Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Why is Respect Lacking?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Why is Respect Lacking? Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Why is Respect Lacking? - 3/3/2012 3:07:50 PM   
lostnlooking9


Posts: 42
Joined: 10/27/2011
Status: offline 		I have a question for the Dommes out there. To preface I am not resentful or upset or angry or whatnot about this unlike some of the subs posting that I see. I'm just merely curious.

Basically why is so little respect given to subs?(in general not individuals you may know)
I understand the fact that there are so many of us and many don't deserve respect and that many of you dommes get "hundreds of messages a day"(which I find laughable. A lot of messages yes, that many? sounds inflated.)
So I don't mean about the lack of replies to messages sent to you.

What I mean is from messages that YOU send us. Or exchanges that you have with us.
Far too often, heck almost always, if I e-mail with a Domme back and forth, should the communication ends, it does just that, end.
No "sorry not interested" no "oh we're not compatible afterall" no "your not attractive to me" nothing. Just an end and and no reply ever returned.

I do my best to be respectful, and I have never sent any mean or nasty e-mails. Just normal conversational ones. I am always respectful and answer any questions they ask me and be myself and be honest.
And to be fair on occasion I do get a respectful end. But they come just as often as a disrespectful end "your a loser fake slave not worth my time". But most of the time I get nothing.

I know I won't be compatible with everyone I talk to. Either they would have issues or I do. But why Do Dommes give subs so little respect as soon as they find out things won't work or they see things not being perfect for them?

Saying those dommes are not real or fakes isn't true, as that isn't always the case.

I'm just curious.
I thank you and appreciate any and all answers given. Respectful or non. :)
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Why is Respect Lacking? - 3/3/2012 3:11:43 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline 		People seem to start threads on here sharing their own experiences and then asking "Why are [women/men/subs/doms/cats/dogs/insert other generic group here] like this"?

Does it occur to you that it's not about the group, but about the individual person? If you talk to dominant women, then that's the only group you're sampling from.

I'll have you know that I've been exposed to rude people of all persuasions. Chew on that.

(in reply to lostnlooking9)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Why is Respect Lacking? - 3/3/2012 3:55:10 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I can only speak for myself here. I am horrible with emails! I can't keep up with friends or strangers emails. If I slip up because I think I can get to emails and can't and then start the next day with the same intent, yet something comes up, they have to come back at me or I will forget.

For me its what I am wanting from the site in general. I am not here for the hooking up part and even before I had someone, that wasn't my focus. I came here for breaks during my day and the message board. My focus isn't email. Those that wish to contact me, that are friends can have my phone number or have it already and can call me. That is the best way to get a hold of me. (Not text... an actual call. I don't always hear the text or even get it.)

So if I have shared a few emails with someone and drop off the map... they can email me back or consider, I just don't have the time or am not interested. If that is rude... I guess I am rude. I have a life and do only what I want or feel is important or what I can manage to do in a day.




_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Why is Respect Lacking? - 3/3/2012 4:01:03 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana
Does it occur to you that it's not about the group, but about the individual person? If you talk to dominant women, then that's the only group you're sampling from.

I'll have you know that I've been exposed to rude people of all persuasions. Chew on that.


That.

And it's hard to respect people who don't respect you. Of course, people have differing opinions on what is "rude" and "disrespectful". I consider someone who asks me to be their Domme for no other reason than I am a self-identified Mistress to be highly disrespectful, for example.

As for "disappearing", there are a number of possibilities. Sometimes I never reply to a message because there's nothing for me to add to and the conversation dies off. Sometimes it's something I did not want to deal with at the moment I get it, and then, well, I forget to get back to them. I am not bombarded with "hundreds of messages", it's more around the "4 or 5 new solicitations a week when I've been logging in" mark, but even that can wear down on a person. And frankly, sometimes it's just easier to withdraw and withhold communication. Messages like "sorry we're incompatible" tends to invite stalkerish debates on how they could make themselves compatible that I'd rather not subject myself to, especially from a certain majority of "subs". It really comes down to the same thing when you've not gotten a response, whether it's to your initial message or several others down the line: she's not that into you.

