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Close encounters with our BDSM lifestyle versus public,... - 3/27/2012 11:41:10 PM   
another1harder


Posts: 112
Joined: 3/11/2012
Status: offline 		As BDSM enthusiasts, we have to be careful as our fun may be misinterpreted as abuse or domestic violence.

To make a long story short, stressful work week, Friday afternoon session, chain restaurant dinner, food poisoning, ambulance, doctors, cops. So the paramedics noticed rope marks on her wrists and I was guilty until proven innocent. Fortunately the cop also knew martial arts and acknowledged that I could hurt someone without wrist marks.

My spouse left some pretty good stripes on my ass. I was proud! Thought I could take a shower with white underwear and go unnoticed. Stupid me.
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RE: Close encounters with our BDSM lifestyle versus pub... - 3/28/2012 12:05:21 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		can't say it's ever happened to me....never any close calls. If I ever did though I'd just be completely upfront, tell them I like kinky sex and that would be that. No big deal imo.


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RE: Close encounters with our BDSM lifestyle versus pub... - 3/28/2012 4:49:15 AM   
Kainundeva


Posts: 79
Joined: 2/12/2012
Status: offline 		well, not so close friends would not know. close friends tend to be either friends and tolerate it, or be gone. family threats to call the police have happened, though... my mother in law was not amused ( and my wife was telling a bit too much ). meanwhile after all this years it is not mentioned anymore.

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RE: Close encounters with our BDSM lifestyle versus pub... - 3/28/2012 5:47:42 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Most of my closest friends know. My primary care quack knows, as does my (sometimes) therapist.

Both knew nothing about kink but were happy to learn and are fine with it. The quack just shrugged and said, "what I have seen, really it's no biggie to me."

I like having a quack and a therapist know about my kink, b/c this means it's documented, and so having a legal issue is far less likely as long as it's clear all is consensual.

I'm not terribly worried about the confidentiality aspects; if everyone in my life found out today, I'd cope.



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RE: Close encounters with our BDSM lifestyle versus pub... - 3/28/2012 6:14:39 AM   
hellionsLight


Posts: 241
Joined: 10/18/2011
From: Kearney, NE
Status: offline 		Hasn't happened yet. If it does, the only thing I can do is make sure they know it was consensual, and be completely honest with them.

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RE: Close encounters with our BDSM lifestyle versus pub... - 3/28/2012 9:51:13 AM   
CaptJosh


Posts: 69
Joined: 3/12/2012
Status: offline 		There was a news article in Portland, OR, not too long ago about someone who was taking his sub out on a leash and the bus driver of the bus he got on wouldn't let him on the bus with her on a lead. Not quite the same thing, but the bus driver was apparently rather rude about the matter when he could have just said, "It's not safe for you to have her on the lead on the bus because of all the places it could get caught if we have to stop suddenly."

As for the rest of it, I think I shall be careful and do my best to not leave visible marks on my beloved from any bondage we engage in. Sure, let the docs know that we're into that stuff. But no need to borrow trouble.

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RE: Close encounters with our BDSM lifestyle versus pub... - 3/28/2012 11:46:53 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Sorry, but if I was the bus driver I would have done the same. There's a time and a place. You wanna walk your slave around on a leash? Do it at home or a bdsm type of place. Out in the public is not the place. If you're an attention seeker then don't be surprised when people give you what you seek but in the way you didn't expect.


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RE: Close encounters with our BDSM lifestyle versus pub... - 3/28/2012 12:43:43 PM   
CaptJosh


Posts: 69
Joined: 3/12/2012
Status: offline 		I don't disagree that the bus driver made the right call. I disagree with how he addressed the people in question. It's possible to tell someone something that is for their own good without being an ass about it.

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CaptJosh

There are only 10 kinds of people in the world:
those who understand binary and those who don't.

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RE: Close encounters with our BDSM lifestyle versus pub... - 3/28/2012 12:48:55 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptJosh

I don't disagree that the bus driver made the right call. I disagree with how he addressed the people in question. It's possible to tell someone something that is for their own good without being an ass about it.


Unfortunately I know a couple of bus drivers <cringe> and they're not the nicest or smartest people in the world. They're usually frustrated and angry because they deal with rude people all day which leads to outbursts by the drivers.

I use public transportation almost everyday and I've seen stuff the drivers have to put up with. It's amazing sometimes that's all they do. I've seen drivers who have to stop the bus and break up brawls in the bus or a person who tried to take the driver's wheel. So there are times I can sympathize with them. Then there are the drivers who just aren't very smart and that's why they have the job because it's the only job they can do. lol


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RE: Close encounters with our BDSM lifestyle versus pub... - 3/28/2012 12:51:22 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		I went in for a pap and exam and totally forgot that I had a black-and-blue ass. I remembered when she sat down to do her work and I realized part of what she was looking at. I just said, "You may see some marks down there, don't worry, they're completely consensual". She said, "ok" and wasn't bothered at all. No problems.

Another time I went in to get a brazilian waxing (from a woman I'd gotten tons of them from already, so we had chatted a lot) and didn't think about the fact that I'd been beat all over the butt and vulva the night before. No marks, but it made getting waxed interesting... We joked about it together.

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RE: Close encounters with our BDSM lifestyle versus pub... - 3/28/2012 2:42:12 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
The quack just shrugged and said, "what I have seen, really it's no biggie to me."

~laughs~ Yeah, that's pretty much the impression I get every time I talk to a doctor or medical type about this stuff. I generally gather you'd have to go a long, long way beyond the level of weirdness I normally see here in order to even get their attention.

