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What was your first time at a local group like? - 3/18/2012 7:02:28 PM

don347

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Joined: 3/16/2012
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I haven't experienced much/if any type of bdsm lifestyle yet, but I've wanted to, for a few years now, at least try it out. I've heard about local groups. I'm far from shy, but I guess I just get this image in my head like everyone would be staring me down as I walk into the place, like I'm not welcome because I'm inexperienced. I was just curious what some of your first times were like if and when you met up with any type of local group that was into this type of lifestyle.

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RE: What was your first time at a local group like? - 3/18/2012 7:05:41 PM

OsideGirl

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I was welcomed warmly and met a ton of people, a lot of whom I'm still friends with.....and one to whom I'm married.

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RE: What was your first time at a local group like? - 3/18/2012 7:20:48 PM

don347

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Joined: 3/16/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I was welcomed warmly and met a ton of people, a lot of whom I'm still friends with.....and one to whom I'm married.

Thank you. I'm glad to hear that. Congratulations!

(in reply to OsideGirl)

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RE: What was your first time at a local group like? - 3/18/2012 7:23:06 PM

Kaliko

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Joined: 9/25/2010
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If we're talking about a munch, I walked in alone and not knowing anyone and I was warmly welcomed. In the end, most of them were younger than me and I didn't feel like I have too much in common with them in general, but they were all very nice and I would be just fine with going again alone to a group gathering.

(in reply to don347)

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RE: What was your first time at a local group like? - 3/18/2012 7:25:52 PM

graceadieu

Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
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The first time I went to a munch? They were fairly friendly. A little clique-y, but just in the way that established groups of friends often are. The awkwardness was pretty much all me being shy and embarassed.

(in reply to don347)

Post #: 5

RE: What was your first time at a local group like? - 3/18/2012 9:53:29 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: don347
I haven't experienced much/if any type of bdsm lifestyle yet, but I've wanted to, for a few years now, at least try it out. I've heard about local groups. I'm far from shy, but I guess I just get this image in my head like everyone would be staring me down as I walk into the place, like I'm not welcome because I'm inexperienced. I was just curious what some of your first times were like if and when you met up with any type of local group that was into this type of lifestyle.

My first time (which wasn't that long ago) was at a munch. I had lots of fears and concerns... all of which were totally unfounded. It was a bunch of adults having lunch together. It was about as non-threatening as an event can be... which I think was exactly the purpose of a munch.

Later, I went to MAsT meetings -- think "munch for M/s folks". That was about the same except a bit weirder since it was held in a private home. Still.. it was a discussion group, nothing more. There was nothing particularly freaky going on although my understanding was that after the discussion came "play time". We didn't stay for that.

Then we went to a friends house for a drunken bacchanalia of sorts... think "private play party". Once again, like all new experiences there were concerns. Once again, none of those concerns were founded in any semblance of reality.

We have not, so far, gone to a public play party. It's on my list and my kinky friends are shaking the tree for us to go so I assume we'll be hitting up one soon. Once again, I expect the actual experience to be not nearly as threatening as the fears. For Carol and I, mostly I expect to be bored since we don't "play". So there you have it... from a vanilla guy who doesn't play... just go. There's nothing to be freaky about.

< Message edited by JeffBC -- 3/18/2012 9:55:14 PM >

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RE: What was your first time at a local group like? - 3/18/2012 10:40:52 PM

littlewonder

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my first time in a bdsm group setting left me less than enthused to ever want to return to any again. Since then I've tried a few more in different ciities and states only to find the same feeling. I stopped going to them completely but I figure with Master around, I may have to try again since he's spoken of getting involved again in such things together.

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RE: What was your first time at a local group like? - 3/19/2012 9:34:36 AM

thishereboi

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My first time was at a munch in Dearborn. I was very nervous and not sure if I wanted to show up or not. Now I am so glad I went. The people there were friendly and inviting. No one cared that I had no experience. From there I learned of other munches and groups in the area and made some very close friends.