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Why is Respect Lacking? - 3/3/2012 4:03:09 PM   
lostnlooking9


Posts: 42
Joined: 10/27/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

People seem to start threads on here sharing their own experiences and then asking "Why are [women/men/subs/doms/cats/dogs/insert other generic group here] like this"?

Does it occur to you that it's not about the group, but about the individual person? If you talk to dominant women, then that's the only group you're sampling from.

I'll have you know that I've been exposed to rude people of all persuasions. Chew on that.


I have been exposed to rude people of all kinds as well. I know rudeness happens and everyone is exposed to it in some sense or another at some point or another.

And you make an interesting point. It is about the individual, not the group. But when Most individuals of the group all do the same thing, doesn't it make the issue related to the group as a whole? Or does it point back to me, that if most Dommes disrespect me then it shows I am one that deserves their disrespect?

Or should I imply from that that most dommes are disrespectful and be asking why do you as an individual disrespect subs? But that is not what I desire to say nor think nor imply.

I am speaking to Dominant women because they are the ones I desire the sampling and answers from. They are the ones I receive the disrespect from. Dom Males, switches and subs I don't, so their answers, while perhaps insightful, would not be my main desire.

Ask me why do many men do this or that and I likely can step back and understand the question and have an answer because I am a man and from personal experience. Ask me why women do this or that and I would only be guessing based on my experience and such with women, not from any personal experience.

The same applies here in the differing perspectives.

I understand things from my side and perspective, but an trying to look at it from theirs so I can understand even better.

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Why is Respect Lacking? - 3/3/2012 4:10:35 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lostnlooking9


quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

People seem to start threads on here sharing their own experiences and then asking "Why are [women/men/subs/doms/cats/dogs/insert other generic group here] like this"?

Does it occur to you that it's not about the group, but about the individual person? If you talk to dominant women, then that's the only group you're sampling from.

I'll have you know that I've been exposed to rude people of all persuasions. Chew on that.


But when Most individuals of the group all do the same thing, doesn't it make the issue related to the group as a whole? Or does it point back to me, that if most Dommes disrespect me then it shows I am one that deserves their disrespect?

Or should I imply from that that most dommes are disrespectful and be asking why do you as an individual disrespect subs? But that is not what I desire to say nor think nor imply.



I'm under the weather and getting tired. Someone else can field this one, and I'll microwave me some popcorn.

(in reply to lostnlooking9)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Why is Respect Lacking? - 3/3/2012 4:11:13 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I don't think "disrespect" means what you think it does.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to lostnlooking9)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Why is Respect Lacking? - 3/3/2012 4:13:34 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I don't think "disrespect" means what you think it does.



(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Why is Respect Lacking? - 3/3/2012 4:16:57 PM   
lostnlooking9


Posts: 42
Joined: 10/27/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta

And it's hard to respect people who don't respect you. Of course, people have differing opinions on what is "rude" and "disrespectful". I consider someone who asks me to be their Domme for no other reason than I am a self-identified Mistress to be highly disrespectful, for example.

As for "disappearing", there are a number of possibilities. Sometimes I never reply to a message because there's nothing for me to add to and the conversation dies off. Sometimes it's something I did not want to deal with at the moment I get it, and then, well, I forget to get back to them. I am not bombarded with "hundreds of messages", it's more around the "4 or 5 new solicitations a week when I've been logging in" mark, but even that can wear down on a person. And frankly, sometimes it's just easier to withdraw and withhold communication. Messages like "sorry we're incompatible" tends to invite stalkerish debates on how they could make themselves compatible that I'd rather not subject myself to, especially from a certain majority of "subs". It really comes down to the same thing when you've not gotten a response, whether it's to your initial message or several others down the line: she's not that into you.



thank you. You do bring up a good point. I for one try to accept the opinions of others and usually if I'm told no or sorry or whatnot my replay is "no worries thanks for your time good luck" or something like that. However I can see how that might be the rare case. Especially from what I can see from many subs here. Which would make sense in that case.

