I'm new to all of this...

I'm new to all of this... (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

MidnightxMomo -> I'm new to all of this... (3/13/2012 11:26:56 PM)
What are somethings I should know? What is a common thread between orientations? What should I expect?

DaddySatyr -> RE: I'm new to all of this... (3/13/2012 11:29:00 PM)
The orgies are mandatory attendence. Clothing is not optional. One must serve as a masochist for 6 months before you're allowed to make a choice. I'm kidding. Expect new horizons. Don't trust too easily and the things you should know will be learned as you go along. Peace and comfort, Michael

ResidentSadist -> RE: I'm new to all of this... (3/13/2012 11:29:30 PM)
Which orientations?

MidnightxMomo -> RE: I'm new to all of this... (3/13/2012 11:33:32 PM)
Doms, subs, switches

mummyman321 -> RE: I'm new to all of this... (3/14/2012 1:46:27 AM)
Really not sure exactly what your question is?

DesFIP -> RE: I'm new to all of this... (3/14/2012 6:13:02 AM)
Slow down. If you aren't yet in a relationship, then spend the next six months just reading. Books, websites such as this. Not porn. The only person who can decide what label you are, is you. So, with that said, do you fantasize about tying people up and/or hurting them? If so, then you're a top. If you want to be the person who the things are done to, you're a bottom. If attracted to both, you're a switch. Do you want to tell someone else what to do, either in the bedroom or also out of it? Then you're a dominant. Do you prefer to have someone else tell you what to do? Then you're a submissive. Like it all depending on your mood or the vibes you get from another person? Switch. Now when you do start to explore, take it slow. Don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with. Don't feel impelled to do things on someone else's time table. If someone starts pushing you, tell them it's too fast and they need to slow down. If they refuse, then they probably aren't the right person for you at this time.

IrishMist -> RE: I'm new to all of this... (3/14/2012 6:17:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Slow down. If you aren't yet in a relationship, then spend the next six months just reading. Books, websites such as this. Not porn. The only person who can decide what label you are, is you. So, with that said, do you fantasize about tying people up and/or hurting them? If so, then you're a top. If you want to be the person who the things are done to, you're a bottom. If attracted to both, you're a switch. Do you want to tell someone else what to do, either in the bedroom or also out of it? Then you're a dominant. Do you prefer to have someone else tell you what to do? Then you're a submissive. Like it all depending on your mood or the vibes you get from another person? Switch. Now when you do start to explore, take it slow. Don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with. Don't feel impelled to do things on someone else's time table. If someone starts pushing you, tell them it's too fast and they need to slow down. If they refuse, then they probably aren't the right person for you at this time. QFT I would also add that you should start looking for local groups in your area. Get out there and meet people face to face. One of the things that I always stress with new people is this: if you would not do something with a stranger in a bar; don't do it with a stranger online.

JeffBC -> RE: I'm new to all of this... (3/14/2012 8:26:56 AM)
Things you should know: Yourself. No seriously. You'll probably do what we all do when we first get involved in this... futilely search for some rules which will make sense of it all. It didn't work for me. It didn't work for the people before me. It won't work for you. The only "rules" come from inside yourself. What do you seek? What kinds of things are appealing to you? What sorts of things ... not so much. Don't let anyone tell you that a "true slave would...." There ARE no true slaves. There's just Carol and Mary and Bob all doing their own thing and using a label called "slave" (or sub or whatever) What is a common thread between orientations? We all (well, all but me) self-identify as BDSM Honestly, again, this question is seeking to make sense of something which has no sense to it. Not only is this human behaviour we're talking about.... terribly complex right from the beginning... but we're talking about human MATING & COURTSHIP behaviour. Trust me on this. you won't make sense of it. You'd think it would be easy to lay down some basic "common threads" like "submissive/bottom/slave types generally obey". Nope, that one doesn't work. In the end, the are no rules and no rule book. There's no "true masters" or "true slaves" or this or that. There are no secret societies and mythical old guard. All there is is you... trying to either get your rocks off or else form a relationship... perhaps both. The rules are the same as vanilla dating... find someone you like and have fun with them. Good luck in your search.

hellionsLight -> RE: I'm new to all of this... (3/14/2012 8:44:29 AM)
To look things up yourself? Seriously there are tons of things to look, read, just look around. Not just on this site :) GOod luck!

kalikshama -> RE: I'm new to all of this... (3/14/2012 12:02:24 PM)
quote: What is a common thread between orientations? Have the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you.

TNDommeK -> RE: I'm new to all of this... (3/14/2012 12:33:04 PM)
welcome

JanahX -> RE: I'm new to all of this... (3/14/2012 1:21:34 PM)
The internet is your oyster - quote: ORIGINAL: MidnightxMomo What are somethings I should know? What is a common thread between orientations? What should I expect?