- For me, I don't have "confidentiality" concerns. It's my life. There's nothing confidential about it. Yup, I boss my wife around... a lot. Sometimes I also put a leash and collar on her and take her out to dinner. So what?
- Friends who can't cope become non-friends.
- Legal issues seems unlikely since Carol and I don't do SM. If we did, it's legal where we live. Carol is not the sort of person to make up lies to send me to prison even if she was so angry at me that she was divorcing me. If she IS that kind of person then I have already made a tragic mistake.

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RE: Close encounters with our BDSM lifestyle versus pub... - 3/28/2012 5:18:28 PM   
kitkat105


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/29/2011
From: Eating dutch crunch in the Silicon Valley
Status: offline 		Healthcare professionals usually have a high index of suspicion anyway, so you're better off being 100% honest with them. Otherwise we know you're lying

I've told a few of my closest friends and the most dramatic response I got was, "Well Kat, you're halo is down around your knees now." And curiousity, because most of my girl friends are 'tops'.

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RE: Close encounters with our BDSM lifestyle versus pub... - 3/28/2012 5:23:35 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Honestly...way back when I was about 24 and vanilla. I had a hardwood bed on hard wood floor and was dating a guy who was 6'5" - 265lbs.

We're having sex...he zigs, I zag, the bed moves and I fall out of bed and hit my head on the radiator. He saw where my head was going and put his hand behind my head. He ended up with a broken finger while I needed stitches. At the emergency room at 1am, they were certain he had hit me.

The reality is that it doesn't matter whether it's vanilla or not.....unless you're honest, you'll always bring up that suspicion.

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RE: Close encounters with our BDSM lifestyle versus pub... - 3/29/2012 12:50:04 AM   
Winterapple


Posts: 1343
Joined: 8/19/2011
Status: offline 		FR
Doctor knows, therapist knows. Both unbothered.
I would tell the wax lady. I don't think
she'd blink an eye. It takes a lot to faze
a wax lady.
In a emergency situation if I was able
to speak I'd just tell whoever.
The bus driver was IMO right to not
allow them on the bus. No need to be
rude about it but if they were
confrontational with him(not saying
they were) he could understandably
become terse. Bus drivers encounter
a great many idiots daily.

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RE: Close encounters with our BDSM lifestyle versus pub... - 3/29/2012 8:43:47 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		At the hospital less than a month ago with a pulmonary embolism, I couldn't figure out the looks the nurses were giving me until I remembered my upper arms were fairly bruised. Even after explaining I A) bruise easily B) it was completely consensual.. they were reluctant to let my Owner into the room.

While part of me understands their apprehension, most me of was just scared, angry and needing him there.

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RE: Close encounters with our BDSM lifestyle versus pub... - 3/29/2012 4:06:24 PM   
joshspet1980


Posts: 63
Joined: 3/12/2012
From: Texas originally but live in Washington
Status: offline 		This is an interesting thing to think about for when we get to do more daily things and are married. So, how careful do we have to be in regards to this sort of thing? I wouldn't want anyone to think that my Master is abusing me. I have been in abusive relationships in the past, but there is no possibly way that Master would ever want to intentionally harm me in an abusive way.

I know that I want to be tied and suspended eventually and all of that. It will most certainly leave marks. I see the doctor often because of Type 2 diabetes and other problems. Is there also a concern with those situations and the doctors seeing any marks that straps may have left behind?

You posed something that is definitely a thinker.

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RE: Close encounters with our BDSM lifestyle versus pub... - 3/29/2012 4:12:18 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Is there also a concern with those situations and the doctors seeing any marks that straps may have left behind?


Yes, because they have a duty to report, which is why the last time I had a GYN appt the day after a beating, I disclaimed ahead of time, "You're going to see bruises. They were consensual."

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RE: Close encounters with our BDSM lifestyle versus pub... - 3/29/2012 4:15:34 PM   
joshspet1980


Posts: 63
Joined: 3/12/2012
From: Texas originally but live in Washington
Status: offline 		Thank you for letting me know that. I never really thought about that aspect of this sort of lifestyle and relationship. This is exactly why I like being on this site and reading the boards.

I have learned so much. I am glad that we are learning this before we begin actually doing things together. I see why you all are so adamant about learning and going to workshops and the like to educate ourselves beforehand.

:D

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RE: Close encounters with our BDSM lifestyle versus pub... - 3/29/2012 4:23:52 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

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RE: Close encounters with our BDSM lifestyle versus pub... - 3/30/2012 1:45:23 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: joshspet1980
So, how careful do we have to be in regards to this sort of thing?

I'm going to guess that depends on where you live. If it's San Francisco then probably not very. If it's somewhere in the rural midwest then probably more. What I've done (back when I thought we might do SM) is just tell the doctor right up front. If he gets weird about it, then he gets dropped for another doctor. These are MY PAID SERVANTS and I won't have them fucking with me on my nickel. Yes, they have a duty to report. And in the field they are in, they also have a duty to have some actual knowledge about humans and human sexuality. If they do not, then they are defective doctors in my opinion.

So I went with Carol to her medical appointments and I told them we were exploring kinky and possibly rough sex. They might see various bruises and marks. They should be careful what they interpret from those signs. Honestly though, only one doctor seemed particularly unsure about the conversation. Three or four more just said something casual and moved on... they obviously were not surprised or even all that shocked. The one... well... he seemed pretty up tight but even he didn't take it badly. I didn't feel the need to get rid of any doctors.


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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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