But from my side it gets somewhat unnerving to have seemingly decent conversation that seems to be going well just end.
I'm not one to be buggy and reply back "so you havn't replied yet" or any such thing. I figure no reply means no interest.
It's just kind of sad and upsetting to have things just end.

I guess to turn it around it might feel the same way to me as a great sub just never showing up for that meeting that was planned and agreed on that I hear happens to Dommes far too often. And then just disappearing altogether. Though not exactly the same, similar perhaps?

And with the second point.. being too busy or forgotten about... if such is the case then I didn't impact or interest her enough to be unforgettable. lol So it's understandable.
Thank you for your thoughts here, they were along the lines of what I sought. a different perspective. :)

(in reply to Alecta)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Why is Respect Lacking? - 3/3/2012 4:30:49 PM   
lostnlooking9


Posts: 42
Joined: 10/27/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I don't think "disrespect" means what you think it does.



dis·re·spect (dsr-spkt)
n.
Lack of respect, esteem, or courteous regard.
tr.v. dis·re·spect·ed, dis·re·spect·ing, dis·re·spects
To show a lack of respect for: disrespected her elders; disrespected the law.


disrespect [ˌdɪsrɪˈspɛkt]
n
contempt; rudeness
vb
(tr) to show lack of respect for
disrespectful adj
disrespectfully adv
disrespectfulness n



I know and accept that perspectives are different, that situations are different and that people are different. Maybe you see it differently than I do. If so then so be it.

Let me turn things around so that you might be able to see, and perhaps understand things from my perspective.


Say a sub messaged you. You liked his message and replied. and so followed 3-4 more messages that were all enjoyable and showed no sign of dislike or hate whatnot. He sends you his pics and he's attractive to you. You send him yours and... nothing.
perhaps you may even be blocked by him.

Maybe pics are already sent and it's something else. Maybe you say "I don't like sissy play but I like everything else your into" and the same thing.

What would you call that if not disrespect?
it's not a lack of courteous regard that he was having an enjoyable conversation with?
it's not rude for the same reason?


Perhaps I'm wrong here, perhaps not. But it's how and why I see it as disrespect.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Why is Respect Lacking? - 3/3/2012 4:31:12 PM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I don't think "disrespect" that word means what you think it does.


Could you please wait until I say "Inconceivable!" for the third time before you say that?



Peace and comfort,



Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Why is Respect Lacking? - 3/3/2012 4:32:29 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lostnlooking9

But from my side it gets somewhat unnerving to have seemingly decent conversation that seems to be going well just end.
I'm not one to be buggy and reply back "so you havn't replied yet" or any such thing. I figure no reply means no interest.
It's just kind of sad and upsetting to have things just end.

I guess to turn it around it might feel the same way to me as a great sub just never showing up for that meeting that was planned and agreed on that I hear happens to Dommes far too often. And then just disappearing altogether. Though not exactly the same, similar perhaps?


I don't think it's out of line for a sub to message me after say, a week, to just gently find out what's going on or remind me to respond, so long as he/she isn't being all "don't you like me anymore???" or as if I owe them my rapt attention and immediate response (if it's something they needed an immediate response to on the other hand, lie what time are we meeting tomorrow, that's fair enough).

I think it's similar to people not showing up, but not the same. The situation you describe is usually coupled by the sub emailing the Domme after standing them up as if nothing'd happened, or making up some cock-and-bull story as to why they couldn't go, and it's the addition of the latter that pisses me off, as a Dome. If they didn't show up and just disappear off the face of the earth, I take it as the reality being too much for them and don't give it a second thought.

(in reply to lostnlooking9)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Why is Respect Lacking? - 3/3/2012 4:34:08 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lostnlooking9


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I don't think "disrespect" means what you think it does.


Let me turn things around so that you might be able to see, and perhaps understand things from my perspective.