MalcolmNathaniel -> RE: I'm new to all of this... (3/14/2012 11:46:30 PM)
Run away! These people are all PERVERTS! Not only that, but they admit it! I'm only here because in a past life I was Alexander The Great's Chief Eunuch. One day someone sold him a dud virgin. How did he end up with a dud virgin? It turns out someone also pawned a dud eunuch off on him. What's a eunuch? And operating system, but that's not important right now. Run away! Seriously though: Yoda: This place is strong with the Dark Side of the Force. A domain of evil it is. In you must go. Luke: What's in there? Yoda: Only what you take with you. Yoda: Your weapons, you will not need them. And I'll be impressed if someone can mention all of the TV shows, Broadway plays and movies I've just referenced. The Empire Strikes Back doesn't count because that was a gimme. Anyway, welcome to a new way of looking at things.

mynxkat -> RE: I'm new to all of this... (3/14/2012 11:50:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel Run away! These people are all PERVERTS! Not only that, but they admit it! I'm only here because in a past life I was Alexander The Great's Chief Eunuch. One day someone sold him a dud virgin. How did he end up with a dud virgin? It turns out someone also pawned a dud eunuch off on him. What's a eunuch? And operating system, but that's not important right now. Run away! Seriously though: Yoda: This place is strong with the Dark Side of the Force. A domain of evil it is. In you must go. Luke: What's in there? Yoda: Only what you take with you. Yoda: Your weapons, you will not need them. And I'll be impressed if someone can mention all of the TV shows, Broadway plays and movies I've just referenced. The Empire Strikes Back doesn't count because that was a gimme. Anyway, welcome to a new way of looking at things. History of the World Part I is the only one (besides the SW gimme) that I know of for sure. No doubt there's Monty Python in there as well, but I'm not familiar enough to spot precisely where. That's all I got.

GreedyTop -> RE: I'm new to all of this... (3/15/2012 12:20:25 AM)
MP Holy Grail History of the world

DesFIP -> RE: I'm new to all of this... (3/15/2012 5:16:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama Have the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you. You don't think that link is somewhat odd on a site devoted to controlling others because both of you love it? I find that because he loves me, he does have the right to control me.

kalikshama -> RE: I'm new to all of this... (3/15/2012 6:34:59 AM)
Ya, I actually wanted a different Dossie Easton quote but couldn't find it. Here it is: From The Bottoming Book: How to Get Terrible Things Done to You by Wonderful People One useful metaphor is to think of S/M as "graduate school sex" that you do after lots of study and practice. S/M is sex that engages the whole person: our bodies, our intellects, our emotions, our toolmaking abilities, our imaginations, our hearts and souls. Dossie likes to think of S/M as "gourmet sex": some people eat only to meet their bodies' physical craving. Some people like fast food, and others prefer what their mother used to cook. Gourmets choose to put a lot of time, energy and attention into learning about, seeking out, and preparing and eating very elaborate food. Similarly, sadomasochists spend an inordinate amount of time talking about sex, learning about it, socializing with other like-minded people, preparing for sex - and, of course, actually having sex.

DesFIP -> RE: I'm new to all of this... (3/15/2012 8:49:27 AM)
I usually compare s & m not to 'gourmet' food but to hot and spicy. Some people love hot sauce on everything including scrambled eggs. Others just eat it on buffalo chicken wings. And some people don't like spicy at all. Nothing wrong with any of it, just what tastes good to you. And to go back to the op, that's what we're talking about. You want to slather your food or love life with burning hot spice, go for it. You want just a little or just on Saturday nights, go for it. What's right is what's right for you.

JeffBC -> RE: I'm new to all of this... (3/15/2012 8:53:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama Dossie likes to think of S/M as "gourmet sex": some people eat only to meet their bodies' physical craving. Some people like fast food, and others prefer what their mother used to cook. Gourmets choose to put a lot of time, energy and attention into learning about, seeking out, and preparing and eating very elaborate food. Similarly, sadomasochists spend an inordinate amount of time talking about sex, learning about it, socializing with other like-minded people, preparing for sex - and, of course, actually having sex. You know, that makes a lot of sense to me. It's always been obvious to me that one of my failures in being kinky is that I'm just not that into sex. It's exactly the same way as I'm not into food. I have a very sensitive sense of taste. Despite not cooking myself I can frequently de-construct even complex dishes just by taste. I enjoy the complex and subtle interplay of spices that the very best chefs can manage. But you know what? None of that really matters to me enough to focus on it the way a foodie does. When I have good food in front of me I appreciate it. When I have crappy food, I see it as "calories my body needs" and I eat it. Either way, it's just food. Not so much "sadomasochists" but in general, kinky folks self-identify that way because they are into sex the same way a foodie is into food. As the quote says, when they're not doing it, they like to talk about it. When they're not talking about it, they think about it. To me, a fundamentally vanilla guy, it all looks a bit.... uh... focused. But not in a bad way. I'm pretty sure I treat "love" the same way Dossie thinks of "sex". Love is the thing I'll spend time talking about, thinking about, and ensuring elaborate delivery of. Intimacy is the payoff for me rather than orgasm. Now that I think on it, it all comes together. Other men, having acquired a woman to do their bidding, set about training her to become more sexual in some way. I spent my time "training" Carol to become more intimate. In the end, boring to a kinkster but not so much to a lovester LOL.

RumpusParable -> RE: I'm new to all of this... (3/15/2012 9:27:39 AM)
I find it a bit hard to swallow. S&M and BDSM are not some ultra-special type of actions and/or sex. It can be for some, but it's not inherently so. I get terribly sick of kinksters putting themselves up on pedestals.

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875