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Our classification? - 3/17/2012 5:17:58 PM

BusyPlaying

Posts: 17
Joined: 2/27/2012
Status: offline

Hello all,

We're hoping folks could help us out. It's only been a short time since we started playing and we're starting to wonder what our classification really is. Last night we picked up the book "Erotic Slavehood" by Christina Abernathy and started reading through it. So far, the descriptions she conveys do not fit what we thought was a Master/slave relationship. It could be that we have more reading to do. :)

Anyway, here is the breakdown of what our situation is:

* In our marriage she sees it as her duty is to look up to me as head of the household and to serve me, completely, and I protect her and care for her.

* She is highly sexually submissive, which includes most everything (aside from scat and heavy pain), and enjoys wearing things to entice me and she works to always be ready for me anytime I so desire.

* She has seen me with a woman before and desperately wants that to happen again and again. She also wants to service the other woman, etc. Much like a male cuckold, but the other way around. I believe the term is Cuckquean?

So far it seems to fit the M/s motif, right? But then we read the book and we're finding that we have no interest in the standard rituals therein. The interview, contracts, controlling bodily functions, forms of address, how to enter/exit a room, postures, voice commands, etc. Maybe it's because we've been married for 20 years?

Any suggestions as to what we would be labeled in this lifestyle? It would just be nice to know so that when we talk with people we can convey our situation as intelligently as possible.

Thanks for any help you can provide. We're both happier than we have ever been and we're growing with each day, but we're also still pretty new to all this. :)

-J and L

_____________________________

Check out our journal as we detail our progress through this lifestyle. We are honest and candid in all our posts.

Post #: 1

RE: Our classification? - 3/17/2012 5:24:41 PM

Karielash

Posts: 8
Joined: 10/5/2009
Status: offline

I would suggest you avoid trying to fit yourself into a box built by another.

You will probably be happier finding your own limits and boundaries, just go with the flow and enjoy the journey, taste everything and decide your likes and dislikes. Sooner or later you will find yourself slipping into one of those boxes.

(in reply to BusyPlaying)

Post #: 2

RE: Our classification? - 3/17/2012 5:42:06 PM

MissImmortalPain

Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

Not everyone does high protocol which from what you have written seems to be the only reason you think you don't "fit" into a label. Do what feels best for the two of you. Call yourselves what feels right. And don't allow someone else's rules to limit your realationship. If she wants to be called a cuck ...then call her one. If you want to call your realationship a D/s one, or an M/s one, then do that as well.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to BusyPlaying)

Post #: 3

RE: Our classification? - 3/17/2012 5:51:57 PM

skittishone

Posts: 1
Joined: 2/1/2012
Status: offline

Sounds pretty much like a typical Master/slave relationship to me, but without the high protocols. Everyone has their own limits and restrictions and ways of doing things. Find what's right for you, and where YOU fit into the mix. There's a fit from one end of the spectrum of things to the far end of the opposite end. Don't let a book tell you what you have to do, in order for you to be the Master, and her to be the slave.

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)

Post #: 4

RE: Our classification? - 3/17/2012 6:12:57 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

Labels are limiting. What's important is you're both happy with what you've built together; sounds like you are! Keep the love alive and enjoy the journey together. Congratulations!

(in reply to BusyPlaying)

Post #: 5

RE: Our classification? - 3/17/2012 6:15:28 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Not everyone into M/s does the high protocols and rituals and such. We're M/s and have been a couple for 6 years now and while most of the time our relationship is pretty much how you described, we do have some protocols and rituals though. That doesn't mean you have though. Everyone is different.

Call yourselves whatever you want to call each other. It really doesn't matter except for you two.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

Post #: 6

RE: Our classification? - 3/17/2012 6:58:15 PM

BusyPlaying

Posts: 17
Joined: 2/27/2012
Status: offline

Thanks for all the replies. Great advice here. :)

All the best.

