RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw?????

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RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/5/2012 3:52:30 AM

LaTigresse

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I think it is just a new and more instant gratification version, of the old 'pen pals' dealio. It is not for me, I simply cannot get as emotionally attached to anyone via the net or written words, to be 'in a relationship' of that sort. It's not that I don't have some sort of amount of give a damn about the friends I meet via the net, I do, but I also know that they can, and do, disappear without a reason or clue. Even with the most extensive online communication I know I cannot know enough of a person to form that sort of emotional attachment........so I am very forthright in my intentions of any online communication. Until we spend actual physical time together, there is no 'relationship' especially not of the M/s sort.

And I refuse to type a bunch of stupid cyber dominating, sex, what the fuck ever.......to get some stranger, somewhere, off. My brain an fingers are not service tops. And the ONLY way I can imagine anyone ever serving me from a distance would be financially, and since I've not bothered to travel that path....well, they can't.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to BigDaddy723)

Post #: 21

RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/5/2012 4:17:07 AM

ProlificNeeds

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Some people spend a lot of time online. I do because my primary hobbies include gaming on the PC. With tht said, I like my hobby enough I extend to socializing with online gamers, so I feel less isolated while doing what I like. That said, you meet people. Sometimes you really like those people and end up having a lot in common with them... but what then? Sorry you live over a thousand miles away, eff off?

It's hard to understand the evolution of human socialization when it moves into a digital realm, but it has. People stay connected by tweeting their latest to the world, by facebooking their families with important news, and some do it by having relationships over digital interfaces as well. Is it healthy? I can't say I'm not a psychologist, but it happens, our society is becoming more and more integrated with the technology we love to use everyday.

There are a lot of reasons for online relationships, some because distnce stands between two people who connected mentally, some because they want an anonymous cheap fantasy fulfillment without commitment, and some for the cheating. On the internet you can be whatever you want, ut on the otherside of the argument... on the internet it is even easier to be yourself.

For people who feel a lot of social pressure to 'be' a certain way, the anonymity and distancing of the internet can allow a kinkster to explore kink without it colliding with their real lives, a fat pimpley guy can let his mind shine through and create the first impression to prospective girlfriends.

Online relationships though are definitely a mental pursuit, and I won't hail them as good or bad, they are simply different, for many reasons.

(in reply to BigDaddy723)

Post #: 22

RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/5/2012 4:40:27 AM

kitkat105

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I think most of the reasons have been explained. I also think sometimes people enter into cyber relationships because there isn't as much pressure, but also the opportunities of who you might find are so diverse. In my 12 years of regularly using the internet, I have known some incredibly interesting people to talk to.

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Post #: 23

RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/5/2012 7:07:17 AM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BigDaddy723

Why do you think cyber-relationships are becoming popular or at least why you think so many people are giving them a try? .........what do you get out of it?

Personally, I don't get the whole "on-line only" thing. I understand people who use it as a temporary step until they're actually able to be together physically. But I have a hard time understanding why someone would want to establish a relationship with the understanding that they'll never actually meet in person. But clearly there are people who do just that.

IMO, it's probably a good indication that they're either:

A) Married, and find it easier to cheat on-line.
B) Socially awkward, and just find it too difficult to approach people in real life.
C) A wanker who finds that it's much easier to whip out his dick and masturbate when the person isn't actually standing right in front of him.

In all 3 cases, cyber makes a lot of sense.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 4/5/2012 7:11:24 AM >

(in reply to BigDaddy723)

Post #: 24

RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/5/2012 7:27:09 AM

MrBlackMan

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In a cyber relationship I see that one can be safe while alsoying within their comfort level

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one might say that everyone is full of shit....I say possibly but even shit has a use or two

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Post #: 25

RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/5/2012 7:59:55 AM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrBlackMan

In a cyber relationship I see that one can be safe while alsoying within their comfort level

Again, that is just something I totally do not understand. I guess I don't want my life to be 'safe'. I am okay with loving, being hurt, betrayed, getting the bruises of real, honest to god in person, relationships.

Certainly I am cautious of physical safety, less so for myself but for those that are already in my life. I don't just immediately invite someone that writes me on the other side to know my personal information or into my home.

But with the safety you write of, comes too much removal from people. A life well lived IS MESSY. It's often painful. People get hurt. They get angry. Shit goes south. That is what living is all about. It's how we learn those wonderful life lessons.

My observation is that too many people today try to create too many guarantees. They want all of the antiseptics to protect them from the dirtiness of life. In my world the dirt is what creates strength and appreciation for all of the good stuff life has to offer. It builds a person up rather than tearing them down.

