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How did you find your dom? - 3/16/2012 10:22:05 PM

eagerforyou

Posts: 2
Joined: 3/8/2012
Status: offline

Hi everybody!

I've been interested in joining this lifestyle for ages, but I haven't been able to find a compatible dominant woman to share my likes and interests. I've always been a sub. I know it. But going from a light "game" on the bed with some more sexually oriented gf's to something more serious has been impossible to me.

I've just relocated to Pittsburgh and I got even more lost. This city seems to be like a little island disconnected from the rest of the world, or at least that's what I've been able to see in the little time I have here.

I joined this site and got super excited with the first results, but every girl that contacted me was just wanting to rip all my money. So now I updated my profile and boom! Nobody is contacting me....

So my question is, for you all successful subs and even willing to jump in doms, how did you find your partner in crime?

And if there's someone versed in the pittsburgh community, I'd really appreciate any hints or advise on where to go or how to get involved in the local community.

Thanks to all!

Post #: 1

RE: How did you find your dom? - 3/16/2012 10:47:44 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

Hello eager. After reading your profile, I'd recommend you revise it. It's all about what you like, what you want, and what a dominant woman can do for you.

Very unsubly, dude.

Also, pull up your pants, cupcake. Most women do not want to see your jungle down there, 'k? And the shot in briefs is a turn-off to me and will be to most women. Work on getting a nice, vanilla g-rated picture...even if you have to quarter turn your face or blur it out for privacy.

While it's perfectly OK to want a casual play relationship, be advised that most dominant woman want, expect...and easily get...much more of an investment from their partners. With at least a 10 sub/1 domme ratio there is no reason she would have to settle for less. Between that reality and your do-me profile, it's no surprise you've been hit upon by the pros and findommes.

Newsflash: there are no shortcuts, and online you have only your profile, pictures, and forum posts to back you up. When you're ready to approach a dominant woman as a person first in her own right and not as your personal fetish-delivery system, your odds will improve. You'll have to offer something worthwhile in return: at the least, genuine friendship and probably a lot more. You'll have to invest time. If you can't or don't want to...be prepared to pay a professional for your jollies. Pick your preferred currency and get comfortable with it.

You might have better luck finding a lifestyle group/munch in your area, so do a search for what is available locally for you.

Good luck to you, and welcome to the boards. Enjoy the journey.

PS: Read and heed every last word of the Ask A Mistress FAQ.

< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 3/16/2012 10:49:52 PM >

(in reply to eagerforyou)

Post #: 2

RE: How did you find your dom? - 3/16/2012 10:59:57 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I was single for many many years, we would talk on c.com really late at night when we couldn't sleep. It was just back and forth banter, nothing serious, for about two years. Then he asked me to meet him and I just figured, eh why not...it would be a nice mini vacation if nothing else.

Next thing I know I'm falling head over heels for him and it's been that way now for the past 6 years.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

Post #: 3

RE: How did you find your dom? - 3/17/2012 12:00:10 AM

mynxkat

Posts: 240
Joined: 5/7/2011
Status: offline

Mine is a bit complex.

I met a sub who became a close friend on another similar site, and talked some with her Master as well. I was friends with this sub and her Master for years, and we were contemplating exploring a formal poly relationship when the sub died very suddenly of natural causes. Her Master was absolutely devasted, they'd been together over 10 years. A month or so after her passing, I contacted him with the hope of maintaining the friendship at least, and a year later we decided to make our relationship formal. A year after that, I moved to be with him.

That leaves out a LOT of details, but is the short version.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 4

RE: How did you find your dom? - 3/17/2012 1:23:39 AM

RaspberryLemon

Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline

I met my Master through a friend of mine--said friend is my Master's brother, actually. Would have met my Master sooner had he not been away so often with the military. Either way, we became good friends quickly. We just meshed well, and our relationship developed and progressed naturally into what it is today. I got lucky, I suppose.

(in reply to mynxkat)

Post #: 5

RE: How did you find your dom? - 3/17/2012 1:26:57 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

I actually met mine here on cm.

