"proper protocol" in approaching a dominant (Full Version)

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sklavo87 -> "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant (3/31/2012 8:38:27 PM)

Hello all,

Ive read in a few profiles of dominant women that they want men who write them to "practice proper protocol" and ask for permission to approach.... What exactly does this mean? Is it impolite to some to send a message saying, "Hey, Im so and so, I read your profile and wanted to introduce myself..."... Ive messaged quite a few Dommes who I felt I was compatible with to introduce myself and a majority of the time, I dont get a response back... Is it against kink protocol to send an introductory message/photo to without asking permission? If so, how do you go about asking permission?

Thanks for your help,
sklavo



LadyAhmera -> RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant (3/31/2012 9:25:51 PM)

I would start with "Mistress" or "Master" then, 'If it please You, i viewed Your profile and i was hoping very much to speak with You" or something along those lines. your things will always be lower case, Ours always upper case. Be polite, don't tell Us all about your fantasy right off the bat (We hate that, most of Us anyway) and realize that We get ALTO of emails, so be patient. It is good to mention something you actually read on Our profile, it shows you pay attention and have already started to take notice of things important to Us right off the bat. It is those little things that make the difference IMHO. -Lady Ahmera



MsSylverdawn -> RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant (3/31/2012 9:47:26 PM)

dear sklavo that may be her protocol but its certainly not mine. they I/i Y/you/Me/me drives me bonkers. Polite .. concise.. funny...clearly having ready my profile which takes all of five seconds becuase it is only five lines long. Expectations are what get you. Write without any. Hello Ms Whoever I read your profile in which you make it clear you looking for xyz. I am so and so.. I feel I meet those critieria and would very much like the opportunity to convince you or discuss this with you whatever .give her alternate methods of contact ie a messanger or email.. and move on.. It took me going on three years to find somone I actually liked as person, who was what he said he was .. you gotta kiss alot of frogs before you find your princess.. good luck MsB.



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant (3/31/2012 10:27:37 PM)

All that S/slashy S/speak stuff drives me nuts and I don't like it. I also don't like being called Mistress or Goddess. I'm the kind of person who appreciates just a polite letter. If you actually read my profile and mention something in it you noticed & you don't start right off with kink, that's a plus with me. I'm fine with being called by my username, "Ma'am" or "Miss." If you aren't already in a dynamic with me, nothing beyond everyday politeness is required by me.

NBMG



MistressDarkArt -> RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant (3/31/2012 11:04:19 PM)

+1 for MsSylver and NBMG above.

To each their own, but S/slashy S/speak brings me unpleasant images of dominant egomania. I prefer adherence to proper English vernacular. A polite message using my screen-name or 'MDA' with something that refers to my profile would likely get an acknowledgement. If you want to comment on my pictures, keep it to the area ABOVE my neck. Courtesy, non-kink introduction, and a sense of humor go a long way with me.



LadyPact -> RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant (4/1/2012 12:39:42 AM)

Oh FFS.

If you are reading profiles and anybody is saying "use proper protocol" and that means you are supposed to address them by title, rather than by name, tell them to take themselves back to the roll playing chat room that they came from.

That BS above about calling them Master or Mistress off of the bat only is correct if you are addressing a Gorean Free.  Anybody else, unless it is part of their screen name, you're probably going to irritate them.  Calling someone "Mistress" without a qualifying name afterward implies a dynamic that you don't have when you are sending somebody an introductory email.



ProlificNeeds -> RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant (4/1/2012 3:44:57 AM)

I like it when anyone, D or s or not at all, just speaks to me like I'm a human being. Protocol is for later when we're inside a relationship and the power exchange begins, until then, it just seems silly.
Each person will be different of course, and some might like it if you address them defferentially (Did I even spell that right?). But you should take everything on the internet with a grain of salt, there are a lot of scammers and batshit-crazies on here too.



SadisticMs2 -> RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant (4/1/2012 5:31:01 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAhmera

I would start with "Mistress" or "Master" then, 'If it please You, i viewed Your profile and i was hoping very much to speak with You" or something along those lines. your things will always be lower case, Ours always upper case. Be polite, don't tell Us all about your fantasy right off the bat (We hate that, most of Us anyway) and realize that We get ALTO of emails, so be patient. It is good to mention something you actually read on Our profile, it shows you pay attention and have already started to take notice of things important to Us right off the bat. It is those little things that make the difference IMHO. -Lady Ahmera



I find being approached like this rather annoying actually. I hate being called Mistress by someone who doesn't know me - incidentally, all of the real time dommes I know also dislike this...it is primarily the online-only folk or pros that I see insist upon titles by complete strangers. I dislike the groveling tone of the "if it pleases you...." - I'm a person. Just talk to me with common courtesy. As far as "non standard" English capitalization...really. Totally unnecessary, but using "you" instead of "u" and other proper grammar is mandatory.

Just my 2 cents.



PeonForHer -> RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant (4/1/2012 6:38:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProlificNeeds

I like it when anyone, D or s or not at all, just speaks to me like I'm a human being.



That's true for all but a tiny few femdoms, I've found.

