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HisPet21 -> RE: Moving on? (4/7/2012 11:59:20 AM)
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I had no indications that anything was wrong, or that he was not developing feelings for me (or even the potential for feelings, enough to try long distance, etc).
It is incredibly difficult to invest in, and to maintain, a long distance relationship. I, personally, would never agree to trying a long distance relationship with someone I had known for less than six months, let alone one month. First of all, its simply too difficult to maintain an interest in someone you hardly know, when you can only see each other every few months, and the extent for your contact is the weekly phone call. Secondly, after a month of dating, you really are still just getting to know your potential partner. And if you now live hundreds to thousands of mile away, it becomes nearly impossible to extend your knowledge of each other, because doing so involves close contact on a regular basis.
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I suggested some ways for me to continue being his submissive, including moving, but he said no.
Good for him. You've only known each other for a month. It would be totally irresponsible for him to agree to the move. If you moved to a new location, and subsequently left your friends, family, and current job behind, what would you be left with if things didn't work out? You'd be in trouble for sure, especially financially, since moving is expensive. He doesn't want that hanging over his head. Plus, your willingness to make such a commitment after such a short time is a red flag for desperation. You came on too strong.
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Again, yes, lots of complications with that, and lots of potential to get hurt. But I was willing to do that anyway. I cared for him without reservations; it's in my nature to be that way.
Obviously, it wasn't in his nature to care without reservations, so the two of you are incompatible. Furthermore, you may want to try changing this aspect of your personality. You are setting yourself up to be preyed upon by dangerous persons, and to be hurt in the future. Think about it. You're devastated by the loss of a one month relationship. You were willing to give up your entire life, as it stands, to move in with him. It would be easy for a clever, manipulative man, to harm and control you. And if you don't work on rationalizing your emotions more, you are setting yourself up to become nonfunctional if, god forbid, a man ever broke up with you are six months or a year of dating.
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I am trying to rationalize the feeling of being under consideration for a collar one moment, and then being told it was over the next. I wasn't even told until after he decided to accept the job and leave.
You were dating him for a month. He was undre no obligation to discuss his career plans with you, or to give you the chance to provide input. Once he knew what decision he was going to make, he told you.
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I wish I could be mad or hate him or something, but I just don't. I understand why he made his choice, I'm trying to figure out how to get past the intensity of what we had.
It's life. His career was more important to him than a women he barely knew, and were I in his shoes, I'd have made the exact same decisions. Getting over it will take some time, but it shouldn't take too long. Treat yourself to a nice dinner, go to the movies, and really think about why you responded the way you did. In the future, tread more carefully, and be aware that most people do not want or expect heavy commitments after a month or two of dating
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