-J and L

_____________________________

Check out our journal as we detail our progress through this lifestyle. We are honest and candid in all our posts.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 7

RE: Our classification? - 3/17/2012 8:37:58 PM

hellionsLight

Posts: 241
Joined: 10/18/2011
From: Kearney, NE
Status: offline

Why don't you just keep figuring it out, and give yourself labels? I wouldn't want people to just tell me what I am, when I know myself waaaay better.

_____________________________

Lights

http://anewslave.blogspot.com

(in reply to BusyPlaying)

Post #: 8

RE: Our classification? - 3/17/2012 8:45:15 PM

BusyPlaying

Posts: 17
Joined: 2/27/2012
Status: offline

@hellionslight: Our point was to figure out what would make the most sense when asked what our scoop was. Also, so that our profile would be fitting to what we're into with a quick glance. But you, and all the others here, are correct.

Thanks!

_____________________________

Check out our journal as we detail our progress through this lifestyle. We are honest and candid in all our posts.

(in reply to hellionsLight)

Post #: 9

RE: Our classification? - 3/17/2012 11:43:16 PM

slaverachel2Him

Posts: 147
Joined: 11/19/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BusyPlaying

Hello all,

We're hoping folks could help us out. It's only been a short time since we started playing and we're starting to wonder what our classification really is. Last night we picked up the book "Erotic Slavehood" by Christina Abernathy and started reading through it. So far, the descriptions she conveys do not fit what we thought was a Master/slave relationship. It could be that we have more reading to do. :)

Anyway, here is the breakdown of what our situation is:

* In our marriage she sees it as her duty is to look up to me as head of the household and to serve me, completely, and I protect her and care for her.

* She is highly sexually submissive, which includes most everything (aside from scat and heavy pain), and enjoys wearing things to entice me and she works to always be ready for me anytime I so desire.

* She has seen me with a woman before and desperately wants that to happen again and again. She also wants to service the other woman, etc. Much like a male cuckold, but the other way around. I believe the term is Cuckquean?

So far it seems to fit the M/s motif, right? But then we read the book and we're finding that we have no interest in the standard rituals therein. The interview, contracts, controlling bodily functions, forms of address, how to enter/exit a room, postures, voice commands, etc. Maybe it's because we've been married for 20 years?

Any suggestions as to what we would be labeled in this lifestyle? It would just be nice to know so that when we talk with people we can convey our situation as intelligently as possible.

Thanks for any help you can provide. We're both happier than we have ever been and we're growing with each day, but we're also still pretty new to all this. :)

-J and L

They are suggestions not rules. There is a book called Creating Your Personal Protocols you might find helpful. You might be more D/s, at this point. Don't be too concerned because almost every group you encounter will tell you you are doing it wrong. M/s has evolved differently in different places with different customs and some have NO protocol some have "high protocol" i am somewhere in the middle with it. It is handy to know the protocols if only so you know what it going on at a party or place and protocols are being used. Sort of like knowing which fork to use at a dinner party. IF SHE ants to service the other woman too then she may be more in the ultra submissive side of enslavement, and would be a "beta" rather than alpha slave of there were two.
Being married and starting has pluses and minuses. The good part is you know each other and can trust each other. The hard part is there are habits that might be obstructive for awhile. She seems to like humiliation- seeing you with another and servicing her as a sex slave. It gives her a rush. Kneeling can be hot, once she gets over the social restrictions. Some things will feel weird because we are taught differently.

There are many other M/s books too that might have idea to explore. Take what you need and leave the rest.

_____________________________

Master Richard's slave rachel

(in reply to BusyPlaying)

Post #: 10

RE: Our classification? - 3/18/2012 6:12:35 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BusyPlaying

@hellionslight: Our point was to figure out what would make the most sense when asked what our scoop was. Also, so that our profile would be fitting to what we're into with a quick glance. But you, and all the others here, are correct.

