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How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/24/2012 8:03:41 PM   
mysteryshopper


Posts: 36
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline 		I have found the love of my life, and to make matters better, she's female dominant and I'm male submissive in terms of kink, though for actual sex I like to be in charge.

Since I was in my mid teens I have dreamt of femdom situations, and now I've experienced everything.  She has an arsenal of toys and it's a blast.  She has handcuffs, whips, cock ring, vibrating this and that, everything.  And to top it off, she's fucking gorgeous!

But my problem now?  I'm experiencing kind of a burn out now from doing so much.  I have waited so long to meet a girl who was not submissive, who willingly wants to handcuff me to the bed, or whip me, or who is in love with CFNM or CBT.  But we have kinky time every time, before sex.  Sometimes I won't even get aroused without it. 

But I've become so accustomed to it, that I find it hard to keep it fresh and exciting.  She's female dominant bdsm-wise but will leave it up to me to bring up new things, for the most part. 
So I'm stuck. 
I generally know what we both like, but I'm running short of ideas. 

I tell her this, and she just says, "What else did you have in mind?"

I love this girl to pieces, but I want to keep things fresh, and keep trying new things.


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RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/24/2012 10:23:18 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		You're describing a relationship that's focused on your physical needs. It's like a never ending one night stand.

The relationships that last are the ones based on mutual sharing. Boring as this sounds, do you do things together that don't involve you getting done in some way? 'Cause I bet she's getting tired of your needs, too....

Focus.

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RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/24/2012 11:31:29 PM   
Winterapple


Posts: 1343
Joined: 8/19/2011
Status: offline 		I agree 100% with what Focus said.
A relationship has to grow or it stagnates.
There's a reason relationships based
mostly on the physical or kink are generally
short-lived. Hearts and minds have to
meet as well as bodies. You run the risk
of objectifying her as a kink providing
machine instead of a human being you're
in a relationship with. It's not really
keeping it fresh that's the challenge
because that's a renewable resource.
It's burnout and no real connection instead
of loss if connection that you're up against.



_____________________________

A thousand dreams within me softly burn.
Rimbaud




(in reply to mysteryshopper)
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RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/24/2012 11:45:15 PM   
raystraughan


Posts: 1
Joined: 3/24/2012
Status: offline

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RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/25/2012 5:54:56 AM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline 		Have to agree with Focus. If it's one general category - kinky sex - that's what it'll always be and why you need to keep upping the ante. How many times can you do anything before it gets a bit chore-like? I'm not really sure what your answer is, coming up with more tricks doesn't seem like it'll work since there will always be an end to that. If your focus isn't on the relationship but on the tricks, it does seem a bit hairy when the tricks are getting scarce. That's when the casual stuff usually ends.

(in reply to Focus50)
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RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/25/2012 6:00:41 AM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		FR~
Try going out, or entertaining a new hobby together, outside the bedroom. I don't know what your daily schedual is like but wow, I don't have enough time in a year to have so much sex I run out of ideas, between work, homelife, hobbies, books to be read, cats to be attended... it boggles the mind. Either your list of kinky ideas is really short, or you treat playtime as a full time occupation.

Also, I find my best ideas come from watching films together, reading books, or just shared experiences that develop insides jokes between my partner and I. Those shared experiences also reinvigorate us when it is time for the nasty again.

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RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/25/2012 7:31:57 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Why is the sub coming up with ideas. Ain't that supposed to be on the Top?

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RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/25/2012 9:12:54 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

But we have kinky time every time, before sex.  Sometimes I won't even get aroused without it. 

So what? If there's no element of BDSM, I'm just not interested, and I'm fine with that.

quote:

She's female dominant bdsm-wise but will leave it up to me to bring up new things, for the most part.

Check out the booklist: http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm
I used to let my ex Top know what things from "Screw the Roses, send me the Thorns" intrigued me and when we had a match, he'd try them out.

Munches and BDSM events are another great source of ideas.

(in reply to mysteryshopper)
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RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/25/2012 9:22:16 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Google BDSM checklist and both of you fill it out. Start with things that interest both of you. And nothing says you can't combine them.

Beyond that, when you have dinner, does it have to be a meal you've never eaten before or do you have favorite foods that you always enjoy eating? Because there's nothing wrong in doing stuff you both enjoy over again.


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RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/25/2012 3:51:03 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mysteryshopper
Since I was in my mid teens I have dreamt of femdom situations,
and now I've experienced everything. 

That's a pretty fatalistic comment for a young man of 23 to have.
Since you seem to lack creative thinking when it comes to kink,
perhaps the only answer is to find a new love of your life, so
everything will again be a new experience.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

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RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/25/2012 4:21:33 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		Becoming bored with sex or needing the next bells and whistles is something I really can't relate to.
For me. I am in in the present moment and stay connected to the present moment then every moment is new and exciting.

