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HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/10/2012 11:49:32 PM   
sirfox27


Posts: 22
Joined: 3/26/2012
Status: offline 		I had some one tell me . That I come a cross as a sub to them. I know that I do not charge in like a bull. I tend to be like a fox. Slip in see what happening. See if there is a person that I want to play with. Then I see if the person is checking me out. Only when they have said," ok, I will submit to you." Do I unleash my full nature. Is there a vibe that masters put out? I have been the scene for five years and the last three as a dom. I have read a lot of bdsm how to books. But none say a thing about BEING A DOMINATING PERSON. They say things like don't go to them. Wait for them to come to you. And people say join your local scene If you want to know how to be a dom. I want to be able to walk in to room and know that I was not seen as 1. ass hole 2. Jerk 3.sub 4. Wannbe 5. a nobody.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/10/2012 11:52:08 PM   
SassyBird


Posts: 48
Joined: 8/16/2008
Status: offline 		There is a glove to fit every hand. Just because you were not the dream partner for one person, doesn't mean you're not to someone else.

Also, have confidence in yourself. It's sexy.
Self doubt and someone who worries all the time about how they come across to others is not sexy.

(in reply to sirfox27)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/10/2012 11:56:47 PM   
justasubslut


Posts: 23
Joined: 7/21/2011
Status: offline 		Everyone is different. Charging in like a bull wouldn't work for me. Just be yourself and do not worry what others think of you.

(in reply to SassyBird)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/11/2012 12:38:38 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		How do people see me?
I like to think that I am a complicated individual with many facets. I think people see me in lots of different ways. I think they are mostly correct. Generally, I am [socially] dominant. There are, however, people in the world who's opinions I respect enough that those opinions weigh heavily on my own. There are a few that I respect enough that I will obey even when I believe they are totally wrong. In BDSM parlance, I submit. In my own head, I just figure I'm wrong LOL.

I also happen to know that what people mean when they say "dominant" means widely varying things. Accordingly, they use wildly different measuring sticks. So it makes sense that to some people I am dominant and to other people I am not. Again, my guess is that they are mostly all correct.

Here's what I know. I tell my wife to do shit and she does. More importantly, she loves the bejeebers out of me. Even if I'm not dominant that's an OK consolation prize.

< Message edited by JeffBC -- 4/11/2012 12:40:46 AM >

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to sirfox27)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/11/2012 12:46:22 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		How do people see Me?  I don't know.  Ask them.

Is there a vibe?  In some cases, yes.  If you had to ask, you don't have it.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/11/2012 12:50:53 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
How do people see Me?  I don't know.  Ask them.

Well, since I happened to still be reading this thread. I see you as dominant.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/11/2012 12:51:46 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
How do people see Me?  I don't know.  Ask them.

Well, since I happened to still be reading this thread. I see you as dominant.


Same, but come on...... Tell Me you're vanilla again.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/11/2012 1:48:41 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		confidence
stand up straight
walk in like you know who you are and you are comfortable with yourself.
smile
be friendly
be assertive but not aggressive
again...can't stress this enough....be confident.

If you are not confident and not sure who you are or what you should be doing then you are not going to be seen as having a dominant personality.

Basically imo, in the end you are either a dominant personality or not. But what I stated above is the building blocks of a dominant personality imo.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/11/2012 3:55:12 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Sirfox27, you need to learn a handy phrase: Screw it.

Someone local says you come across as a sub? Screw him/her.
The books don't tell you how to be a Dom? Screw them.
The books say that you should not approach? Screw them.

My own take? Walk in with cheerful confidence. Be prepared to assume initiative if nobody else does. If you see someone you'd like to play with/develop a relationship with/simply have a friendship with, walk over and say hi. But if you don't like my advice, then screw me.

In other words, doing things YOUR WAY, and feeling comfortable in that, is part of my idea of what a Dom should be.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to sirfox27)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/11/2012 4:19:04 AM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with Steven, but would add that it's not something you do or act like; it's something you are.

I'm a low-key, down-to-earth, easy-going person generally. Yet my female friends tell me that I "get it," that there's just a quality that says "dominant" to them. What is it? A lot of what Steven said. Knowing who you are. Confidence (not arrogance). Being in the moment. Probably just experience too.

And that I don't go to munches.

(in reply to sirfox27)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/11/2012 4:22:55 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

I agree with Steven, but would add that it's not something you do or act like; it's something you are.