I had a well-padded profile, his was one sentence. We started chatting because he was local, and we always got on well.

After about 6 months of online chat we decided to meet for a coffee. I didn't think there was anything to lose - I doubted that he was the Dom I was looking for, but at least we got on well.

We met for a quick coffee. Two hours of non-stop talking later we decided to meet again. That was nearly 2 years ago

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to RaspberryLemon)

Post #: 6

RE: How did you find your dom? - 3/17/2012 5:23:51 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

I found him at Lowes. In the gardening section.

_____________________________

(in reply to eagerforyou)

Post #: 7

RE: How did you find your dom? - 3/17/2012 5:27:41 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I was at a play party and began chatting with her. I asked her to play, and afterward we continued chatting.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 8

RE: How did you find your dom? - 3/17/2012 5:42:03 AM

masterofholly

Posts: 197
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline

We met on CollarMe.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 9

RE: How did you find your dom? - 3/17/2012 8:22:02 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

Hello eager. After reading your profile, I'd recommend you revise it. It's all about what you like, what you want, and what a dominant woman can do for you.

Very unsubly, dude.

Also, pull up your pants, cupcake. Most women do not want to see your jungle down there, 'k? And the shot in briefs is a turn-off to me and will be to most women. Work on getting a nice, vanilla g-rated picture...even if you have to quarter turn your face or blur it out for privacy.

While it's perfectly OK to want a casual play relationship, be advised that most dominant woman want, expect...and easily get...much more of an investment from their partners. With at least a 10 sub/1 domme ratio there is no reason she would have to settle for less. Between that reality and your do-me profile, it's no surprise you've been hit upon by the pros and findommes.

Newsflash: there are no shortcuts, and online you have only your profile, pictures, and forum posts to back you up. When you're ready to approach a dominant woman as a person first in her own right and not as your personal fetish-delivery system, your odds will improve. You'll have to offer something worthwhile in return: at the least, genuine friendship and probably a lot more. You'll have to invest time. If you can't or don't want to...be prepared to pay a professional for your jollies. Pick your preferred currency and get comfortable with it.

You might have better luck finding a lifestyle group/munch in your area, so do a search for what is available locally for you.

Good luck to you, and welcome to the boards. Enjoy the journey.

PS: Read and heed every last word of the Ask A Mistress FAQ.

^THIS^

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

Post #: 10

RE: How did you find your dom? - 3/17/2012 9:34:24 AM

SubvsSlave

Posts: 201
Joined: 4/6/2011
Status: offline

He found me on CM. We emailed back and forth, then IM, and then started talking on the phone. We finally met for dinner one night and we've been together ever since. Next month will be one year for us.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 11

RE: How did you find your dom? - 3/17/2012 10:07:28 AM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline

He found me on the other side of CM. He wrote a short but coherent and intelligent message (which had nothing to do with D/s). I responded...we graduated to off-site IM, then phone. We met and have been together ever since. Coming up on one year and we are looking to marry this summer.

(in reply to SubvsSlave)

Post #: 12

RE: How did you find your dom? - 3/17/2012 10:15:25 AM

hellionsLight

Posts: 241
Joined: 10/18/2011
From: Kearney, NE
Status: offline

He found me on FL.

_____________________________

Lights

http://anewslave.blogspot.com

(in reply to searching4mysir)

Post #: 13

RE: How did you find your dom? - 3/17/2012 10:20:39 AM

DerangedUnit

Posts: 660
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline

my most recent is from cm... after a tantalizing one month of freedom running from my last the guy i was staying with(after i couldn't make the 4000 a month he wanted from me) threw a desk at me and left me on the side of the road i spanged enough for a pre-payed phone and called the ten numbers i had memorized of doms i had been talking to longest saying " the first one to by me a plane ticket gets me" that night i was on a cross country flight, the end.

(in reply to hellionsLight)

Post #: 14

RE: How did you find your dom? - 3/17/2012 1:11:23 PM

Alecta

Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eagerforyou

Hi everybody!

