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just my opion, girl is tried, hurt and frustrated - 6/3/2006 10:40:58 PM

slavejlb

Posts: 446
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

I know that this is probley going to get me into trouble, but oh well. If you call yourself a dom or Master, why do you hide it like it something to be ashame of. I can not mention how many doms have approch me, and use to old line " my wife does not understand me" " she does not know about my darker half. have any of thought how that might make a slave/sub feel, like a back alley whore. Something to be hidden away.
I have also come to learn that men like boys, think that the only reason woman come to this type of life is because we are some kind of pathatic creature, that are only looking for sex, you reminde of when i was a teenager and the only reason boys would ask me is because they thought they were going to peice of tale, and when i would give out, they would spread rumors around. I dont think any of you think how this hurts.
You know slave at times like to know our Masters are proud of us, and enjoy taking us to places like tocal BDSM clubs. If you are only looking for some place to stick your johnson, or to blow on you the please go stand on a corner, and go the pleasure chest and buy a blow up doll, at least they dont have feeling that can get hurt and heart and soul that can get broken.

Post #: 1

RE: just my opion, girl is tried, hurt and frustrated - 6/3/2006 10:44:31 PM

TolerableCruelty

Posts: 447
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline

I've wondered the exact samet thing... if someone can't be true to themselves.. what the hell makes them think they can make someone else happy also ?

I, for one, do not hide who I am or what I do My best to live on a day to day basis... and neither does My girl, and we would both insist that anyone else brought into this house would also be upfront about it if asked.

I'm a firm believer in the old adage... " I'd rather be hated for what I am, rather than loved for what I am not"

T.R.

_____________________________

Never explain~~Your friends do not need it, and your enemies will not believe you

I'm sorry if I've offended you.... but maybe you needed to be offended

(in reply to slavejlb)

Post #: 2

RE: just my opion, girl is tried, hurt and frustrated - 6/3/2006 10:45:44 PM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

You should edit that while you can and put in the disclaimer "Some Doms". You are going to get a ruff time with it sounding like a blanket generalization.

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to slavejlb)

Post #: 3

RE: just my opion, girl is tried, hurt and frustrated - 6/3/2006 11:38:04 PM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

I am a married sub, hubby is vanilla. He tried to understand but is not able to understand and so allows me to pursue my interests. I do not consider myself anything less than who i am and sex is not why i come here or why i live the lifestyle to the extent that i can. I am sure that those statements would not make some Doms extremely pleased with me fortunately i don't need to please all only the One i choose to submit to. That One will understand where i am, who i am and what i need and want just as i will serve and please Him to my best ability and with His help stretch my ability further than i thought possible. So perhaps those Doms are misunderstood and perhaps you are not hearing exactly what They are telling you either. But by all means slave if a married Dom/Master bothers you don't choose to submit. Find a Dom/Master that you wish to submit to that gives you what you need and want. Of course that also means you have to know and voice what you are wanting and needing to Them right from the start, it will keep you from being hurt and both can stop wasting each O/others time.

(in reply to Wulfchyld)

Post #: 4

RE: just my opion, girl is tried, hurt and frustrated - 6/3/2006 11:46:34 PM

DesertRat

Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline

This might not be a direct answer to your question, but I want to say I have no sympathy whatsoever for the "my vanilla wife doesn't understand" genre of Dom. As tolerant as I am in other areas, I think these guys are dishonest weasels. All of them. Without exception. The girls who indulge them with their pathetic rationalizations...and believe me, I have heard more than my share... should be ashamed. End of rant.

Bob

_____________________________

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro--Hunter S. Thompson
It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide!--Chief Dead St. Knockout, 1933, Liverpool
Damn the crops. I'll only find peace at the end of a rope.--Winston Van Loo, 1911

(in reply to slavejlb)

Post #: 5

RE: just my opion, girl is tried, hurt and frustrated - 6/3/2006 11:53:34 PM

OhBeMyMind

Posts: 845
Joined: 11/19/2004
From: Panama City, Florida
Status: offline

~fast reply~

slavejlb, I think this is another reason why it is so important to communicate, communicate, communicate....get to know a person before tossing physical and emotional things into the mix.
If you feel that "DomlyDom" (example name) is the type of person you described then you know he is not the one for you and you can smile and say "blah blah blah, we seem to be looking for different things".
So, IMO, communication is among the most important things, really, in any type of relationship.

