Dom Dropped

Dom Dropped (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

MistressOfGa -> Dom Dropped (6/4/2006 5:16:33 PM)
When I release a submissive, I always make sure to follow up later in the week to make sure they are doing ok. See if they need anything, because most times if I have released them, it doesnt mean I stopped caring about them. I have also read on these forums how Doms have shown some "after care" during and after the release. I don't care how weak I sound right now, because I am hurting and I cant seem to get the pain in my heart to stop, but I want to know who takes care of the Dom when the sub has asked to be released? Where is the after-care for the Dom? Pup asked for and received his release. I wont go into details because frankly it isnt anyone's business, but I want to know what now? Part of me feels like he was ripped from the safety of my arms, part of me feels like he died, part of me feels like punching a wall and not stopping til I have broken a few fingers. I am in pain and my heart feels like there is a knife in it. Most nights I cant sleep, I havent been able to eat much without throwing it up, and I am totally dysfunctional at work right now. I could use some advice as to how to get past this. Please dont tell me it takes time, because I am aware of that. This is not my first heartbreak by any stretch of the imagination but it certainly doesnt invalidate how I feel right now. I am, and have been human long before I was a Mistress. Thank you in advance for being here for me without judging and making jokes at my expense.

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: Dom Dropped (6/4/2006 5:22:18 PM)
There's no easy answer, except time. Sorry you are hurting. {{{HUGS}}}

reticence -> RE: Dom Dropped (6/4/2006 5:22:39 PM)
I am so sorry. < gives you warm hugs> You are right, there is nothing anyone can say to make you feel better. You have to experience these feelings, work through them. I had an old friend that told me once, during a really difficult break-up, that when your heart is broken, it expands, making you capable of more love, and stronger than before. Those words did not help me at the time, but now i know they are true. If there is anything i can do for you, please let me know, i do have broad shoulders. reti

Calandra -> RE: Dom Dropped (6/4/2006 5:28:17 PM)
Hey there, I sent you mail on the other side.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Dom Dropped (6/4/2006 5:33:04 PM)
Ideally you both take care of eachother. Are they not also asking you how you are feeling and you need something specific? And there's friends to rely on. As always, pain is pain and time is time. It doesn't matter what orientation a person is or what dynamic the relationship is, time and perspective will heal more than anything.

doll -> RE: Dom Dropped (6/4/2006 5:36:29 PM)
I am MoGa's best friend in rl and it hurts me to see Her going through this. I do know the story and I know the pain She is going through. I am here for You sis whenever You need me....always know I am a phone call away and if You need a hug...You know where I live and I am always here for You no matter what. I love You....great big hugs that never let go.

NCSilverWolves -> RE: Dom Dropped (6/4/2006 5:41:14 PM)
(((((((((((((((((MoGA)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Thanks for understanding......and I know... words don't help much..... trying to deal with it hurts as much... if not more.. than not dealing with it.... not being on the Dom side... all I can say...is it sucks.... no matter what side of the coin one sits on. But well all love ya...and we're here.. the best we an be.... Jessica

MistressOfGa -> RE: Dom Dropped (6/4/2006 5:41:28 PM)
Thank you Calandra and everyone for your nice words. I guess my question at this time is, what do you feel is the submissives responsibility at this point? I dont expect him to call to see if I am ok, but wouldnt you do this for someone you claimed to have cared about for 7 months? Why does it have to fall upon the Dominant one to be the forever, be all, end all, strong one? We didnt part in anger, in fact just the opposite. I know there are no set rules regarding this, but I would call him to see if he is doing ok, if I could or was allowed to.

NCSilverWolves -> RE: Dom Dropped (6/4/2006 5:43:24 PM)
I guess i'm odd ball one here MoGA... because I agree with you.....and would be making that call... or stopping by.

MistressOfGa -> RE: Dom Dropped (6/4/2006 5:45:30 PM)
A, Thank you, I know how you feel and I can almost see the steam coming out of your ears..But thank you for not judging either one of us to harshly. Coffee? :)

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Dom Dropped (6/4/2006 5:46:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa Thank you Calandra and everyone for your nice words. I guess my question at this time is, what do you feel is the submissives responsibility at this point? I dont expect him to call to see if I am ok, but wouldnt you do this for someone you claimed to have cared about for 7 months? Why does it have to fall upon the Dominant one to be the forever, be all, end all, strong one? We didnt part in anger, in fact just the opposite. I know there are no set rules regarding this, but I would call him to see if he is doing ok, if I could or was allowed to. People deal with pain in different ways. Just like not everyone says "I love you" as an expression of love- it doesn't mean they dont love you, it just means they are going through it. I know it also might help you to know they are feeling pain as well- no one can promise you that but them, and ultimately it's not what you need right now. Getting angry at an ex for not doing what you expect them to do isn't useful right now. You used to love him and consider him the perfect person for the rest of your life- there was a reason for that. Whatever he does is up to him. He doesn't seem to be actively doing anything to make you feel worse, so there's not much to go on. Who knows, he may even feel that it will make you both hurt MORE to do what you are talking about.

