in the Lara Croft movies. She's not like that in real life.

Your clerk was paid to act deferential. That's it. She is PAID TO DO THAT. I'm not saying she isn't. I'm saying the jury's out.

That said, if you're attracted to her, ask her out and bring it up on the first date and see what she does.

Before you do that, though, I'd suggest getting involved with your local groups and finding out what a real Dom is like and how he's concerned about himself AND his sub's best interests. Hint: don't even THINK of stealing a sub from an existing relationship.



littlewonder -> RE: Is she a natural submissive? (3/1/2012 6:53:06 AM)

Dude, she doesn't want to lose her job. She is paid to be nice and polite. Every Petco store I've ever been to and there have been many, they all are like that...male, female, young, old, etc....they hire people who will be polite to their customers. For all you know she was probably thinking of her lunch break while being nice to you or biting her tongue thinking she couldn't wait for you to leave. For example, sometimes I'm extremely polite to people because I don't like them but I don't want them to stick around any longer than they have to. So I'm polite and they won't start any shit and they'll leave.

I'd say get a grip and stop viewing sub/dom in everyone and everything and just see them as a person. Now if you like her everytime you go in then ask her to have a cup of coffee with you and see where it leads.



ProlificNeeds -> RE: Is she a natural submissive? (3/1/2012 6:57:09 AM)

I work in customer service. I am very polite and respectful to all customers, male and female.

If any of them presumed to assume anything personal about me I'd be inclined to risk my job just to slap them in the face.

You fall into that catagory, if I was the fish-lady and knew what you'd posted here I'd be pretty disgusted.

She's a person worth the same respect as anyone else, submissives are not doormats or lesser people for you to fuck with.



fucktoyprincess -> RE: Is she a natural submissive? (3/1/2012 6:58:27 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: southernman808
Maybe she was picking up on my domiance, as I was clearly talking down/to her?


Were you not raised properly by your parents? Since when do you speak down to people who are in the service industry? She is being paid by her employer to do a job. Who the heck do you think you are to treat someone like that? This is actually a serious question. Let me tell you something. I can tell a lot about a human being by how they treat people in the service industry. People who ill treat waiters, salesmen, etc. usually do so because they are highly insecure individuals. Maybe what she was picking up on was the fact that you were behaving like a jerk, and she was just trying to force herself to continue to be polite by responding the way she did.

BDSM is a world based on consent. One doesn't go around "dominating" people in the course of one's usual life because, guess what. She hasn't consented to be "talked down" to. So please educate yourself, and develop some self-esteem. And learn how to treat people who are in the service industry. They are not there to provide you with your BDSM jollies as you run your errands. I apologize to others on this thread if my response seems excessive, but the OP's behavior and attitude is just plain rude. I would have expected better from someone who actually describes himself as a "southern man" - well, have you heard of manners????



WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Is she a natural submissive? (3/1/2012 7:15:47 AM)

If you were talking down to her,  she was probably nervous about getting into trouble if your superior attitude wasn't properly catered to.  I really dislike people who 'talk down to' the people who provide them service.  I hope that was just a poor choice of words, and you weren't really being that rude to the poor girl.

People who assume a relationship with the clerk who sold them fish, inspires the squicky and makes me think of a few Criminal Mind episodes.

If you really liked her, go back and tell her that you found her charming and you'd like the opportunity to get to know her better.  Although, a little voice inside me is screaming NO NO NO NO....but that is probably just the squick talking.

WinD

PS - poaching is another unattractive trait.  Disrespecting boundaries (which is what I consider an existing relationship to have) is not a good trait in a person,  and a very terrifying trait in someone dominant.





DesFIP -> RE: Is she a natural submissive? (3/1/2012 7:20:24 AM)

She's probably a new trainee and worried she'll get fired if she doesn't make enough sales. Nothing to do with you except that by doing this, she sold something. With a customer who joked, she would have smiled and laughed, just to make the sale. Don't worry, after you left she was thinking "God, what a pompous ass".



MrsT301 -> RE: Is she a natural submissive? (3/1/2012 7:23:07 AM)

I do sometimes see a natural dominant or submissive aspect to someone's personality and wonder inwardly if they are like that in bed too. But that doesn't mean that they are in any way.
She was just being nice.



Hillwilliam -> RE: Is she a natural submissive? (3/1/2012 7:25:47 AM)

To an untrained eye, anyone who is good at retail or in a service business will look like a 'natural sub' to a new customer/client.

I'm a real estate broker. By law, I have to "follow any legal instructions of my client" as it pertains to a transaction.