Thanks!

I always just tell folks I am self-defined, and have no label ;) SOunds like you two have something great! (maybe THAT'S the label you could apply to yourselves: Something Great!!)

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to BusyPlaying)

Post #: 11

RE: Our classification? - 3/18/2012 6:56:01 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

You've basically just justified throwing out the book.

The only other thing I'd mention is that a cuckquean does not join in when her Dom is with another woman. If she joins in, it's not called that.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 12

RE: Our classification? - 3/18/2012 7:17:36 AM

MsSylverdawn

Posts: 147
Joined: 9/26/2011
Status: offline

Prefaces this with this is my opinion... from my experiences over the last 15 years.....

Slaves=no rights but the final one which is to leave. Their dynamic is total power exchange. The protocol is as intense as the Master wants it to be.

Submissives=right to negotiate. Their dynamic is power exchange is defined by the preset limits of the relationship. The protocol is as intense as the submissive allows it to be.

Bottom=equal partner. Their dynamic is defined by and limited to the phyical exchange of energy does not leave the "bedroom". There is only that protocol that is required to complete the session.

Sounds to me like you have a traditional marriage that is open. Perhaps it is what they call Fifties household. The wife is in her traditional role as homemaker sex partner. The husband is the breadwinner/protector.

Perhaps it might be best said after having read your journal and profile. You are the Dominant partner and she is in service to you. Becuase thats a fact.

She wants to have sexual encounters with other women. I believe that is called swinging rather than cucking the cuck is much more mired in the emotional than the physical as I understand it again that is only my opinion.

I would however say dont let others define who you are ... but I understand wanting to present yourself in such a manner that those around you get who you are and what you are about quickly without deep conversation being required.

< Message edited by MsSylverdawn -- 3/18/2012 7:34:10 AM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 13

RE: Our classification? - 3/18/2012 7:40:58 AM

menowimp

Posts: 16
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

MySylverdawn, that is very nicely put.

(in reply to MsSylverdawn)

Post #: 14

RE: Our classification? - 3/18/2012 10:09:48 AM

graceadieu

Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline

Don't worry too much about labels. What matters is whether you're doing works for you two and makes your relationship happier and more satisfying, and it sounds like it does. And if you like calling each other Master and slave, even if some other people don't consider you as such.... well, whatever. You're not in a relationship with those other people. If it makes you guys happy, go for it.

Oh, and I didn't get much out of that book either. That sort of formal, protocol and training-heavy dynamic is great for some people, but it wouldn't really work for us either. Yeah, he can and will decide major things like our household finances and whether I work, but if I started kowtowing whenever he came in the room and talking in the third person we'd both about bust a gut laughing.

(in reply to BusyPlaying)

Post #: 15

RE: Our classification? - 3/18/2012 10:30:10 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

Sometimes I think the worst thing anyone can do to their relationship is label it then try to live up to that label.
---- KnightofMysts

So a few points that are ONLY ONE PERSPECTIVE.

- Anything contained within a book entitled "erotic slavehood" is going to look like "bottoming" to me. It certainly has nothing to do with anything that I would call "reality" or "M/s". Obviously, however, it DOES look like slavery to the person who wrote the book. Think on that long and hard (or perhaps for 2 seconds) and I think you'll really understand what you're asking.

- No, you don't fit any standard "M/s" mold. There IS no such mold. Go read 6 other books and you'll suddenly realize you're looking at 6 different views. To ME, all the "standard rituals" you talked about look like yet more fantasy play. It's all a game. Think about it. If I actually own someone and actually have total authority over them, then I don't really need to talk about or do any of that crap. What exactly would I write in a contract with Carol? It'd say something like, "Carol agrees to do as she's told until she no longer wants to be mine." Or here, if you'd like it in harder edged terms, "Jeff will do as he pleases and Carol will obey until she successfully flees or dies." It's hardly worth writing down. We can both remember it just fine.