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RE: What was your first time at a local group like? - 3/19/2012 10:07:50 AM

Kana

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Joined: 10/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: don347

I haven't experienced much/if any type of bdsm lifestyle yet, but I've wanted to, for a few years now, at least try it out. I've heard about local groups. I'm far from shy, but I guess I just get this image in my head like everyone would be staring me down as I walk into the place, like I'm not welcome because I'm inexperienced. I was just curious what some of your first times were like if and when you met up with any type of local group that was into this type of lifestyle.

I was nervous.
Nervous and excited and a wee bit scared and my heart was racing and it was that blend of fear/adrenalin that sets me right out on the edge kinda like standing atop a 1/2 pipe the first time, looking down at the plunge, thinking, "That fuckers gonna kill me," knowing I'm going anyways.
Grins.
In other words, a feeling I love.
So yeah, that said, I went with a wing(wo)man- a chica who knew the ropes and parties involved.
Made things loads easier. If nothing else I had someone I knew to talk to as opposed to sitting like a stump, the one stranger in a group full of folks who already knew each other...and often well, sometimes very well, sometimes even Biblically!
Bring a pal, it's highly recommended.

Now first time at BESS was superduper easy-sent an email or two to LA (who lived in MD at the time and was head of BESS), rolled in with my lady friend and was immediately made to feel welcome. Good stuff.
That LA, she's one heckuva gal.

< Message edited by Kana -- 3/19/2012 10:08:26 AM >

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RE: What was your first time at a local group like? - 3/19/2012 10:20:55 AM

SpiritedRadiance

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My first munch was a TNG munch, I had an amazing time.

I was warmly welcome and my social awkwardness was excused. I ended up going to another munch and play party because of the welcoming and warm environment.

That night I met Max and Set and found with some time and work and effort, I found a home that i belong to and the rest is history..

Its nothing like your probably thinking its not men dressed in leather and women in corsets or stuff like that.

Every munch ive gone to (which is over 300 by now) Its people in jeans and a Tshirt or the like, and its people talking about things they enjoy, my last munch i spent the night talking about my current cross stitching project, and ideas for a web page.

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RE: What was your first time at a local group like? - 3/19/2012 10:42:20 AM

IrishMist

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Joined: 11/17/2005
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My first time with a 'local group' was with my late husband, and it was actually a Gorean gathering. It was actually not too bad, and the people were really very nice to me.

My first time at a local 'munch' was about three years after my husband passed away. It sucked. And the people sucked even more. I got up to leave after about 30 minutes there; actually had some dickwad try and tell me that I was not excused to leave.

That gave me a good laugh.

Never been back to one, and have no desire to go to one.
I have, however, kept up the friendships that I have within the local Gorean groups around here. . I attend those when I get a chance to; often even go out to lunch with the other women.

I do, however, always recommend to newcomers that local groups are a good thing to get involved with. Just become mine sucked does not mean they all do...I would even go so far as to say that mine was the exception

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RE: What was your first time at a local group like? - 3/19/2012 12:17:10 PM

DesFIP

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It's recommended that you email the group leader first to explain that you're new and could someone meet you first and introduce you around. That can help with not knowing anyone.

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RE: What was your first time at a local group like? - 3/19/2012 12:48:48 PM

Endivius

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Joined: 8/22/2011
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My first local event was a bowling party, yah, i know...bowling. Anyway, I ended up spending the night talking economics with an author while we watched the people around us doing scenes. It wasn't boring, certainly wasn't what I expected. It happened to be halloween so people came dressed in thier outfits and didn't have to worry about the local vanillas freaking out. We had the VIP section to ourselves for scenes. It was fun and a real eye opener. The following event? We met up and ate at a local pasta joint and talked about random topics that ranged from e-play to gardening tips. I didn't have high expectations kink wise, I was just interested in meeting people who shared similiar interests, and found that most of them were in fact, pretty ordinary. We just have one thing in common...we're all perverts by vanilla standards. To us, we're perfectly normal though!

