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RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/11/2012 3:52:09 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
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[/quote]

Inner confidence can not be faked for long. Work on achieving a real state of inner confidence, then you really won't give a flying fuck what others think.

[/quote]

This^^^

Edited to say: I never can get these quote thingies right. Grrr!

< Message edited by TNDommeK -- 4/11/2012 3:53:43 PM >

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RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/11/2012 5:21:16 PM

angelikaJ

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Joined: 6/22/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirfox27

I had some one tell me . That I come a cross as a sub to them. I know that I do not charge in like a bull. I tend to be like a fox. Slip in see what happening. See if there is a person that I want to play with. Then I see if the person is checking me out. Only when they have said," ok, I will submit to you." Do I unleash my full nature. Is there a vibe that masters put out? I have been the scene for five years and the last three as a dom. I have read a lot of bdsm how to books. But none say a thing about BEING A DOMINATING PERSON. They say things like don't go to them. Wait for them to come to you. And people say join your local scene If you want to know how to be a dom. I want to be able to walk in to room and know that I was not seen as 1. ass hole 2. Jerk 3.sub 4. Wannbe 5. a nobody.

The questions are:
How do you see yourself?
How do you feel?

If you feel dominant and are confident and secure in your ability to lead you shouldn't care twatwaffles about how other people may perceive you to be.

You can't become dominant from reading a book.
However, I am wondering if you read this book:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Loving-Dominant-John-Warren/dp/1890159727/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=993530312&sr=1-1

(http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm )

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RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/11/2012 5:22:28 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

Inner confidence can not be faked for long. Work on achieving a real state of inner confidence, then you really won't give a flying fuck what others think.

This^^^

Edited to say: I never can get these quote thingies right. Grrr!

The first quote thingie needs to look like this: [ quote ] with no spaces; the second one was correct.
edit to fix

< Message edited by angelikaJ -- 4/11/2012 5:36:20 PM >

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Post #: 23

RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/11/2012 6:17:48 PM

LanceHughes

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For a defintion of "confident", I think "comfortable in my own skin" works for me....

Actually, sometimes that scares away the new-bies. I'm guessing that they think "I can never be that way, so why even bother?"

Back in the good old days of leather bars - the boys were NOT allowed to approach tops / Doms. Now, if we add your rule of tops don't approach subs, I ask, "Who is going to get laid?" LOL!

In the vanilla gay bars (to this day) the most desirable men go home by themselves..... The less desirable won't approach for fear of rejection. The more desirable wait to be approached.

WTF ! ? ! ?

NO RULES as to who first talks to whom! My first slave was ugly as could be, but he approached me and helped me see my potential. What a joy he was in my life! (I blush that he had to practically hit me over the head with his "message" which took him three times of one-night BDSM play until I "got it." What a collection of toys he had and that I inheireted - LORDY!)

# 1 : Get some education so that you are comfortable with your skills and abilities. You do not have to be Ninja Master of all, just be acquainted with most, and pick something and get good at it. I'm kinda known in town as knowing flogging. Been asked to give lectures and such. Best friend choose ropes... each of us is is way beyond the other. Do NOT call yourself "MasterAnything"!!!!

# 2 : Get a reputation: Get with REAL folk and be QUIET! Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and leave no doubt.... Ben Franklin, Jefferson, Lincoln or.... maybe it was Einstein.... Once you've got some knowledge under your belt, start to do some play.... TAKE whatever help is offered. Don't have to integrate it into your style, but pointers, pointers, pointners..... and then your reputation is "Good guy. He listens." Do NOT call yourself "MasterAnything"!!!! Oh, wait! I already said that! Well, it DOES bare repeating.

# 3 : Charisma... hard to develop, but "Public Speaking" classes are a HUGE help! (Google Toastmasters) You'll be amazed at how bad the others are. LOL! Lance was teaching High School Freshmen Algebra before he graduated.

# 4 : That all said: BE YOURSELF.

# 5 : Well, sort of 4a : Don't be vain. What others think is NOT important in the slightest. Okay, okay, Stephen... you beat me to it way up in the thread. "Screw 'em."

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"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

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Post #: 24

RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/11/2012 6:49:18 PM

Musicmystery

Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
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quote:

Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and leave no doubt.... Ben Franklin, Jefferson, Lincoln or.... maybe it was Einstein....

While oft misattributed--it was Twain.

