RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me?

RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? (Full Version)

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peppermint -> RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? (3/13/2012 12:39:21 PM)
Otters, I suggested low cost dates. I suggested munches. Steven gave him names and addresses for munches. Yet, he still finds excuses as to why he can not do any of them. I really did try. The money thing was only after all the other suggestions I made and the research I did for him. Nothing that anyone did for him was enough as he had another excuse as to why he can't follow the suggestions. He probably never got around to reading the FAQs cause he'd have to actually take the time to click on them. He's too shy. He's too broke. His friends don't do anything or go anywhere. All the women he wants to date are taken, lesbians, or just plain don't like him. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. You can give tons of good advice but if he won't take it, then he really needs that 2nd and 3rd job to keep him busy. He might actually meet someone where he works. So working is the only suggestion I had left.

Rochsub2009 -> RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? (3/13/2012 4:16:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OttersSwim Anyone remember how it was to be young and broke? At 20 I had no money either, but managed to date just fine - we just did things that did not require a lot of money. Yes, but when you were young movies were silent, black and white, and it cost a nickel to see one. I'm going to run and hide now before he can retaliate. [:D]

Rochsub2009 -> RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? (3/13/2012 4:18:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fetisheden 1 save up your money 2 leave your house I just love FetishEden. She always gets right to the point. [:D]

PeonForHer -> RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? (3/13/2012 5:26:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop ok, I have never understood why asking a girl (or guy for that matter) out and being turned down because they were taken or lesbian(or gay) should be an ego bruiser? Blimey, I wish I'd could ask a woman out without getting my ego crunched if she turns me down. If I could have one magic wish from (say) a Fairy Psychologist-Godmother, that would be it.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? (3/13/2012 5:57:28 PM)
I am still not used to rejection. Which is ironic, really.

MissImmortalPain -> RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? (3/13/2012 7:15:17 PM)
This may seem like odd advice to many but....I'm not going to suggest munchs, events, or web sites. I do actually remember what it was like to be young and looking for someone so I am going to suggest the obvious. How about a bar, a nightclub, or an event that isn't kink related(hell I met a sub at the movies once) You say you are looking for a mistress (I still hate that word) but what you are looking for is a woman to be in a realationship with you. Believe it or not kink really isn't that odd of a thing and you might be shocked to find out who is into it and who isn't. Everyone that has said you have to get over not being able to talk to a girl is right. You do have to get over it. You have to get brave, really brave, because talking to a domme isn't something for those lacking a backbone, unless you want to pay one. So I really would suggest looking for a lady you find attractive and then find out if she is kinky. You might just get lucky. p.s. Alt. and craigs list are hookup sites more than they are sites for people looking for real realationships. If you are looking for the long run I would suggest avoiding both.

peppermint -> RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? (3/13/2012 7:23:15 PM)
He's 20 years old. He is too young for nightclubs or bars.

hausboy -> RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? (3/13/2012 8:03:07 PM)
Kelso.... I understand the issue with being 20 and having no money but plenty of kink drive. You're gonna have to get creative. Look, you're less than a year away from being 21, which will open up play parties to you. That way when you make connections at some of those munches, you can have some play dates. I've noticed that munches tend to gravitate to certain restaurants--so coming up for your birthday, christmas etc. let your friends/family know..hey, I eat at Olive Garden once a month....some gift cards to there would be great. They'll never know. I played for the first time at around 20--they are out there. And I did it many years ago with no internet-- be patient, be observant and you will find the Dommes. good luck

MissImmortalPain -> RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? (3/13/2012 8:41:57 PM)
He is to young to drink but he is not to young to go in a bar (at least not most of them) Clubs are the same. Many have nights for people under age or allow younger folk in until a certain time.

peppermint -> RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? (3/13/2012 9:14:19 PM)
In WA state most bars that have a young crowd card everyone. I was carded at 52 years old ( didn't look like a kid so it wasn't that) and didn't have ID on me. This meant I could not get into the bar. That bar had a younger crowd and so everyone was carded every night. Another night we had dinner at the bar/restaurant and one in the party was only 20. At 9 o'clock just before karaoke started everyone got carded and he was asked to leave. Things are different in Montana where Gary's grandkids are able to listen to him sing karaoke at the casino's bar.

