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xssve -> RE: Dominants who "train" submissives... (4/12/2012 10:55:28 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: katielalah
LadyPact,
Can I ask you a direct question then? What do you "get out" of training others if you aren't "owning" them in the end. That seems to be the only scenario people see as at all rewarding, which I disagree.
thanks.
Hi Katie, I PM'd you with a proposal, should be in your, uh, inbox.
If you don't mind I'll offer my take on the above question.
I can't speak for everyone, but I personally have a bit of a Svengali complex, I love creativity and the act of creation - we are trained for so many things in life, from potty training to cleaning up our rooms, to going school in order to be trained in more and increasingly complex skills, both w/respect to both cognitive and performance, from language and mathematical skills to team and individual athletics.
But when it comes to sex, we're supposed to figure it all out ourselves, and for the most part, we're trained to avoid thinking about it (or doing it) too much, the orthodox model is exceedingly simple: boy meets girl, they fall in love, babies are made, the end.
The realities are a bit more complex, and sexual training could involve numerous aspects of sexuality, from learning the basic physical skills, which do often requires some adjustment - deep throating without gagging, taking a sudden cock up the ass, etc., there are physical skills both passive and active -doesn't take much to spread your legs or open your mouth, but you can milk a cock in such a way that as to enhance and sustain the male erection.
And, it not just sex, there is allure, "the bait", i.e., some women know how to "work it" in more ways than one - they are students of Cock, they're entire being devoted to eliciting it's essence - a useful skill whether you wan to be a dancer, thousand a night hooker, marry a millionaire, or just keep your lover satisfied, while satisfying yourself - i.e., if you're going to do it anyway, then why not be good at it?
Instinct can only take you so far here, and that is not to mention the most athletic feat of endurance that any woman is required to perform: giving birth, an act beside which pretty much every other physical and mental feat performed by anyone, anywhere, pales in comparison, look at the global statistics for death in childbirth, it's horrendous.
So there are least 3 major areas in which sexual training of a woman can enhance her life, and the lives of those with whom she shares it, and most likely even teach them a thing or Two, and I suspect much the same is true of women training men, they do that too, trust me. [8|]
BDSM is training, it's training to be in a particular relationship with a particular person, and make it work, and it's all about roles: in this case the role of lover, but women play a lot of roles, lover is an important aspect and all sexual roles are linked, from companion, to lover to, incubator of new life, to engine of birth, to mother, and round and round again - they're all distinct roles, requiring specific skills - life is process, cycles within cycles.
There are large numbers of women who can't even orgasm, men who can't sustain an erection of give a woman an orgasm, lot's of miserable fucking people who either can't control themselves, or have too much control to enjoy themselves, or who simply do not grasp the basic techniques that bring sexual satisfaction to both partners.
Anyway, the sort of training you're talking about here is similar to mentoring: most will tell you the Dom can only train you to please them, that Dom, and to a large extent, that's true, but just like learning to solve one mathematical problem makes it easier to solve the next, so too proper training can enhance not just that experience, but all your experiences to come.
As for me, there's that Svengali complex, for me, it's like creating a work of art, and then unleashing it on the world, and there is a great deal of satisfaction in that - and that is the role of the mentor, to create thing out of love that they must then set free, and not everybody can do that, "training", for the most part is pretty ad hoc.
More condensed, a lot of Jung, with some odd Freud, in a Gestalt framework, with a Cirque du Soleil aesthetic. [:D]
I do prefer to think of it more like a combination of martial arts and dance, a marriage of the practical and the beautiful, and I suppose, in that sense, there is nothing wrong with learning under a succession of masters, each of which has a little something different to impart to you, and each of whom learns something from you - to teach is to learn, after all.
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