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Post #: 25

RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/12/2012 7:01:51 AM

sincelo

Posts: 122
Joined: 12/30/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirfox27

I had some one tell me . That I come a cross as a sub to them. I know that I do not charge in like a bull. I tend to be like a fox. Slip in see what happening. See if there is a person that I want to play with. Then I see if the person is checking me out. Only when they have said," ok, I will submit to you." Do I unleash my full nature. Is there a vibe that masters put out? I have been the scene for five years and the last three as a dom. I have read a lot of bdsm how to books. But none say a thing about BEING A DOMINATING PERSON. They say things like don't go to them. Wait for them to come to you. And people say join your local scene If you want to know how to be a dom. I want to be able to walk in to room and know that I was not seen as 1. ass hole 2. Jerk 3.sub 4. Wannbe 5. a nobody.

My concern here is that you would seem creepy more than anything else. I can't figure out for certain if you are talking irl or online but either way i would see you as someone who just wanted to fuck some. Make friends and have fun without the directive to get laid.

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Post #: 26

RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/12/2012 11:51:34 AM

JanahX

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Joined: 8/21/2010
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The people that are telling you, you have a submissive personality or that youre coming off as a submissive is because they most likely have a more dominant personality that you do. That has nothing to do with you wanting to be in the dominant position in the relationship. You just have to find someone who has a more submissive personality than you do. (or a less dominant personality than you do).

Just because someone labels themselves as a Dom(me) / Sub - doesnt make it so. It only makes it so with certain people - that respond correctly (meaning in the way that makes the dynamic right for you and them). It also has nothing to do with you wanting to TOP in the relationship.

I have MANY people that tell me I come across as a Domme - I always ask how so? I have NO desire to Top in any sexual encounter - not even close. So that would disqualify me from being a Domme.

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The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

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Post #: 27

RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/12/2012 2:57:38 PM

Lucifyre

Posts: 1067
Joined: 3/27/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

Back in the good old days of leather bars - the boys were NOT allowed to approach tops / Doms. Now, if we add your rule of tops don't approach subs, I ask, "Who is going to get laid?" LOL!

It doesn't say anything about switches, so.....ME! ME! PICK ME! I SAID MEEEEE!!!!!

and as far as how other people see me (meaning Domme or sub) I don't give a shit. I am who I am, take that for face value and interact with me accordingly. I am just a person, to anyone other than Mr (or whomever I choose to play with)I am just me.

Lucifyre

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The thing about standards is: There are SO many to choose from.

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Post #: 28

RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/12/2012 4:54:22 PM

sirfox27

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Thank you, all.

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RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/12/2012 6:54:29 PM

sirfox27

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Whale I am see what happening. I am talking with my friends that are there. I will not ask some one to play with me. If they are not interested. So I looking for that interest. I am at a playparty to talk with and make friends. Also to play, as I may ask a friend if they want to play. So if that came a cross as creepy. It was not ment to.

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Post #: 30

RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/12/2012 8:52:42 PM

mslave4M

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Joined: 4/12/2012
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Whether you come across as dom/me or sub tends to be a facet of two different things. 1. The kind of person you are, and the way you appear in the world; 2. the kind of person you are with. I think people have already discussed the value of accepting yourself as you are and feeling able to be confident that you are dominant in your own way. So the other point is, we are all more or less dominant or submissive depending on the company we are presently in. In my work life, I'm a pretty dominant individual, because I need to be in control. But in my private life at a munch or club, put me in the company of someone dominant and I will simply melt inside. For you as a dominant, my opinion would be that you will seem dominant to some and not so to others. Basically, its a bit like driving. There will always be a white van on your tail wanting to overtake, no matter how fast you are going! And there will always be someone who thinks your style isn't dominant enough. Don't worry about it. Dominate the ones who find you dominant; and as Steven says - screw the rest!

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RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/14/2012 8:57:20 PM

sirfox27

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RE: HOW TO DO YOU PEOPLE SEE YOU. - 4/15/2012 12:46:37 PM

Arturas

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quote:

I want to be able to walk in to room and know that I was not seen as 1. ass hole 2. Jerk 3.sub 4. Wannbe 5. a nobody.

What does a Master say?

Confidence rather than arrogance makes you a man to look up to in any situation. Confidence comes from Wisdom. Wisdom comes from Knowledge and Experience. Knowledge is gained from your betters so seek them out. Experience is gained from making mistakes and learning from them.

Arturas

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