Say a sub messaged you. You liked his message and replied. and so followed 3-4 more messages that were all enjoyable and showed no sign of dislike or hate whatnot. He sends you his pics and he's attractive to you. You send him yours and... nothing.
perhaps you may even be blocked by him.





(in reply to lostnlooking9)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Why is Respect Lacking? - 3/3/2012 4:50:38 PM   
SorceressJ


Posts: 2968
Joined: 7/24/2010
Status: offline 		OP, the thing you have to understand is, not a single one of these people owes you an answer, polite or otherwise, nor do I imagine they are basing their actions on whether or not you like their responses, or lack of same. These are strangers with lives of their own, often involving other people and time-consuming things like work. They owe you nothing, and it is presumptuous of you to assume that they should conduct themselves along the lines of your definitions of what is and is not mannerly. In an already-used phrase, they just aren't that into you, or they're busy, or ill, or sad, their hard drives imploded maybe. If it pleases you to think them rude for this, believe me, you wouldn't be the first one to either think that or start an entire thread about it. But in the end, extemporizing on it changes nothing. People are who they are, regardless.
What you do in cases like this, is the same thing we do when compatibility and connection are for whatever reason lacking: move on, and keep a stiffer upper lip so that when connection does happen (and it will, so long as you keep that faith and a positive attitude about who you are and what you want), you won't be too busy fretting about other people's behavioral reasoning to see it.


< Message edited by SorceressJ -- 3/3/2012 4:51:24 PM >

_____________________________

‎Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc. <93>)O(

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Why is Respect Lacking? - 3/3/2012 4:51:53 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lostnlooking9
Say a sub messaged you. You liked his message and replied. and so followed 3-4 more messages that were all enjoyable and showed no sign of dislike or hate whatnot. He sends you his pics and he's attractive to you. You send him yours and... nothing.
perhaps you may even be blocked by him.

Maybe pics are already sent and it's something else. Maybe you say "I don't like sissy play but I like everything else your into" and the same thing.


1. He's not that into me.
2. He didn't like whatever I said/looked like and rather than make a potentially ugly confrontation, and since he does not intend to debate/negotiate/compromise, he's simply left the conversation.
3. Something's changed in his situation that he doesn't know how to communicate to me without offending me, or which he did not think was pertinent for me to know.

I don't think that's disrespectful. Disrespectful would be declaring that I'm at fault for not finding him appealing, how dare I, and I must be a fake because I'm not into the same things that fantasy Domme in his head is into.

(in reply to lostnlooking9)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Why is Respect Lacking? - 3/3/2012 5:00:54 PM   
lostnlooking9


Posts: 42
Joined: 10/27/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana




I mean no insult here, but how does this add to the topic or conversation here?

I know you are very much opposed to my posting here, and I apologize for that. This section is called "ask a mistress".
Not "ask a Mistress except for this and that and this other thing"

I did not post to cause issues or to be flamed or insulted. I posted for opinion as well as perhaps conversation and maybe debate of the subject. I asked because I truly and seriously was and am curious about the answers and opinions given.

Yours and your friends included. If I don't interpret the meaning of disrespect then please, explain why not. I'm open to new understandings and views.

I apologize if I'm not a Mindless sub. I have my opinions and speak my mind and defend my points views opinions and stance. Dislike it? then please tell me why. Share your experience or views, or what have you.
This isn't high school. It's a forum for discussion of various viewpoints questions and topics about the lifestyle.

If you can add something useful I will gladly welcome it as such, and I hope you can. Insights from all sides can be interesting to hear. :)

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Why is Respect Lacking? - 3/3/2012 5:08:04 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline 		I apologize, dude. I can't empathize with you, because I'll never understand your pain. I'm spoiled from dealing only with submissive men, who are nothing but respectful and never inappropriate. The day one of them abruptly cuts off communication will be the same day South Park is funny again.

I feel sorry for you. I truly do.

Furthermore, I'm shocked and appalled to find out what most dominant women are really like. For shame, ladies! For shame.