_____________________________

~oh

~*~I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not~*~

~she'll tease you, she'll unease you, all the better just to please you~ K.C

~Well would you look at that! My give-a-damn just broke~

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)

Post #: 6

RE: just my opion, girl is tried, hurt and frustrated - 6/4/2006 12:04:48 AM

tangldupinblue

Posts: 230
Joined: 3/20/2006
Status: offline

i think its possible to someones vanillia partner to not understand, but that doesnt mean he/she shouldnt know about theirs partners activaties. if i can talk to the spouse just to know that they are aware of the situtation and what is likely to accure.but that not likely to happen.

blue

_____________________________

Those who deserve punshiment, take it calmly.

(in reply to OhBeMyMind)

Post #: 7

RE: just my opion, girl is tried, hurt and frustrated - 6/4/2006 1:49:41 AM

understud

Posts: 102
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline

Imho reguardless of how you worded it, the feeling you expressed came from your soul, the essence of what you are. Dealing with less than honorable people is a fact here, on either side of the power divide. Talk honestly with your Master; or Mistress. Let them handle the idiots and fools. Be open but respectful and above all communicate...this can't happen if you are only talked at...communicate and talk with...I wish you well and hope you find resolution

_____________________________

If you don't love and respect yourself; how the hell can you love and respect anyone else

(in reply to TolerableCruelty)

Post #: 8

RE: just my opion, girl is tried, hurt and frustrated - 6/4/2006 6:19:06 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Speaking as a female of the Domina variety I will say that, yes, I am legally married. Yes, I share a residence with him. Yes, he and I are good friends, sometimes confidants, have a clue what the other is doing, do NOT sleep together as husband and wife! No, I am not wealthy and cannot afford another residence, at least not one that I can move my horses, dogs, cat etc into. No, I do not expect him to give up his home because we want different things. Yes, obviously he is aware of my interest in women, has met several, one has spent time here visiting. I do not hide anything from him, we use the same computer, our cell phones are on a family plan which means all phone calls are visible to both parties. If I am going to meet someone for dinner I usually have to pre-arrange as we usually carpool to work. Obviously he will know what my plans are, both as a common courtesy and a safety issue for me. He and I are both mature adults with great affection and respect for one another, we enjoy one anothers company while we also do our own individual things. Any woman that expresses an interest in me or visa versa is quickly made aware of my life situation. My life situation will change when and IF I should meet a woman that wishes to share a life with me therefor giving me a reason to work out other living arrangements with them. If someone has a problem with all of that, it is their problem not mine. There is no dishonesty in my situation just the reality of life.

(in reply to understud)

Post #: 9

RE: just my opion, girl is tried, hurt and frustrated - 6/4/2006 6:37:47 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

LaTigresse, I don't think anyone has a problem when a couple communicate and are aware and approving of the other's activities. But having talked with many dominants who are of the "my wife doesn't understand me" ilk, it is quite maddening. By the same token, knowing the dominant is in a committed relationship, whether his wife understands him or not, why would anyone develop an interest in him as a dominant? If you know going into the relationship that he's married and that he must be discreet to keep his wife from finding out about you, then you have no reason to bitch, quite simply. If you find out after you've become involved that he's married and discreet, then you can choose to end the relationship, or if not, then suck it up and not bitch about it.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 10

RE: just my opion, girl is tried, hurt and frustrated - 6/4/2006 6:45:01 AM

sophia37

Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline

My take on this to directly answer your post, is that maybe some men are HOPING you're a pathetic creature in simple need of sex only.

I dont have a problem with seeing married men, as long as you understand that as a single woman, you may run into some emotional difficulty, wrapping this notion around your head. Most women like to be number one in a mans' life. You will be number two. Simple fact not fantasy.

Have you ever thought about the fact that the guys wife may NOT undertand him. You dont seem to, so why should she? Nor does she know of his "darker side". Sounds legit to me! Could be, his darker side is really just a fun playtime scenario he'd like to try out, now that hes been looking at some kinky porn for a bit too long. Theres plenty of Do it like I say! running around in a mans head.

If this is what you're looking for then fine. Welcome to it. But if you're searching for something a little bit more refined and well thought out, I'd say you havent found it yet.

