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Dating sites for crossdressers (to meet women)? - 3/23/2012 3:54:55 PM

pinniped

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Just wondering if anyone has run across a halfway decent site where crossdressers can meet women who are interested/willing to date.

In my experience, most of the sites catering to crossdressers are populated with crossdressers who want to meet other crossdressers, men (and occasionally couples) interested in meeting crossdressers or pre-op transsexuals, and the occasional pro female dominant who caters to the feminization fetish. There may be a few other women in among them, but they're rare, and often seem to be women who are already dating a crossdresser and just looking for more info or to be supportive.

On kink sites such as this one, there are many crossdressers interested in finding dominant women (or men, or TGs) but it seems that most of the dominant women are pretty tired of the subject. (Interestingly, I have spoken or corresponded with a number of dominant women who all seem to feel that they're the only domme who -doesn't- want her male subs to crossdress....) Those who are into the 'feminization' aspect are often not interested in men who already crossdress, as it takes the fun out of 'making' someone do so.

I've tried mentioning my crossdressing on more conventional dating sites, and I have occasionally gotten very positive responses from women praising my courage, honesty and openness for mentioning it....but not interested in dating. (Actually, I don't consider it courage -- rather the opposite; it avoids the problem of having to decide when and how to tell someone about it after we've started dating, which takes far more nerve in my book!)

Some years back when email discussion lists were popular, a woman did start a list specifically for women interested in dating crossdressers. As you might imagine, it attracted participation from several dozen CD's and, IIRC, exactly four women (two of whom were already dating CDs and just wanted to be supportive). The two women who were 'looking' were very picky and, I thought, not particularly broad-minded. I didn't mind that they were specific about not wanting to hook up with guys with an interest in kink, but they referred to us as "weirdos," and the attitude seemed to be less a kind of "I'm not into that, but good luck" as "there's something wrong with you." And once the founder of the list found someone, the list went away.

Anyway....just wondered if anyone had any suggestions, as it's getting kinda lonely out here. :)

< Message edited by pinniped -- 3/23/2012 3:56:34 PM >

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RE: Dating sites for crossdressers (to meet women)? - 3/23/2012 9:10:23 PM

MistressDarkArt

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Greetings pinniped-
I'm sorry I don't have any links to CD sites to help you. I am one of those dominant women who gets nothing out of this dynamic and all things being equal, would rather not indulge someone who does.

My problem with the CD dynamic is that so many men lead with this (true also of many other kinks/fetishes) so it annoyingly comes across as a bid for a fetish-delivery system, not a partner who is a woman in her own right. I can't speak for others but my several experiences with the CD dynamic have been men who are intensely focused on getting their dress-up needs met instead of providing partnership. It's all about them and their kink, and that gets so fecking irritating, old and boring.

Now here's the part that may help you: To me, if a man endeared himself and became indispensable as a genuine help-mate partner in vanilla life...first and foremost...as well as indulging my lifestyle preferences, I might gladly indulge his desire to cross-dress occasionally. When I love someone, I love to give as well as take.

Without that most important element...just...NO to cross-dressing. So my advice would be to find someone to love. Make yourself a valuable asset in her life. I doubt she would mind a little panty-wearing and mascara when everything else is jake.

Good luck in your search. Enjoy the journey.

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RE: Dating sites for crossdressers (to meet women)? - 3/24/2012 3:11:34 AM

CBTinDALLAS

Posts: 28
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Mistress DarkArt.
Nicely put!

I have been in relationships with crossdressers.
Initially, they were loving and generous...as the relationship progressed, so did their desire to dress and it then became an OBSESSION.
It was no longer a partnership, but a kinkfest for him and I became lost in HIS obsession.

It soon became all about him.
My needs were secondary to his fetish delivery system.

As one CD put it.
They go into a Crossdressing euphoria.

Thank you♥

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RE: Dating sites for crossdressers (to meet women)? - 3/24/2012 6:20:10 AM

hellionsLight

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From: Kearney, NE
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Nope, good luck though!

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RE: Dating sites for crossdressers (to meet women)? - 3/24/2012 7:46:00 AM

Soyokaze

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It's been a long time since I actively looked for someone, but when I was I did it here. I had to travel across the country to live with them, but I ultimately did. It eventually failed though : ( I don't crossdress as a fetish though; I do it because I just feel better in general dressed.

Maybe get out to some real life things? I can't imagine San Diego doesn't have some groups for crossdressers, or at the very least groups that welcome them.

