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Questioning myself - 4/1/2012 1:51:34 PM   
EmotionalOasis


Posts: 3
Joined: 6/5/2011
Status: offline 		I recently had an event happen that made me question myself, my morals and my ability to be dominant. I am taking a break from the chat rooms and the profiles. Obviously no one should follow anyone who is of low moral standing, but if I can sort out some of these issues. Could a sub respect and follow a Dom who is struggling with his own issues if I am up front about being in a state of flux. Don't want to give up but don't want to hurt someone else who gets caught in my web. Thanks for taking the time to read my post.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Questioning myself - 4/1/2012 1:56:43 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Yes. It's called being human. Everyone goes through this from time to time. If someone loves you they are there for you through thick and thin. When I was looking for a Dom, I wasn't just looking for someone who wanted the power but someone who was totally human and well rounded, with all the emotions, heartaches, joys, etc...that come along with being human.

No one is strong all the time. We all have weak points in our lives. If someone doesn't view you as dominant because of that, then they aren't looking for a partner, they're looking for a fantasy.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to EmotionalOasis)
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RE: Questioning myself - 4/1/2012 3:06:16 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		Many years ago I went through a period that sounds similar to what is happening to you.  I felt emotionally and mentally weak.  I took a break from looking for a partner.  I concentrated on getting myself back into order.  I did not stop making friends.  Those friends were very good for me and helped me a lot.  However, I did not look for what is often referred to as "The One". 

After 8 months everything came together again.   I was mentally strong again.  I have always been glad that I took the time I did to contemplate and learn more about me without the pressure a partner may have added.  It was worth it.  Today I am a stronger person for it. 

Do whatever it is you need to do.  Only you know how you think and process information.  Only you will know how to fix whatever it is that isn't working. 

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to EmotionalOasis)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Questioning myself - 4/1/2012 3:46:44 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Could a sub respect and follow a Dom who is struggling with his own issues if I am up front about being in a state of flux. Don't want to give up but don't want to hurt someone else who gets caught in my web


Possibly, but I would need more details about the nature of your struggle. For example, if you were struggling with a switch or female side, that would be a problem for me due to my personal preferences (not any value judgement), but I would not have a problem if you were discovering polyamory or bisexuality.

(in reply to EmotionalOasis)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Questioning myself - 4/1/2012 5:33:33 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmotionalOasis

I recently had an event happen that made me question myself, my morals and my ability to be dominant. I am taking a break from the chat rooms and the profiles. Obviously no one should follow anyone who is of low moral standing, but if I can sort out some of these issues. Could a sub respect and follow a Dom who is struggling with his own issues if I am up front about being in a state of flux. Don't want to give up but don't want to hurt someone else who gets caught in my web. Thanks for taking the time to read my post.


I would at the least have respect for a dominant who acknowledges something that needs tending to within himself and might even be more drawn to someone who can nurture and hopefully resolve that part of himself. Robots are unattractive. :)

(in reply to EmotionalOasis)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Questioning myself - 4/2/2012 9:26:22 AM   
EmotionalOasis


Posts: 3
Joined: 6/5/2011
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your kind words. I am ready for a leap of faith that will make me a better man.

(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Questioning myself - 4/2/2012 9:46:33 AM   
tng


Posts: 57
Joined: 6/28/2007
Status: offline 		I thought you had to pass a rigorous exam to be a Dom.  Are you telling me that Dom's are actually humans who do not have everything sorted and all the answers?

Oh noes -- sob, sob.

Psst re: "I am taking a break from the chat rooms"
Do yourself a big favour and make it permanent.


_____________________________

If the above makes sense -- you probably misread it.

(in reply to EmotionalOasis)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Questioning myself - 4/2/2012 10:49:42 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmotionalOasis

Could a sub respect and follow a Dom who is struggling with his own issues if I am up front about being in a state of flux. Don't want to give up but don't want to hurt someone else who gets caught in my web.


You'd have to share more details on the nature of the struggle that you're going through in order for any of us to help you.

If you're struggling to balance your desire to inflict pain upon your loved one with your religious beliefs, then that's a very common dilemma for kinky folks.

But if you found a dead girl in your closet this morning, and body parts in your refrigerator, then you may need to get that "problem" straightened out before someone else "gets caught in your web".

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 4/2/2012 10:50:24 AM >

(in reply to EmotionalOasis)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Questioning myself - 4/2/2012 11:11:59 AM   
Endivius


Posts: 1238
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tng

I thought you had to pass a rigorous exam to be a Dom.  Are you telling me that Dom's are actually humans who do not have everything sorted and all the answers?