BitaTruble -> RE: Dom Dropped (6/4/2006 5:46:29 PM)
Bottle of Tequila and a black & white chick flick shared with a good friend. Let yourself vent, cry, rage.. whatever emotions you have.. let them come up.. for the day. Then you start living life again when the hangover's gone. <hugs> Hang in there, MoGa. Celeste

doll -> RE: Dom Dropped (6/4/2006 5:48:02 PM)
Coffee sounds great. Just call me and let me know when you want to go and I will be dressed and ready when You get here. I refuse to judge You or him based on the fact that You are not judging me for what I am going through with W. You and I are friends first...regardless of what W/we are doing elsewhere.

MistressOfGa -> RE: Dom Dropped (6/4/2006 5:48:51 PM)
quote: Ideally you both take care of eachother. Are they not also asking you how you are feeling and you need something specific? L.A., No, he hasnt called. I have called him, but I could tell it hurt him more by my calling, so I havent called since.

Calandra -> RE: Dom Dropped (6/4/2006 5:50:51 PM)
Sis, five years ago I had a poly household made up of one alpha male and his sub and one beta male. I went to Chicago for ten days and while I was gone, the alpha male and his little skank moved out, told my beta that I'd decided to stay in chicago forever, and cleared out my house... I called cubby (at that time, my beta) at work and he reported everything to me. He was overjoyed that I hadn't truly deserted him. When I got back to town, I went directly to the alpha's new place and cubby came out already packed... All my stuff was returned, but I am not even in contact with the alpha or his .... whatever .... Sometimes breakups are sudden, other times you can see them coming... all I can say is, it dosen't help to have any expectations of him because if you do you will probably only be disappointed.... If you truly want whats best for him, hope that he's happy in the situation he is now in, and leave it at that... If he does check in on you, be pleasantly surprised...

NINASHARP -> RE: Dom Dropped (6/4/2006 5:51:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa When I release a submissive, I always make sure to follow up later in the week to make sure they are doing ok. See if they need anything, because most times if I have released them, it doesnt mean I stopped caring about them. I have also read on these forums how Doms have shown some "after care" during and after the release. I don't care how weak I sound right now, because I am hurting and I cant seem to get the pain in my heart to stop, but I want to know who takes care of the Dom when the sub has asked to be released? Where is the after-care for the Dom? Pup asked for and received his release. I wont go into details because frankly it isnt anyone's business, but I want to know what now? Part of me feels like he was ripped from the safety of my arms, part of me feels like he died, part of me feels like punching a wall and not stopping til I have broken a few fingers. I am in pain and my heart feels like there is a knife in it. Most nights I cant sleep, I havent been able to eat much without throwing it up, and I am totally dysfunctional at work right now. I could use some advice as to how to get past this. Please dont tell me it takes time, because I am aware of that. This is not my first heartbreak by any stretch of the imagination but it certainly doesnt invalidate how I feel right now. I am, and have been human long before I was a Mistress. Thank you in advance for being here for me without judging and making jokes at my expense. Asking for release is hard for both Mistress/Master and slave. I think whether we surrender to another, or take the responsibilty of ownership of another, it encompasses a underlying core of emotions that we don't realize we ever had until the relationship ends. I know nothing will ease your pain at the moment. Allow yourself to have what ever feelings that you have. Try not to break any fingers though, I'd hate to see you not posting here because you hit a wall. I feel for you and your pain. Loss is loss and its easy to toss out advice to others, but when you are the one who is suffering, its harder to really take that same advice. I could refer you to some good self help books about letting go, but you are obviously a woman of intelligence and can find those on your own if you need them. When I was in a similiar situation, I kept a journal on my feelings. It was "for my eyes only journal," that was sometimes a place to just vent, and sometimes a place to distinguish what went wrong with the relationship and what effects it had on me. Sometimes when reading back over it on a different day, I would have a better understanding of myself and my former partner. I also tend to eat alot of chocolate for comfort, take hot bubble baths with lit candles, and listened to a lot of music on the ipod whenever I am down. Sometimes keeping busy just doing something like making cookies or painting or reading has a way of making me feel better and takes my mind off problems. I hope this helps. Nina

