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RE: advice - 3/25/2012 7:48:35 AM

CaptJosh

Posts: 69
Joined: 3/12/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
I agree, except that I don't think this is as much a hijack as you might. I see this as an example of the types of people the OP is friends with and might need to consider that they aren't doing her any favors. That is the topic in a sense. Her self esteem issues. With friends like this, she most likely won't get to an emotionally healthy place. While I don't believe in coddling someone... I don't believe anything this guy has projected, as well has his dominant bravado, has shown anything but... she needs better support systems.

I guess I was more irritated with his behavior than I realized. Although I had been adjusting my post a bit after I posted it because I realized it wasn't exactly clear who I replied to unless someone happened to look at the "in reply to" section. I also adjusted my tone a bit.

In any case, you raise a good point there. Support systems are key. Witness what happened to the old Tacoma Narrows bridge in a high wind. It didn't have a support system that would prevent it from tearing itself apart in that condition, and so it ended up in the narrows instead of over it. Good supports keep us from tearing ourselves apart.

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CaptJosh

There are only 10 kinds of people in the world:
those who understand binary and those who don't.

(in reply to Lockit)

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Post #: 41

RE: advice - 3/25/2012 7:51:00 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

LOL... Another fine example of a dominant in control and showing his finer assets.

Dude... I spent a lot of years working with those with self esteem issues. The things you have said are harmful to someone needing some support, self examination, correction of self talk and how to see the things said and done that will hinder their overcoming.

Now calm down. No need to yell or get someone to explain what you clearly cannot do yourself and need back up on.

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Post #: 42

RE: advice - 3/25/2012 7:52:07 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptJosh

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
I agree, except that I don't think this is as much a hijack as you might. I see this as an example of the types of people the OP is friends with and might need to consider that they aren't doing her any favors. That is the topic in a sense. Her self esteem issues. With friends like this, she most likely won't get to an emotionally healthy place. While I don't believe in coddling someone... I don't believe anything this guy has projected, as well has his dominant bravado, has shown anything but... she needs better support systems.

I guess I was more irritated with his behavior than I realized. Although I had been adjusting my post a bit after I posted it because I realized it wasn't exactly clear who I replied to unless someone happened to look at the "in reply to" section. I also adjusted my tone a bit.

In any case, you raise a good point there. Support systems are key. Witness what happened to the old Tacoma Narrows bridge in a high wind. It didn't have a support system that would prevent it from tearing itself apart in that condition, and so it ended up in the narrows instead of over it. Good supports keep us from tearing ourselves apart.

Completely understandable!

I so get ya!

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Post #: 43

RE: advice - 3/25/2012 7:52:50 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

Right OP, here's my advice.

According to your profile you've met your Dom a couple of times, the first time about 2 weeks ago. If he's pushing so hard at your boundaries after barely knowing you in the flesh that you are made uncomfortable and distressed enough to ask for advice, then you need to slow things down.

In the first few weeks of my relationship with my Master, he told me to do something that I was very uncomfortable with. I pondered and worried, then I talked to him and explained why it wasn't a good idea. He listened, agreed with me and we've made it a boundary we won't approach for quite some time to come. When I realised he was was willing to listen to me and put my welfare ahead of any kink, then I knew I had the real deal.

In my years of searching for the right man I met many of the 'insta-Dom' type. Those who want to plunge headfirst into the kind of relationship that for most needs a significant time period to grow into. I've had the ones who won't listen and wave an imperious hand and demand my total obedience. Those I walked away from - it's better sooner rather than later.

But the kinky world is full of predators and assholes, some thinly disguised as knights in shining armour.

If ANYONE fails to give you the respect you deserve and/or actively tries to belittle or destroy your relationship, you need to ask whether they are the kind of person you can trust to put your welfare first.

I suggest going to your local munch and/or club. Not because you might find 'Master Right' there (although you might), but because you will get a much better idea how a healthy bdsm relationship actually looks.

Avoid those who seek to belittle and 'break' submissives - find a man who wants to nurture, inspire and love.

I wish you luck.

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Post #: 44

RE: advice - 3/25/2012 8:00:33 AM

VideoAdminAlpha

Posts: 3876
Joined: 7/25/2008
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Fast Reply: Locked because users that are posting and have "another" poster stirring the pot that is a sock puppet is not allowed.

< Message edited by VideoAdminAlpha -- 3/25/2012 8:01:43 AM >

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Post #: 45