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RE: Dating sites for crossdressers (to meet women)? - 3/24/2012 8:11:35 AM

DarkSteven

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Pinniped, I'm going to suggest you do the opposite of what you say you want. Go to a vanilla-tinged-with-kink site (hint - OKC) and write a profile. Write it as a man, with your interests and activities stated, possibly your field of work, etc. At or close to the conclusion, mention that you like to crossdress.

There are just way too many CDs and too few women specifically looking for CDs, for you to have any luck depicting yourself primarily as a CD. Your luck will be better if you present yourself as a man, looking for a relationship with a woman who is accepting.

Best of luck!

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RE: Dating sites for crossdressers (to meet women)? - 3/24/2012 12:25:43 PM

pinniped

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Pinniped, I'm going to suggest you do the opposite of what you say you want. Go to a vanilla-tinged-with-kink site (hint - OKC) and write a profile. Write it as a man, with your interests and activities stated, possibly your field of work, etc. At or close to the conclusion, mention that you like to crossdress.

That's pretty much what I've done at the moment. So far no luck (and one woman who was interested until she read that bit more carefully) but things take time.

As far as kink goes, I don't identify myself *primarily* as a crossdresser. Primarily, I'm a bondage enthusiast, but with many other interests. I could have a stirctly "play" relationship with a Domme indefinitely without crossdressing coming into it at all, though I admit that wouldn't be my ideal.

But as far as a real LTR goes, there has to be acceptance in some form. It might be something that completely stayed out of the bedroom/dungeon. It might be (my personal preference) a woman who treats me, when dressed, the same way (as far as anatomically possible) that she would treat a female sub. Or it might be something she incorporates as a tool for behavior modification -- using it as part of the reward/punishment dynamic. I'm flexible in that respect.

But it's still going to be the elephant in the room -- just as an interest in BDSM/kink is. I'm flexible about exactly what role that would play in a long-term relationship as well -- it might be central to the relationship, or it might be just something we do for fun once in a while; but if a woman has NO interest in or tolerance for kink, things are not going to work out in the long run.

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RE: Dating sites for crossdressers (to meet women)? - 3/24/2012 1:49:23 PM

MistressDarkArt

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pinniped
It might be (my personal preference) a woman who treats me, when dressed, the same way (as far as anatomically possible) that she would treat a female sub.

This would be the sticking point for me, and many straight dommes. I like males who serve as males. If I wanted a female sub I'd have one.

Your profile narrative shows a well-rounded person with realistic expectations, not a 'do-me'. That's in your favor, and if the ratio of dominant women to sub men online were reversed it might do very well. But the reality is as DS stated: there just aren't many (any?) dommes who need to go there if it's not their thing. Perhaps a better venue would be to get involved in your local lifestyle community. It's generally a given that if you're there you enjoy some kind of kink, so it shouldn't come as a complete surprise or an automatic disqualification when you reveal the CD card with folks you meet there. You'll have a chance to get to know people in person...as people...not representatives of their fetishes, and may enjoy better success that way. It's also the best way to see if there's mutual chemistry...something impossible to determine online until you meet face to face.

Continue to be realistic, patient, put yourself out there IN PERSON, and if your needs become overwhelming while you're searching, see a pro. I realize it's like putting a bandaid on a broken arm because you want a complete relationship, but when you're really starving, a 1/2 sandwich is better than none at all. Stay the course. Good luck to you!

< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 3/24/2012 1:53:23 PM >

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RE: Dating sites for crossdressers (to meet women)? - 3/25/2012 10:10:59 AM

CBTinDALLAS

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Mistress DarkArt,

I am sooooo IMPRESSED with your writings.
You really spell things out without being mean.
I am totally IMPRESSED!♥

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RE: Dating sites for crossdressers (to meet women)? - 3/25/2012 10:13:55 AM

CBTinDALLAS

Posts: 28
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I like crossdressers,
I see crossdressers in sessions.
and as friends away from sessions.

I just watch before I jump these days.

< Message edited by CBTinDALLAS -- 3/25/2012 10:16:57 AM >

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RE: Dating sites for crossdressers (to meet women)? - 3/25/2012 10:49:29 AM

GreedyTop

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From: Savannah, GA
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OP: I am going to suggest you check out Fetlife. there are many groups dedicated to crossdressing.

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RE: Dating sites for crossdressers (to meet women)? - 3/25/2012 12:25:32 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CBTinDALLAS

Mistress DarkArt,

I am sooooo IMPRESSED with your writings.
You really spell things out without being mean.
I am totally IMPRESSED!♥

Thank you.