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Kaliko -> RE: Why am I not taken seriously? (3/9/2012 8:07:09 PM)
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Okay. I'll play.
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ORIGINAL: SingleServant
Against my better judgement I shall expand on how my ability to make millions is associated with the money grubbers, battle axes, and the domesticated males who populate not only this site but the entire country.
A typical male's sense of happiness is based upon an absolute scale. If he has an attractive woman in his life, if he is coming home to a clean home and a well cooked meal, if he is employed and has some disposable income, if he is having his sexual needs satisfied he will be happy. Regardless of his surroundings and position in life a male will be happy if he has these things.
A woman's sense of happiness is based upon a relative scale. She determines her sense of happiness by how well, or not well, she is doing relative to her girlfriends. Her happiness is not based upon an absolute scale; it is based upon a constantly moving target.
I don't entirely disagree with you. I think we (as in, everybody, everywhere) will often turn a blind eye to how what we are taught to believe is important affects us. We are not conscious of this. For me to say "Oh, I never worry about what my friends think" is true, because I don't worry about it. Does that mean I don't feel envious at times? Of course I do. I'm human. And do those types of feelings affect my choices in some ways? Likely.
I think where I disagree more strongly with you is basing it all upon financial matters. Let's say I were to agree that my self-esteem is relative to how I am doing compared to my peers. (I won't say friends, because I think it goes beyond those we are friends with.) Maybe more important to me is that I'm thinner, or have nicer skin, or better hair (and by the way, I do ;), or that I have a better career, or am more prominent in the community, or that I am more religious, or do more volunteer work. A nice, or not nice, house is such a small, small part of what we may be relatively judging ourselves for. There are just so many more categories for us to fuck ourselves up in. :)
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For example if a woman is living in a comfortable suburban setting but her girl friends are living in slightly larger homes, and taking slighty better vacations, or they are receiving slightly more expensive Christmas gifts she
will feel "unhappy". However if this exact same woman is living in a small row home in a not so good neighborhood but her girl friends are living in run down apartments she will feel " happy". She will have the material evidence to show she is doing better than her girl friends which makes her secretly feel good.
The woman living in the nice suburban home, who is unhappy, will pressure her husband to provide to her increased material goods move her up past her girl friends ,and making her feel " happy" again.
Again, I do believe that this has much more to do with than pure money. Women are taught certain things growing up, just like men are. A nice house, a nice car, a husband with a three-piece suit...while these may not be our individual cups of tea, these images bring to mind security...comfort...stability. Never mind what's going on behind the giant double doors of that magnificent home....looking at it evokes certain feelings.
My ex-husband told me, during our divorce, that one of the things he did treasure most about me was that I never blinked an eye at not having as much as our neighbors. But that's not true. I blinked - a LOT. But not about money. About other things that seemed to exist within the comfortable, stable homes of our neighbors. I propose that, unless a woman is a complete and utter cunt, if she is pressuring her partner into something that costs a lot of money, it is more for what it represents to her based on what she sees among her peers, not the desire to be better than her peers.
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Before the advent of mass media and the Internet the above dynamics where almost always localized.
With mass media all women are viewing other women living in a better situation then they are. This triggered legions of pussy whipped husbands being pressured into making purchases they could not afford in a futile effort to made perpetually unhappy women happy. This phenomenon manifested itself into married couples purchase homes they simply could not afford. She needed the bigger home because her girlfriends had bigger homes and he (the husband) felt compelled to purchase that larger home because she ( the wife) was not happy, and unhappy women do not offer sex, and sex is a main ingredient in his "absolutes" for happiness.
True, of course, that now we are able to view "better" ways of living on a much broader scale. But you're limiting the definition of "better" to "more expensive." Frankly, I can pick up any issue of Mother Earth News and be infinitely more jealous than any Better Homes and Garden issue.
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I recognized that eventually the entire system had to collase under it's own weight. Millions of money grubbers and battle axes pressuring their husbands to purchase homes they could not afford in a futile effort to be " happy" by getting one up on their girlfriends.
When the system collapsed I cashed in.
I don't really know what that means. (I also didn't read the entire thread.) So...no comment. :)
ETA - evoke versus invoke. Grrr.
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