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How Serious to take someone! - 4/5/2012 12:13:01 PM   
latexbarbiets


Posts: 93
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		How serious do you consider a person who emails you but has never posted on the forums? In addition to empty profiles i've noticed probably 95% of emails i get have from people have never replied or posted anything on the forum! Just seems to make me a little cautious. What do you think?

barbie
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How Serious to take someone! - 4/5/2012 12:18:02 PM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		Master never posts on the forum. Doesn't make him any less real

I would suggest just get to know them online and in real-life, trust your instincts and listen for those little warning bells!

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to latexbarbiets)
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RE: How Serious to take someone! - 4/5/2012 12:20:45 PM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		Given that the vast majority of members of CM never post here, I give them the same chance as anyone. There are great people here on this side as well as idiots. Profuse posting is no guarantee of "Wealness" or "Twueness".

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

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RE: How Serious to take someone! - 4/5/2012 12:21:24 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Same here. Master never comes into the forums and my profile only has 5 words. We're both very real.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: How Serious to take someone! - 4/5/2012 12:24:03 PM   
MissImmortalPain


Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		It depends on what they say. The forums, though nice, do not validate any single person more than another.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to latexbarbiets)
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RE: How Serious to take someone! - 4/5/2012 12:24:24 PM   
onlyfreelycaged


Posts: 254
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		My Master never posted here... and had a profile that was more empty then full.

But what he did was impressive... he read my profile, and asked me questions about it in His intro email. I'll take someone who does that over someone with a full profile any day.

(in reply to myotherself)
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RE: How Serious to take someone! - 4/5/2012 12:30:45 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: latexbarbiets

How serious do you consider a person who emails you but has never posted on the forums? In addition to empty profiles i've noticed probably 95% of emails i get have from people have never replied or posted anything on the forum! Just seems to make me a little cautious. What do you think?

barbie


I take anyone that emails me, as seriously as their words give me reason to.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to latexbarbiets)
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RE: How Serious to take someone! - 4/5/2012 12:31:20 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: latexbarbiets

How serious do you consider a person who emails you but has never posted on the forums?...... i've noticed probably 95% of emails i get have from people have never replied or posted anything on the forum!



The majority of people on the other side never post in the forums. I'd bet that over 90% of them never come here.

Some people prefer to go to the chatrooms. Personally, I've never been in a chatroom on CollarMe. Never! But I don't expect people to think that I'm fake just because I don't chat.

I come here strictly for the message boards. I never send e-mails to people on the other side. That's why I keep my profile hidden. I don't want anyone to message me on the other side. But most people take the exact opposite approach; they only send e-mails, and they never visit the message boards.

(in reply to latexbarbiets)
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RE: How Serious to take someone! - 4/5/2012 12:47:34 PM   
latexbarbiets


Posts: 93
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		wow thanks for all the replies that fast:) your input is most welcomed;)

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
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RE: How Serious to take someone! - 4/5/2012 1:07:46 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The Man doesn't even have a profile here. So what? He's as real as I am.

An additional thought. People who are comfortable on the boards are comfortable at writing. People can be great at numbers or mechanical abilities but not be accomplished writers. So if you prefer a more hands on person, that person will probably not spend a lot of time on message boards or chat rooms. He'll be rewiring a lamp, fixing a car, or building bondage furniture.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 4/5/2012 1:11:05 PM >

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: How Serious to take someone! - 4/5/2012 1:12:22 PM   
bighappygoth39


Posts: 633
Joined: 10/7/2009
Status: offline 		I had been on this site a while when my (now) partner first contacted me on here. I had never posted on the forums at all. He is a regular forum poster, and he definitely wasn't put off by the fact that I'd never posted on here. I think he preferred to find out the sort of person I was privately, which is a good job. I still don't post on here that often, but I do feel that most of the forum regulars are lovely people, and it's a great place to get some great advice.

_____________________________

I just lurrves me chesticles, I do. :)

Don't judge a book by its cover, it could well be worth a good sniff or two...

(in reply to latexbarbiets)
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RE: How Serious to take someone! - 4/5/2012 1:27:43 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		And it should also go without saying that posting on the forum side of CM is absolutely no guarantee that the person isn't a total jackass.

And I'm happy to include myself in that!

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to latexbarbiets)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How Serious to take someone! - 4/5/2012 1:53:28 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		I don't think anything of it. Lots of people just aren't into internet forums.

And frankly, I can see why a lot of people wouldn't bother posting here even if they read... you can only stand the same 7 threads over and over so many times. I rarely post because of this. I can go months without posting here because I check in and it's the same-old, same-old.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How Serious to take someone! - 4/5/2012 1:54:49 PM   
CeriseNin


Posts: 286
Joined: 4/8/2010
Status: offline 		If someone doesn't play Wesnoth, I don't take them seriously. Losers, the lot of'em.