(in reply to slavejlb)

Post #: 11

RE: just my opion, girl is tried, hurt and frustrated - 6/4/2006 6:54:07 AM

ScooterTrash

Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld

You should edit that while you can and put in the disclaimer "Some Doms". You are going to get a ruff time with it sounding like a blanket generalization.

No kidding...my wife is my Co-Dominant, if we are hiding something it's because we misplaced it...lol.

_____________________________

Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to Wulfchyld)

Post #: 12

RE: just my opion, girl is tried, hurt and frustrated - 6/4/2006 6:55:33 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

feastie, yes, it is quite maddening. But even more maddening are those who, when you say "not interested" or "no, thank you" start to berate you. After all, if you're submissive, why do you care who you submit to? I have had a few of those types also. Trying to explain that one is not interested since he is already in a committed relationship is,quite simply, impossible. I am thankful that I don't have to deal with that any longer.

(in reply to feastie)

Post #: 13

RE: just my opion, girl is tried, hurt and frustrated - 6/4/2006 7:09:06 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

feastie, I agree with you 100%.......my post was not geared towards anyone or any one post......I was just doing my usual thinking out loud

(in reply to feastie)

Post #: 14

RE: just my opion, girl is tried, hurt and frustrated - 6/4/2006 7:34:23 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

It is the combination rationalization that I found most sad. The; "My spouse doesn't understand me!" in conjunction with "Is not sex it's just some other 'need' I need to fulfill". It may not be 'the' or 'a' sex act as defined by Webster. However, even if it's cyber masturbation some aspect of you that should only be shared with your spouse is being shared behind their back with another it's cheating. If they are aware of it, they are a cuckold.

If you can't be honest regarding something as basic as that reality, any relationship built on that foundation is based upon physical stimulation. It is; "the sexual urge or instinct as it manifests itself in behavior." It is; "sexually motivated phenomena or behavior". It embodies; "all of the feelings resulting from the urge to gratify sexual impulses". All the quotes ARE Webster acceptable definitions of "sex".

Beyond having a common definition you also need a common goal. slavejib, obviously you seek more than just the occasional physical aspect. You seek to offer your soul, your heart, and mind. The dishonesty necessary from a married or involved person makes that relationship impossible. The best way to avoid it is to not play, even on-line, with anyone who you do not know well enough to be sure they aren't married or involved. It's not impossible. The most important thing is to never believe that because you are submissive you don't deserve to know anything about the person who represents himself to be a "dom". In reality you should know MORE! In reality this person, if everything goes as you want it, will become your Dom, perhaps your Master/owner. Someone who wants that depth of relationship should be giving you that depth of information regarding himself. Trust only comes from such naked disclosure. Don't fall for the line; "You are a worthless sub/slave not worthy to know my 'personal' business!! Now get on your knees and start sucking!". If you want an 'absolute'; a person using that line or conveying that attitude is 'absolutely' NOT able to provide anything more.

Good luck!

(in reply to ScooterTrash)

Post #: 15

RE: just my opion, girl is tried, hurt and frustrated - 6/4/2006 7:38:55 AM

Jane2376

Posts: 23
Joined: 3/29/2006
Status: offline

I don't know if in the first part of your post your objecting to how tops tell you their wife doesn't understand them or that they are using you as an outlet? Because you yourself say you're married in your profile, so if it is just how they say it I understand, but in essence you are using them for the very same outlet.

As for the rest of it. Not to be too Machiavellian, but people will pretty much walk on you if you let them. So the real question is...Do you let them treat you like that? To use your example, when they just expect tail and you give it, your encouraging that behavior. I know that venting is good, but sometimes when we vent we don't tell the people that we really need to be talking to, and even if there isn't a specific someone now, there will be another time when you feel like telling a guy this. I say go for it. After all, everyone is always talking about communication.

If you don't feel like your Master's most treasured possesion then your with the wrong guy IMO. And there are good guys out there, just hang in there and you'll find one.

Jane

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 16

RE: just my opion, girl is tried, hurt and frustrated - 6/4/2006 7:51:36 AM

KennelDeSade2

Posts: 210
Joined: 9/19/2004
Status: offline

Thank the fates I'm made of teflon, so the tar on THAT brush doesn't stick.

But simply put; "I live my life is such a fashion, that the worst that can be said about me, is the truth."

Always as advertised, accept no substitutes.