It seems as though we are all turning into a bunch of neurotic germaphobes. Wanting this perfectly clean and easy life. I don't think it exists. I also believe that it is killing our natural immune systems. Killing our ability to recognize real and serious threats. We are too busy looking for boogie men that don't exist we haven't the ability to fight off the real ones when they do come along.

I hope that all makes as much sense to others as it does to me...

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to MrBlackMan)

Post #: 26

RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/5/2012 8:43:56 AM

Missokyst

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I have been thinking of this off and on.
My life is complex. I work for my x dominant. I have 2 grown daughters who live with me along with my mother who is currently recovering from her 2nd stroke and continual decline into the beginnings of alzheimers. In addition, I never seek out relationships that might lead to a LTR, because I rarely allow people in to my family. Heck.. it takes a good 6 months before any of my male companions walks inside my house, let alone meet my people. I choose to be single because men tend to want me to dedicate all my time to them and that is unlikely to happen.

I have done safe. And I have done wild like few people have tried. In my life I have deliberately walked into danger just to see if I could get out. Kidnap? yeah.. I have had at least 3 real life experiences with that nearly being my fate. I threw a bottle at a guy with a gun once, and tossed 3 guys who tried to bust in my hotel room off the 2nd floor balcony. I have challenged danger and walked free. And now I find myself trapped in a web of family that holds me tighter than any outsider might... and I think.. perhaps an online relationship might be an option. Because I cannot offer someone a life with me at this time nor in the concievable future. That is not fair to someone who wants things to lead to a real time encounter.

If I ever decided I wanted someone in my life again, to chat with, or to explore fantasies I can see how online might be an option. Not because it is safe for me, but because it is the only thing I can offer right now.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 27

RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/5/2012 8:47:08 AM

LaTigresse

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That actually makes sense to me. Given your circumstances, I can see why it might be a consideration.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 28

RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/5/2012 9:46:48 AM

xssve

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Joined: 10/10/2009
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Being a college town and not tied down makes a big difference, it's not that easy to "get out" and meet like minded people when there aren't any.

There's maybe Two dozen people in my home town on Fet, maybe Three on CM, and none appear active, the culture here is predominately Mormon/Baptist Evangelical, the women either Church ladies or NASCAR moms.

About the only alternative to that are the tweeties, and the STD rates in the County are high enough above the national average that I don't even want to go there.

i.e., there just really is not large community of progressive minded people here, about he closest thing to kink here is breaking some redneck chicks heart on a Friday night, but I'm too weird even for them.

Anyway, I see a big disconnect between people who live in large urban areas and college towns, and people who live elsewhere - Kalikshama was highly skeptical when I mentioned the negativity towards masturbation is nearly as virulent as the negativity about homosexuality - I guess she never heard of Joycelyn Elders.

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Post #: 29

RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/5/2012 11:32:34 AM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Oh hell......my social life is practically non existent! Fortunately I really don't have any burning desire to have someone. If it happens, great. If not, life is pretty damned sweet as it is.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to xssve)

Post #: 30

RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/5/2012 2:44:07 PM

BigDaddy723

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Joined: 5/7/2010
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Thanks for the input so far everyone. I can understand why sometimes they are the only option and in those instances I think, I too, would make that same choice.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 31

RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/5/2012 4:14:40 PM

chelita30

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Joined: 11/13/2011
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Pretty much everything has been covered here, but I do think some people are being somewhat judgmental. I'm a single mum with small kids living in Northern Ireland, and I love the internet! I have met some really awesome people on this site and in almost every case the relationship developed online first. Of course it has its limitations, which have been pointed out already, but in my experience so far you can get a pretty good idea of what a person is like through video-chats. It can be a lot of fun, in particular for people who can't get out much for one reason or another. I think a big draw is the huge pool of people online out there, especially for kinksters. Can't get that at my local pub, even if I could afford a babysitter!

(in reply to BigDaddy723)

Post #: 32

RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/5/2012 7:13:21 PM

xssve

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Joined: 10/10/2009
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Yeah, well, nobody wants to admit they sit around wanking in front of the computer on Friday night when we should be out suffering divinely, or inflicting divine suffering.

But the kids, yeah, I have that situation too, complicates things, and I suspect even moreso for women.

I think the internet is awesome, I know and meet way more people on the interwebz than I do in the town I grew up in fer chrissakes.

And part of that is, the older you get, the harder it is to meet people, people get set in their ways, drift into specific political and social camps: married people don't hang out with single people, people without kids don't hang out with people who do, etc., etc. Makes it kind of hard to form new friendships.

And forget about sitting around just talking about tying people up and molesting them or being tied up and molested, having herds of slaves, etc. At least you know there are other people out there as weird as you are, I hear that one.

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Walking nightmare...