(in reply to latexbarbiets)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How Seriously to take someone! - 4/5/2012 3:26:50 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hello Barbie,
I wanted to start with telling you that I appreciate that you didn't use words like real or true in your question. I think your question was asked in a very classy way - how SERIOUSly we see people.

I take them as seriously as they show themselves. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I'm not able to be on the CM side much, so I check email only about once a month. My responses are almost always as in depth as their notes to me. I've met a number of people from here, the chatrooms, and CM and have to say that I tend to match much better with people from the boards here rather than the other 2 areas, so I will honestly give people more wiggle room over here. Because of the consistent interaction (whether daily or annually) of people here, I tend to have a bit more faith in them. People here have been generally true to how they seem. People on the other two portions have been less so in my experience. In that vein, I've noticed here also that people tend to take me more seriously too - I've gotten emails from forum posters who have said, "hey, you seem a little off these days - what's up with that?" and I've appreciated it. They've been spot on every time.

When I was harassed on here, people stood up for me in a way that was really touching. I started taking people more seriously, believing them, opening my heart. However, when I blasted someone for their lying and attempts at manipulating the people here, I was blasted right back on the forums. That taught me something pretty important. It wasn't "ME" that people respected or whose opinions were appreciated. It was an expectation of how I would be online. Not one person said a word to me privately or asked if checked in with me. I learned something pretty valuable there about expectations - theirs and mine. I lost faith and trust in a lot of people - not because they were blind to what was happening but because they treated me in such a stranger-esque manner, rather than as a person who had "shown herself" over the years, that is ... as me.

So I have to say I take people much less seriously than I used to. I have learned that even on the forums people (including me) can forget that there are real people on the other side of the computer... There are a few folks who have consistently shown themselves in real life to be trustworthy and whom I trust completely. I met them here, and I am very lucky because of it.

And as a slight tangent - I've learned to not take myself quite so seriously by being here. I joke around much more online than I do in real life.

Best wishes, and thank you for a well-asked question,
sunshine


< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 4/5/2012 3:28:18 PM >

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to CeriseNin)
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RE: How Seriously to take someone! - 4/5/2012 4:37:38 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Unless I've met the person in real, whether they've posted in the forums or not doesn't make any difference or not. If I've not ever met you face to face then they're not very serious for me alone. Then again I don't take anything online at all serious.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How Seriously to take someone! - 4/5/2012 5:40:00 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		I'm glad the the majority of people on the other side don't post here. This seems to be the only side where intelligence is abundant. Well, in most cases. I have just recently started posting here, and I'm real.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How Seriously to take someone! - 4/5/2012 5:59:49 PM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		There is one advantage of someone posting here. You can read what they say and confirm they are not simply emailing you what you want to here.


(in reply to TNDommeK)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: How Serious to take someone! - 4/5/2012 6:06:27 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Dear barbie,

The replies have all given sage advice. You should have a feel for the red flags by now (2006 membership date) and your instincts are probably more relevant than someone's post count.

Good luck,
Kalon Eric

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Same here. Master never comes into the forums and my profile only has 5 words. We're both very real.

I thought your were only real after you proved it by mailing nekked pics of you holding today's newspaper to all the trolls surfing noobs?



_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: How Serious to take someone! - 4/5/2012 9:44:05 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: latexbarbiets

How serious do you consider a person who emails you but has never posted on the forums? In addition to empty profiles i've noticed probably 95% of emails i get have from people have never replied or posted anything on the forum! Just seems to make me a little cautious. What do you think?

barbie


Yet you yourself have been here for 6 years and have less than 100 posts.  Does that mean you think people should take you less seriously?

With empty profiles, a lot of what they say in an email will indicate whether you want to talk to them.  A blank profile, and a "hey, let's chat" is not likely to get a response from most.  On the other hand, a blank profile with an email that is well thought out, talks about things in common with your profile, might strike a cord and illicit a response.

CM is really a "two part" site, and for some (and maybe literally) it is two different sites, CollarMe, the "dating" side and "CollarChat" these forum boards where people can gather to discuss BDSM type things and just about anything else you can think of.

Just like many people choose not to attend public events, keeping this part of their life private and between them and their partner, many people are only interested in using the CM "dating" side to hopefully find someone they can develop a relationship with (this is of course excluding all the wankers, cheaters and jerks).  Taking them less serious because they don't feel a need to participate in a message board about the subject is just, well, silly.  And considering you don't really participate that much yourself, it is pretty much the pot calling the kettle black.

(in reply to latexbarbiets)
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