Does that make me a sub?

Wanna find out the hard way? [sm=evil.gif]



OsideGirl -> RE: Is she a natural submissive? (3/1/2012 7:34:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: southernman808
Maybe she was picking up on my domiance, as I was clearly talking down/to her?
Talking down to someone isn't dominance. Condescension is arrogant, which is under the definition of domineering.

quote:

Any way my question to you self relized subs out there is she a natural Submissive
There's no such thing as a natural submissive. Being a submissive is learned behavior. It is possible that she has a submissive personality.

quote:

and could I (if Pushed her) a bit own/take her? How do I know if she is or not, even if she dosen't understand herself. I need to find out if has a boyfriend. Hell would if even matter if she did because maybe he isn't giving her what she truely disires/needs.
You could ask her out on date, get to know her, and then test the waters. Pushing her or cutting in on her boyfriend would just be behaving like an asshole.



jennileigh8182 -> RE: Is she a natural submissive? (3/1/2012 8:26:13 AM)

I'm going to go out on a limb and answer the OP a different way.

There are some people that inspire a naturally submissive reaction. I recall a man in the grocery store a few years ago, who I didn't even speak to, just another customer....we crossed paths a few times, going opposite ways down the aisles. Something in his demeanor, the way he looked at me, i deferred without even thinking about it, eyes lowering, murmuring a soft and deferential 'excuse me' if we came too close or I needed something near him. That might sound normal to some, but it's not for me. I'm pretty alpha in my normal interactions. I'm a supervisor at work and I'm almost always in control....except in a relationship. Now, was he actually a dominant? Hard to say for sure, but he put that energy out during such a dull, normal activity as grocery shopping. Am I a natural sub? He might have thought so, others have indeed thought so, and yet others have said I'm a very poor attempt at a sub.

It comes down to: get to know her and find out....but maybe.



LadyXandreia -> RE: Is she a natural submissive? (3/1/2012 8:27:33 AM)

You should have whipped it out right then and there. That would have been the dominant thing to do.



graceadieu -> RE: Is she a natural submissive? (3/1/2012 8:39:48 AM)

Even if she has a submissive personality, which may or may not actually be case, she's only/mainly being so nice and deferential to you because it's her job. It's very unlikely that she wants to date you and be your sub!

I used to work in customer service, and yeah, I always bent over backwards to be nice and helpful to customers, and at least part of that was because of my submissive personality. BUT, being nice to them didn't mean I wanted to date them (and I got asked out or flirted with almost every day by customers while at work). It was just my job. And I definitely wouldn't have dated anybody who talked down to me. They would've been right out.



OsideGirl -> RE: Is she a natural submissive? (3/1/2012 8:51:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jennileigh8182

There are some people that inspire a naturally submissive reaction. I recall a man in the grocery store a few years ago, who I didn't even speak to, just another customer....we crossed paths a few times, going opposite ways down the aisles. Something in his demeanor, the way he looked at me, i deferred without even thinking about it, eyes lowering, murmuring a soft and deferential 'excuse me' if we came too close or I needed something near him.


I'll agree with this.

Master gets that reaction a lot. Vanillas will defer to him and even open his doors. We have a favorite waitress that gets all tongue tied and flustered when she serves him. He always treats her with respect, but he does enjoy her reaction. It just means that shes got a submissive personality and he's got an alpha personality, it doesn't mean she's A submissive.

(I'm also very alpha, and I naturally defer to him as well)



WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Is she a natural submissive? (3/1/2012 9:25:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: jennileigh8182

There are some people that inspire a naturally submissive reaction. I recall a man in the grocery store a few years ago, who I didn't even speak to, just another customer....we crossed paths a few times, going opposite ways down the aisles. Something in his demeanor, the way he looked at me, i deferred without even thinking about it, eyes lowering, murmuring a soft and deferential 'excuse me' if we came too close or I needed something near him.


I'll agree with this.

Master gets that reaction a lot. Vanillas will defer to him and even open his doors. We have a favorite waitress that gets all tongue tied and flustered when she serves him. He always treats her with respect, but he does enjoy her reaction. It just means that shes got a submissive personality and he's got an alpha personality, it doesn't mean she's A submissive.

(I'm also very alpha, and I naturally defer to him as well)


I agree with this too.  It is pretty rare (and getting rarer by the minute) that I react instinctively to what I perceive as a dominant 'presence,' but it has happened.  It can be very unsettling and delicious all at the same time, when one comes across such an extreme and visceral attraction to a virtual stranger.