(in reply to chelita30)

Post #: 33

RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/6/2012 1:10:33 AM

JeffBC

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From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BigDaddy723
And being that I function more on the tactile side of things in a relationship, what do you get out of it?

I don't. There's your answer. :) It's a more "in my head" thing for me so it travels over wires more readily.

What I get out of it is I get to relate to another human being... perhaps one that I would NEVER encounter in real life... like say the punk rocker design student from germany. I like relating to actual human beings and on much more than a skin deep level. So for me, even sans-skin, there's plenty to be engaged with. I don't find such things suitable for a primary relationship (for me). But I've had very positive online relationships that supplemented my life and marriage.

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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
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(in reply to BigDaddy723)

Post #: 34

RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/6/2012 5:20:20 AM

Madame4a

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From: Washington, DC area
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Not my thing either.. I find it kind of silly... that said.. its not 'becoming' popular.. they've been around for a long time...

quote:

ORIGINAL: BigDaddy723

Its something I have come across so many times now that I've lost count. So now I am bringing it here. I want you guys and gals to weigh in. Why do you think cyber-relationships are becoming popular or at least why you think so many people are giving them a try? Why is it that they do/do not work? And being that I function more on the tactile side of things in a relationship, what do you get out of it?

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to BigDaddy723)

Post #: 35

RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/6/2012 6:03:06 AM

Whenready

Posts: 319
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What jeff said.

If the mental connection isn't there, ropes and floggers are just sensation play... (yes I'm giving my view - your mileage may vary). I can build that mental connection by voice, text, cam, IM and online makes it easier.

I do enjoy the physical, but the mental matters more to me. They're different, but just because you like oranges doesn't mean I can't like apples too.

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 36

RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/6/2012 6:56:22 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

Kalikshama was highly skeptical when I mentioned the negativity towards masturbation is nearly as virulent as the negativity about homosexuality - I guess she never heard of Joycelyn Elders.

I do remember Elders getting fired as a result of this:

quote:

Comments on human sexuality and termination

In 1994, she was invited to speak at a United Nations conference on AIDS. She was asked whether it would be appropriate to promote masturbation as a means of preventing young people from engaging in riskier forms of sexual activity, and she replied, "I think that it is part of human sexuality, and perhaps it should be taught." This remark caused great controversy and resulted in Elders losing the support of the White House. White House chief of staff Leon Panetta remarked, "There have been too many areas where the President does not agree with her views. This is just one too many." [1] Elders was fired by President Clinton as a result of the controversy in December 1994.[1][5][6]

But homosexuality and masturbation are not conflated. I don't remember if you ever gave me a link.

(in reply to xssve)

Post #: 37

RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/6/2012 7:17:41 AM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: BigDaddy723
And being that I function more on the tactile side of things in a relationship, what do you get out of it?

I don't. There's your answer. :) It's a more "in my head" thing for me so it travels over wires more readily.

What I get out of it is I get to relate to another human being... perhaps one that I would NEVER encounter in real life... like say the punk rocker design student from germany. I like relating to actual human beings and on much more than a skin deep level. So for me, even sans-skin, there's plenty to be engaged with. I don't find such things suitable for a primary relationship (for me). But I've had very positive online relationships that supplemented my life and marriage.

quote:

BDSM

The bit I bolded, I am the same. The difference for me is that I want to experience her reactions in person. I wouldn't even have to touch her. But I do want to hear her, smell her, feel the energy that is being created. None of that can I do to my satisfaction without being actually, physically, with her.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 38

RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/6/2012 7:26:03 AM

xssve

Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline

quote:

But homosexuality and masturbation are not conflated. I don't remember if you ever gave me a link.

Never said they were.

However, you cannot make that statement and hope to be correct, they are conflated for the Westboro Baptists for example, and for others, it's a subjective thing, not yes or no.

Anyway, couldn't drag out an argument like this in real life, eh?

< Message edited by xssve -- 4/6/2012 7:28:37 AM >

_____________________________

Walking nightmare...

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 39

RE: Cyber-relationships. Whats the draw????? - 4/6/2012 9:37:56 AM

MissImmortalPain

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Joined: 4/1/2011
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I have been thinking about this and was going to say something sweet, deep, and meaningful....really I was. But after giving my real opinion to the livein he suggested that I say exactly what I said to him. Which was something along the line of....

I have had an online(only) male sub from another country for going on 12 years now. He is a very sweet, real, person and there isn't much we don't know about each other. But, the honest truth is that the reason I take part in this realationship is because...well...he is very sweet. He sends me things. We laugh and often cry about the same things. And, on the rare times that it has happened when he makes me mad, hurts my feelings, says something I don't care to hear....I can turn the computer off and walk away.

I believe for many it is as simple as that aswell.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to BigDaddy723)

Post #: 40

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