< Message edited by Baroana -- 3/3/2012 5:10:28 PM >

(in reply to lostnlooking9)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Why is Respect Lacking? - 3/3/2012 5:18:18 PM   
lostnlooking9


Posts: 42
Joined: 10/27/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SorceressJ

OP, the thing you have to understand is, not a single one of these people owes you an answer, polite or otherwise, nor do I imagine they are basing their actions on whether or not you like their responses, or lack of same. These are strangers with lives of their own, often involving other people and time-consuming things like work. They owe you nothing, and it is presumptuous of you to assume that they should conduct themselves along the lines of your definitions of what is and is not mannerly. In an already-used phrase, they just aren't that into you, or they're busy, or ill, or sad, their hard drives imploded maybe. If it pleases you to think them rude for this, believe me, you wouldn't be the first one to either think that or start an entire thread about it. But in the end, extemporizing on it changes nothing. People are who they are, regardless.
What you do in cases like this, is the same thing we do when compatibility and connection are for whatever reason lacking: move on, and keep a stiffer upper lip so that when connection does happen (and it will, so long as you keep that faith and a positive attitude about who you are and what you want), you won't be too busy fretting about other people's behavioral reasoning to see it.




About threads.. I doubt I'd be the first one to start a thread about that in relation to anything I may post. As I'm sure most everything has been posted or asked at some point by someone, at sometime or another. :)

As for everything else I understand what you are getting at as well as your point, but I disagree to some extent. Yes you are correct that we are strangers, and that they owe me nothing, but I personally feel that some sort of respect should be had to and for someone who's been respectful to you.

The next time a Domme and I message back and forth, and I find that I have no connection with her, or there is something about there that is a big no-no that I cannot live with.(say still married but working on a divorce with her hubby like I've been told before) It's perfectly ok and acceptable for me to just end things and stop communication with her without notice and leave her wondering what happened? After all she is a stranger?

I will likely never do that and being submissive puts me in a different perspective and way of thinking here. And maybe that is part of the issue at hand. I'm seeing it as a sub and everyone else sees it as a Domme?

(in reply to SorceressJ)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Why is Respect Lacking? - 3/3/2012 5:39:10 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lostnlooking9
I will likely never do that and being submissive puts me in a different perspective and way of thinking here. And maybe that is part of the issue at hand. I'm seeing it as a sub and everyone else sees it as a Domme?


No. I think you are seeing it as you, with your particular set of experiences and emotional luggage, whereas everyone else sees it as themselves, with their particular sets of experiences and emotional luggages. Sub or Dom/me doesn't really come into it.

(in reply to lostnlooking9)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Why is Respect Lacking? - 3/3/2012 5:56:09 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		Speaking for myself, and that's the ONLY person I can vouch for, I try to answer - in a polite way - almost every letter I get. The only exceptions are the people who send an initial letter ranting on about nothing but blatant sex and the ones who say Hi or Hello and nothing else. I have it right in my profile that Hi or Hello and nothing else won't get you a reply. That's because they give me nothing to reply TO. In a nutshell, I believe I have to give respect to get respect, so I do my best to live by that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lostnlooking9
Say a sub messaged you. You liked his message and replied. and so followed 3-4 more messages that were all enjoyable and showed no sign of dislike or hate whatnot. He sends you his pics and he's attractive to you. You send him yours and... nothing.

That's happened to me before and it's not the end of the world.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lostnlooking9
Maybe pics are already sent and it's something else. Maybe you say "I don't like sissy play but I like everything else your into" and the same thing.

What would you call that if not disrespect?
it's not a lack of courteous regard that he was having an enjoyable conversation with?
it's not rude for the same reason?

I've done that...let someone know I'm not into a particular kink but that I'm into everything else. Just as people have let me know that about them. I call it being HONEST. I find it better to be honest than not. If you're not honest, how will you truly know whether you're compatible or not?

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to lostnlooking9)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Why is Respect Lacking? Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109