JeffBC -> RE: Is she a natural submissive? (3/1/2012 9:45:09 AM)

Aside from all the excellent commentary already given, I'll make a few observations.

a) What is a "natural" sub?
I used to use this phrase but then I finally realized that it's a pretty safe bet that whatever people do it is natural to them. Put differently, what exactly is an un-natural sub?

That being said, I'll go ahead and make a wild guess at what you mean. I'm guessing you mean a woman who submits by default out in the world at large. Some might call such a person meek, deferential, or a doormat depending on their viewpoint. The counter-point I use in my head is the "I submit only to one" crowd who are otherwise "strong" and "assertive" (both questionable terms).

Assuming that's what you meant, I'm married to such a woman and find the rest of your reasoning implausible. For starters

b) If she is a "natural sub" (I call it social sub or "sub by default") then this has nothing to do with you
Think about it. You're talking about a person who just "naturally" submits... TO EVERYONE. In that vein, you're nothing special... just another "anyone". In that same way Carol's submitting to me says little about my "dominance". At most it says she loves me, respects me, and trusts me enough to just let her "natural" behavior express unfettered by safety concerns.

c) If she's a "natural sub", then her responses are not going to be conditioned by BDSM-isms.
The very last thing Carol would EVER do is throw a bunch of extraneous "Sir's into a conversation. In general her big drive is to make other people feel comfortable so she'd be sticking to whatever society scripts were appropriate to any given situation. She would not be taking risks with a bunch of BDSM-language to a probably not BDSM person. In other words, even if she IS a "natural sub" then all your seeing is polite responses in a normal social context. Your interpretation of "Sir" is probably incorrect. It doesn't mean she respects you or your dominance. It means she's being polite and respecting social norms and not wanting to rock your boat.

could I (if Pushed her) a bit own/take her?
see all the other excellent answers. You really know nothing about the woman. In addition, there are always the ephemeral "chemistry" questions. There's no way to know until you try.

How do I know if she is or not, even if she dosen't understand herself.
Well, when I'm looking at someone I think is like this what I do is get them into some situation that is not really constrained... a casual social situation. Then I look to see whether they naturally adopt a follower position. If I offer her a seat does she take the one offered or another one? Who steers the conversation? I do my best to add up a zillion little data points... no one of which is conclusive. But yeah, if she generally lets me lead in the tiny little under-the-radar stuff then I'm going to call her a social sub. That still says NOTHING about whether she'd submit to me in anything more significant. There are a LOT of variables to human relationships.

I need to find out if has a boyfriend. Hell would if even matter if she did because maybe he isn't giving her what she truely disires/needs.
ROFLCOPTER. Step away from the keyboard and back into reality. Yes, it matters if she has a boyfriend. If nothing else, it ought to matter to you who is, presumably, a man of honor seeing as all BDSM doms are men of honor, right?



Lockit -> RE: Is she a natural submissive? (3/1/2012 9:56:57 AM)

An alpha man doesn't need to talk down to people. An alpha man doesn't need to pick up chicks he is mistreating in stores when she is selling him fish. An alpha man doesn't need to help the people they see as helpless that really must not know what they want or need or have men in their lives that must not be giving them what they want and need simply because they are put off by a man talking down to them while they are doing their job. An alpha man isn't so desperate to find a little girly sub that he will project himself into a position no one could refuse.. as in taking what he wanted.

In this economy, she may really need her job. She had to temper what she really wanted to do to your pompous talking, delusional ass treatment of her... which was to plant her eye teeth into a certain vain of your neck and shred you... but didn't want to lose her job or her freedom. So she defused and tempered herself and she was afraid to answer you wrongly because to do anything but, might mean she shredded you.

You don't sound like a natural dominant that has an essence that people pick up on because you are so supermanish. You sound like every other sex offender I ever heard of.

But your honor... she wanted it.




littleone35 -> RE: Is she a natural submissive? (3/1/2012 11:17:21 AM)

i used to word in retail and out of cmmom courtsy i called all the men Sir and  woman Mam or MS.  Sure i am a sub, but i was not subbinh to them i was being polite.  In retail we are taught to be polite to all.  if evey man i called sir thought i was his there would a a long ling of guys lining up.  I was polite i sibmit to only one.

Matt's littleone



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Is she a natural submissive? (3/1/2012 11:40:59 AM)

You talked down to a sales clerk and now you are fantasizing a D/s relationship? Really? Please check out your local kink group and work on educating yourself.

You appear to be a reasonably attractive man, with the right attitude and knowledge you might make a great dominant one day. But, in my opinion, you have a loooooong way to go.

Best, Chatte



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