In general, I'd *strongly* advise malesubs not to be stuffed up and anal in their initial approaches to femdoms. It doesn't work. By default, go for light, warm and friendly. You can even crack the occasional joke.



LoreBook -> RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant (4/1/2012 7:15:10 AM)

quote:

Ive read in a few profiles of dominant women that they want men who write them to "practice proper protocol" and ask for permission to approach.... What exactly does this mean?
It means you have to write and ask permission to write to them, but since you don't have permission to write, you're not allowed to write to them to ask. In other words it means you click "Next Profile" and hope that one isn't such a pathetic self-important fool.



Lucifyre -> RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant (4/1/2012 7:20:43 AM)

Regardless of what the subject of my message is, not knowing said Domme I am messaging, I always try to go for *polite and careful*. Being female though, I may or may not be cut a tiny bit of slack in my approach, but I don't know because I've never been given any feedback on that particular area plus I am not looking for a relationship with said Domme, just contact or friendship. I never use the S/slash speak, I can't even read that shit let alone type it ffs. I always start my private messages with "Dear Ma'am", never MIstress or anything assuming a further relationship. If their name (Like LadyPact) allows me toskip the "Ma'am" part I use their online name instead. I try to be respectful without losing my personality.
If you have read my profile, you'll notice I am not submissive (mostly) but more of a bottomy/ switchy type BUT I still approach as if I were simply speaking to a female stranger, not neccessarily a Domme. Just because someone clicks the Domme box in their profile doesn't make them so, and it definately doesn't make them mine.

For sure, polite and careful goes a long way for me.

Luci



Soyokaze -> RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant (4/1/2012 7:27:32 AM)

I stick with just being polite. If they have a title they like in their profile, I'll probably use that. Definitely don't start calling random people mistress unless they tell you to (and you want to). I agree with others though. The people overly caught up in how to type to them aren't generally the kind of people I want to associate with although there could be exceptions.



sklavo87 -> RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant (4/1/2012 8:19:05 AM)

Wow, thanks for all the replies, I wasnt expecting this....

I feel the same way as most of you in that proper titles seem unecessary and a bit exhausting... I usually address people I write as "dear screenname, or dear Miss" and introduce myself with a photo... I just wanted to see what other people's opinions are on this subject... For me at least, if I was a Dom and had subs/slave messaging me, Id rather chat with people who seemed approachable and grounded rather than someone who seems to be playing out a medieval fantasy... Although I so like what LadyAhmera mentioned: 'If it please You, i viewed Your profile and i was hoping very much to speak with You".... anywho, thanks for the replies



SadisticMs2 -> RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant (4/1/2012 8:50:51 AM)

If you have a photo on your profile, you probably don't need to send one. And never send a cockshot/nude shot as an "introduction", but I'm sure you knew that ;-)

You don't need to send your life story, but a couple of lines about yourself, about what you liked about the domme's profile, and why you're contacting her is a good start.



chiaThePet -> RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant (4/1/2012 9:10:11 AM)


Always knock before sliding the pie under the door.

Always.

chia* (the pet)



DarkSteven -> RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant (4/1/2012 9:26:39 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sklavo87

I usually address people I write as "dear screenname, or dear Miss" and introduce myself with a photo...


If someone specifies that you are to use proper protocol and doesn't specify what that protocol actually IS, that's one big red flag.

If you address her as above and she doesn't like it, she's got issues, especially if she's not letting you know what she wants.

There are worse things than being single, such as trying to submit to someone that doesn't know what she wants and yet insists that you get it right.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant (4/1/2012 9:33:56 AM)

This is "just me", but photos with alcoholic beverages put me right off. Lots of the younger set do it, but I find it distasteful.

Be friendly and polite. Don't ever, ever, ever, make a sexual remark in that getting to know you phase. Otherwise, be yourself.



MissImmortalPain -> RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant (4/1/2012 10:05:31 AM)

Just my two cents here but....I hate it when people msgs me asking for permission to speak to me. I get a lot of msgs that say things along the lines of "I humbly ask for permission to speak to you" and normally those people get back msgs that say things like "If you already sent a msg you are already speaking to me, why are you asking permission to now" High protocol is fun to play with. Fun at events. Fun at home. But this is the interenet and no one here is any better than you are until they have proven they are. What I do like to hear when someone msgs me is what it was about my profile that made them want to msg to be begin with. What they believe we have in common. What they have to offer into a realationship. What they are really looking for.

As for the avatar....the blacked out eyeballs bother me more than the beer. I mean really do you believe taking a sharpie to your eyes in a phote would keep the person who took the photo from knowing it was you. Or anyone else who knows you for that matter. If for personal reason you would rather not have people seeing a picture and knowing who you are than don't put one up. Share one with only those you feel you can trust.



ProlificNeeds -> RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant (4/1/2012 1:32:55 PM)

I actually agree and yet disagree with LadyHib on the drink photo's.

I dislike them BUT, if I see such picks I know the person is right out for me. I don't drink and I don't enter relationships with people who do, personal preference, but sometimes those telltale pictures can be quite informative.... not necessarily in a good way though.



LadyPact -> RE: "proper protocol" in approaching a dominant (4/1/2012 1:48:08 PM)

I swear, at first glance, I thought that word was "pricks".



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