Perhaps you could look up Tantric sex?
Or look into some of the various erotic massage techniques such as :
http://www.amazon.com/The-Best-Vulva-Massage-Assorted/dp/B0007XT00G/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&qid=1332717348&sr=8-9

http://www.amazon.com/Anal-Massage-Relaxation-Pleasure-Assorted/dp/B000NVHWCK/ref=sr_1_1?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1332717393&sr=1-1


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RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/25/2012 5:32:53 PM   
mysteryshopper


Posts: 36
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline 		Thank-you for the replies.  To reiterate, I never said anything about having a boring life outside of the bedroom.  We have a blast when we go out for dinner, or out for drinks, with friends, enjoying our hobbies.  I'm purely thinking of our sex life (which is not a huge part of our lives, but a vital one for both of us), and I want to keep it fresh for her, too.  She's into it just as much as I am, sometimes she brings the ideas, sometimes I do.  But we both like to try new things.


< Message edited by mysteryshopper -- 3/25/2012 5:33:49 PM >

(in reply to angelikaJ)
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RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/25/2012 5:45:30 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mysteryshopper

Thank-you for the replies.  To reiterate, I never said anything about having a boring life outside of the bedroom.  We have a blast when we go out for dinner, or out for drinks, with friends, enjoying our hobbies.  I'm purely thinking of our sex life (which is not a huge part of our lives, but a vital one for both of us), and I want to keep it fresh for her, too.  She's into it just as much as I am, sometimes she brings the ideas, sometimes I do.  But we both like to try new things.



Again, if I am truly engaged with my partner then every time is fresh no matter what we do.
I have been in this relationship for over 3 years.
I haven't gotten bored.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

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RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/25/2012 8:25:04 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		6 years here and I've yet to get bored with him. Each and every time is as unique and exciting as the first time. I'm thinking it's your age. Young ones seem to think that they need to have all the adrenalin running bells and whistles, has to be different every single time, always seem to need to add something each and every time.

Wait till you're older and you realize that those things are not needed. It will be explosive simply because of the connection between you and the other person.


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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/25/2012 9:20:18 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		[chiathepet]

Summer Eve!

[/chiathepet]

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/25/2012 9:54:29 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Wait till you're older and you realize that those things are not needed. It will be explosive simply because of the connection between you and the other person.



Amen, sister!! Sometimes the young ones just haven't been alive long enough to get that.

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RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/25/2012 10:08:58 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mysteryshopper

I have found the love of my life, and to make matters better, she's female dominant and I'm male submissive in terms of kink, though for actual sex I like to be in charge.

Well, if I wanted to be confused, that fairly well wrapped things up for me.

Since I was in my mid teens I have dreamt of femdom situations, and now I've experienced everything. Wow....at 23....congrats bud......you've aced me! She has an arsenal of toys and it's a blast.  Indeed :) She has handcuffs, whips, cock ring, vibrating this and that, everything.  And to top it off, she's fucking gorgeous!

Well....then a coupon for 15% off on a new Chevy.....and some matching hutches should suffice I'd think

But my problem now?  I'm experiencing kind of a burn out now from doing so much. And you have. I have waited so long to meet a girl who was not submissive, who willingly wants to handcuff me to the bed, or whip me, or who is in love with CFNM or CBT.  But we have kinky time every time, before sex.  Sometimes I won't even get aroused without it.  It's a risk.

But I've become so accustomed to it, that I find it hard to keep it fresh and exciting.  She's female dominant bdsm-wise but will leave it up to me to bring up new things, for the most part.  And so therefore.......

So I'm stuck.  Indeed you are.

I generally know what we both like, but I'm running short of ideas. 

Well....you are young. There is a vast horizon in front of you :)

I tell her this, and she just says, "What else did you have in mind?"

Indeed.

I love this girl to pieces, but I want to keep things fresh, and keep trying new things.

And so?



(in reply to mysteryshopper)
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RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/26/2012 3:48:40 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		Find something outside of the bedroom that is going to keep you two together, otherwise, once the sex gets old and boring... well.. you may not have anything to fall back on... and it sounds like you're on your way...

I don't know how long you've been together, but I'm guessing not too long but the title of your post made me think you were part of a married couple with at least 10 or more years under your belt.

good luck

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

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RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/26/2012 5:10:02 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		hmmm... and I am thinking... that if the sex does get old and boring... maybe you should rethink... as it has never gotten that way for m.e.. and I'm old and boring.. *grin*

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

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RE: How to keep things fresh/new and exciting? - 3/26/2012 6:25:13 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mysteryshopper

I have found the love of my life


Apparently not, since you're bored with her already.

quote:


and now I've experienced everything. 


Wow, you're fast! I've been at this for almost 20 years, and I still haven't experienced everything.

quote:


But my problem now?  I'm experiencing kind of a burn out now from doing so much.  ....we have kinky time every time, before sex.  Sometimes I won't even get aroused without it. 

But I've become so accustomed to it, that I find it hard to keep it fresh and exciting. 


How long have you been with this girl? A week? A month? A year?

If she's really "the girl of your dreams", you shouldn't be bored with her already.

I don't claim to be a psychologist, buy you sound more like a sex addict than like a guy who has met the woman of his dreams.

If she were really as great as you describe, you would be discovering new layers of her daily. Things wouldn't already feel old after a short period (and at 23, it's been a short period, no matter how long you've been together). What do you expect to happen if you get married someday? Are you going to get tired of your wife after 6 months?

Since you're supposedly submissive, why not ask her to take the lead in coming up with ideas? That way you'll always have the element of surprise. That alone should keep things interesting.

But frankly, you sound more like an addict. You seem to need larger doses each time to reach the same "high" that you got from your last hit.

(in reply to mysteryshopper)
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