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RE: What was your first time at a local group like? - 3/19/2012 5:57:04 PM

don347

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Joined: 3/16/2012
Status: offline

quote:

Its nothing like your probably thinking its not men dressed in leather and women in corsets or stuff like that.

Now that I think about it, that's probably the image I had in the back of my mind - thanks for clarifying that.

Thank you for all of your experiences! Overall they seemed pretty positive. I think I'll try it out at least once within the next couple of months and see how it goes.

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)

Post #: 14

RE: What was your first time at a local group like? - 3/19/2012 6:40:34 PM

TNDommeK

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Joined: 3/13/2010
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I think that sounds like fun. I'm sure there are a lot of people (especially since reading all the posts on this thread)who would be nervous. A place and atmosphere like that sounds like it would help out a bit in the nervous department.

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RE: What was your first time at a local group like? - 3/19/2012 7:02:26 PM

CaptJosh

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Joined: 3/12/2012
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My beloved pet and I haven't been to an event yet, but we're looking to go to a party at a club in my area shortly after my 32nd birthday. We hope to have lots of fun there. The event certainly sounds like it'll be fun.

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RE: What was your first time at a local group like? - 3/19/2012 7:05:03 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

It's recommended that you email the group leader first to explain that you're new and could someone meet you first and introduce you around. That can help with not knowing anyone.

This is actually a really good suggestion. I had already been talking to local folks in an AOL chat room before my first event, so I knew I had at least two friendly faces before I even went.

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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: What was your first time at a local group like? - 3/19/2012 7:06:57 PM

ShibsStories

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The one time I found a munch to go to that work didn't get in the way of me going, I drove 45 minutes to the restaurant the site said they held it at, on the day and at the time told on the website.
I went in filled with nerves... and no one was there.
Apparently no one bothered to end the site after the munch group died or moved.

Still trying...

< Message edited by ShibsStories -- 3/19/2012 7:09:31 PM >

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RE: What was your first time at a local group like? - 3/19/2012 7:39:45 PM

don347

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Joined: 3/16/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShibsStories

The one time I found a munch to go to that work didn't get in the way of me going, I drove 45 minutes to the restaurant the site said they held it at, on the day and at the time told on the website.
I went in filled with nerves... and no one was there.
Apparently no one bothered to end the site after the munch group died or moved.

Still trying...

Wow.. At least you had the stones to try and show up without checking with anyone. I have to give you props for that..

(in reply to ShibsStories)

Post #: 19

RE: What was your first time at a local group like? - 3/19/2012 8:00:23 PM

SilverBoat

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Joined: 7/26/2006
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The first munch I went to, back in the previous millenia, was low-key, more of a group demo/discussion format. Everything I'd done prior to that had been just as a couple (before the internet existed), or poking around online in bulletin boards, then chatsites, etc. The guy who led the meeting introduced everybody by name from memory (quite impressive, that) and had the newbies pick a name, and then rolled on into the day's topic.

I don't recall the topic for sure, but it might have been about pervertibles (common items that can be perverted into scene-toys) or something like that. I went to several munches, got to know some people, discovered that I knew several others from another hobby group, and eventually went a party, then some more parties, found some ladies that I like playing with, and despite having some vanilla dates when in-between long-term kinky-significant-others, am still involved many years later.

A few things that I'd mention: All the groups have different 'headspaces' for lack of a better word. My favorite group here is very low protocol in general, but big on civility and trust, since it's essentially semi-private; new members need to get sponsored to parties or approved by the board. Other groups are more into dark-parties, high-leather protocol, or even baldly commercial or covertly predatory. Different strokes for different folks, so keep looking if what you find at first isn't to your taste, and it's worth noting that similar sorts of 'red-flags' apply to groups, not just individuals.

That said, most of the munches seem more about meeting the people than discussing scene topics, since they're usually in the party-room of a restaurant, where vanillas might overhear. So gut it up and go, be open minded, be your polite self, and try to spend more time listening than talking.

SB

(in reply to don347)

Post #: 20

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