I'm a low-key, down-to-earth, easy-going person generally. Yet my female friends tell me that I "get it," that there's just a quality that says "dominant" to them. What is it? A lot of what Steven said. Knowing who you are. Confidence (not arrogance). Being in the moment. Probably just experience too.

And that I don't go to munches.


Inner confidence can not be faked for long. Work on achieving a real state of inner confidence, then you really won't give a flying fuck what others think.


_____________________________



(in reply to Musicmystery)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/11/2012 5:17:56 AM   
tj444


Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirfox27
I have read a lot of bdsm how to books. But none say a thing about BEING A DOMINATING PERSON. They say things like don't go to them. Wait for them to come to you.

And people say join your local scene If you want to know how to be a dom. I want to be able to walk in to room and know that I was not seen as 1. ass hole 2. Jerk 3.sub 4. Wannbe 5. a nobody.

wait for them to come to you? I guess online that means view a sub's profile but dont email her??? A lot of guys seem to do that, they view your profile over and over again but thats it..

If you want to walk into a room and not be seen as an asshole, jerk, sub, wannabe, nobody.. then you have to have charisma.. and that is just something very hard to conjure up.. for most, you either have it or you dont.. jmo..

< Message edited by tj444 -- 4/11/2012 5:44:01 AM >

_____________________________

As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

(in reply to sirfox27)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/11/2012 6:14:08 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		#1 Stop caring
#2 see number one

If you change your behavior to please others . . . well, you get the picture. Your OP defines a submissive attitude.

< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 4/11/2012 6:51:12 AM >

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to sirfox27)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/11/2012 7:38:36 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		oh yeah...if you're waiting for them to come to you, you'll be waiting a loooooong time. Most subs that I know, even most women of any kind that I know, rarely approach men. They want the men to approach them, to seduce them, make them feel comfortable, to be the type that takes charge and doesn't have any problems with starting out by communicating with her first because he's confident in his abilities to do so. It shows that he's approachable, assertive, knows what he wants when he sees it and goes for it.

Now I'm not saying all women are like that. Some have no problems approaching men are very outgoing in that kind of way but in general, most women I know find it nice when a guy does the initial contact.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/11/2012 9:02:51 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You cannot control how another sees you.
Walk into a room with quiet confidence and one person will view it as arrogance, another will view it as shyness/submissiveness, and if you're lucky one will think you have possibilities.

I'm not sure what book you read said never to approach women, wait for them to approach you. Because although some women may approach you, others will view you as too insecure to risk rejection and decide you aren't for them.

There is no one size fits all. Be who you are, be your authentic self. Don't try to do what worked for someone else. It won't work for you because it isn't you and others will sense the cognitive dissonance there. And even if it did work, at some point you will have to revert to being you and then the other person will feel betrayed and deceived. Not a good thing.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/11/2012 9:08:00 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

How do people see Me?  I don't know.  Ask them.

Is there a vibe?  In some cases, yes.  If you had to ask, you don't have it.



This.

I only know what a few bother to tell me.

I was utterly clueless about BDSM and power exchange relationships for most of my life. I was introduced to it because of the submissive women I tend to attract. I've always been put in positions of leadership in jobs. Even the guy that signs my paycheck now, defers to me.

WTF do I know.......I am just me.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/11/2012 9:16:38 AM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline 		This too.

While I've no drive for power, I usually end up in the leadership role. After a while, I just accepted that.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/11/2012 9:31:17 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		Sometimes, I'm like a delicate little flower, quietly blooming in the mid day sun.
Other times, I feel I'm a fierce little tiger, ready to take on the world.
In both scenarios, I have been told I was intimidating.

It's impossible to dictate how others are going to perceive you, but if you're living your
life based on some script in a book, you are only going to blur other's vision of you.

For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it.
For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to sirfox27)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/11/2012 9:32:30 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirfox27
I want to be able to walk in to room and know that I was not seen as 1. ass hole 2. Jerk 3.sub 4. Wannbe 5. a nobody.

To avoid (4) and (5), get good at something. As in, really good. It could be almost anything, even something really dopey, like winning the city hot dog eating competition. The changes you will have to make in yourself to accomplish a goal like that will change the way you relate to yourself and others.

Confidence comes from actually accomplishing things, and making a habit of that. It doesn't come from just deciding to be confident. You have to create a material reason for self-confidence.

What is something you really enjoy doing, or something you'd really like to get better at?

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to sirfox27)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/11/2012 3:20:12 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
Confidence comes from actually accomplishing things, and making a habit of that. It doesn't come from just deciding to be confident. You have to create a material reason for self-confidence.

nominated for sunshine's quote of the day.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 20
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