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I'm new to all of this... - 3/13/2012 11:26:56 PM   
MidnightxMomo


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/9/2012
Status: offline 		What are somethings I should know? What is a common thread between orientations? What should I expect?
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RE: I'm new to all of this... - 3/13/2012 11:29:00 PM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline 		The orgies are mandatory attendence. Clothing is not optional. One must serve as a masochist for 6 months before you're allowed to make a choice.

I'm kidding. Expect new horizons. Don't trust too easily and the things you should know will be learned as you go along.



Peace and comfort,



Michael

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A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

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RE: I'm new to all of this... - 3/13/2012 11:29:30 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Which orientations?

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-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

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RE: I'm new to all of this... - 3/13/2012 11:33:32 PM   
MidnightxMomo


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/9/2012
Status: offline 		Doms, subs, switches

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RE: I'm new to all of this... - 3/14/2012 1:46:27 AM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline 		Really not sure exactly what your question is?

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Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

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RE: I'm new to all of this... - 3/14/2012 6:13:02 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Slow down. If you aren't yet in a relationship, then spend the next six months just reading. Books, websites such as this. Not porn.

The only person who can decide what label you are, is you. So, with that said, do you fantasize about tying people up and/or hurting them? If so, then you're a top. If you want to be the person who the things are done to, you're a bottom. If attracted to both, you're a switch.

Do you want to tell someone else what to do, either in the bedroom or also out of it? Then you're a dominant. Do you prefer to have someone else tell you what to do? Then you're a submissive. Like it all depending on your mood or the vibes you get from another person? Switch.

Now when you do start to explore, take it slow. Don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with. Don't feel impelled to do things on someone else's time table. If someone starts pushing you, tell them it's too fast and they need to slow down. If they refuse, then they probably aren't the right person for you at this time.


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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: I'm new to all of this... - 3/14/2012 6:17:09 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Slow down. If you aren't yet in a relationship, then spend the next six months just reading. Books, websites such as this. Not porn.

The only person who can decide what label you are, is you. So, with that said, do you fantasize about tying people up and/or hurting them? If so, then you're a top. If you want to be the person who the things are done to, you're a bottom. If attracted to both, you're a switch.

Do you want to tell someone else what to do, either in the bedroom or also out of it? Then you're a dominant. Do you prefer to have someone else tell you what to do? Then you're a submissive. Like it all depending on your mood or the vibes you get from another person? Switch.

Now when you do start to explore, take it slow. Don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with. Don't feel impelled to do things on someone else's time table. If someone starts pushing you, tell them it's too fast and they need to slow down. If they refuse, then they probably aren't the right person for you at this time.


QFT

I would also add that you should start looking for local groups in your area. Get out there and meet people face to face.

One of the things that I always stress with new people is this: if you would not do something with a stranger in a bar; don't do it with a stranger online.

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


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RE: I'm new to all of this... - 3/14/2012 8:26:56 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		Things you should know: Yourself.
No seriously. You'll probably do what we all do when we first get involved in this... futilely search for some rules which will make sense of it all. It didn't work for me. It didn't work for the people before me. It won't work for you. The only "rules" come from inside yourself. What do you seek? What kinds of things are appealing to you? What sorts of things ... not so much. Don't let anyone tell you that a "true slave would...." There ARE no true slaves. There's just Carol and Mary and Bob all doing their own thing and using a label called "slave" (or sub or whatever)

What is a common thread between orientations? We all (well, all but me) self-identify as BDSM
Honestly, again, this question is seeking to make sense of something which has no sense to it. Not only is this human behaviour we're talking about.... terribly complex right from the beginning... but we're talking about human MATING & COURTSHIP behaviour. Trust me on this. you won't make sense of it. You'd think it would be easy to lay down some basic "common threads" like "submissive/bottom/slave types generally obey". Nope, that one doesn't work.

In the end, the are no rules and no rule book. There's no "true masters" or "true slaves" or this or that. There are no secret societies and mythical old guard. All there is is you... trying to either get your rocks off or else form a relationship... perhaps both. The rules are the same as vanilla dating... find someone you like and have fun with them.

Good luck in your search.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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RE: I'm new to all of this... - 3/14/2012 8:44:29 AM   
hellionsLight


Posts: 241
Joined: 10/18/2011
From: Kearney, NE
Status: offline 		To look things up yourself? Seriously there are tons of things to look, read, just look around. Not just on this site :) GOod luck!

_____________________________


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RE: I'm new to all of this... - 3/14/2012 12:02:24 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

What is a common thread between orientations?


Have the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you.

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RE: I'm new to all of this... - 3/14/2012 12:33:04 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		welcome

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Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


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RE: I'm new to all of this... - 3/14/2012 1:21:34 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		The internet is your oyster -

quote:

ORIGINAL: MidnightxMomo

What are somethings I should know? What is a common thread between orientations? What should I expect?



_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


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RE: I'm new to all of this... - 3/14/2012 11:46:30 PM   
MalcolmNathaniel


Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline 		Run away! These people are all PERVERTS!

Not only that, but they admit it!

I'm only here because in a past life I was Alexander The Great's Chief Eunuch. One day someone sold him a dud virgin. How did he end up with a dud virgin? It turns out someone also pawned a dud eunuch off on him.

What's a eunuch?
And operating system, but that's not important right now.

Run away!