wraithkelso -> RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? (3/13/2012 9:22:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: peppermint In WA state most bars that have a young crowd card everyone. I was carded at 52 years old ( didn't look like a kid so it wasn't that) and didn't have ID on me. This meant I could not get into the bar. That bar had a younger crowd and so everyone was carded every night. Another night we had dinner at the bar/restaurant and one in the party was only 20. At 9 o'clock just before karaoke started everyone got carded and he was asked to leave. Things are different in Montana where Gary's grandkids are able to listen to him sing karaoke at the casino's bar. very true, I have been to my uncle's bar but when I go there I have to eat in the back office and if I'm on the floor it is to use the restroom or get some water. Plus there's also the fact that I have no desire to drink, nor do I enjoy the "club" scene, I tried it a few times and its not my thing.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? (3/13/2012 9:44:03 PM)
That's pretty gawdammned simple bubba....you live too far away from her. (Basic math bub).

Alecta -> RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? (3/14/2012 1:17:20 AM)
Your profile is gold digger bait. It reads like you're writing an ad for a regular prostitute and have no working knowledge of the kink and only a passing interest in it anyhow. Now, I'm not saying that's the case, but that's the way it looks, and that makes you look like a good mark. It isn't very attractive to those who aren't looking for money, either. The best thing you could do is to rewrite your profile and make it more personal, like you're actually a person seeking another person to spend time with, like you actually have an interest in being in a BDSM relationship other than "I heard it's an easy way to get laid". It doesn't mater if all you have to say is "I'm curious and want to get into it", its more important that the profile reflects you as a genuine person. The second thing to do is use the search function. Eventually you'll just have to suck it up and leave the house, if you want a real long-term relationship in the flesh. There's also the option of widening your search to recruit a wingman online to do your search at events and munches with.

wraithkelso -> RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? (3/14/2012 2:40:06 AM)
Alecta, Ive gone through and changed the main text to more reflect who I am, where I'm coming from, and what I'm looking for.... does it look better?

MissImmortalPain -> RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? (3/14/2012 5:56:19 AM)
I assume all bars card everyone. But a search turns up a lot of social clubs that are for younger people. Of course if he really doesn't like music or meeting people in person it doesn't help much.

DomMeinCT -> RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? (3/14/2012 6:10:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wraithkelso just saying: what little money I do make goes straight to the gas tank and to food, hence why I can't afford a membership at a place like the CSPC. Now maybe part of the issue for me is that me (and many in my generation) are used to instant gratification thanks to the internet (searching wikipedia vs looking in an encyclopedia) Plus, I get extremely shy around girls if I want to have any kind of relationship other then basic friendship with them. Well, then you really should try and save up for a membership ($60, I looked it up), because they have a Passport program (FREE! with membership) that sounds exactly what you need: (From the CSPC website http://www.sexpositiveculture.org/membership/passport) quote: The Passport program is like a “buddy system” for new members – as well as existing members who would like to get more out of the events they attend. At several scheduled events each month, Passport gives you the opportunity to attend the Center with a small group of familiar faces: other members of the program, as well as Passport Guides on staff who will act as your hosts. Each month starts with a Passport Meeting on the first Friday. This is a social gathering where Passport Guides introduce members to each other, so that you can start to form a new network. You can choose from the list of Passport events; much like booking a travel itinerary for your tour group. At the next month's Passport Meeting, you can meet new members coming into the program and share your experience. You can also break off from the group at any time, and find your own fun. If you don't make it to the first Friday Passport Meeting, you're still welcome to join the Passport group at any scheduled event. Just pay at the door and ask the staff to point out a Passport Guide — then come on over and introduce yourself! The Passport program is available at no additional cost; just the normal cost of attending events. The Passport Meeting and some socials are available to non-members, but you’ll need to be a paid CSPC member to attend most events. If you turned off your internet for a month, it would probably save you enough $ to buy a membership and go meet real people.