KnightofMists -> RE: Dom Dropped (6/4/2006 6:06:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa When I release a submissive, I always make sure to follow up later in the week to make sure they are doing ok. See if they need anything, because most times if I have released them, it doesnt mean I stopped caring about them. I have also read on these forums how Doms have shown some "after care" during and after the release. I don't care how weak I sound right now, because I am hurting and I cant seem to get the pain in my heart to stop, but I want to know who takes care of the Dom when the sub has asked to be released? Where is the after-care for the Dom? Pup asked for and received his release. I wont go into details because frankly it isnt anyone's business, but I want to know what now? Part of me feels like he was ripped from the safety of my arms, part of me feels like he died, part of me feels like punching a wall and not stopping til I have broken a few fingers. I am in pain and my heart feels like there is a knife in it. Most nights I cant sleep, I havent been able to eat much without throwing it up, and I am totally dysfunctional at work right now. I could use some advice as to how to get past this. Please dont tell me it takes time, because I am aware of that. This is not my first heartbreak by any stretch of the imagination but it certainly doesnt invalidate how I feel right now. I am, and have been human long before I was a Mistress. Thank you in advance for being here for me without judging and making jokes at my expense. I think you need to call it what it really is. "Rejection" You can logically give rational reasons why the person asked for release and might even "Think" it was the right thing. The right thing for both of you. But in the end you stilll "FEEL" rejected. Regrets slip in as well. Regrets for entering the relationship all the way of regrets of decision that may of brought a different outcome than you feel right now. In essence, alot of negative emotions swirling arounnd that incapicates ones logical thoughtful consideration. I agree that Give it "Time" is the stardard answer in these situations... but it is also a stupid answer. Time is only going to work if you change the thought processes. A relationship ends... one needs to mourn. We mourn what is lost. What is important is that one doesn't mourn the lost of the wrong things. So easily, can start to slip into a devalue of self because of the rejection one is feelings. It's important that one doesn't mourn what is not lost. In fact, it is holding on the core of self that allows us to move forward. Celebrate who you are, remind yourself who are! Before the relationship and how you have growed since. Remember that you didn't grow because of the relationship. Just because I traveled one scenic road doesn't mean that I couldn't see other scene sites if I have choose a different road. A relationship is very much like a road. When a relationship ends we need to reflect on what we learned and gain from the experience. Just as we take pictures of the road we traveled, we take mental pictures of the relationship that has ended. To me in the process of mourning a end of relationship is to take positive mental pictures that translate into lessons learned. We then need to begin to consider the choices of our future. There is always new roads to travel. We just need the courage to move from looking at the past and into the future. I don't adhere to the idea a Dominant or submissive is under some obligation that they should give some sort of aftercare when a relationship ended. I do believe that it is constructive if some sort of dialogue and constructive relationship can be established. But, often this is not possible. In fact, sometimes these situations are more constructive for both individuals if a clean break is done. The important point is that both need to move forward in the choice of a new path. Change is a scary thing for most. The lost of relationship equates to change in very fundamental way. Gain support from your friends in what manner you can or desire, But do not depend on them. Instead depend yourself to Validate the very core of who you are.... and move outward from there.

Fawne -> RE: Dom Dropped (6/4/2006 6:10:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa I dont expect him to call to see if I am ok, but wouldnt you do this for someone you claimed to have cared about for 7 months? MistressOfGA: May happiness return.. IMHO: He could feel afraid. Maybe ashamed. Maybe that he would be bothering you. That he cares very much, but that you- mistakenly, in this case,- don't want to hear from him. That he disappointed you. I have felt like that, as a slave in limbo. Respectfully, fawne

irishbynature -> RE: Dom Dropped (6/4/2006 6:41:19 PM)
Hi MistressofGa: Whether Dom or sub/Master to slave, etc...caring is certainly caring, and hurting is hurting..I'm so sorry you are hurting. I think you are very special for calling him and just checking up, as in "after care." (That's one of the kindest things I've heard lately.) I can only say that after care for a Domme/Mistress could be as simple as taking the time to care for yourself...and continue to love yourself for the kind person you are. Your aftercare can come from inside yourself, possibly remembering the things you like to do for 'You'. Someone once told me this....to never try and hide the pain..but saying, "I'm hurting right now and allow yourself to move through it and feel it fully." And, believe it or not..it allowed me to cry, to feel and move on. Blessings and Hugs..it takes a strong person to admit they are in need and are hurting. Smiles. Irish

SweetSarijane -> RE: Dom Dropped (6/4/2006 6:48:55 PM)
I am so sorry you are hurting.

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.078125