Seriously though:

Yoda: This place is strong with the Dark Side of the Force. A domain of evil it is. In you must go.
Luke: What's in there?
Yoda: Only what you take with you.
Yoda: Your weapons, you will not need them.

And I'll be impressed if someone can mention all of the TV shows, Broadway plays and movies I've just referenced. The Empire Strikes Back doesn't count because that was a gimme.


Anyway, welcome to a new way of looking at things.

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RE: I'm new to all of this... - 3/14/2012 11:50:18 PM   
mynxkat


Posts: 240
Joined: 5/7/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel

Run away! These people are all PERVERTS!

Not only that, but they admit it!

I'm only here because in a past life I was Alexander The Great's Chief Eunuch. One day someone sold him a dud virgin. How did he end up with a dud virgin? It turns out someone also pawned a dud eunuch off on him.

What's a eunuch?
And operating system, but that's not important right now.

Run away!

Seriously though:

Yoda: This place is strong with the Dark Side of the Force. A domain of evil it is. In you must go.
Luke: What's in there?
Yoda: Only what you take with you.
Yoda: Your weapons, you will not need them.

And I'll be impressed if someone can mention all of the TV shows, Broadway plays and movies I've just referenced. The Empire Strikes Back doesn't count because that was a gimme.


Anyway, welcome to a new way of looking at things.


History of the World Part I is the only one (besides the SW gimme) that I know of for sure. No doubt there's Monty Python in there as well, but I'm not familiar enough to spot precisely where. That's all I got.

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RE: I'm new to all of this... - 3/15/2012 12:20:25 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		MP Holy Grail
History of the world

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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RE: I'm new to all of this... - 3/15/2012 5:16:49 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama
Have the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you.


You don't think that link is somewhat odd on a site devoted to controlling others because both of you love it? I find that because he loves me, he does have the right to control me.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: I'm new to all of this... - 3/15/2012 6:34:59 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		Ya, I actually wanted a different Dossie Easton quote but couldn't find it. Here it is:

From The Bottoming Book: How to Get Terrible Things Done to You by Wonderful People

One useful metaphor is to think of S/M as "graduate school sex" that you do after lots of study and practice. S/M is sex that engages the whole person: our bodies, our intellects, our emotions, our toolmaking abilities, our imaginations, our hearts and souls.

Dossie likes to think of S/M as "gourmet sex": some people eat only to meet their bodies' physical craving. Some people like fast food, and others prefer what their mother used to cook. Gourmets choose to put a lot of time, energy and attention into learning about, seeking out, and preparing and eating very elaborate food. Similarly, sadomasochists spend an inordinate amount of time talking about sex, learning about it, socializing with other like-minded people, preparing for sex - and, of course, actually having sex.


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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: I'm new to all of this... - 3/15/2012 8:49:27 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I usually compare s & m not to 'gourmet' food but to hot and spicy. Some people love hot sauce on everything including scrambled eggs. Others just eat it on buffalo chicken wings. And some people don't like spicy at all. Nothing wrong with any of it, just what tastes good to you.

And to go back to the op, that's what we're talking about. You want to slather your food or love life with burning hot spice, go for it. You want just a little or just on Saturday nights, go for it. What's right is what's right for you.


< Message edited by DesFIP -- 3/15/2012 8:53:09 AM >

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: I'm new to all of this... - 3/15/2012 8:53:26 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama
Dossie likes to think of S/M as "gourmet sex": some people eat only to meet their bodies' physical craving. Some people like fast food, and others prefer what their mother used to cook. Gourmets choose to put a lot of time, energy and attention into learning about, seeking out, and preparing and eating very elaborate food. Similarly, sadomasochists spend an inordinate amount of time talking about sex, learning about it, socializing with other like-minded people, preparing for sex - and, of course, actually having sex.

You know, that makes a lot of sense to me. It's always been obvious to me that one of my failures in being kinky is that I'm just not that into sex. It's exactly the same way as I'm not into food. I have a very sensitive sense of taste. Despite not cooking myself I can frequently de-construct even complex dishes just by taste. I enjoy the complex and subtle interplay of spices that the very best chefs can manage. But you know what? None of that really matters to me enough to focus on it the way a foodie does. When I have good food in front of me I appreciate it. When I have crappy food, I see it as "calories my body needs" and I eat it. Either way, it's just food.

Not so much "sadomasochists" but in general, kinky folks self-identify that way because they are into sex the same way a foodie is into food. As the quote says, when they're not doing it, they like to talk about it. When they're not talking about it, they think about it. To me, a fundamentally vanilla guy, it all looks a bit.... uh... focused. But not in a bad way.

I'm pretty sure I treat "love" the same way Dossie thinks of "sex". Love is the thing I'll spend time talking about, thinking about, and ensuring elaborate delivery of. Intimacy is the payoff for me rather than orgasm. Now that I think on it, it all comes together. Other men, having acquired a woman to do their bidding, set about training her to become more sexual in some way. I spent my time "training" Carol to become more intimate. In the end, boring to a kinkster but not so much to a lovester LOL.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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RE: I'm new to all of this... - 3/15/2012 9:27:39 AM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		I find it a bit hard to swallow. S&M and BDSM are not some ultra-special type of actions and/or sex. It can be for some, but it's not inherently so. I get terribly sick of kinksters putting themselves up on pedestals.

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Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

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Profile   Post #: 20
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