Yes yes, there is indeed a domly dom exam, the DCAT. Along with certifications to be qualified, you must attend 4 years studying pre-Dom. Those without certifications are just arm-chair quarterbacking it! I'm pretty sure I read it in the manual, or had a really messed up dream...Either way an angel got it's wings.

quote:


Oh noes -- sob, sob.

Psst re: "I am taking a break from the chat rooms"
Do yourself a big favour and make it permanent.




Win.

_____________________________

Basically if you can't inspire someone to trust you deeply, you aren't going to be able to buy that or a reasonable facsimile thereof. -DesFIP

(in reply to tng)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Questioning myself - 4/3/2012 2:07:20 PM   
DomMeinCT


Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmotionalOasis

I recently had an event happen that made me question myself, my morals and my ability to be dominant. I am taking a break from the chat rooms and the profiles. Obviously no one should follow anyone who is of low moral standing, but if I can sort out some of these issues. Could a sub respect and follow a Dom who is struggling with his own issues if I am up front about being in a state of flux. Don't want to give up but don't want to hurt someone else who gets caught in my web. Thanks for taking the time to read my post.


I'd respect someone who told the complete, unvarnished truth about those struggles and let me make an informed decision about my ability to be with them.

That said, certain things would be a deal breaker, such as an inability to control their temper/anger.

_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~ Carl Jung

(in reply to EmotionalOasis)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Questioning myself - 4/3/2012 3:22:04 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline 		Struggle can lead to personal growth and a fortification of one's own weaknesses and faults. I think its good to struggle with oneself, life, and one's choices -- but its detrimental to be either neurotic or self absorbed.

The Captain of the Titanic would have been better served worrying about the icebergs than being peacefully assured in the unsinkability of his ship.

The Bush Administration would have been better served being skeptical about the reaches and effectiveness of American power instead of cloaking itself in American exceptionalism while warring with IRAQ.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 4/3/2012 3:27:35 PM >

(in reply to EmotionalOasis)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Questioning myself - 4/3/2012 7:47:31 PM   
EmotionalOasis


Posts: 3
Joined: 6/5/2011
Status: offline 		Again Thank you all for posting. I have been around long enought o know that I am not going to go into details to sidetrack the conversation. It is about my  balance and  choices. For those with horribly wicked minds, all parties still have all bady parts, there was no physical harm, but there was a betrayal of trust.

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Questioning myself - 4/4/2012 4:57:59 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		Oh yes, our wicked minds will concoct scenarios FAR worse than the truth!

< Message edited by kalikshama -- 4/4/2012 4:58:09 AM >

(in reply to EmotionalOasis)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Questioning myself - 4/4/2012 5:38:56 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Yep, for some people, any kind of "struggle" will be a turn off. Some subs want a dom who is sufficiently "sorted" that his/her issues don't represent any kind of "struggle". "Struggle" implies, to some at least, a challenge with self-control.

I think there are cases where subs expect an unreasonably high level of "sortedness", while others are much more prepared to accept that dominant types will be human, with human traits.

It really on the struggle brother...

For example...,

Struggle with cocaine - Big turn off for some, for others provided you were up front, and winning the struggle it might be ok

Struggle with your multiple personalities - Big turn off for most (and while I sympathise with people with MPD, I don't want to ask "which you am I about to spank" thank-you v much)

Struggle with your desire to cut someone's head off... etc etc


If you're in the middle of some existential crisis, my advice would be to take a holiday from chasing tail.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to EmotionalOasis)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Questioning myself - 4/4/2012 6:41:53 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmotionalOasis

For those with horribly wicked minds, all parties still have all body parts, there was no physical harm, but there was a betrayal of trust.


I think that I'm the wicked mind that he was referring to. I've learned to always make sure there are no body parts in the refrigerator.

(in reply to EmotionalOasis)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Questioning myself - 4/4/2012 9:58:30 AM   
WalkofShame


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/3/2012
Status: offline 		I think struggling with that is just being human. Just because youre a dom doesnt mean you have to be dom 24/7. Your sub should understand that youre not Superman. I would find that an endearing trait in my dom, that they arent an unbreakable force, but a human being that can falter and stumble every once in awhile. A hero is much more heroic when they take an ass beating but find a way to reach within themselves and push through to victory.

_____________________________

Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I dont care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me.

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Questioning myself - 4/4/2012 10:58:10 PM   
FrostedFlake


Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline 		What? You're not perfect? OMG!

I'm sure I have a torch or a pitchfork around here somewhere.

Look. I'll get back to you.

_____________________________

Frosted Flake
simul justus et peccator
Einen Liebhaber, und halten Sie die Schraube

"... evil (and hilarious) !!" Hlen5

(in reply to WalkofShame)
Profile   Post #: 17
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