(in reply to slavejlb)

Post #: 17

RE: just my opion, girl is tried, hurt and frustrated - 6/4/2006 7:54:07 AM

pinkee

Posts: 487
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejlb

I know that this is probley going to get me into trouble, but oh well. If you call yourself a dom or Master, why do you hide it like it something to be ashame of. I can not mention how many doms have approch me, and use to old line " my wife does not understand me" " she does not know about my darker half. have any of thought how that might make a slave/sub feel, like a back alley whore. Something to be hidden away.
I have also come to learn that men like boys, think that the only reason woman come to this type of life is because we are some kind of pathatic creature, that are only looking for sex, you reminde of when i was a teenager and the only reason boys would ask me is because they thought they were going to peice of tale, and when i would give out, they would spread rumors around. I dont think any of you think how this hurts.
You know slave at times like to know our Masters are proud of us, and enjoy taking us to places like tocal BDSM clubs. If you are only looking for some place to stick your johnson, or to blow on you the please go stand on a corner, and go the pleasure chest and buy a blow up doll, at least they dont have feeling that can get hurt and heart and soul that can get broken.

Note to HNGs; AFF dot com is that way------------>

pinkee

(in reply to slavejlb)

Post #: 18

RE: just my opion, girl is tried, hurt and frustrated - 6/4/2006 8:36:46 AM

shygirldesires

Posts: 53
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejlb
I can not mention how many doms have approch me, and use to old line " my wife does not understand me" " she does not know about my darker half. have any of thought how that might make a slave/sub feel, like a back alley whore. Something to be hidden away.

This is a strange statement/sentence in light of your profile which says ....
Ps i am married, to a man i care for if this causes a problem i am sorry, but know that we have a very open and honest realtionship.

Just because your relationship is open and you step outside of your vows to be a slave to another, does NOT mean all must be in your shoes.
Just as you want respect in your situation, respect the needs of another.

That being said .... i have no here nor there in regards to playing with "attached people" as long as they know i am owned.
As i have been taught...it is NOT my place to judge anothers motives.

_____________________________

"We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them." -- Kahlil Gibran

(in reply to slavejlb)

Post #: 19

RE: just my opion, girl is tried, hurt and frustrated - 6/4/2006 9:54:19 AM

LadiesBladewing

Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

Beyond having a common definition you also need a common goal. slavejib, obviously you seek more than just the occasional physical aspect. You seek to offer your soul, your heart, and mind. The dishonesty necessary from a married or involved person makes that relationship impossible. The best way to avoid it is to not play, even on-line, with anyone who you do not know well enough to be sure they aren't married or involved.

I would have to disagree with several portions of this statement... It -is- in fact, possible to have a situation with a married or involved person in which a servant can offer his or her soul, heart, and mind, and have that offer be respected and cherished. The issue here is not whether one is in another relationship, but whether one is honest with everyone involved about the relationship. I am in a committed relationship, and can still accept the commitment and the responsibility for the lives of the servants who come into service with us, without denying or in any way demeaning my relationship to my mate. She, too, can fully claim our servants, without it being demeaning to me. Neither of us is cuckolding the other (which, in my mind, is a degrading of the committed relationship by flaunting secondary relationships that the first mate is unhappy about in that person's face). We are acknowledged as polyfideletous, and actually cherish having the opportunity to have a large and committed self-created family around us.

If an individual claims -monogamy-, I will agree that having a mate and a slave/servant on the side is being deceitful. Monogamy requires that a person commit to ONE relationship. Anything more than that one relationship is outside of the boundaries of monogamy, but for the OP, according to her profile, monogamy is not an issue -- she is already in a committed relationship herself, so the only thing that would be an issue here is whether or not everyone involved is aware of the situation, and it seems to me that the problem she is having is with those individuals who have a mate and refuse to be honest about the desire to have a servant, and expect that to be Ok.

In the end, it is all about personal ethics. Each of us must choose what we are willing and able to accept, and must decide for ourselves what is a breach of ethics. I've worked as a pastoral care provider with individuals who have a "don't ask, don't tell" situation set up with their mates. For them, it is a healthy alternative and ethically comfortable. For someone else, it may be ethically reprehensible. The key is to not have the person for whom it is ok and the person for whom it is a hard limit trying to create a relationship with one another, which brings it back to communicating and staying clear with one's own principles.

Da'Avatar ZWD

www.klashaan.org

_____________________________

"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 20

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