- Here's my suggestion for what you should be labeled. Figure out what label makes you two all hard and squishy and go with that. Trust me on this. You won't look "true" to me anyway (assuming I was fool enough to think in such terms). And if you looked "true" to me, then you wouldn't look true to the guy next to me. There are no common definitions.

Some personal notes from my own similar experience:
It is my experience that the view of the road is very different when you start this all on the foundation of a long and good relationship. Carol and I were married quite some time before the collaring. Yes, that colors things -- A LOT.

Also, Carol and I sound a lot like you two although we don't "play" (defined as sadism, masochism, bondage or discipline). My own experience is that you'll look all M/s-ey enough if you play and you won't if you don't. In other words, a "traditional marriage" with play added is M/s in most people eyes... especially if it's been a good marriage so things like "disobedience" just really aren't a factor. To the outside world it's going to look all super-slavey. To you two it's going to look like two people who love each other and get along well.

< Message edited by JeffBC -- 3/18/2012 10:37:25 AM >

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to BusyPlaying)

Post #: 16

RE: Our classification? - 3/18/2012 10:39:22 AM

hellionsLight

Posts: 241
Joined: 10/18/2011
From: Kearney, NE
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSylverdawn

Prefaces this with this is my opinion... from my experiences over the last 15 years.....

Slaves=no rights but the final one which is to leave. Their dynamic is total power exchange. The protocol is as intense as the Master wants it to be.

Submissives=right to negotiate. Their dynamic is power exchange is defined by the preset limits of the relationship. The protocol is as intense as the submissive allows it to be.

Bottom=equal partner. Their dynamic is defined by and limited to the phyical exchange of energy does not leave the "bedroom". There is only that protocol that is required to complete the session.

Sounds to me like you have a traditional marriage that is open. Perhaps it is what they call Fifties household. The wife is in her traditional role as homemaker sex partner. The husband is the breadwinner/protector.

Perhaps it might be best said after having read your journal and profile. You are the Dominant partner and she is in service to you. Becuase thats a fact.

She wants to have sexual encounters with other women. I believe that is called swinging rather than cucking the cuck is much more mired in the emotional than the physical as I understand it again that is only my opinion.

I would however say dont let others define who you are ... but I understand wanting to present yourself in such a manner that those around you get who you are and what you are about quickly without deep conversation being required.

Skimming through this, I agree. I think. Unless I missed stuff I don't agree with ;)

_____________________________

Lights

http://anewslave.blogspot.com

(in reply to MsSylverdawn)

Post #: 17

RE: Our classification? - 3/18/2012 12:03:08 PM

DommesLesEnigma

Posts: 108
Joined: 2/12/2012
Status: offline

What I am getting is that you want to know where you fit in, and define yourself on your profile according to that. There is no set rules as far as I am concern. Just what you see yourself as and what she see you as. Put that on your profile. Read and research you will get a better understanding. Forums is a good source. Don't take one book as the law of how you should describe yourself. Don't try to fit in a box. Live outside the box and enjoy the ride.

_____________________________

There are many people that have found their way. The great ones are those that help others find their way.

(in reply to hellionsLight)

Post #: 18

RE: Our classification? - 3/18/2012 1:12:53 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

I think everyone lives their lives according for what works for them. The labels you seek might be something new for you to define. After all, what makes you and your family happy should be the only thing that matters. Im not sure what the correct term for what you described is but it seems like you do have something awesome going on, so kudos for you and yours!!!

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to DommesLesEnigma)

Post #: 19

RE: Our classification? - 3/18/2012 2:11:32 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

We don't use title, or have any rituals either. Except for having dinner ready around 6:30 for him. You don't need any of that stuff to know where you stand in relation with each other. Some people get off on being called/calling their partner GrandHighPoobah. Some are just fine saying "hey honey".

The only people your relationship has to please is the two of you.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Post #: 20

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