I've been interested in joining this lifestyle for ages, but I haven't been able to find a compatible dominant woman to share my likes and interests. I've always been a sub. I know it. But going from a light "game" on the bed with some more sexually oriented gf's to something more serious has been impossible to me.

I've just relocated to Pittsburgh and I got even more lost. This city seems to be like a little island disconnected from the rest of the world, or at least that's what I've been able to see in the little time I have here.

I joined this site and got super excited with the first results, but every girl that contacted me was just wanting to rip all my money. So now I updated my profile and boom! Nobody is contacting me....

So my question is, for you all successful subs and even willing to jump in doms, how did you find your partner in crime?

And if there's someone versed in the pittsburgh community, I'd really appreciate any hints or advise on where to go or how to get involved in the local community.

Thanks to all!

You'll find better results by actively looking for a Domme rather than wait for them to flock to you. The FinDommes are just part of the landscape. (Dom/mes get the same... "hi i'm the perfect slave but I'm in need of financial help please send me money for tix to your city and I will be yours")

I'm a little confused as to what you're looking for because on the one hand you're saying you just want a play partner, but by the next paragraph you're saying you want something serious. So which is it? Clarity helps.

Also, the rant. Now, granted it was a very eloquent rant, one of the better worded ones, it only hurts your chances of catching the eye of a woman not out for just your money. Why? Because it shows negativity, which is never attractive, and much less so in a male sub.

The rest is pretty standard. Munches, events, getting out of the house... but mostly I think you need to be more clear and specific about what you're looking for, and tell a bit more about what you have to offer.

(in reply to eagerforyou)

Post #: 15

RE: How did you find your dom? - 3/17/2012 1:13:05 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

He wrote to me the first day I joined on here. We wrote for a while, then progressed to dating, and have now spent 3 years together. We've been very happy with things. Although neither of us was looking for long term it seems to be what we have found for the both of us, and we couldn't be happier about that. If we ever do part, I'd have to say that this past 3 years was probably the best time I've ever had with a man, he assures me he feels the same about me. So wherever we go with it - it looks pretty sunny from here....

(in reply to eagerforyou)

Post #: 16

RE: How did you find your dom? - 3/17/2012 3:10:55 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DerangedUnit

my most recent is from cm... after a tantalizing one month of freedom running from my last the guy i was staying with(after i couldn't make the 4000 a month he wanted from me) threw a desk at me and left me on the side of the road i spanged enough for a pre-payed phone and called the ten numbers i had memorized of doms i had been talking to longest saying " the first one to by me a plane ticket gets me" that night i was on a cross country flight, the end.

You seem to be a bit impetuous.
Please be careful.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to DerangedUnit)

Post #: 17

RE: How did you find your dom? - 3/18/2012 10:20:35 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

I was introduced to Master by friends at a social. I was in a relationship and we became friends. After my relationship ended three years later.....things just clicked.

So, the answer is that I got out and participated in my community. That's how we met.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 18

RE: How did you find your dom? - 3/18/2012 11:22:47 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DerangedUnit

my most recent is from cm... after a tantalizing one month of freedom running from my last the guy i was staying with(after i couldn't make the 4000 a month he wanted from me) threw a desk at me and left me on the side of the road i spanged enough for a pre-payed phone and called the ten numbers i had memorized of doms i had been talking to longest saying " the first one to by me a plane ticket gets me" that night i was on a cross country flight, the end.

Well dayyy-um if THAT isn't the basis for a strong relationship.

Your post screams of the need for counseling to understand the choices you are making. One of these days the desk is NOT going to miss,

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to DerangedUnit)

Post #: 19

RE: How did you find your dom? - 3/18/2012 11:32:01 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eagerforyou
So my question is, for you all successful subs and even willing to jump in doms, how did you find your partner in crime?

She was the one wearing my wedding ring. "Finding" her amounted to, "Hey honey, I ran into this wierd thing online but it's intriguing..." In your case, not already having a partner, my answer would be, "I found Carol at a work party."

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to eagerforyou)

Post #: 20

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