PeonForHer -> RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? (3/14/2012 6:17:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wraithkelso Alecta, Ive gone through and changed the main text to more reflect who I am, where I'm coming from, and what I'm looking for.... does it look better? For what it's worth, I think your profile looks OK. It's very brief, but it does say a little about your personality (which seems likeable). Personally, I'd waffle on a bit in a second para, injecting a little humour. One trick is to ask some sort of silly question - it can work as a 'hook' to intrigue the reader. I have a good feeling about how things will go for you, Wraith. You seem like a decent guy and have some personality and looks. You just a) mustn't get disheartened and b) be patient. Good luck!

MadameMarque -> RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? (3/14/2012 8:30:44 AM)
Some events at the CSPC are for members (and guests of members), only, and some are open to all adults, 18+. Most parties are for members, only, and almost every other event is open, plus a few of the parties. If you click on the listings on the calendar, a detailed description will pop up in a box. That will tell you how much it costs, and who may attend, among other things. The socials on Tuesdays and Wednesdays are free and don't require membership. The discussion groups and meetings such as the rope enthusiasts group, have a suggested donation of $5, but I don't think they turn anyone away for lack of funds. One evening a month, the "Ascension" event is for adults 18-35. They start with an open workshop or other event, then have a party for members and their guests. First Friday of the month, there's a free Passport program meeting (which really is the ideal program for someone wanting to meet more people), and right after, the Passport group goes over to a social mixer called On The Market, which costs $20 for non-members, and $10 for members. There are also munches for kinky younger adults. One useful term is TNG (The Next Generation), meaning younger adults. You could search on fetlife and collarme, for free, to network socially, then plan a safe place to meet up at a group activity. There are also munches for other special interests, and if you don't find one you like, you can start one and promote it online. There's an owner-slave discussion group that's recently started holding meetings somewhere else, maybe Bellevue area, used to be at the CSPC. The CSPC also has a female dominant tea once a month and a female dominant party quarterly, but those are for members and their guests, unless that's changed, and do cost money. There it is, on a platter. But, first, finding a compatible partner happens when it happens, and being kinky doesn't help, as we tend to specialize. You could go to quite a few events, and not find any mutual attraction, or run into someone at the grocery store. You want to find an attractive young woman who's dominant to men and available, and so do some other guys who are highly motivated. And if you can't figure out a way to go any place, do anything, or contact anybody, it's not that I dismiss the problems of being a poor student, but as someone else has said, what can we do for you?

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? (3/14/2012 8:37:22 AM)
Even when you're surrounded by people, it can be difficult to make connections. If you are shy, or just not good in social situations, the best thing to do is get involved with mixed groups. (I speak here as a longtime shield for shy people...) Don't think about kink, or meeting the love of your life. Choose an activity that you like, whether it's a sport, a church group, a book group, something where you have to be with other humans and talk to them face to face. It's a thing that gets easier and more natural with practice. You might never like big groups, but self confidence and ease of presenting yourself makes a wonderful impression. The other thing that you young folks need to work on is losing the notion of entitlement. The world does not owe you anything. If you want stuff, you have to make an effort toward getting it. Nothing happens instantly. When it comes to presenting a package that someone will want to pick up and take home it IS all on you. Stop making excuses, and start finding reasons to do things and improve yourself. I was young once, before the internet. I didn't have disposable income. I still had a social life that didn't cost a lot of money. Read the FAQ that my friends put together, right at the top of the Mistress board. ResidentSadist here has a list of books you can look for. Places like CSPC have lending libraries. Start reading. And, have fun. We're here to enjoy ourselves and enhance our lives.

ShaharThorne -> RE: Why is it so hard for me to find a mistress near me? (3/14/2012 8:58:17 AM)
I am shy too to the point of being reclusive but I do admit that I need to get out there and mingle. That is why I am on this site. I prefer to be the one being chased, not the one chasing the Doms. I am being chased by switches, slaves and subs most of the time because I am a switch myself (I submit to the right guy). I still maintain a submissive relationship with my daughter's father because he is from a 50's household and I don't mind helping him out when I come down to visit them. He works all hours and is now doing a political campaign in his city. So now am I not only housecleaning, but I am taking care of his campaign works (I used to do the same for my father decades ago). Attend munches, order appetizers instead of whole meals (unless there is a special on the meal). Volunteer at a local charity. Get out there and MINGLE!!!

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